Why cant I get my confidence back?

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slimjim86

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I lost my confidence a little over 2 years ago when my youngster threw me off (it turned out she had a bad back which we hadnt picked up on until she made a point of putting me on the floor) since then the back issue has been resolved, then become a problem again, appeared resolved, came back and so on, meaning that in the last 2 years we have tried restarting her three times but never really got past long lining.
This time all seems to be going well although she is obviously somewhat anxious due to her history but, no matter how well it goes the next time I come to get on her I am desperately looking for an excuse not to do it. I thought that if she played up a little and we managed to work through it that would restore my confidence and she has tried to stop and been a bit nappy, put in a few small bucks - nothing aimed at getting me off like it was a few years ago, so why is that knowing she is really genuine I am still dreading get on her?
 
Most people get their confidence knocked at some point. Its not nice, but we get over it usually with time and slow progress.

You're in the difficult position that you're training a youngster, so can't rewind as much as if you fell off jumping etc (ie, by going down a few holes..)
For this reason I would urge you to get a pro to finish the horse's backing, and have them ride it next time, and until the early teething problems are ironed out. If I was breaking/schooling a horse for you I would make sure that the horse was confident, then add you into the equation, and not let the horse go until you were a confident pair. This may take a bit longer than usual, but if either of you are not confident at this point you can only go backwards, which is something that you really want to avoid with a youngster.
 
Sometimes you just have to get help, and this is one of them. It's not defeatist, it's just plain sensible.

Could you get someone to come to the yard to complete the backing process, or send her to a yard where you can go and be part of her continued development? I had to get help backing my horse and it was the best thing I've ever done. I wanted to do her all myself, but it wasn't practical and now I have a horse I enjoy and love even more. I don't feel as if I've missed out, I have a happy horse who loves to work and that's more important than being the first to .... she now give me confidence!

Either get help to come to you or send her away for help. Find someone who will work not just at backing her, but work on you both as a team. Good luck.
 
... as above get help and someone to ride out for you regularly. Really takes the pressure off what you 'have' to do, as you can then just walk around the school if thats all you want to do!!


Also, are you good at groundwork ... some of the Le Trec stuff done on the ground can help to increase your horses' confidence and your confidence in your horse so you can both move forward
 
time i think to send it away to be ridden on. something that has had to be restarted 3 times and not got much further than long reining in my opinion is not genuine! or if the horse is genuine then you are not the right person to bring it on! sorry but your anxieties are feeding hers.... a recipe for disaster. 2 years on your youngster is not a youngster it is a quirky horse! please find a good professional and send it away to be ridden away for the next few months.
 
ofcourseyoucan said:
time i think to send it away to be ridden on. something that has had to be restarted 3 times and not got much further than long reining in my opinion is not genuine! or if the horse is genuine then you are not the right person to bring it on! sorry but your anxieties are feeding hers.... a recipe for disaster. 2 years on your youngster is not a youngster it is a quirky horse! please find a good professional and send it away to be ridden away for the next few months.
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A bit harsh, but I have to agree with the send her away and let someone else with more confidence get her going well - then you get on, with the trainer, have a good couple of rides where all goes well, and your confidence will come flooding back. If you cannot get to that stage, then find yourself a confidence giver on loan (or something similar)
 
You have had a few knocks and you basically have to give yourself time to get over them. I lost my confidence (and I had a lot) due to a bloody 12hh pony who became very aggressive, I think my confidence went because I was worried initially about my daughter (then 11) getting hurt by him and then seemed to 'forget' what it was I should do to stop the behaviour. It took me years to fully get over it, even after him being sorted by a pro. I would agree with those saying you should, if possible, get a pro to finish the starting process for you, mainly because all those teething problems will be magnified for you and knock your confidence even more. Be gentle with yourself and don't allow yourself to get into situations where your confidence may be dented further. If you give yourself time you will regain your confidence but only if you avoid that sort of situation for a while. I realised I was 'over it' when riding out on our green mare who spent the whole ride on her back legs trying to spin for home, I was so exhilarated by the time we got home it took a while to realise that my instinct had taken over and I had handled her throughout with no fear at all, just as I would have in the past before 'evil pony' came along!
 
I lost my confidence after a serious accident last June.
It certainly not easy to get it back, I had no chance of even trying for 6 months as I couldn't walk let alone ride.
I've tried many things, I bought a new horse who is as sound as they come, a lovely gypsey cob but even on him I struggled and panicked at the slightest thing.
In almost gave up in the end and wouldn't ride him.
I decided to go back to the beginning, I didn't want to leave him stuck in the field and thought he'd benefit from some schooling so I've been having him schooled 4 times per week and I have been taking riding lessons.
My confidence has come on leaps and bounds, to the point I now feel I will be fine on my horse.
I also have 2 youngsters, and its a worry, but the older of the two will be sent away to be backed professionally. I've worked to hard to get my confidence back to have it all taken away again by a youngster just being a youngster.

So I agree with everyone else, if possible get a professional in or send them away to be properly backed, but I appreciate it costs an awful lot of money to do so x
 
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