Why do 'men' resent horses???!

J

jen1

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Ok as the subject for the day seems to be OHs (I have titled this men but agree there can be female other halves!) either not having OHs, or having grumpy ones (I envy all you out there that have lovely ones!) Why is it that men seem to resent horses?

When I got my horse I had only had him 3 weeks so the novelty hadn't worn off(!) I spent 3 hours at the yard (yes a whole 3) riding, mucking out etc and as it was a nice day I thought I would poo pick for a bit too, then I get a phone call on my mobile it went like this...

him
"well then?"

me
"well then what?"

him
"are you coming home today?" (said in a sarcastic voice)

Won't bore you with the rest of the call but you can see what it was like.

This was after 16 years of marriage, wanting my own horse since age 5 but never being able to afford one, living abroad for 3 years and hating it (he had applied for a job there) as I had left all my friends and a good job.

Working full time and having 2 kids. Whenever we went on holiday I had to find somewhere to ride or just visit tack shops to oggle at all the stuff even though I didn't have a horse. I shared for a few years but that was always with me being like a cat on a hot tin roof around the arrangement e.g. not staying at the yard too long and only being able to do a Friday after work and Saturday early morning so as not to eat into the weekend.

But I would follow him all round the country with his classic car, having to go to 'meetings' where all he talked about was cars and looking at show cars all lined up in sheds so clean you could eat your dinner off the engines! and me being stuck in the wives corner talking to women I had nothing in common with, or only ever talked about their kids and what schools they were trying to get them into or the price of nappies!

Another example?
A friend of mine used to get sarcastic comments from her other half about the time she spent at the yard, she works long hours in a very demanding job, and would pay for the horse to be on full livery 3 days a week so she could go straight home to the OH.

He would spend Sat mornings golfing and Sunday with his son, but still moaned that she had been to the yard, and she had to make sure she showered before he got home as she would smell of horse! He would think nothing of spending a grand on a set of golf clubs but she would be wasting her money if she wanted to spend that on a saddle!

Needless to say we are now both single!

I would love to find an understanding other half, where I would share his hobbies but not feel guilty about me taking part in mine, I am sure they exist but I am also sure they are all snapped up or like rocking horse s*&t!

But what is it with men making us feel guilty about spending time doing our hobbies? Are horses really that much of a threat to their relationship?

Discuss!!
 
Oh Hell
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You are me in a few years!! My OH doesn't like horses

' I'm not scared of them, just don't like them'
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He likes rally cars and spends a stupid amount on them.....
I'm a stay at home mum of 1, I don't want another child..but I want a horse, have done since I was 4 years old.... I can't afford one!! And probably wont ever afford one
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PS....I had an OH that was horsey and very generous but he was incredibly immature
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My OH is not horsey at all. he would help out when we had ponies for the girls, but since they lost interest and i have a horse he has been quite jealous!! I do try to fit the horse inaround the rest of our life, i.e. go to yard early, not spend too much time there etc. however i found that the more i tried to accomodate him the more he moaned about the time i spent with the horse. He has took up golf, and its much better now he has his own hobby. it is strange how men get so jealous and try to make us feel guilty. I guess it is because its more of a way of life rather than just a hobby, it is expensive and it is time consuming
 
I expect the change of selfishness is what bothered your ex? It had always been his hobbies that took up your time and then you got your own!
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Good for you.

I remember when me and my Hubby first got together he did the dutiful new man thing. Came to the yard, helped me out. Then he got bored of that and then he went to the resentful stage. I did spend way too much time down the yard.

He eventually worked out that he had to either get over it, or go!

I can totally see why it would annoy OH's. Horses are very expensive, very time consuming, they stink, they can behave like total arses and they are still cuddled at the end of the day.

I think any money drinking/time absorbing hobby causes some degree of friction at some time. I don't think it is unique to horses.

How many women call themselves Football widows, Rugby widows, Fishing widows,,, you get the picture!
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I think what happened in your relationship is purely down to the goal posts changing and your ex not being able to adjust to that.
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There are lots of good men out there. You will find your Mr Right xx
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I dont
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i work with them, my other half works with them too. we would both like to own horses again so it would ba a shared hobby.

even if she want into horses i would not resent any hobby she had, i work long days and she supports me so...
 
Granted some OHs can be resentful about the amount of time spent by some OHs with their horses. If they have an all consuming passion, like classic cars that has been mentioned, & they spend hours away with those then they should really realise that they are just as bad as the OH with the horses.

On the other hand though I know some horse owners who spend hours at stables, not really with their horses, just hours hanging around & that is bound to cause some friction with their OH who is at home waiting for them.

'Resentful of horses' is possibly not quite right, resentful of the excessive time spent at stables by some OHs may be nearer the mark.

Incidentally I am an OH, I don't resent horses at all, I bring in, muck out, drive & maintain the lorry, fill in & send off entries, assist in maintaining stables & yard, build show jumps, grade & level menege, collect hay, feed, bedding etc etc.......one day I might get time to ride myself!
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Further to the above, I forgot to mention, ( and he insists I mention this) he bought me a horse box, (ok so it's an oldish one) paid over 3/4 the cost of the horse, made sure that we had a 4x4 fit to pull trailer and has even helped look after him, riding him sometimes though he prefers it without the saddle!!.

He also wishes to point out that he does ridiculous hours of work at high stress to support the lifestyle and needs some cooling off time.

He understands the lifestyle thing as he has a motorbike and we sometimes go off on it in the summer when we can find someone to look after the Horse and dog!! The bike thing is summer only now as he got tired of picking it up of the snow and ice....at least he says the horse has a leg in each corner!!

He wishes to make a statement he is never jealous of horses although constantly talking about them can start to bore him as he understands that that is what happens when he starts going on about motorcycles!

He is very understanding although he does worry about the whole budget thing and frequently mentiones it as we aren't getting any younger and he feels justified in keeping his beloved motorcycle which he insists is much cheaper to keep and look after when he CANT go out on it!!.

PS this has been dictated in protest by the OH after reading all the other comments
 
Not all men resent horses
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Some even like animals.
My OH did my three for me yesterday morning so I could have a long lie, including feeding, haying, grooming them and poo picking the field.
Then he came to do them again in the evening, and when one of my girls looked off colour, he popped back to visit her at 10pm, to make sure she was ok (for which she demanded a heavy toll in treats apparently).
So not all OHs are gits all the time.
S
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I am very lucky.

My OH used to get a bit niggly about the time I spent with the horse. After a while he began to understand and not feel threatened by the horse and he got himself sky!

He has a high pressure job and for the first hour or two when he gets home, he is cooling off during the time I am at the stables, so when I come home to a hot meal waiting for me and a relaxed other half.

Its works well for us, we both have our own space and also we spend quality time together too.

OH has been brilliant too, when I have been injured and unable to look after the horse, he has cared for him instead. Grooming, picking out his feet and feeding etc.

When I first met him, he had never had much contact with animals at all. He visited me when I lived in the country (before we moved in) and next door had hens and I always remember him asking me, 'what on earth is that?'.

I moved in with 2 cats and a year later, acquired a horse.
 
IME OH's often get jittery when there is a change of routine. Most unhorsey people can't fathom what could possibly take you 3 hrs to do.
I know when I first got my horses over 10yrs ago now, my OH found it quite unnerving but these days he'll happily(well maybe not happily) look after them for me while I go away.
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I have a lovely OH. I think your best bet is to find a country/animal loving guy, who's always been involved in the horsey/dogs/outdoor type life.

The worst possessive types are the people with no passionate interests of their own. Plus it sounds like your ex treated you as some sort of tag along on to the life that suited him.

Go on "country companions"
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My OH is just like yours jen1 and it really P's me off!!!
But then he always buys me horsey presents - very confusing!! I have always told him the horses where my life long before him and if he would rather me be unhappy then I will give up (as if I would LOL).
Worse still I am recovering from a serious accident and he loves throwing in my face that a horse I love did this to me (I cannot walk anymore without crutches).
Hence, I try to go to the yard when he is at football etc... but he still pipes up. I just ignore his moans now!!!

I must admit he did mention since my accident I seem so happy when I get back from the yard _ Lovely liveries from my yard take turns to pick me up so that I can catch up on yard gossip and look at the horses etc.. So you never know he might get better!!!

Its good to hear a few of us have annoying resentful OH! But then would you be without them?
 
oh dont! mine strted off horsey, dont know whats got into him, he gets annoyed if I spend time on horsey forums, Horse and country TV is 'BORING' horses smell

He wont do the dirty jobs and because he cannot ride my horse, well he thinks hes too mad! and horse doesnt like him, he moans at me

yet when I offered to go out with him today, he said theres nothing to do

really I think hes regressing to kevin the teenager

thing is the more he goes on the more time I spend out of the house
 
Luckily my OH has a hobby that he is just as obsessed with as I am with horse, he mountain bikes and road bikes and races during the summer. He does get irritated sometimes by the amount of time I spend at the yard but for us it swings in roundabouts - he is out all day today mountain biking. Life is too short not to follow your passions and the right partner wil understand. My OH is not horsey and only comes to watch occassionally but he is a great support and really encourages me to get out there and go for it! Likewise I find the constant bike talk a bit dull but really enjoy going to watch from time to time and am proud of what he does without wanting to do it myself!
 
See, this is why I am very much hoping to meet a horesy Mr Right. My ex OH was non-horsey (we were only 19, so also pretty immature) and he once asked me if it would be a big problem if he never wanted to get on a horse. I said no, as long as he supported my riding it didn't matter if he didn't want to do it. But he made the most enormous fuss because I said I didn't want to ski.

My parents are both horsey and at the weekend it's usually my dad you have to drag away from the yard!
 
When I first met my OH 5 years ago after years of men resenting the time I spent with horses I said to him "Love me, love my horse" and made it plain that she was my priority not him. Fortunately he took it to heart and now he has his own Neddy too!
 
I would not think it had to do with horses per se. I would think men or OH could potentially be jealous, controlling and resentful whatever the activity you pursued. Men can be very insecure creatures and need to know where the partner is at all times, otherwise their overactive mind begins to suspect. It is often mens natures to protect their women even if this is overwhelming to us women.

My OH is fantastic, does horses for me, mucks out even talks to them, will groom them anything. When I first started back my riding when I was 18 after a few years break, he did wonder how on earth I managed to spend so much time with them. I think it takes a lot of mutual understanding and give and take. Men need to feel no 1, even if they are coming in 2nd really to your horses. The key to good relationships is what everybody would like to know?
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[ QUOTE ]
See, this is why I am very much hoping to meet a horesy Mr Right. My ex OH was non-horsey (we were only 19, so also pretty immature) and he once asked me if it would be a big problem if he never wanted to get on a horse. I said no, as long as he supported my riding it didn't matter if he didn't want to do it. But he made the most enormous fuss because I said I didn't want to ski.

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Oh, that sounds like one of my exes, also similar age at the time.

He expected me to enjoy watching him on his Xbox regularly for hours at a time, watch star trec movies and get up at 6am on a sunday morning to go round car boot sales.

I didn't have a horse at the time, but asked him to come watch a lesson - once - as he seemed interested in what I got up to.

Never again. He spent the first 10 minutes moaning to me every time I passed his end of the school how cold it was, the next 5 reading a comic and the rest sat in the car. When I joined him 45 minutes later he thought he had done very well lasting a full 15 minutes of utter boredom and thought it justified spending the next hour's car journey (to a place he wanted to eat at) moaning about how cold it had been and how bored he had been but wasn't he such a good BF for putting up with it!
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... I got a loan horse a week before we split up and never looked back
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i'd rather have an OH who has a proper hobby that keeps him busy, so hopefully we can both be out at our hobbies at the same time
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My OH(wife) and I both have horses. She doesn't want to compete, I do.
Therefore no hassles, no horsey arguements and everythings lovely.
She plays golf too, but I don't complain
Am I having my cake and eating it????
 
My OH is most definately Non-horsey and quite resentful of anything I do away from the house. He used to resent the time I spent running the kids about, and the time I spent at band rehearsals when I played trombone in a brass band.
However - he has a parrot (she's quite sweet really) and this parrot needs to be out of her cage for hours - I mean its a small cage for a parrot! (images of a loose box and a 14.2 coloured native stuck in it at the moment)

Does Star sit on top of the living room door and chovel it? Does Star perch on top of the leather dining chairs and hack away at them? Does Star swear??????

I get close to it at times.

However - When the chips are down and Star was in Leahurst Horsepital because she had cancer in her eye - he drove over the Pennines with the trailer on a foul day to collect her with me.

When it was thought that the cancer had come back - he volunteered to foot the bill to have her eye removed (She still has both because it was a false alarm YAY!!!!!!)

The bit he can't stand....................................is when she dips her nose in his coffee and turns it into a cappucino! I think he quite likes her really because I used to catch him feeding her jaffa cakes...... However - he DOES resent the time I spend with her - most definately!
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But there again - he also resents the fact that I'm a teacher and get nice chunks of time off work......, but I can't go on holiday in term time which means popping off to cyprus for a week in the apartment is limited to school holidays and therefore ££££££££s I know, I definately do these things on purpose just to make his life awkward.
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And men say women are complex creatures!
 
As my non horsey husband says " Horseworld, the land that time forgot" as I always seem to say I will be only an hour and 2 hours later i'm just finishing off at the yard.

He moans constantly and still after 11 years of virtually the same routine will ask how long I am going to be and if he sees me put my jods on I get a roll of the eyes and a " your not riding are you? suppose I will see you tonight then!"

I try and ride in the week now and give the horse weekends off so I can hve family time.

Still very annoying though
 
My OH is not horsey but he wouldn't resent me spending time with horses as he spends hours watching football. So I will get to spend time with the horses when he is watching football
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I know that I am very very lucky with my OH, he is not horsey at all but is great with Cropi. When I had 2 horses and dislocated my shoulder 3 years ago he had just been made redundant. He took me up the yard every morning, mucked out 2 stables, fed and did hays, turned them out and then took me to work. He then picked me up and took me back down the yard, brought them in etc for 6 weeks. He never moaned did a better bed than I did! When I or rather Cropi broke my toe in several places he poo picked my field for me, brought her in and did everything that I needed.

He never moans about the amount of time I spend down the yard, he says it gives him time to himself at the weekends to sleep/watch tv/play ps3. He doesn't resent any of the money I spend on her, he's got an expensive hobbie too, performance cars. He says we work hard so we play hard.

He often delivers to a tack shop and rings me if they have a sale on to see if I want anything, he bought a lovely pink rug last summer that he thought Cropi might 'need'!!!

He bought me a trailer for my birthday and as I'm not confident enough to drive on my own yet he takes me to a show once a month.

I am very very lucky
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I guess I'm lucky my OH has a horse and helps me with our 4 neddies.
If he didnt it wouldnt be the horse that would be got rid of.
 
My OH slightly resents my horse but his dad and sister have horses at home (where he lived before moving in with me) and he rode a little as a kid. With his parents I think the horses caused some friction, so although I don't think he was put off by me having a horse, I do think he sometimes wishes I didn't.

At the end of the day he has been around for 4 years, my horse for 8 years and I can tell who I have the better relationship with(if it isn't obvious)

He will help out at the yard and bring D in if I really need him too, but he would prefer I made other arrangements, he will happily come with me to bring shavings etc although sometimes we do have arguments involving her. On the whole compared to some OH's I have it good so I won't complain!
 
My husband doesn't resent horses. He helps me out as much as he possibly can, and even learned to ride after realising it was probably the only way for us to spend more time together...
 
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