Why do people feel they have the right to judge

Hullabaloo

Hullabaloo

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There have been a few posts recently where people have been given a hard time for considering having a lame or unrideable horse put to sleep.
As horse owners, surely we can all imagine the heartache that this situation causes. Each of us have our own unique circumstances and have to make our own decisions made on that. But whatever our circumstances, and whatever decision we make, it is a very tough time for people.

We also have our own values and these should be respected. If someone keeps a horse to ride, rather than as a pet then that is their right.
I would never tell someone they were wrong in not having a horse pts (unless the horse was suffering), so why should other people not respect my right to make a different decision should the circumstance arise.

It makes me angry that people think they have the right to judge others in this way, expecially at a time when they need support, not critisism.

By the way - I honestly don't know what I would do in and I hope I never have to find out, but my heart goes out to anyone who is in that horrible situation.

Rant over!
 
People just see the world differently. What is unthinkable to one person is fine by another. I think its good. That's the best thing about forums, there's rarely a right or wrong answer, just different perspectives.
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I have obviously missed those, but its not up to anyone else other than the owner to judge what is best for the horse and I totally agree with your POV.

I have a lame 28 year old who otherwise is happy but if he continues for a further 12 months and is not exercised at all he will turn very aggressive so I may not have a choice other than to have him destroyed. It wont be easy but who on earth can judge how my horse is feeling?!

Horrible situations should not be made worse by people on here judging on something like that.....
 
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People just see the world differently. What is unthinkable to one person is fine by another. I think its good. That's the best thing about forums, there's rarely a right or wrong answer, just different perspectives.
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I have no problem with people seeing things differently, but I do have a problem with giving people a hard time e.g. calling them selfish if they do not agree with your point of view.
I think a forum is a great opportunity for people to seek ideas and explore options, but that is a different thing from being judged on such a sensitive issue.
 
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QR
And who are you to judge these people who wouldn't have their horse put to sleep?
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I'm not trying to judge anyone - again I would repect that person's choice.
 
As some will know very recenlty I have been in the situation you describe with Sidney. Without a doubt it was one of the hardest and sh*tiest periods of my life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I haven't posted about what happened to Sidney because of the reaction I got when I posted about my situation. I have to say some people on here were lovely, others very very judgemental at a time when I really didn't need it.
BUT I posted about my situation on a public forum, where people don't know me, don't know my situation in detail and where they are entitled to their opinion. It hurt to be honest but it is their right.

As it happens through someone on here (who knows who they are) Sidney is now retired. I haven't posted as i said and I haven't changed my user name. I will always be sids mum, would always have been no matter what I did. I loved him and still love him and because of that if we'd have had to destroy him it would have broken my heart.

Its very easy to judge when we don't know all the facts but the flip side to that is if we don't want to be judged maybe we should seek our sympathy from those who know us in RL and not on a forum? Sometimes you are going to get responses you don't want to hear which is fine all I would say is perhaps sometimes people need to think about the mind frame of the person posting and perhaps soften their message taking into account the distress the poster is probably under.
 
I think people lose sight of the fact that they can choose which responses to consider, and which to discount.
I have never understood why people invite opinions, then get a*rsy when they don't coincide with their views - why ask?
In forums, you take the good, and leave the bad.
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I have been thinking the same after reading the thread you are referring to. I have 4 horses, one is completely retired and unrideable, two are arthritic and able to be hacked out slowly and steadily and the 4th is a mini pet. I am lucky that I keep them at home and enjoy looking after them more than riding them. However, if I am totally honest there are times that I think it would be lovely to have a horse to go out and have some fun with, but it is not possible to have another one. I do not believe in loaning out old/infirm horses that need specialist care. Neither did the owner of the horse in the original thread which is only 8 and the owner, who obviously is a keen rider, is faced with the dilemma of keeping an unrideable horse as an expensive pet for potentially many years and not having a horse to ride or having the horse PTS and getting something else to ride. If at the end of the day, they choose to PTS then that is their decision and at least the horse has not been faced with an uncertain future as many unwanted/unrideable horses are.
 
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I would never tell someone they were wrong in not having a horse pts (unless the horse was suffering)

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okay, but surely if its okay to tell someone their horse should be PTS if suffering then its okay for other people to say that a horse should not be PTS if not suffering?

Honestly, my heart goes out to anyone in that situation, and I honestly don't know what I would do. I do however find it very hard to understand people who would PTS a healthy horse without exploring all options first - I don't think my conscience could let me do that.
 
QR - IMO its a public forum. You ask a tough question your not guaranteed to get a fluffy reply to it. People have a right to reply to a question when its been posted. Sorry but if people dont like the responses ignore them or dont post.
 
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I would never tell someone they were wrong in not having a horse pts (unless the horse was suffering)

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okay, but surely if its okay to tell someone their horse should be PTS if suffering then its okay for other people to say that a horse should not be PTS if not suffering?

Honestly, my heart goes out to anyone in that situation, and I honestly don't know what I would do. I do however find it very hard to understand people who would PTS a healthy horse without exploring all options first - I don't think my conscience could let me do that.

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Fair point. Its not so much about people giving a point of view - more about the way they do it.
I would hope any owner would expore their options, and surely that's part of what they're doing by posting here. Most people who respond with their view do it sensitively but a minority have been judgemental, often with nothing to offer in the way of suggestions and that is what I think is wrong.
 
I think it is the subject that creates strong reactions.
If i do a post i am prepared to hear what i do not initially agree with and always think about the others views.
I do have strong views on this subject which is why i do the job i do. I do accept some peoples views, and you don't always get the full story which makes replying hard.
One point does get me going. I respect life and death should be a last option in my view.
There are 100's of 'i am the perfect horse owner and everyone else are not capable' people out there. Something i don't agree with. Someone down the road just may be a much better owner. I know i am not perfect and would not kill a horse because no-one else on this earth is capable of careing one. I have 6 in the most perfect loan homes you could wish for, although i have turned away many. I make absolutely sure of the home thats why i get it right. If stupid old me can, so can others.
 
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I would hope any owner would expore their options, and surely that's part of what they're doing by posting here. .

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Reading along some posts it becomes apparant some people have already made their minds up without exploreing options and are just looking for confirmation. When someone disagrees and suggests an alternative they have a paddy.
I know people have differing views which makes for a good debate. Many people think differently to me and i respect their way of thinking on the whole. I don't have a paddy if someone disagrees and i sometimes think' Well they are right, i never thought of it that way'
 
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I think it is the subject that creates strong reactions.

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You're right it most definately does. I had my mare put down last year - and regret it every single day. Given the time over again I wouldn't have done it.

However, I would never tell anyone not to do it if they felt it was really the only option available to them.
 
I see what you're saying, but it is an open forum with thousands of people on it. On a controversial subject, not everyone is going to agree with one point of view, although I agree that there are ways and means to express your opinion.

On the other hand however its very frustrating when people post asking for advice or views and then get arsey with anyone who disagrees with them, without even considering their reply - that is the kind of response that tends to provoke people into perhaps a harsher reaction than they'd intitially have.
 
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I think it is the subject that creates strong reactions.

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You're right it most definately does. I had my mare put down last year - and regret it every single day. Given the time over again I wouldn't have done it.

However, I would never tell anyone not to do it if they felt it was really the only option available to them.

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I am so sorry to hear that. I too have done the same. At the time i had no other option than to have Florin shot. The situation i am in now i wish every day i could turn the clock back.
Takeing a life is a final decision that cannot be re-done.
 
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I would hope any owner would expore their options, and surely that's part of what they're doing by posting here. .

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Reading along some posts it becomes apparant some people have already made their minds up without exploreing options and are just looking for confirmation. When someone disagrees and suggests an alternative they have a paddy.

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I have to say I haven't read any like that, more as a desperate plea. Sometimes in difficult situation we can feel that we have no options and can't see another way out. You have always been constructive in your attempts to help people find an alternative with which they and the horse will be happy and I for one am thankful that there are people like you around.
 
I think it depends on your veiw of suffering also. To me a horse in pain or discomfort is obviously suffering, but my mares would all suffer differently psychologically if they were restricted movement wise.

Lottie (the old girl,) would be suffering if she was not in pain, but was unable to go out and eat grass for instance, whereas Beau would happily live in and eat haylage as long as she got the sun on her face sometimes.

Ice would be suffering hugely if she couldn't run about or touch noses with another animal, human, dog, anything, just an animal, She spent 3 months in solitary in a stable as a foal and it's scarred her personality for life. Even on stable rest she has to have the others brought over to touch noses and she likes the dog to sleep in her box.

I think it is a decision for the person who best knows the animal to make. I would PTS lottie if she couldn't go out (very long term obviously) as it would be kinder, she would be so depressed regardless of any pain factors, but in exactly the same situation with Beau I wouldn't PTS as she is happy in. I've had Lottie longer and that doesn't reflect my levels of affection for either horse.

What I would be judgemental about is PTS a horse who is fit and well/happy and not in pain just because it is inconvenient. This does happen, I've seen it once or twice, especially to older horses who could still work as light hack/school master. A horse that can work will find a home and a horse that can't may become depressed without the attention that goes with working in which case PTS is sometimes better.

That's just how I feel about it though.
 
To digress a little, why do people assume that it is 'luck' which enables people to have their own land and therefore be able to keep their retired horses at home? Believe me it is not luck. My sister and I bought this place 14 years ago, it took us 13 years to have the windows replaced and the roof replaced so that the house did not leak! We maintain the land ourselves, whilst both working full time in demanding jobs. There is no luck involved in it. That said we had one retired horse for 5 years before we moved and made sacrifices to pay for her livery. She was one of the reasons we made the move to our own land.
 
Since I have had my (retired) old horse at home I've started riding her at least twice a week coz I've got the time and she's there looking bored . . . as result she's fitter and looks younger and may live longer!! Hooray for horses at home!!!!
 
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QR - IMO its a public forum. You ask a tough question your not guaranteed to get a fluffy reply to it. People have a right to reply to a question when its been posted. Sorry but if people dont like the responses ignore them or dont post.

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I agree with this - I have learnt not to post or ask about something if its an issue I dont want to be judged heavily about. Although I also agree that some people do put replies that havent necessarily been thought out which can be offensive at an upsetting time.
 
I think your position here is a bit, well, odd. If people come onto a public forum and say "X is going to do Y, what are your opinions/ideas?" then they have asked to have their (or X's) actions judged. Surely they should then be open to the opinions that they asked for? If they're not, then you have to wonder why they asked for views on it in the first place. If they've already made up their mind, why do they need further input, unless, as others have suggested, they just wanted to have a difficult decision validated by others. This seems a bit of an odd complaint all round.
 
I have learnt myself to not post thing unless you can accept the fact you will have positive and negative responses, it is just one of those things everyone has a different opinion on things.

With a subject as sensitive as putting a horse to sleep i dont know whether or not i would post on here for a suggestion on something like that. At the end of the day the owner knows best at times like those as it is their horse there with it every day they know how much it is suffering. When posting on here we can only respond on the information which we are given. And if someone did ask for advice then they must understand that people are going to feel different to them about it.

My advice would be unless you are prepared to accept whatever response people may have then dont post on something so sensitive. More than likely it will not make you feel any better.
 
Hear hear Hullabaloo. I absolutely agree with you. There is quite a lot of 'jpming on the bandwagon' in this forum recently and like you say, people need support, not criticism.
 
No, they have asked for opinions and ideas. To me that is not the same thing at all as asking to be judged by people who can't possibly know all the facts.
Sure, people shouldn't expect everyone to agree with them, and we all need to take that on board when we post, but giving a point of view and judging someone (e.g. saying they are selfish) are imo completely different things.
 
What is an opinion if not a point of view? If people just want people to offer sympaty, perhaps that is what they should ask for.
 
Death is always an emotive subject, and one that most people have very strong views on either way, hence the strength of feeling. You will get those who think life is sacred and those who value money before life ( ie. He's being PTS cos I want something to ride and can't afford two ).

Personally I hate the comments about how ' heart broken it will make me to lose him', well don't bloody kill him then, if people really love an animal they will do everything they can to keep him.
 
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