Why is it so hard to make THE decision

[Nativelover]

Just back from seeing the vet with my poor pony, a decision I've known has been coming for weeks now has finally arrived. Why is it so hard even though deep down I knew the outcome was not good?!
The decision is surgery or pts, I can't put him through surgery that probably won't work, difficult to heal and at best may make him field sound. He hates needles and vets so know he'd hate it. But Ive been sobbing all morning ( even in front of vet &#128547 I know it's the right thing but it really hurts.

 

[SEL]

It hurts because you care!! I'm so sorry time is up for your pony. Its the most selfless decision we can make. They don't hurt any more, but those they leave behind really do. Lots of virtual hugs xxxx

 

[skint1]

Ah I am so sorry, such a hard decision to have to make xx

 

[LD&S]

It's the ultimate act of love, to suffer so they don't have to.

It is heartbreaking but sadly it is more often than not the right thing to do.

 

[Antw23uk]

I didnt find it too difficult actually. Dont get me wrong it was incredibly sad and I loved,loved LOVED the horse but was advised he was no longer safe to ride, he would have been a rubbish field ornament (He would have broken himself within the week of not being in work!) and I knew I couldnt afford him and a 2nd horse to ride, simply couldnt do it so I did some soul searching, made the decision quickly. The morning he had a hooley round a big field and then a good groom and a bucket full of carrots and I went off to groom for a friend doing dressage and the yard held him for the vet. I felt guilty I didnt hold him but no, that wouldnt be fair on him or me, its something I have to live with but it made no difference to him so dont let anyone pressure you into that bit!

Funnily enough to this day I swear I knew when it happend. I was in the trailer tacking up friends pony and came over really dizzy and nearly fell over, it was a very surreal feeling which of course could have been put down to any number of things but it was about the time the vet said he would arrive and in my heart it.... well anyway, done now, difficult to explain but I'll never forget it and I'll never forget him

 

[tda]

It hurts because you care!! I'm so sorry time is up for your pony. Its the most selfless decision we can make. They don't hurt any more, but those they leave behind really do. Lots of virtual hugs xxxx

Just had two oldies PTS, they had no quality of life as far as I was concerned, and one in particular was a shadow of his former self.
Have spent the last week wondering if I'd done the right thing which is rediculous .

 

[FestiveFuzz]

I've been here with my 5yo very recently so know just how hard it is. The best advice I was given (thanks LeoWalker!) was to get things organised quickly once the decision is made so you don't have time to overthink things and back out. It was about an hour from hearing Pops was on 3 legs to having everything sorted (thanks to my amazing best friend) and she was PTS the next morning. It still hurts, but I know in my heart it was the right thing to do and she's no longer in pain.

 

[hairycob]

Sometimes making the decision isn't hard because there isn't actually a realistic alternative and not to do so would be cruel, it's having to make the decision that hits hard. It's tough when you love. Make sure you are kind to yourself, do it your way & don't let anyone give you grief over if, how or when.

 

[mytwofriends]

I chose to have my soulmate PTS just over a month ago. It was definitely the right decision as he'd been struggling to get up, but he looked bright and amazing for his 25 years.

A horrible time. I think of him every single day.

OP, realise that you're being selfless and doing the best for your pony. The ultimate final kind act. But, wow it's hard for those of us left behind.

Take care.

 

[Sukistokes2]

Just to say thinking of you and sending a huge virtual hug xxx

 

[Dazed'n'confused]

I'm so sorry, even when you know it's the right thing it doesn't make it any easier...

I've lost 3 since November - I'd done all I could for each and every one of them, it wasn't the first time that I had had to make "that" desicion and no doubt it won't be the last, but it ruddy well nearly finished me off, especially my naughty little companion pony...
Sending you a virtual hug...

 

[Hoof_Prints]

I know how you are feeling, I made the incredibly sad decision to have my two long term horses PTS 2 weeks today, it was all arranged this morning. Feel so tearful all of the time, and I have no idea how I will cope on the day, I was only hunting my boy on boxing day but he has a lot of issues, and my vet and farrier are supporting the decision for both of them. I know it is the right decision though, the time is right. I am just looking at it all logically and reminding myself that by keeping them alive a bit longer, it's not avoiding the inevitable. It will happen one day, and it is far better to be sooner rather than later. Big hugs.

 

[vmac66]

So sorry you have reached this point. I had my boy pts yesterday. He was only 10 but had posterior uveitis and cataracts in both eyes and was going blind. I couldn't stop the flare ups and he wasnt happy. He had lost his spark over the last couple of weeks. I made the descion on Wednesday and he was pts yesterday. He went very peacefully. Yesterday was the day from hell, cried all day in work. I was very calm when I was holding him for the vet and it was a relief
after he had gone. In his case I had no choice but I would do the same again. He went with a mouthful of grass and the Sun on his back. I just kept thinking it's bestci can do for him. It's not as bad as you think it's going to be. Xx

 

[Leo Walker]

I've been here with my 5yo very recently so know just how hard it is. The best advice I was given (thanks LeoWalker!) was to get things organised quickly once the decision is made so you don't have time to overthink things and back out. It was about an hour from hearing Pops was on 3 legs to having everything sorted (thanks to my amazing best friend) and she was PTS the next morning. It still hurts, but I know in my heart it was the right thing to do and she's no longer in pain.

I stand by this. I still dont know if I did the right thing or perversely if I let it go on too long. I dont think its something that ever sits easy. My boy had acute lammi which was getting worse not better and it had been 4 months. We couldnt find a cause and his pedal bones were nearly through his soles. I kept going until the first time I saw him looking sad. He was at the point where anything, even 12 hour soaked hay caused a flare up. I didnt want to do it, but I could not live with myself knowing he was hungry.

I decided one evening and it was done the next morning. To do it so quickly was the only way I could cope and I still tortured myself all night and all morning. A couple of months later and I still miss him, but now I can look at his pics and talk about him without being upset. I can even talk about what a little sod he was, because he was! A charming, kind, beautiful little git! :lol:

 

[Nativelover]

Thank you to all of you, he's in pain but the mind is still willing it's just he's on 2 1/2 legs��
I'm pretty sure I'm right about pts but there's a nagging doubt or is that just the selfish part of me not wanting him to go?
Realistically my options are to spend money on surgery, money I don't have and he's not insured, which means him travelling in pain, having needles for biopsies and sedation, bloods etc if surgery goes ahead it may not even work and the vets have given a " guarded" prognosis. But it's certain he will never be ridden again.
Or to pts.

 

[Welshie95]

Not been there myself but have held a few for others, you know it's the right decision and your horse will thank you for it. If it's not a quality of life for them then there is no question about it really. All we fellow horsewomen/men can say is thank you for putting the animal's welfare first, and send you plenty of hugs

 

[splashgirl45]

really feel for you.had my cushings mare PTS in september and although i miss her like crazy it was the right decision as i focussed on her quality of life and prognosis...she was 25 but it was still a very hard thing for me to do and doesnt stop it hurting lots. sounds like you have made your decision based on his quality of life which is the best way. good luck and hugs....

 

[Pinkvboots]

I am sorry it is a horrible thing to go through my thoughts are with you X

my friends 14 year old daughter who I ride with had to have her pony pts last week he was 28 and just wasn't eating so it was the kindest thing to do, the poor girl had him for 7 years and he made her the rider she is today he possibly was the best pony a little girl could ever have, she is absolutely heartbroken she was so very brave and wanted to be with him until the end.

 

[Nativelover]

Thanks, it's all arranged for Monday morning. It gives me the weekend to say goodbye. It strangely has made me feel better with it all arranged, he's been spoilt today and again tomorrow. He's been an amazing pony, never will be matched. I love him dearly.

 

[Pinkvboots]

Thanks, it's all arranged for Monday morning. It gives me the weekend to say goodbye. It strangely has made me feel better with it all arranged, he's been spoilt today and again tomorrow. He's been an amazing pony, never will be matched. I love him dearly.

I hope you have a lovely day with him tomorrow x

 

[splashgirl45]

enjoy your time with him and remember he will soon be at peace.....hope all goes well on monday, will be thinking of you...

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

Sending you all the best for a lovely last day together. Peace is a relief. X

 

[Equi]

Its so hard because we feel such a love for these wonderful animals, and such a responsibility to them. We don't want to loose them, because we analyse every single thing. Its the human complex - we think too much. We worry too much about what other people will think. We worry about guilt. We feel guilty for thinking about ourselves and how we will feel.

When all is said and done we still feel mixed emotions. But at the end of the day, the horse (or any other animal) is the most important thing. Their quality of life is and always should be paramount. When that quality is compromised, then we need to put our own feelings aside and think of only the animal.

My point is, on Monday, after the lovely weekend you have had, do not force yourself to think one way or the other. You'll go through many stages of the grief spectrum but you will get through it. You will eventually realize you have done what you thought was best for your beloved partner. You will realize you were the best thing that ever happened to that horse, because you were not afraid to let them go when it was time to.

 

[mytwofriends]

Thinking of you for tomorrow. Spoil your boy today. Maybe take a section of tail. I've had some lovely jewellery made to remember my darling oldie.

Tomorrow will be surreal, you'll swing from being somewhat ok with your decision, to wondering what the heck you're doing. I'm still feeling those emotions 4+ weeks on.

But your horse will feel no more pain, and that is paramount.

Big hugs for today and especially tomorrow.

 

[MagicMelon]

Its a bloody horrible decision to make. I had to make the decision with one of mine within the last month. Loads of hugs sent your way x

 

[MrsMozart]

Others have said everything.

Thinking of you now and tomorrow.

 

[Hoof_Prints]

Thinking of you for tomorrow, I will be in the same position in less than 2 weeks time. I'm sure it will all be ok xx

 

[vmac66]

Thinking of you today. Stay strong. You will get through. Sending you a big hug. Xx

 

[Hannahgb]

Thinking of you xx

 

[LD&S]

My thoughts are with you, don't beat yourself up xx