why...

[JenHunt]

why do people tell me stuff, but then not want help or advice or even sympathy in one case, and then expect me to be able to deal with what they've told me?

don't get me wrong I'd rather my friends told me than not, especially if what they need is to talk through a problem to see how they really feel. But why offload it onto me for no other reason than to do just that, dump it on me?

sorry, pointless whinge, but I'm on the edge of tears at work wondering what the h311 is going on, and whether at the end of all this the person will have a job, be happy or just be a complete emotional wreck!

 

[BBH]

Sometimes friends do ' just dump ' on us, not because they want help and advice but just to unload and tell someone.

Its not personal and its not designed to make you feel bad so don't take it to heart.

Don't know what the situation is so can't comment further really.

 

[Capriole]

sometimes people just want to talk about it and have someone listen.

I tell my OH stuff sometimes, and cried to him when my old horse died, but i didnt want advice on what i should do next, or help, or even sympathy, as sympathy would have made me worse tbh.
All i wanted was someone just to listen and thats it, maybe whoever you are talking about needs the same. They may not feel like they are 'dumping' stuff on you, just that you have been good enough to just be there and let them talk.

 

[touchstone]

I suppose some of them might not be in a position emotionally to take in advice or sympathy? One of the kindest things we can do is to lend an ear when somebody is in need; it doesn't necessarily mean actually doing anything, or offering solutions but a trouble shared is a trouble halved and all that!

It sounds as though you are struggling to let go of the problem yourself, in which case it's worth remembering that nothing has changed, just the information you've received, and it is up to you whether you let it get to you or not - worrying and getting upset yourself won't help anything, so it's best to let it go (easier said than done I know!) At he end of the day it is the other person's problem, not yours.

If you find it really upsetting you them it might be best to just explain to your colleagues that you can't deal with knowing their problems right now, although that might cause a bit of friction if you've always been there in the past.

Hope you feel a bit more upbeat soon.

 

[JenHunt]

thanks guys, like I said it's just a pointless whinge. I know I shouldn't take it to heart, just that I always seem to be on the receiving end of it.

Its a good thing in a way I suppose, friends know they can trust me not to spread the info, that I'll listen, that I'll respond appropriately. And maybe it even shows how straightforwards my own life is.

Guess I'm just particularly worried about this one.