numptynoelle
Well-Known Member
The short answer is: Yes, she will want to steal your puppy. However, the Numpty is discerning in her choices and there are a few things you can do to ascertain the threat level she poses to your pup.
#1: Does your puppy have the puppy belly smell?
If so, you are snookered and Id be investing in several alarm systems if I were you. NN is alerted to the presence of puppies primarily through the effects the puppy belly smell has on her olfactory system. She can smell them through computer screens you know. Threat Level: RED
#2: What type of puppy do you have?
It is no secret the Numpty is primarily a gun dog gal so spangles and labby lab labs are high on the risk list. However, she is also partial to terrorists, big dogs, little dogs and weeeeeny dogs. Worryingly, she has also recently been known to show interest in sloped-back cripples and skinny dogs. Threat Level: RED (Warning: if spangle type, shes probably nicked it by now)
#3: Is your pup guarded at all times?
Unless your puppy is kept in a concrete bunker 24 hours a day, the Numpty will find it. If it IS kept in a concrete bunker then Numpty will be forced to fill it in, with you firmly restrained inside whilst she leaves with your puppy. A point to note is that Numpty is not a fan of small children so if any of these are present then this will act as a deterrent to some extent. Unless she can sling them in the concrete bunker too. Threat Level: Amber
#4: Do you possess a full wine rack?
If yes, you have successfully found a chink in the Numptys armour. She is rather fond of a glass or two. Fobbing her off with the cheapo plonk is not a wise choice she has learnt bitterly from the experience of callow youths buying her booze in order to coerce her into morally rephrensible behaviour. Anything worth more than £5 will probably suffice, but if you can possibly stretch to a Chateauneuf du pape then your puppy may be spared. Until the hangover subsides. Threat Level: dependent on inebriation status NN may be GREEN but if this due to cheap p!ss then you can bet your corkscrew she will be napping your beloved, so RED may be a more appropriate threat level. Handily, also her wine preference.
So there you go a brief insight into the behaviour of the AAD puppynapper.
Dont have nightmares
(P.S. Yes, I'm very high on caffeine right now.)
#1: Does your puppy have the puppy belly smell?
If so, you are snookered and Id be investing in several alarm systems if I were you. NN is alerted to the presence of puppies primarily through the effects the puppy belly smell has on her olfactory system. She can smell them through computer screens you know. Threat Level: RED
#2: What type of puppy do you have?
It is no secret the Numpty is primarily a gun dog gal so spangles and labby lab labs are high on the risk list. However, she is also partial to terrorists, big dogs, little dogs and weeeeeny dogs. Worryingly, she has also recently been known to show interest in sloped-back cripples and skinny dogs. Threat Level: RED (Warning: if spangle type, shes probably nicked it by now)
#3: Is your pup guarded at all times?
Unless your puppy is kept in a concrete bunker 24 hours a day, the Numpty will find it. If it IS kept in a concrete bunker then Numpty will be forced to fill it in, with you firmly restrained inside whilst she leaves with your puppy. A point to note is that Numpty is not a fan of small children so if any of these are present then this will act as a deterrent to some extent. Unless she can sling them in the concrete bunker too. Threat Level: Amber
#4: Do you possess a full wine rack?
If yes, you have successfully found a chink in the Numptys armour. She is rather fond of a glass or two. Fobbing her off with the cheapo plonk is not a wise choice she has learnt bitterly from the experience of callow youths buying her booze in order to coerce her into morally rephrensible behaviour. Anything worth more than £5 will probably suffice, but if you can possibly stretch to a Chateauneuf du pape then your puppy may be spared. Until the hangover subsides. Threat Level: dependent on inebriation status NN may be GREEN but if this due to cheap p!ss then you can bet your corkscrew she will be napping your beloved, so RED may be a more appropriate threat level. Handily, also her wine preference.
So there you go a brief insight into the behaviour of the AAD puppynapper.
Dont have nightmares
(P.S. Yes, I'm very high on caffeine right now.)
