Woman in next stable is now really annoying me!

Holly Hocks

Holly Hocks

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It's just a small rant really as I really had to bite my tongue tonight. The woman who has her loan horse next to mine is really starting to irritate me.
She has a 14hh coloured bombproof lovely cob on loan. It is perfect in temperament, never puts a foot wrong. I have my two TBs next to it. My old boy frets on his own in the box. Nothing major - just shouts a bit and maybe does a bit of bum swaying and head nodding. It doesn't bother me or anyone else on the yard.
Every time I see her she feels she has to tell me that she came down earlier and he was distressed. I ask her what she means by distressed and she says he was shaking his head up and down and swaying his bottom. I tell her he's always done this - he's on box rest for an abcess and he has a shetland in my other horse's box to keep him company while he is in. She then tells me that he sometimes bucks and rears in his box. I tell her he can't rear - he is 21 and he can barely get his front feet off the ground. So when I was there last week he was having one of his little episodes and she was horrified saying that he was mad and bucking and rearing. He was actually tossing his head up and down and kicked out ONCE at the wall.
She has never had a horse until she took this one on loan. She had to ask me how to feed, muck out and leads it to the field with a whip in her hand in case he pulls (he doesn't - I turn him out in a morning for her).
It's now every time I see her that she has to tell me something that he's done - like if he farts she wants to tell me that he's tried to kick the stable down and he's distressed. I had to walk away tonight - I've had a crap week at work with possible redundancy looming - all I want to do is be with my horses and enjoy them without being told they are nutters. Any advice on what to say to her??? I can always think of things afterwards, but never at the time. I can't wait for him to be able to go out again - he will probably have a good hooly round. I wonder what she'll say then!! She'll probably tell me he tried to jump out of the field....
 
We have a neighbour abit like this. Find it best to just nod at her, then walk off saying "I must go,I'm in a hurry"!! If you engage in chat, she'll just go on and on and on and on... Neighbour has horses, but isn't horsey-if that makes sense- which sounds similar to your lady.
Mine frequently tries to tell me one is doing something "strange"- or when they lay flat out the field tells me she had to shout to get them to stand up to ensure they weren't dead!! And so on.
Make no eye contact and walk away!
 
hi Holly Hocks,
sounds like your in a bit of a pickle- horsey politics are always a pain! she sounds like quite an inexperienced person and maybe the best idea is to try and ignore her. there is a lady in my stables and she has a big old clydesdale who is good as gold,! but whenever she leads him she threads the lead rope around his nose as if he were to do something! also before she brings him in to the stables she always informs everyone that her horse is coming in and its like "make-way for Sam!!!". but it could be due to her being a nervous person although it is very over the top. so i just ignore what she says and carry on with what i am doing, maybe if you just said "sorry i cant talk right now i am very busy" she would just stop bothering you? otherwise just tell her that shes told you before and you know your own horse very well and he is not that type of horse and to leave you to your own devices? hope this helps!
 
Ah the know it all novice :D :p Don't you just love 'em? I must admit that I thought we had seen the back of such people when we got our own place, but they are all over the place, including the RC. If one more teen or early twenties girl starts to tell me how much more than me she knows, after being at college, don't you know, I shall prbably set about her with a mucking out fork!
I think there are two ways of dealing with it, either ignore her, or say (sweetly) "Oh I can remember when I had problems working out what was normal horse behaviour and what wasn't, you'll get the hang of it eventually' :D
(I too have had a hard week!)
 
YorksG said:
Ah the know it all novice ....... If one more teen or early twenties girl starts to tell me how much more than me she knows, after being at college, don't you know, I shall prbably set about her with a mucking out fork!
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I'll come and join you! :D

I think there are two ways of dealing with it, either ignore her, or say (sweetly) "Oh I can remember when I had problems working out what was normal horse behaviour and what wasn't, you'll get the hang of it eventually' :D
(I too have had a hard week!)
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Brilliant put down! :D
I could do with someone like you to feed me some lines like that when dealing with horsey owning-but-non-horsey neighbours (I always come up with something when I'm going home in the car & its too late!)
 
YorksG - we have one of those as well - early 20s - goes to horsey college one night a week - now knows everything about breeding, breaking, riding, driving - you name it, she knows it. However I get on with her really well as she has some respect for the fact that I've done quite a lot with horses over the years and I've never been able to afford a ready-made horse - they've always had their quirks!
The woman next to me is really really nervous. We have a yard rule that we don't leave one horse out on it's own - we bring it in. But she is terrified of them and wont' touch anyone elses, so she has to shout for someone to help her!! If it was one of the mares I could understand as there are a few strong characters in the mares' field, but the boys are all just placid beasties!
 
god, dont u hate them... the people that read alot of books and know nothing, they dont realise that being a good horseperson comes from experience! anything thats not typically textbook they panic over!

if i were you id either ignore her or just say politely that you've owned him along time and that his behaviour is normal for him, assure her that if there was anything to worry about you would act on it straight away... then change the subject!

idiots!
 
"the people that read alot of books and know nothing,"

lol, I am a reader, but I am really lucky to have a good friend who also happens to be my yard owner and my loan horses owner. She is really experienced and we balance each other out. She asks me to check odd things on google to confirm her instincts (which is how I found this site) and I ask her dumb questions like how/when I should clip him etc.

I am learning loads and sound out all my reading (I never presume I am right, usually sidle up to her with a shy smile and another dumb question).

Still I am gathering experience and actually feel able to give bits of personal experience based advice now even though I have only been riding for 7 years.

I definately think a subtle dig along the lines of the classic "Oh I can remember when I had problems working out what was normal horse behaviour and what wasn't, you'll get the hang of it eventually'.

GENIUS!
 
i think reading and experience is a good combo laura.... i was a reader in my earlier years (dont have time these days!) and i often refer to my veterinary books these days when my boy finds something else to worry me! but i was referring to the people who have zero horsey experience but cos theyve read 100 books just assume they know everything... and trust me there are a few of those about!!!
 
TFF, I charge only a small fee for being rude to people's neighbours :D I find it works best if it takes them a while to realise that what you said in oh so reasonable a voice, was in fact quite nasty :D
The third way is to come over all DCish, use the voice projection that can stop a bull at two acres, and explain in GREAT detail just which bit of what the numpty has said is wrong and why :D
 
hyperellie1 said:
i think reading and experience is a good combo laura.... i was a reader in my earlier years (dont have time these days!) and i often refer to my veterinary books these days when my boy finds something else to worry me! but i was referring to the people who have zero horsey experience but cos theyve read 100 books just assume they know everything... and trust me there are a few of those about!!!
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Oh totally, don't think I was taking offence, I was agreeing! There are a couple of college girls who pop up an know everything here and they wind me right up! :D lols, such a lack of humility or self awareness!
 
just had another thought... yards being yards she'll probably say to someone else about your "unruly" horse and they might set her straight on your behalf! I know ive stuck up for what i know is right many a time when the yard gossips have come calling!
 
Maybe I'm just a bad person but I think I would tell her that I'd told the vet what she had said about his behaviour and that the vet had told me he was probably reacting to stress/anxiety and that anyone coming near him should be as calm as possible to make sure that he doesn't get upset even more. Should do the trick.
 
hyperellie1 said:
just had another thought... yards being yards she'll probably say to someone else about your "unruly" horse and they might set her straight on your behalf! I know ive stuck up for what i know is right many a time when the yard gossips have come calling!
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yes you could be right. I am good friends with everyone else on the yard - we all have gripes with each other, but it's not what I would call bitchy in any serious way...
I do have a door which I can close between my stables and hers - I think I'll leave it closed on a more permanent basis!!
 
nosenseofdirection said:
Maybe I'm just a bad person but I think I would tell her that I'd told the vet what she had said about his behaviour and that the vet had told me he was probably reacting to stress/anxiety and that anyone coming near him should be as calm as possible to make sure that he doesn't get upset even more. Should do the trick.
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I like this!!
 
Your horse sounds normal to me. The cynic in me says the woman in the next stable sounds like a right drama queen. My generous side says she's lonely and thinks she's being helpful.
My aggressive side says "Here is my fist. Kindly run upon it as hard as you can":D
 
The YO's at my last yard used to do this - they would tell me every little detail about anything remotely bad my horse had supposedly done. Oh and they loved to embellish every story. I had to leave in the end.

I'm sure this woman is only doing it because she is a complete novice that doesn't know any better but it's still irritating! If she keeps on, I would explain that lots of horses get stressed whilst on box rest, it's common and not anything for her to worry about so can she please stop dramatising the situation and not every horse is a dope on a rope like the cob she has!
 
We are going through something similar at the moment and are now looking to move yards :(

A lady on my yard feels the need to tell me how it isn't right a horse being left out in a field overnight on their own. She is of course referring to my mare who is occasionally left out. She is always rugged. She doesn't always have company but is happy with or without. Always has been. One day I am not feeding her enough the next she is too fat. She comments on everything! And feels the need to tell me how everyone else on the yards neglects there horses. Needless to say they don't :rolleyes:

Not long after we moved to this yard the RSPCA were out looking at my mare. Something I wasn't told until 3 days later by my YO :mad: I was so angry- my mare is spoilt rotten and adored. She is so looked after. The RSPCA were happy that she wasn't being neglected. After speaking to others on the yard I am 100% it was this woman who phoned them- and she must have laid a pretty thick neglect story for them to come out.

To be honest I am have been cowardly about the whole thing and just decided to move. So I apologise for lack of advise. Just needed a rant of my own lol :rolleyes: :p :cool:
 
My standard reply when a non-horsey person gets alarmed at mine doing nothing extraordinary is just to say "he's a horse, that's what they do" and leave it at that
 
Originally Posted by trottingon
My standard reply when a non-horsey person gets alarmed at mine doing nothing extraordinary is just to say "he's a horse, that's what they do" and leave it at that

Libertylou:
What about when they are horsey???

Basically the same as Trottingon said, "Oh, that's just Xyz for you, always done it, nothing to get fussed over. Interesting how you get to know their little foibles when you see them day in, day out isn't it?" End of.

Play her at her own game? Does her horse have habits that you notice? Even just always standing in the same place?

On the whole, I'd rather someone actually bothered to look at a horse than didn't, one of these days she may just see, and mention, something that does merit attention.
 
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I think you need to be really diplomatic and tell her ******* off and mind her own business, this poking of noses into other peoples business seems to be a really bad problem in the horsey game :mad:
 
If she wants to see head swaying she should come to our yard. A mare I ride used to live on her own and got bored and she just flings her head constantly in the stable!! She whacked her head the other day but STILL does it :p :p
 
Oneinamillion: I was just about to post similiar lol.

You can borrow Blue for a week if you like, he's a fantastic horse, great manners, never bargy or nasty... but he is a 'character' as his owner said (on loan). And, though I have yet to see it, apparently double-barrels the stall wall when its feeding time.

When I show up to do them around 5.30pm he's always stood at the gate nodding hugely and throwing his head. I think its sweet. She would probably think he's having a seizure :)
 
Why not tell her pretty much exactly what you have put in your post? He is on box rest, it does stress him out but cannot be avoided. You have done as much as you can to make the situation as stress free as possible. The fact that she keeps running to you with tales of what he has/hasn't done is starting to upset you, you just want to enjoy your horses and she is not helping the situation. End of!!

Blunt is often best;)
 
Your neighbour sounds irritating but probably well meaning. From what you say I don't think she thinks she knows it all, I think she mistakenly believes your horse is very upset and is getting worried about it herself. Why don't you just address the issue directly with her? Say something like "Look, I can see you are upset and I appreciate you looking out for my horse, but really this is quite normal behaviour for him. He is a bit stressed on box rest, but it could be a lot worse and it can't be avoided. Try to relax around him and you may find he relaxes as well because horses do pick up how we feel."
 
YorksG said:
TFF, I charge only a small fee for being rude to people's neighbours :D I find it works best if it takes them a while to realise that what you said in oh so reasonable a voice, was in fact quite nasty :D
The third way is to come over all DCish, use the voice projection that can stop a bull at two acres, and explain in GREAT detail just which bit of what the numpty has said is wrong and why :D
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Thats my trouble... the latter :D
DC - actually - more like my chief instructor voice comes on (usually stops small ponies riders in mid stride the other side of most x-country courses etc :D) and my text book brain takes over.....

Must learn to be more quiet & politely cutting, leaving others baffled in my wake instead ;)
 
The problem with all three methods is that most of the supposedly well meaning bunch STILL believe that they know better than you. You may have kept horses from before the know all was born, have studied biology, anatomy and goodness knows what else, BUT you aren't at college now :eek: I often wonder how it is that they don't realise that they are being taught by your contemperaries :) (and indeed sometimes by people you know!)
So the main reason for the sweetly reasonable put down is to give yourself a laugh :D
 
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