Worried about a friend......BE related

[AutumnRose]

Right so i'm really worried about a friend of mine and not sure what to do.

She has a mare who has always been a bit of a loon but loads of scope. Great record up to Novice but various problems show jumping from then (never been clear N). xc is better but had a few slip ups and certainly not a clean record.

Shes been wanting to go intermediate all season and had entered one this weekend (luckily cancelled) but has an IN then I coming up very soon. I think she's barmy, totally mad. I can't even remember what the qualification for I is but if shes fulfilled it its a perfect example of people slipping through the net!

I'm so worried i think its an accident waiting to happen, shes brave to the point of reckless and i think it is exactly the problem in our sport.

How can i tell her without destroying our friendship?! If you were her what would be best way to break it? I couldn't live with myself if something happened and i hadn't said anything......help please!!

 

[kerilli]

has she done 4 clears xc at Novice? that's the qualification for Int (with reasonable sj rounds on the day too, obv.)
an IN will have bigger sj, if she doesn't look competent enough round the sj they might not let her go xc.
it is very difficult. does she have a trainer she would listen to?
it is a big problem in our sport, agreed. have you evented to a higher level than her? if so i'd tell her that most people don't move them up a level until they are coping easily and happily with the level they're at...
i really don't know what else you can do if you don't think she'd cope with the brutal truth, tbh.

 

[AutumnRose]

I've never been Int so i'm not sure she'd listen to me...I was thinking of getting my trainer to speak to her. I know she really looks up to her as she's ridden to a really high level.

Might try bring up how trainer wasn't sure about taking her last horse up to intermediate even after 6 double clears and went and jumped a few foxhunters etc...that might work.

I think she must only just be qualified and tbh strongly think (and hope) her sj wouldnt allow her to go xc. Sj is definitely her worst phase......Oh its so difficult

 

[kerilli]

fwiw, i don't move them up to Int until they've had about 10 novice runs, all good ones, even if they're very brave and brilliant...! i just think they need that many for experience, so they're jumped one of everything they're likely to meet at the higher levels.

 

[Elle123]

sounds like an accident waiting to happen to me. Try that thing about your instructor and try to hint as much as possible. If not and you are truely this concerned (i would be) try and be honest. our sport is a very dangerous and for her safety and her horses i think you owe it too her to tell the truth.
It is up too you of coarse but it may the difference between a safe return home and a trip in the air ambulence

Luv Elle
x

 

[Mel85]

I know it would be very hard to bring this up with your friend, but it's a dangerous enough sport without being out of your depth.

It does sound harsh and I'm sure it wouldn't come to it, but even if you did fall out, but she took on board what you said, that is still potentially saving her from an accident. Surely thats preferable.

Until I was at Hartpury when rider was killed I never really took on board how dangerous the sport could be. Spending the weekend in that environment and feeling so close to it was horrific and has really hit home that there may not be second chances.

 

[redmerl]

My friend events and I would have no issues with talking to her if this situation happened.

Just tell her you are concerened for her and why,and maybe she should have a lesson with your instructor for assesment of her ability.

 

[AutumnRose]

Thanks guys, i know you're all right.

In general she is very up on the safety of the sport and i think if she was looking at her situation from outside she would see how crazy she is!!!!

I am going to tell her to chat to my trainer about moving up and if she doesnt get it i'm going to tell her what i think......it's just not worth her getting hurt.

 

[Maloo]

What a good friend you are! I know it wont be the most pleasant conversation you will ever have - but it could be one of the most important. Hopefully your friend will react well and understand you are only saying it because you care.

Good luck!

 

[Skhosu]

What exactly is the problem? Does her horse fall xc? Or sjing?

 

[jules89]

interesting about ur point because AN has just won an I section at Wilton on a 5 year old... Quimbo...
fuels his fire a bit doesnt it..

 

[kerilli]

Well, it must be an amazing horse, but I think that is pushing it too far too fast no matter how good it is and how good the jockey is.

 

[AnShanDan]

Just a thought, but if you can't get your friend to see reason and she does end up getting an Int. run, you could get in touch with the BE steward for that event, prob. before the day and express your concerns to them. Only they can actually stop someone going XC unless they get a CR in the show jumping.
In any case, from what you're describing it seems likely that your friend would be wasting her money as it is only too easy to rack up faults in the Int. show jumping, and she may well not get to go xc anyway. Maybe that would be the best line to take with her? I don't envy you, it's a horrible situation.

 

[MagicMelon]

TBH I think she wont listen to you. It sounds like she has her heart set on doing an intermediate and she clearly thinks she is good enough to do it so I doubt a friend would change her mind. Sadly you cant tell a lot of people.

Really though, if she's that terrible at the SJ then she'll probably clock up loads of penalties and wont be able to run XC anyway.

 

[seabiscuit]

[ QUOTE ]
TBH I think she wont listen to you. It sounds like she has her heart set on doing an intermediate and she clearly thinks she is good enough to do it so I doubt a friend would change her mind. Sadly you cant tell a lot of people.

Really though, if she's that terrible at the SJ then she'll probably clock up loads of penalties and wont be able to run XC anyway.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agree with above. Intermediate SJ is HUGE step up from Novice SJ. If she cant do Novice SJ then theres little chance that she will get round Intermediate Sj.

Also, there are many, many more people like your friend unfortunately.....and luckily, they are OK. Somehow.

 

[AutumnRose]

I think tbh she will get so many faults sj she wont be able to go xc. Thats really what i'm hoping.....

and in fact, thinking about it, i'm going to take that line. She hasn't even been clear sj at Novice so i'm going to highlight the waste of money/time bit until she gets the sj sorted. Thanks for you advice guys........