Would you be angry?

[Feival]

My sharer booked a lesson with the instructor on the yard, who I have major issues with and who is convinced I don't know what I am doing. No one told me till today when the snide comments from said instructor started. My sharer didn't bother to ask, made me very cross.

 

[PolarSkye]

My sharer booked a lesson with the instructor on the yard, who I have major issues with and who is convinced I don't know what I am doing. No one told me till today when the snide comments from said instructor started. My sharer didn't bother to ask, made me very cross.

It may be an oversight, but - on the face of it, yes, I would be cross.

P

 

[MerrySherryRider]

Yes, I would be offended by the sharers insensitivity-unless she was unaware of the history between you and the instructor.

 

[SO1]

Is in your sharers share agreement that she has to ask you before booking a lesson? If not then perhaps she did not know that she had to ask you.

 

[webble]

It depends if the sharer knew of the issues or not

 

[AmyMay]

I'm not sure really. The lesson per se is nothing really to do with you - unless of course you think it will be detrimental to your horse. It's on the sharers time, and with their money.

Of course it's unfortunate that the instructor seems to be very unprofessional.

 

[bouncing_ball]

My sharers would check with first if using a different instructor so wouldn't happen.

We also generally put all lessons in a shared online diary so all know whose doing what and can balance ponies workloads.

As to whether you should be angry depends what expectations and boundarys you have set up with your sharer.

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

How unprofessional of the yard instructor with behaviour like that.

However OP if you hadn't expressly told sharer that X instructor was out of bounds, then in hindsight you ought to have done if you had strong reasons for this.

 

[eggs]

Unless you had expressly said they couldn't have a lesson with this instructor then no, you shouldn't be angry.

However it does sound as though there has been a communication breakdown. This needs to be resolved as soon as possible and boundaries established.

 

[Cowpony]

Sorry, I don't get it. Do you have an agreement with your sharer that she can't associate with anybody you don't get on with? Or have you told her you don't want this instructor to work with your horse because she doesn't understand him/you don't think the way she asks you to ride suits him? If so, then yes you should be cross as the sharer has broken the agreement. If not, and she paid for the lesson herself why are you bothered? If the instructor has something to offer your horse but you don't want lessons with her because you don't get on then having your sharer take lessons with her could work in your favour.

 

[tangoharvey]

Nope. I wouldn't be angry if my sharer chose to have a lesson with a four year old child or the devil himself if she or he so wished.....

 

[skint1]

It's things like this that put me off sharers. Sure, on the face of it there's no harm in it but sounds like there's a high chance it will lead to conflict. Sadly, I think you're going to have to suck it up because if you say anything you'll look unreasonable. If you find it becomes a regular thing and you find that your sharer begins to get ultra critical of you and how you manage your horse then invite her to find an alternative sharing arrangement.

 

[Feival]

Everything is run passed me, he is a quirky old sod and sharer knows this. She also knows the issues with the instructor. She knows to ask me if it's ok do things with him. The instructor would not do either of them any good any way

 

[Arizahn]

Everything is run passed me, he is a quirky old sod and sharer knows this. She also knows the issues with the instructor. She knows to ask me if it's ok do things with him. The instructor would not do either of them any good any way

So has this lesson actually taken place, or is it just something that the instructor has mentioned? You mentioned "snide comments" in your OP so I was wondering given the quoted post (above) if maybe there isn't any lesson booked at all?

 

[Cowpony]

Everything is run passed me, he is a quirky old sod and sharer knows this. She also knows the issues with the instructor. She knows to ask me if it's ok do things with him. The instructor would not do either of them any good any way

I think it might be a communication problem. If she has asked if it's OK to school him if she only does x and y, and you have said yes, then she probably doesn't see that she's done anything wrong if that's all she did with this instructor. And TBH if somebody warned me heavily about a person on the yard I'd probably be curious and want to see for myself!

 

[cptrayes]

Everything is run passed me, he is a quirky old sod and sharer knows this. She also knows the issues with the instructor. She knows to ask me if it's ok do things with him. The instructor would not do either of them any good any way

In that case, yes, I'd be so mad I'd drop the sharer. Have you asked her what she was playing at?

 

[peaceandquiet1]

I would be angry, in particular, with the snide comments. If it was my horse I would want to stipulate who was allowed to give lessons. So I am with you OP.

 

[FairyLights]

I's be bl&&£$ furious , sack the sharer and find another

 

[NooNoo59]

sharer has broken the agreement simple as! she either has lessons with instructors who approve of or no longer shares your horse, its you horse and you have the right to stipulate you works with him. I was riding a horse for someone a couple of years ago and always ran everything past her, its just good manners and respectful to the owner.

 

[wingedhorse99]

sharer has broken the agreement simple as! she either has lessons with instructors who approve of or no longer shares your horse, its you horse and you have the right to stipulate you works with him. I was riding a horse for someone a couple of years ago and always ran everything past her, its just good manners and respectful to the owner.

I would be annoyed – one that using a new instructor wasn’t checked first, and two they knew this instructor was an issue.

Assuming they had consciously booked a lesson, rather than they were in the school, the trainer was there at same time, and gave them some unplanned help, I would terminate the sharing agreement, and end the share.

My sharers aren’t perfect, I am not a perfect owner. We all make mistakes. But if it entirely clear new instructor would have to be agreed with me, I would consider the trust, and respect had gone, and there are few ways back.

I certainly would not expect to need to defend why as owner, I have veto over choice of instructor.

 

[wingedhorse99]

I think it might be a communication problem. If she has asked if it's OK to school him if she only does x and y, and you have said yes, then she probably doesn't see that she's done anything wrong if that's all she did with this instructor. And TBH if somebody warned me heavily about a person on the yard I'd probably be curious and want to see for myself!

By all means watch someone else teaching, at any yard if you are curious about them, but if you are a sharer of someone else’s horse, and you had been told that lessons had to be discussed with owner first, what on earth would give you the right to experiment with the share horse, when you knew the owner was not keen on the instructor?

 

[Greylegs]

Everything is run passed me, he is a quirky old sod and sharer knows this. She also knows the issues with the instructor. She knows to ask me if it's ok do things with him. The instructor would not do either of them any good any way

Who's the "quirky old sod" ...the pony or the instructor (or both ...)..?

Sorry, but I think you're over reacting. If this person is giving you grief about the way you treat your own pony, tell him to but out. As for the sharer, if this occurred in "her" time with the pony, then she probably thought it was OK: especially if you don't have any other issues about what she does with the pony when its her turn to ride. Has either come to any harm? If not ... chill out.

 

[wingedhorse99]

Nope. I wouldn't be angry if my sharer chose to have a lesson with a four year old child or the devil himself if she or he so wished.....

If that is how your share agreement work, that is absolutely fine. But that is a world away from where the sharer is told to check with owner first, and then doesnt.

 

[Honey08]

When I first read this I thought no, I wouldn't. However on knowing that the sharer is aware that you don't like the instructor, should have asked and the fact that it has started the instructor making snide comments again, then yes I probably would be.

It's difficult though, if you say something it makes you look petty. I don't think I could cope being on a yard with someone that snipes. You may have to have a word with the sharer and explain that her having lessons with the instructor is causing you to get sarcastic comments from the instructor so perhaps she should find someone else. Say that it's not the fact she's having lessons with her per sé, it's the comments that come with it.. If she really wants to continue having lessons with this woman she will probably need to find a different share horse (although that will result in more comments behind your back!).

 

[JFTDWS]

Yes, I'd be angry. I wouldn't have sharers partly for that reason. I'd be livid if they booked a lesson with an instructor whose methods I didn't agree with (i.e. most standard instructors!) without asking me (and subsequently being told that it was absolutely not happening and if they had an issue with that, they can make like a tree and *ehem* themselves).

 

[Kati*89]

Just because you don't get on with the instructor (regardless of whether it is their fault or not) is it fair to suggest to someone else that they can't be involved with them??
If she gets on with the instructor then she would have thought it would be a good idea to have a session with them...granted it isn't nice that they are saying not nice things, but that is up to the sharer to ignore isn't it if she feels it is going to benefit her riding?
I think I would give her a chance to say why she had a lesson with that particular person and then if you want to, you can say that you would rather she has someone else in the future...

 

[Feival]

We have a lovely proper dressage instructor that visits the yard and I have booked her 3 lessons with him for Christmas. She loves dressage and has mentioned wanting lessons with him. The yard instructor slags most people off yet doesn't even ride her own horse. The lesson with her did not take place, as I told my sharer if I did the share would be over. Trip is a quirky old ****** and I have him in tack and a routine he loves, This yard instructor believes her way is the only way and force change. NOT on and not happening with my ponies.

 

[atropa]

I would certainly find it odd that your sharer hadn't thought to tell you that she had booked the lesson, even in passing.

 

[cobalobM]

We have a lovely proper dressage instructor that visits the yard and I have booked her 3 lessons with him for Christmas. She loves dressage and has mentioned wanting lessons with him. The yard instructor slags most people off yet doesn't even ride her own horse. The lesson with her did not take place, as I told my sharer if I did the share would be over. Trip is a quirky old ****** and I have him in tack and a routine he loves, This yard instructor believes her way is the only way and force change. NOT on and not happening with my ponies.

what did your sharer say once you told her that? if she was really apologetic I would just accept she made a mistake and move on

 

[Pinkvboots]

We have a lovely proper dressage instructor that visits the yard and I have booked her 3 lessons with him for Christmas. She loves dressage and has mentioned wanting lessons with him. The yard instructor slags most people off yet doesn't even ride her own horse. The lesson with her did not take place, as I told my sharer if I did the share would be over. Trip is a quirky old ****** and I have him in tack and a routine he loves, This yard instructor believes her way is the only way and force change. NOT on and not happening with my ponies.

What a lovely present your sharer is very lucky, I would be very hurt if a sharer of mine did this and I would only want my instructor teaching my sharer on my horse.