Would You Switch Instructors?

[QueenOfCadence]

Hey guys

As you know my ponio is a bit under the weather, during his "off" time I've really been thinking about creating a more positive future for me and him and I've started considering switching instructors because I'm honestly miserable with the one I'm currently at. She is a brilliant rider (I'll give her that) and she's competed in the European circuit (she lived in Germany at one stage). However I'm not enjoying lessons with her AT ALL and I feel as if I'm making no progress, so here is the full explanation on why I'm considering switching:

Before the instructor I have now, I had another instructor who was also a brilliant rider (a better rider than my current instructor IMHO) - however I couldn't continue taking lessons with her as she moved away. My previous instructor and I got along very well (she considered me to be her daughter) and she went out of her way to help me, with her I went from having a horse who couldn't preform the basic gaits to Elementary Medium in 4 years and my current instructor just has really not lived up to my expectations. She is generally just rude to me and has basically told me that I don't deserve to be on the horse and that my own horse is far to talented for me and that if she were the one riding him they would be in Grand Prix already, not only does she say things like this to my face but also behind my back. She has NOT improved on my riding, in fact when I first started riding with her she made me practice even the very basics with her (walk trot transitions and a halt out of the walk - everything I'd gotten 8s for back when I was still in Prelim!), I haven't gone up a grade (or even gotten close to it) in the time I've been with her (a year and a half). My ponio is schooled up to Intermediate and I have done some of the movements on him (my previous instructor rode him twice a week and schooled him up. In fact she practised her Intermediate tests on him) but my current instructor refuses to help me any further than a simple Traver (while my old instructor and I had been perfecting the piaffe and working on the passage). It feels as if she is constantly trying to compete with me or trying to push me down - saying things like when she was my age she could ride the movements I struggle with bareback in a halter.

I'm tired of dreading riding a lesson. Would you guys switch instructors or am I over reacting? I want what's best for me and my ponio and my current instructor uses SO many gadgets (and I'm not seeing any results) - that I've started thinking it's time to move on?

What are your opinions? Should I find someone else? And if I do, how should I tell my current instructor that I'm quitting lessons with her and starting with someone else?

 

[HashRouge]

Switch instructors! You should be enjoying your lessons, not feeling miserable!

 

[Spring Feather]

This instructor is no good for you. You know what it's like to experience a good and positive teacher so why put up with this nonsense. Time to move on. Why don't you ask your previous trainer if she could recommend another in your area? Once you have found the new trainer then tell present trainer that it's not working and it's time for you both to go your separate ways.

 

[CatStew]

Your current instructor sounds awful! How rude to make remarks about your level of riding like that! Surely she's putting herself down though as she's supposed to be helping you to progress to said levels?

If you're having doubts about her then I would say that is enough reason to find a new instructor.

 

[QueenOfCadence]

Surely she's putting herself down though as she's supposed to be helping you to progress to said levels?

That's exactly what I'm thinking too! It gives her a bad rep to have a student who isn't progressing , but she's always disliked me (because she disliked my previous instructor and somehow that disliking switched right over to me). I started lessons with her because my YO suggested her, I think I'll contact my old instructor and ask for advice , maybe start taking some lessons with some of the National GP riders (because I know she has contact with them)

I'm just tired of feeling like I don't know anything when in the back of my mind I know I'm not totally incompetent . She's actually pushed me to the point before where I considered stopping riding completely

 

[muddygreymare]

Definitely find a new instructor asap. You're not improving, you dont enjoy it and you shouldn't feel like you have to carry on and pay for something if you're dreading each lesson with her! She doesn't sound like a very nice person at all, you shouldn't be paying for her to insult you and be rude, you should be paying her to help you and teach you, and she isn't! Hope you find a nicer, better instructor soon

 

[Goldenstar]

change at once it is supposed to be enjoyable . nothing beats the feeling of having a great lesson and leaving when you can't wait to get home and work on what you have been doing and get back for the next lesson.
In. When I was younger I got myself into a bit of the same situation and eventually in mid lesson I had this blinding flash of light just after she had said something very unpleasant about baby horse who was really not coping with the deeper surface on her first trip away from home. I could feel her panicking and stressing as the trainer ranted on I stopped said this is helping no one and left I was in my lorry before I thought about it best thing I ever did very shortly after someone I really respected suggested my current trainer and I can't wait for every lesson.

 

[monetpony]

Yes, I would switch instuctors. Taking lessons should never be a negative experience. Horses are very intuitive and if you're dreading your lesson, I suspect he is too. An instructor should encourage and inspire you. Good Luck!!

 

[QueenOfCadence]

Thanx for the advice so far you guys! How should I tell her I'm taking lessons with someone else without sounding overly harsh? I don't want to cause any further fights

 

[Spring Feather]

Thanx for the advice so far you guys! How should I tell her I'm taking lessons with someone else without sounding overly harsh? I don't want to cause any further fights

I would strongly advise you not to give any specific reasons. I'd just say sorry but it isn't working out for you and leave it at that.

 

[icyfreya]

Change at once! She sounds awful! To be honest, you're paying her, she is providing a service for you, so really you are the one with the power in the relationship, not her...don't feel bad about telling her to her face that you would like to quit lessons with her! (i mean i wouldn't say why necessarily, but you don't have to give a reason). You are handing over your hard earned cash to this woman, making little progress and having her be rude to you and knocking you self confidence. Just tell her that you will no longer be taking lessons with her. It'll only be difficult if you're likely to see her again, eg is she often at your yard? goodluck, hope you find a nicer instructor!

 

[JanetGeorge]

I'm tired of dreading riding a lesson. Would you guys switch instructors or am I over reacting? I want what's best for me and my ponio and my current instructor uses SO many gadgets (and I'm not seeing any results) - that I've started thinking it's time to move on?

What are your opinions? Should I find someone else? And if I do, how should I tell my current instructor that I'm quitting lessons with her and starting with someone else?

I can't believe you're asking! If what you've said about your current instructor is only exaggerated by 100% - then it's time she was told! How? The words '******* off' spring to mind!

 

[QueenOfCadence]

I can't believe you're asking! If what you've said about your current instructor is only exaggerated by 100% - then it's time she was told! How? The words '******* off' spring to mind!

The worst part is that none of it is exaggerated. She's had my EM pony in all types of gadgets (running reins and elastics which he doesn't need but which have caused spasms in his neck which I had to pay to have the physio remove).

The problem is that I'll see her daily as she gives lessons to most people at my yard

 

[stargirl88]

Stop lessons straight away! It doesn't matter if you see her everyday, or what she says about you.... she sounds awful and so unprofessional! You can smile and wave and be thankful that you no longer have to deal with her cr*p anymore and can move on with your riding!

 

[kerilli]

good god, i wouldn't put up with that for one more second. ANY instructor is supposed to be helping you to improve, and you should never dread a lesson. if she puts you down all the time it sounds as if she has her own issues about her abilities.
change, and don't feel bad about it at all. i'd feel bad for having paid for lessons i got nothing out of!

 

[kizzywiz]

I too have had a bad experience with a previous jumping instructor who told me "You can't ******** ride, that thing will never jump, why don't you give up & put it in Reading market" That completely destroyed my confidence & self belief, it took a long time, lots of patient help from my current fab BS accredited coach & also some NLP therapy to get me back on track.

My advice would be just don't book in with her again, sure it may be awkward if she questions you when she comes to the yard, but could you just say you have decided to have a break for a while? I don't know if it will be possible to avoid her, but that may cause you more stress if you are constantly worrying about bumping into her.

Remember you are paying her for a service & to help you & take an interest, she sounds dreadful, dump her now!

 

[monetpony]

I agree with Spring Feather. A "Sorry, things just aren't working out" is enough. Take the higher road and don't go into specifics - with her or with others at the barn. Let them make their own conclusions.