WWYD? My horse's best friend going over Rainbow Bridge tomorrow

[muff747]

My gelding for some reason has always been very attached to the elderly mare in the next paddock. He goes bananas if she goes out of his sight, even when it's foggy and he can't see her, even though they have never been in the same field.
She's in her late thirties and is suffering now. She rubs herself raw when she's stabled, the vets could never find out what it was. She never lays down, she daren't in case she can't get up and her owners have come to that awful decision to let her go before the winter.
So, it's going to happen in the morning and the owners have very kindly let me know because I wanted to let my gelding see that she's "gone" before she's taken away, hopefully so he can accept that she's gone and won't call for her. She has a field companion and the owners are going to let her see the body too.
Has anyone else done this? Should I let my gelding see her go down or should I wait until she has gone and then take him to see her?
You see I'm not sure if he will start to call her when they take her out of sight to do the deed, that might be distressing for everyone, so should I take him to where he can see her fall and then let him go to her when she's passed over?
Also posted in Vets section
Any suggestions would be much appreciated...

 

[rema]

I would let your boy say goodbye..They seem to accept things better if they have seen it for themselves..

 

[lornaA]

If he is going to shout for her I would let him be with her and see what's happening then give him a bit of time. I had my mare there when her 8 month foal was pts as I believe its better to keep them calm. I just wish now I had given her longer with him once he has passed as she was initially calm but when we led her away she was then distraught for a few days. I think if we had given her longer it would of been easier for her x

 

[BethanT]

We had the same situation with two very close mares. Sadly one had to be PTS in her stable after she got down and couldnt get back up again, other mare was also in her stable dow nthe yard so couldn't see but we guess she could sense it. We let her go and say goodbye once the other mare had passed and our mare seemed to accept she had gone and didnt call for her when previously would have gone nuts if they were out of sight.

Think it is wise to let them say goodbye, gives them closure.

Sorry you need to go through this though. Think the same will happen with this mare as she is in her late 30's and started to show now so going to let her be with her friends before she gets into poor condition. xx

 

[Arzada]

She has a field companion and the owners are going to let her see the body too.
Has anyone else done this? Should I let my gelding see her go down or should I wait until she has gone and then take him to see her?
QUOTE]
When Arzada lived in a small herd the leader was taken to a barn in the same field and the 4 other horses were allowed back in after he had been PTS. They all sniffed him, 2 horses moved off quickly and the other 2 stayed with him for awhile and then we led them away. His body was taken away and all was peaceful. During his lifetime if he went out the others would call but this didn't happen. They did seem a bit lost for awhile but I think that letting them be with the horse really helped them.

 

[Shysmum]

Oh this is so sad to read. I would most certainly let my horse see the friend's body, and just spend time with her. This will all be so hard for you, so sending you huge *vibes*. Your horse will probably know from the mare that she is nearly at the end of her life. Such a sad situation. xx

 

[applecart14]

I think you should only let him see her body after the deed is done, and not witness her being pts.

I think this is a really good decision that you have made, and I think you can support your horse by giving it Bachs rescue remedy or star of bethlehem which is the tonic recommeded for bereavement by Dr Bach.

There is nothing sadder than a horse grieving and not really understanding why it is grieving. I am glad the owner of the horse has agreed to let you do this too and understands why you want to do this for your horse. That is real kindness and understanding on her part.

The horse should be allowed time to stand by the mares body. It may paw the body with its foot, or sniff the mare, but this is normal horse behaviour and it shouldn't be prevented but it might be worth mentioning to the owner depending on her state of mind at the time.

I hope it all goes well tommorrow - will be thinking about you both x

 

[Pearlsasinger]

We used to have 2 mares who were best friends and were together for 20 yrs. They were stabled next to each other with a space so that they could touch over the wall. The younger one had a stroke in her stable and we got the hunt out to pts and remove her body. We had to leave the friend in her stable as she had to go through the other stable to get out. After the body had been removed, we put the friend and her other 2 companions out in the field and there was no calling, or any other sign of distress. In the past, when they had been separated, they had always called to each other.
When it came time to pts the older mare, a couple of years later, she wasn't at all worried about the knackerman being there and all passed off peacefully.
I would allow your horse to witness the whole thing, so that he understands what has happened.

 

[TandD]

personally id let him see her go down if done by injection. it should be peaceful and your boy will understand what happens...ive never met an animal who doesnt know what goes on!
then if the owners will allow let your boy go over and spend time with her... as long as necessary to give him the chance to say good bye.
i hope he settles ok....may be their companion will help him! remember to spend plent of time with him after... no matter how he feels he will need you around!

big hugs and im sorry to all concerned!

 

[muff747]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and advice.
It is to be at 10 am tomorrow, not looking forward to it but I respect the owners decision and am grateful they let me know, and that it's happening on my day off work so I can be there for my horse. I hope it's not too traumatic. %:'(
Thanks again

 

[babymare]

I echo all what above have said but i also just want to say my thoughts will be with you all at this sad time. big big hugs x x x

 

[merrymeasure]

I too. echo all the good advice also, but want to say I shall be thinking of you, and all concerned this morning . I hope all goes well. It is such a sad time, and I hope your horse and the mare's field companion will be ok. Very sad xx

 

[MrsMozart]

I hope it all went okay.

I has mine out to see Dizzy after she had gone.

The foal, not hers, tried to wake her, pawing her then nibbling on her muzzle. One of the others sniffed at her and walked round, the other was skittish.

 

[babymare]

I hope all went as peaceful and quiet as poss. have been in my thoughts this morning x x

 

[ebonyallen]

I do hope everything went as peaceful as it could do, my thoughts are with you all at this very hard time x

 

[AmyMay]

Hope it all went peacefully.

 

[Shysmum]

Thinking of you x

 

[yaffsimone1]

I do hope it was all peaceful. I'm bumping this thread because if the OP wouldn't mind I would like to know how her boy coped and was he ok? x

 

[Megibo]

Hope all went as smoothly as possible OP

 

[muff747]

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts.
I managed to get my boy into a stable close by where she was to go and the old lady went peacefully.
He was concerned when she dropped and didn't take his eyes off her for several minutes, I think waiting to see if she would get up.
I waited for the owner to bring the companion mare to see her first but she was unconcerned and didn't seem to notice her laid at her feet so the owner led her away to a nice feed.
When my boy walked out of the stable to see her, he was very wary and was blowing at first but then he went forward and gently sniffed her ear and face. After a few sniffs he gave a big sigh and then was happy to walk away.
I took him into his paddock where he had some hay to munch on and I left him calm and the other mare was next to the fence with him.
But as I left the yard about half hour later, she had started calling for her mate but my boy was calm and grazing.
Thanks again for your concern and support, it was a sad day today.

 

[rema]

Is sounds like it all went well considering the sad situation..I'm glad the mare passed over peacefully and your boy had his chance to say good bye to her..We all worry how we will feel when the time comes but rarely give a second thought to our horses who also feel the loss..Hugs to you,your boy and your friend..x

 

[Laafet]

personally id let him see her go down if done by injection. it should be peaceful and your boy will understand what happens...ive never met an animal who doesnt know what goes on!
then if the owners will allow let your boy go over and spend time with her... as long as necessary to give him the chance to say good bye.
i hope he settles ok....may be their companion will help him! remember to spend plent of time with him after... no matter how he feels he will need you around!

big hugs and im sorry to all concerned!

I don't agree with the letting them see only if it is an injection, it is not always peaceful I should know sadly. The humane killer has a silencer and does not make much noise. That said I would not let another horse see their friend or any other horse being destroyed, they are not like humans, it is unfair on all involved. By all means if you feel it is best then let them see the body to know that their friend is gone but seriously there are no need for so many spectators at a horse's death. I find it really macabre. The more people there, the more emotion will be in the air and that is not good for either horse.

 

[Rose Folly]

Ours stand around when the deed is done. Not deliberate but they are a little herd and usually close together. They show little interest as the horse goes down. They are then allowed plenty of time (an hour or two at least) to inspect the carcase before Coopers take the horse away.

It sounds callous but it works really well. The only devastated ones are the owner and me!

 

[Cortez]

Horses, unlike owners, are not sentimental and understand quite well when a horse dies, either ignore or sniff and then get on with it. I have, unfortunately, had to have a foal put down - we injected him at his mother's side, he went down; she sniffed and nuzzled him for a minute or two them moved away grazing until she re-joined the other mares. Never went back to him, never called or appeared to grieve. It is part of nature.

 

[3OldPonies]

A very sad day for all concerned. I think you've all been very brave and have shown an incredible amount of understanding and kindness towards the horses (and people) involved. Big hugs to you all.