WWYD? Share gone sour...

[q105]

After honest opinions or advice please.

I have a TB on share, responded to an ad 4yrs ago expecting to be told I was too novice for this youngster who was OTT and needing full retraining. But I got on well with the owner who has a second OTTTB a little further along in training. So we gayly proceeded and it’s been a good partnership.

Work takes me away often (hence no horse of my own), but so does owner’s, so we are supportive of each other. I ride about 3times a week, I have taken horse to clinics and the beach, camps and rallies. It’s been fun and I’ve learned so much. He is NOT an easy horse, but it’s always been a very therapeutic relationship.

About 18mths ago, owner moved in with boyf and rented out her house. She also moved boys to a new yard which is lovely with great facilities. It’s now about a 70min drive for me, each way.

I currently pay £200/m for the share. I also have one lesson a week at £40/hr. I spend a lot on diesel driving to and from the yard, I’ve bought tack, rugs and gadgets etc over the years. Not to mention the time I spend in my car.

Over the last 6mths or so, I’ve lost connection with this horse. He’s bratty and over attached to his mate. I’ve had serious trouble with napping and last week he reared during an argument and I came off, I injured, but it was a nasty shock. I’m not nervous around him, I know he’s trying (and succeeding) to dominate. He’s fine in the school, but takes real offence to going out alone with me. It’s my riding. No one else has any problem. He’s been checked for all sorts. Owner is away til next month, but poopooed suggestions that he’s in pain or unwell. I can’t do anything with that.

Thing is, I’m just not into it now. I don’t want to pay the best part of £500/m for a fight that takes up all my time. Like I said, I used to love this, I NEEDED it, but now it makes me pretty resentful. I’m starting to feel like it’s not fair on the horse either. She’s paying someone else to ride her other horse at the moment.

I don’t have a written contract, but I don’t know how to approach this. I’m an adult, so I should be able to have a grown up conversation. But the owner is quite domineering, and she’ll tell me I’m being weak, followed up with having to sell the horse due to finances.

This feels like it’s kind of a break up with a guy that’s just not right for me...so I guess I’m asking for relationship guidance!!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I would just explain to her that now that he is so far away from you, the arrangement isn't working and suggest that she finds a new sharer. Nothing difficult in that really. She must have at least half-expected it when she moved her horses.

 

[saddlesore]

Have to agree. A 70 minute commute each way is crazy even if you are enjoying yourself.

 

[Max123]

The main advantage of a share is that you can walk away if it isn't working out. Speak to her in person and explain your reasons. The commute alone would be a reason to leave. Don't be made feel guilty. If she can't afford to keep him without a share it is her problem. The share has lasted a long time and worked until now. Give her a month's notice and if she gets stroppy say you are sorry she feels that way and leave it at that

 

[Clodagh]

I always say more than one reason is an excuse. Not that that is necessarily true in this case, but gives you every reason to keep it simple. Just say the commute is too much and you are giving in your notice. She cannot arguue with that as, short of moving the horse back closer, she cannot govern it.

 

[alainax]

70 mins is reason enough to give that up!

 

[Lintel]

70 mins.... away you go.. find something closer!

 

[q105]

I have joined a Facebook page for equestrians near me, and there are several sharers advertising within walking distance.

Thank you for your perspectives, helpful.

 

[Hoof_Prints]

I expect the horse will have taught you a useful skill set that you can now use to help find another local share, 70 mins is a no go entirely IMO. Lots of people will want the help and any financial contribution you can add, hopefully just not someone to ride their nutty horse! So beware of that if you look elsewhere.

 

[JulesRules]

I've just been through similar - the only issue was it was my own horse that reared and it's taken me a year to start getting any enjoyment out of her again although she is still pretty challenging.

I guess my question is can the "relationship" he saved and do you have any inclination to do so? Would a break from this horse to get some private riding lessons at a good riding school to concentrate on your riding give you the space to decide if you want to continue? This might be a way of exiting the situation in a more gradual fashion i.e I need to get some riding lessons to work through this so I can only do 2 day and pay £60 for the next month at least. I understand if you need to find a sharer who can pay you more though....??

I'm with everyone else. I'm sure you can find a ride closer to home, it really comes down to if you want to.

Like others have said, the share has been good. Every owner knows they can't keep their fabulous sharers forever and as an owner you shouldn't put yourself in the situation where you need a sharer to pay for the horse. Bottom line if you are going down this route you just have to tell her with reasonable notice.