WWYD

[Winters100]

Strange situation at our yard today and I am wondering what others would do.

There is someone who keeps horses there who I would not really class as a friend, but certainly we are on friendly terms.

He has a horse to sell and today was showing it to a lady who I know, again she is not a friend, more of an acquaintance. The thing is that I am 100% certain that this horse is totally unsuitable for her. He worked it hard 3 hours before she came, then put it back to the paddock and pretended it had been there all morning. I also know the previous owner, a very strong rider, much much stronger than this lady and he sold it because he found the horse difficult.

I also heard phrases such as 'you won't find a healthier horse, she has never been lame'. Well I see every night that he puts a magnetic boot on one back leg, for at least 2 years to my knowledge. I also use these boots as a preventative on all of mine, but he has 4 horses and puts a boot on only 1 leg, so clearly there is some problem.

My issue is that if I tell her, and it gets back to him, it could cause me a lot of problems. I don't know her well enough to say whether she would be discreet if I asked her to keep it to herself.

She did have several people with her at the viewing, so should I trust that one of them will tell her not to proceed? Actually she looked very nervous on the horse, so I am hoping that she will not want it, but hearing her talk after it didn't sound like that.

What would the rest of you do? Speak up, or stay out of it?

 

[doodle]

Stay out of it. It is not your issue.

 

[Micropony]

I would stay out of it. Nothing good will come of involving yourself in that one.

 

[Meowy Catkin]

I would say something. Having had a bad accident in the past I couldn't stay quiet. The seller is being deceitful in a way that could end up with someone being seriously hurt.

 

[Xmasha]

I would have to tell the lady that the horse had been worked beforehand .
I wouldn’t worry about falling out with the chap who is selling it, as quite frankly anyone who wants to deceive like that would be firmly on the naughty list .

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

You could try saying to the seller "I know that woman, and I'm not convinced she's a strong enough rider for this horse", but I personally wouldn't get any more involved than that.

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

I understand the need to say something but maybe you could simply pop her a message and say something like 'was that you I saw last...'. Open lines of communication in case she wants to ask. If she doesn't you're better off staying out.

Be supportive not negative, "it'll be a great horse for someone with some quality work put in".

 

[tiahatti]

You could try saying to the seller "I know that woman, and I'm not convinced she's a strong enough rider for this horse", but I personally wouldn't get any more involved than that.

Thats a good idea, you have raised a point with the seller and not caused offence to anyone

 

[HashRouge]

I'm sorry but I don't understand those saying to keep out of it. The seller is actively trying to mislead the buyer! Working a horse hard for 3 hours before a viewing is incredibly duplicitous and dishonest. I'd be less inclined to to mention the magnetic boot but I would certainly be passing on that the horse has been worked for 3 hours before the viewing. I could not in all good conscience sit on that piece of information.

 

[Tiddlypom]

I would have to tell the lady that the horse had been worked beforehand .
I wouldn’t worry about falling out with the chap who is selling it, as quite frankly anyone who wants to deceive like that would be firmly on the naughty list .

Me too. Stuff staying out and not getting involved if it risks someone getting seriously injured after being told porkies.

 

[Winters100]

I'm sorry but I don't understand those saying to keep out of it. The seller is actively trying to mislead the buyer! Working a horse hard for 3 hours before a viewing is incredibly duplicitous and dishonest. I'd be less inclined to to mention the magnetic boot but I would certainly be passing on that the horse has been worked for 3 hours before the viewing. I could not in all good conscience sit on that piece of information.

Maybe I worded it wrongly, it was worked about 3 hours prior to her arrival. I think for about 30 or 40 minutes. But still does not sit well with me.

 

[Winters100]

Thats a good idea, you have raised a point with the seller and not caused offence to anyone

Unfortunately he knows my opinion on this - but he insists that there is nothing wrong with the horse and that she would be fine with it. I strongly disagree. He is a pro, so no doubt will be offering to re-train it in due course of she does go ahead. My big hope is that she will decide that it is not for her.

 

[PapaverFollis]

Ouch.

I'd probably tell her. And get it all wrong. And end up being the bad guy according to both of them somehow. She'd buy the horse and it would be fine and they'd both hate me forever.

 

[Cherryblossom]

I would have to tell them. Look at all the people on here who buy horses that aren’t what they expected or turn out to be lame etc. I’d feel worse causing the heartbreak to someone genuine than potentially making things awkward with someone dishonest.

 

[Tiddlypom]

Ouch.

I'd probably tell her. And get it all wrong. And end up being the bad guy according to both of them somehow. She'd buy the horse and it would be fine and they'd both hate me forever.

Maybe, but you’d be able to live with your own conscience, though .

 

[tristar]

i would find a way of warning her, perhaps her speaking to the previous owner?

 

[SEL]

Well I wish someone had told me the microcob had a breathing problem BEFORE i agreed to have her. All those people who are now saying they spotted x,y,z aren't the ones paying the vet bills.

Perhaps message the lady saying "saw you today, how did you get on?". She might already have decided it isn't the horse for her but if she sounds interested then perhaps a "he's quite a challenging ride" is diplomatic ?

 

[Antw23uk]

I'd message her and say 'I thought i saw you today, was it a last minute arrangement as I was surprised he had a viewing because he was riding it for three hours before you arrived' ...... I'd have to say something.

 

[Red-1]

If he was telling out and out lies I may say something. But, riding for half an hour, 3 hours before she arrived, plus a boot that you don't know what it is for, that would not make me say anything unless she was an actual friend.

For all you know they will get on fine?

 

[Griffin]

Perhaps message the lady saying "saw you today, how did you get on?". She might already have decided it isn't the horse for her but if she sounds interested then perhaps a "he's quite a challenging ride" is diplomatic ?

This.

I went to look at a horse and the owner told me that the horse was safe to hack. I happened to speak to someone who was on the same yard just afterwards who told me that the horse had bolted with the owner out hacking several times. I was not going to buy the horse anyway because it was not right for me but knowing that the owner had not been honest made me wonder what else they had not been open about.

 

[ycbm]

I keep changing my mind on this, difficult one ....

 

[ihatework]

I’d probably just drop her a message and say something along the lines of ‘hey, lovely to see you today albeit briefly, hope the horse hunting is going well, exciting times! How did you get on with X?’

And keep your fingers crossed she says it’s not for her. Then you don’t have to play the bad guy.

If she is considering it, hopefully she will respond with an opening that you can respond to legitimately

ETA I wouldn’t outright tell tales on the horse. But I might phrase it along the lines of horse wasn’t the type I would anticipate you would buy, but if you’ve fallen in love and have the support on hand I wish you a happy partnership. And if she is dim enough not to read between the lines then so be it

 

[Kat]

I’d probably just drop her a message and say something along the lines of ‘hey, lovely to see you today albeit briefly, hope the horse hunting is going well, exciting times! How did you get on with X?’

And keep your fingers crossed she says it’s not for her. Then you don’t have to play the bad guy.

If she is considering it, hopefully she will respond with an opening that you can respond to legitimately

ETA I wouldn’t outright tell tales on the horse. But I might phrase it along the lines of horse wasn’t the type I would anticipate you would buy, but if you’ve fallen in love and have the support on hand I wish you a happy partnership. And if she is dim enough not to read between the lines then so be it

This! Hopefully she will have decided against already but if not you can give her a few warning signals.

 

[Winters100]

I’d probably just drop her a message and say something along the lines of ‘hey, lovely to see you today albeit briefly, hope the horse hunting is going well, exciting times! How did you get on with X?’

And keep your fingers crossed she says it’s not for her. Then you don’t have to play the bad guy.

If she is considering it, hopefully she will respond with an opening that you can respond to legitimately

ETA I wouldn’t outright tell tales on the horse. But I might phrase it along the lines of horse wasn’t the type I would anticipate you would buy, but if you’ve fallen in love and have the support on hand I wish you a happy partnership. And if she is dim enough not to read between the lines then so be it

Yes, this sounds like the best plan. I will leave it until the morning, because the seller and I are always pretty much the only ones there very early, so he is likely to tell me if she has said no. If she has not I will message her. This strikes a nice balance, I don't want to tell tales, but equally I would feel awful if she bought a problem without having been nudged to think carefully. The leg I am not so worried about as I dropped by my vet's house on the way back from the stable tonight (not for this reason, he just needed a paper from me and he knows that I pass almost by his front door). I know that this lady used him to vet another horse which she did not buy so I casually dropped in that he might be asked to vet the horse, that she looks great but I have always wondered why she needs a boot on the rear nearside. I am sure that he registered it.

Thank you everyone for the good advice.

 

[Keira 8888]

If she were a very good friend I would find it easier to encourage you to “find a subtle way” to warn her, but as she’s not terribly close I think you should put yourself first and avoid any drama. Sounds bad to say that but you dont need to put her above you. Tricky situation, no black or white answer - but I think you would be making a good decision to turn a blind eye here xx

 

[Trouper]

And where is the horse in all this?? He needs to go to the right person. I would definitely find a way of letting her have the whole picture. If she still decides to go ahead you can walk away with a clear conscience.

 

[PurBee]

I keep thinking it’s wise to mind ones own business....and most of the time it truly is.

but then moments like this scenario happen, and you think “was i meant to notice the horse was exercised hard beforehand?”....and the magnetic boots etc....and then i begin to see the whole scenario as a ’spiritual test’ of living with ones conscience whole and intact...and perhaps what i know could save or hurt.
knowing about a strong horse for a weak rider and knowing she doesnt really know how strong it is....or does she?
Are you sure she’s not strong enough for the horse?

If those questions are answered leaving you feeling she’s getting into something she’s not completely aware of....AND most of all your intention is to help her and the horse find the perfect match - (and it wasnt something like deep down not liking the seller anyway and how they ride/handle horses/attitude , aswell as being possible deceivers), then i would mention it....casually, as already said.....off hand comment...although id be quite abrupt at the time and regret the way ive said it like: “so youre considering horse X - he’s mighty strong isnt he, hope youve got the energy for such a horse” lol...when really stating what you know, he’s a strong horse, maybe trial the horse, loan etc...would enable you to live with yourself.

We all have to answer for our words and actions, and you obviously feel torn in this situation, but i assure you, if your intent is to truly help her and the horse find the perfect match, no matter what flies afterwards....your mind and heart are clear.
This is a horse...what if it was your daughter or wife/husband being possibly deceived by a seller? Would you say something to a relative/close friend/.....sure...because you care. Despite not knowing this woman well, you still care and obviously have concern for a reason. I have learnt to now act on intuitive concerning niggles.

If the woman ends up with the horse anyway...and then whatever happens happens, and you at least gave honest info the seller wasn’t willing to give.
I’d be mortified if anything bad happened to horse or woman if they ended up paired, and i said nothing. only THEN would i know it was a ‘test of character’ and i failed.

I’m sure many owners of wrongly sold horses would be forever grateful if someone had told them more truth about the horse they ended up with, me included!

 

[Winters100]

I keep thinking it’s wise to mind ones own business....and most of the time it truly is.

but then moments like this scenario happen, and you think “was i meant to notice the horse was exercised hard beforehand?”....and the magnetic boots etc....and then i begin to see the whole scenario as a ’spiritual test’ of living with ones conscience whole and intact...and perhaps what i know could save or hurt.
knowing about a strong horse for a weak rider and knowing she doesnt really know how strong it is....or does she?
Are you sure she’s not strong enough for the horse?

If those questions are answered leaving you feeling she’s getting into something she’s not completely aware of....AND most of all your intention is to help her and the horse find the perfect match - (and it wasnt something like deep down not liking the seller anyway and how they ride/handle horses/attitude , aswell as being possible deceivers), then i would mention it....casually, as already said.....off hand comment...although id be quite abrupt at the time and regret the way ive said it like: “so youre considering horse X - he’s mighty strong isnt he, hope youve got the energy for such a horse” lol...when really stating what you know, he’s a strong horse, maybe trial the horse, loan etc...would enable you to live with yourself.

We all have to answer for our words and actions, and you obviously feel torn in this situation, but i assure you, if your intent is to truly help her and the horse find the perfect match, no matter what flies afterwards....your mind and heart are clear.
This is a horse...what if it was your daughter or wife/husband being possibly deceived by a seller? Would you say something to a relative/close friend/.....sure...because you care. Despite not knowing this woman well, you still care and obviously have concern for a reason. I have learnt to now act on intuitive concerning niggles.

If the woman ends up with the horse anyway...and then whatever happens happens, and you at least gave honest info the seller wasn’t willing to give.
I’d be mortified if anything bad happened to horse or woman if they ended up paired, and i said nothing. only THEN would i know it was a ‘test of character’ and i failed.

I’m sure many owners of wrongly sold horses would be forever grateful if someone had told them more truth about the horse they ended up with, me included!

Honestly I have no axe to grind with either party here. I like the seller. We are not close friends but we pass the time of day pretty much every day. If either of us needs a hand with something we are both glad to help. We are both at the yard a few hours before most others so very often make coffee or bring snacks for one another, but also we are both busy dealing with our horses, so it tends to be a sort break. The buyer I chat with if I see her at events, but on a superficial level, she is not someone who I would call for a chat. I am however really very sure that this is not a suitable or safe horse for this lady. I am a far stronger rider than her, and when I was offered the horse did not even bother to try her. I know how the owner, who is an experienced pro, had difficulty bringing her back into ridden work last Spring. I was also warned by the previous owner not to look at her, the warning was not needed as I definitely do not want this type of horse, but I appreciated that he hinted at what i already knew.

If this was a good friend I would have no problem with giving an opinion in confidence. But this lady is, in my opinion, a bit silly, a bit of a gossip, so I would not like to get too involved. I am pretty much decided now that if she is still considering the horse I will give a hint, something like that suggested by ihatework, but if she chooses to ignore it then I will just mind my own business.
x

 

[Fools Motto]

I'd have to say something to the potential buyer... maybe something like ' hi, I know the horse you came to view, she doesn't seem an easy sort, did you like her?' Then whatever reply you get, you offered a friendly conversation, and at the same time it's kind of a warning. ?

 

[Lois Lame]

Ouch.

I'd probably tell her. And get it all wrong. And end up being the bad guy according to both of them somehow. She'd buy the horse and it would be fine and they'd both hate me forever.

I love it.
I'd have to say something to the potential buyer as well. I'm not sure what.
I'd come home from the paddock and tell OH about it. Then I'd say, "What should I do?" And he'd probably tell me to stay out of it. And they-

Well, I've just consulted OH who's come in from the shed. He's in favour of calling out the seller at the time when the seller has lied about working the horse that morning. OH did say that he'd have to put on his big boy pants which, incidently, he doesn't own.

Actually, OH has just come up with another approach. You pretend you didn't hear the lies told by the seller, then say loud and clear how well he worked that horse this morning.