Yard know it alls

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Dappledpony

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You always have to get one don't you? I don't pass comment on how others look after their horses. If they were doing something dangerous I would obviously step in and offer advice.

But it's the snidey comments...everything from clipping my very sweat prone horse (it's cruel to leave him with no fur, poor baby) to what rug he has on, to how often I ride him (more than 3 times a week is also cruel), to his water bucket only being 3/4 full. It's always a ''well I wouldn't do that!'. I've had horses for nearly 20 years and like to think I have some idea of what I'm doing! I just mutter under my breath or do you think it's best to just be upfront and say 'you concentrate on caring for yours and leave me to do mine' sort of thing.
 
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I think I must be too thick to notice when people are being snidey or perhaps I've always been lucky in having other liveries who are nice. What I like about being with other horse owners, is that everyone has a different way of looking at things, so when people offer advice or make an observation, I have the choice of either taking it on board as it's something I hadn't considered, or just smiling and carrying on with what I'd planned to do anyway.
For example, If a livery says, 'its really stormy today, are you riding out ? I'd never do that, my horse would be a nightmare'. -It wouldn't bother me, I'd just be glad that my horse has a workmanlike attitude and does the job.
 
People don't say things like that to me because my response is usually worthy of Malcolm Tucker. Or at least, decidedly derisive of their opinions...

I did encounter one recently who attempted to contradict an internationally renowned trainer (and, indirectly, the terminology of the scales of training and virtually every dressage text) on a matter of extremely trivial insignificance to their face. Not to mention the endless offering of her opinions to people she doesn't know and even attempts to interfere with lessons. People really are amazingly ignorant of social norms (and horses!).
 
Yup can definitely relate to this.

I think people believe no one can care for a horse better then them. When in reality they can, they just do things differently.
 
Oh god yes, the one on my yard ALWAYS has to have a little comment - drives me insane esp because she is useless - thinks shes efficient cos shes quick at mucking out but the beds are disgusting, leads horses (quite often through stable doors that arent properly open so the horse bangs itself going thru) while trailing mess everywhere (which she never cleans up) uses/breaks/loses other peoples stuff etc. But she swans around so superior passing on her unwanted judgements -arggghh!
 
I think ignoring them makes no difference and you just get more and more wound up. Yelling would probably get your point across but how much more dignified to say quietly and forcefully "I never asked for your advice, I don't want your advice and I suspect I probably know ten times more about horses than you do so kindly keep your thoughts to yourself". That way she can't go and whinge to the others about how rude you were, because you weren't - all she can say to others is that you politely and firmly put her in her place and she's hardly likely to do that is she?
 
JillA said:
I think ignoring them makes no difference and you just get more and more wound up. Yelling would probably get your point across but how much more dignified to say quietly and forcefully "I never asked for your advice, I don't want your advice and I suspect I probably know ten times more about horses than you do so kindly keep your thoughts to yourself". That way she can't go and whinge to the others about how rude you were, because you weren't - all she can say to others is that you politely and firmly put her in her place and she's hardly likely to do that is she?
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. Yes I do seethe then fester on it while at home. I've only been there about 6 weeks and love it otherwise. Perhaps just best nipping it in the bud in the early days.
 
I ignored it for a while but it just put me in a foul mood and I dreaded going down there, worse was I knew I would snap at some point and that would've been ugly. I made her a cuppa and just said can we start fresh because I don't want to fall out with you over the comments about my apparent incompetance, we have to work around each other and I really don't want a sour atmosphere to ruin either of us coming down here. She actually took it really well and apologised and she's been fine ever since.

I hope you get it sorted smoothly as it's not fun having to put up with it.
 
I'm not on a livery yard, but there are a couple of women at work that do my head in. I'm just going to avoid them if I can. I'm bad at the after effects of unpleasantness, I feel like I've let myself down. Blergh
 
I think that part of the problem is that this fellow livery doesn't know about your previous experience on other yards. She possibly thinks that you got your 1st horse on the day you moved into your new yard.
We keep ours at home and brought the 4 that we had at the time, here the week after we moved in. I remember a neighbour commenting at while later, I think when we bought a 6 yr old, that we usually had older horses. I explained that actually one of the elderly ones had been 4 when we bought her (and the others had been much younger than they were now). I can only assume that he thought that we had bought them at the same time as we bought the house and land, whereas in reality, we had had horses at livery for about 20 yrs.

OP, I suggest saying to this person something along the lines of 'Oh do you think so? I've done this with him for the last 10 yrs and never had a problem, our way suits us, even though it wouldn't suit every-one'
 
I've not had my own management questioned, but if it was, I would explain clearly why I was doing something a particular way, and then move on. I do however seem to be a magnet for those who think its ok to bitch about how other people keep theirs. My stock response is "I really think you need to take it up with X, as talking to me about it isn't going to change anything". Can't be bothered with yard politics...
 
I do sometimes find it helps to ask "why" - in other words invite them to justify what they are suggesting. You never know, they MIGHT know of some recent research etc and none of us ever stop learning. Or of course she just might have no idea ;)
 
i have perfected this look over the years for annoying , know it all people, i call my Kenneth Williams look and i raise an eyebrow, look down my nose and sniff loudly,this look has saved me many times and shriveled people in mid '' oh, i wouldn't do like tha.....'' better than a million words !!!
 
Dappledpony said:
. Yes I do seethe then fester on it while at home. I've only been there about 6 weeks and love it otherwise. Perhaps just best nipping it in the bud in the early days.
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Oh heavens, no, don't seethe over it! Life is far too short, and horses too expensive - just tell them straight that, whilst it's always nice to discuss your mutual hobby in a polite manner, snide comments and assorted passive aggressive croning type behaviour aren't acceptable.

Perhaps try using a polite "Actually that comment wasn't funny; it was hurtful." Or a massively blunt "Stop ruining my day with your own projected issues."
 
No ones ever said anything like that to me but if they did then I'd perfectly calmly and happily explain to them the reasons why I do something the way I do it. I really don't get involved in how or why people do what they do; I guess I've been in the livery business for too long and so long as I see no negligence going on then I leave people to it. I can't think of one of my liveries who sticks their nose into others business either tbh, everyone gets along and does their thing; maybe I'm just lucky with the people I have here.
 
I spent ages (as a novice!) Listening to what ours it's would say, and then one day the YO room me aside and politely advised me not to!

Then I started to realise she was a know-it-all and find it funny now!

She told me the other day that Red is looking a bit round. Funny, because the weight tape (just wormed him) and his girth are telling me otherwise!

I just tend to nod and agree now. And then go about my business as I would have anyway.

Ax
 
Oh yes, we have a livery at my work that knows EVERYTHING...she's done all 100 disaplines and is an expert in them ALL and likes to tell you this daily she's also a farrier a vet and a dentist!
 
Its a tough one to balance, if someone comes up to me explaining a problem ill offer advice (if and only IF i know anything about it!) but i wouldn't go out of my way if someone said to me "so and so is having trouble with..." to go over to them and start telling them what i think they should do!

The only times i have in the past is where its clearly neglect, although people like that tend to have an answer for everything so not worth wasting your breath half the time!
Nobody knows everything, but you do find over time you have areas you have to learn a bit more about (laminitis/cushings with my mare) but i would still ask if im doing the right thing and wouldn't overrule a vet etc
 
Pearlsacarolsinger said:
I think that part of the problem is that this fellow livery doesn't know about your previous experience on other yards. She possibly thinks that you got your 1st horse on the day you moved into your new yard.

OP, I suggest saying to this person something along the lines of 'Oh do you think so? I've done this with him for the last 10 yrs and never had a problem, our way suits us, even though it wouldn't suit every-one'
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This. All day long :).

P
 
I used to keep myself to myself and anybody (including the last yard owner) who made any comments, I just ignored. Yes I appeared rude & a social weirdo but couldnt care a less. If I wanted advice because I was uncertain, I'd ask for it!

Luckily don't have this problem anymore as have my own place as its just magic.
 
I'm on a small livery yard, we all get on and help each other out. Everybody has different ways to do things and if it works who's to say its wrong!! I would never state my views unless I was asked what I thought and even then it would only be my perfered way

It's normally the know it alls that haven't a bloody clue
 
Dunlin - what a lovely approach to take and worked out well too.

Much nicer than sniping about people - no body is perfect and perhaps with Christmas coming up we could show a little compassion to our fellow man/woman!

Perhaps these 'know it all' people think they are being helpful.
 
I also like Dunlin's approach and think I will take that one if it continues. It's the only blip on an otherwise perfect yard. I don't want to be pushed into snapping back at her. I think she means well but in fact is a relative newcomer to horse ownership.

It does just grind you down after a while!
 
I worry that mine is my Mum. Totally awkward. She isn't based at the yard but comes with the lorry or to help me but she also offers unsolicited advice to all. In fairness she does know what she's talking about and is extremely experienced but I'm still sure it pisses people off!
 
Dappledpony said:
You always have to get one don't you? I don't pass comment on how others look after their horses. If they were doing something dangerous I would obviously step in and offer advice.

But it's the snidey comments...everything from clipping my very sweat prone horse (it's cruel to leave him with no fur, poor baby) to what rug he has on, to how often I ride him (more than 3 times a week is also cruel), to his water bucket only being 3/4 full. It's always a ''well I wouldn't do that!'. I've had horses for nearly 20 years and like to think I have some idea of what I'm doing! I just mutter under my breath or do you think it's best to just be upfront and say 'you concentrate on caring for yours and leave me to do mine' sort of thing.
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I find the best thing is to smile like a dumbass and say "wow thanks" and then carry on as normal! They soon get the message.
 
Pony Club was like that too. Full of adults kitting their kids ponies out with ill fitting tack and no concept of safety but so very sure that they knew more than anyone else. No manners no basic pony etiquette like keeping ponies backsides away from each other. The nicest parents were always the quietest ones-who usually knew their stuff but kept it too themselves. Very irritating when other parents assume they know more-a lot of them had no background in horses at all.
 
I don't think I could cope with being on a livery yard! I hate it when people interfere and stick their noses in offering unwanted and pointless advice. I would politely tell them "If I want your advice, I will ask for it, but I don't so please concentrate on looking after your own horse and stop worrying about mine". :)
 
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