2 years on from loosing him and I still feel guilty

D

doodle

Well-Known Member
Joined
1 June 2007
Messages
4,580
Visit site
Lost soli 2 years ago exactly. He had a nasty injury in the field and he removed about a 1/3 of his foot. He went to he horspital. They had to cut off the flap of hoof. Initially they were positive but as he had taken off the corronet band the hoof may not grow in on a manner that would be useable and loose him
Anyway. A week in he got a pedal bone infection. I could put him down or operate. We operated. They cut out all the infected bone. He was literally left with no left hand side of foot. Just nothing there and exposed bOne. Very quickly He was doing really well, off painkillers and comfortable. However the infection came back and nothing more could be done and he was pts immediately. I said goodbye to him but he was in huge pain and distressed so it had to happen quickly.

I still struggle with the fact that we put him through 2 1/2 weeks of treatment at the vets. To be fair I think he liked it there. But was operations, Daily bandage changed needing sedation and nerve blocks. Should I have called it a day at the initial injury? Or at the operation? But then if we hadn't tried that would I. E thinking "what if we tried" and I know that she tried everything to fix him.
 
This self doubt and guilt is a stage of grieving.

And I wonder if we replay and re examine traumatic outcomes so that we can avoid them in the future?

I think it shows how much you cared and tried to help. Honestly, there is nothing more you could have done and I am so sorry for your loss.
 
I know just how you feel Kamikaze, I lost Jim to a puncture wound in his hock that got infected. We found it & treated straight away, but it just wasn't to be. Yet I still alternate between thinking we should never have tried & wondering if there was anything else we could have done. My heart said we had to try, he was such a fighter & had bucked the odds so many times that he had to be given the chance & my head tells me we did everything that we possibly could (surgery wasn't an option, he had too much else going on) yet still there's the doubt.

Big hugs to you. We don't have crystal balls & so we can only do what we believe is best at the time & then live with our choices. It sounds as though everything possible was done until his welfare said he couldn't go on & then you acted promptly & with love. Sometimes that's all we can do, but dear God it hurts x
 
Last edited:
If you didn't do it, you'll always be wondering "what if". You did the absolute best you could for your boy. I am so sorry for your loss, and your grief and guilt still just shows your love for him.

I lost my boy four months ago. He was showing colic symptoms so we took him to hospital and scans were showing abnormalities and definite death of small intestine tissue etc, but no clear explanation of what was wrong. We had the option of pts, operate, or spend the night in hospital with fluids etc to see if we could get him to pick up. I knew I couldn't put him through the operation but couldn't give up so easily, so he spent the night in hospital and the next day scans showed he was worse. He told us it was time and I lost the single most important thing in my life.
Later after a post mortem, the vet rung to say we couldn't have done anything different - if we'd operated he wouldn't have made it. You have no idea how badly I wanted to operate, but I knew it would be for me and not for him, and I needed to put him first. He told us he was ready. Even with that kind of closure I still feel absolutely awful about his death and miss him more than anything.

I understand more than anything how you had to fight for him. And you'll always wonder what if - there was a definite chance he would have made it and you were giving him that. You did what you thought best because you loved him dearly, and thats what counts. I am so sorry for you loss x
 
Personally I think you did the right thing trying to give him every chance. Had he pulled through - and it sounds like he very nearly did - you'd be feeling very differently about your decisions. It's just bad luck he didn't and after all it's all the same to him. Don't beat yourself up about it :)
 
There is no absolute right answer !Ask any combat veteran!You try your best ,but it doesnt always pan out.The pain loss and guilt , yes ,many of us know this . Look in your heart ,did you try to do the best for him (of course you did!).He forgives you everything!
 
As hard as it is please try not to feel guilty, you gave some you love a fighting chance! I lost E to pedal bone infection, it was horrific I feel your pain but I gave him every chance I could. I don't feel guilt about he deserved no less. Big supportive hug.
 
I'm still feeling dreadful guilt about making the call on my oldie a month ago. I doubt my decision daily, whenever something triggers a memory.

He'd looked bright-eyed, shiny, cheeky - a million dollars - but since he'd had a few episodes whereby he needed help getting up in the field, I knew what had to be done. It was absolutely heartbreaking, but everyone has reassured me it was the right decision.

You stopped your horse's suffering, OP. The ultimate act of love. It's horrid, but imagine how much worse it would have been to prolong it?

X
 
I agree with Tashcat. Just imagine if you had pts at first and not tried. You'd have spent forever more feeling guilty over that. As it is you did absolutely everything you could do for him and you can be proud of that and the fact you made the call quickly when it was apparent the treatment was failing.
 
I know how you feel having put B through colic surgery a month ago only to loose him to a broken leg in recovery. I have spent ages feeling so guilty. Guilty about him being in the field with the horse that kicked him (I knew he was a pain but they also seemed to be good buddies), guilt about whether I should have noticed anything that may have caused the colic. Guilt for putting him through surgery, guilt for not kissing him goodbye as they took him to the theatre.

But I think the way you have to see it, and certainly the way you should see it, is hat there is nothing to feel guilty about when you just want to give your horse a chance. You couldn't have predicted the outcome and you'd be feeling a whole lot worse now if you hadn't tried.

If the vets had told me there was a 1% chance he could have survived that surgery I would have taken it.
 
You took a chance and did not win out not something to feel guilty about.
It's just that it's the worse way to lose a horse .
I have my guilt horse I still can't really think of her if it comes into my head I just think of something else .
I don't know if you have other horses but I do if I had not think it would have driven me to distraction it's many years ago now but the weight that comes over me even now is awful .
There's no right answer here you feel bad there's no reason to feel bad but you do time does reduce it .
 
It sounds like if you hadn't have tried it you would have always been wondering 'what if?' And its a stage of grief to try and process events, so it's very natural what is happening to you. You tried veterinary treatment for a horse and sadly it didn't have a happy outcome, but you did everything you could and sometimes events don't work out and it can be difficult to deal with. But I think if you hadn't done it, you would have always wondered could he have come right with more treatment.
 
You did what you thought was best at the time. I had a similar thing with an elderly cat he had bad lumps that needed to be removed, I didn't want to put him through op for nothing but lump test was ok and vet thought he would recover. Then after his op, a removed lump that had a more thorough test was cancer so he ended up being put to sleep anyway. I felt bad putting him through that but I had other information at the time. If you thought there was a chance to help the animal of course you would try it.
 
I agree with everyone else, you did what you thought was best a the time, and if it had worked out differently that would have been wonderful. I am sure we've all been there with our horses and pets, we have an enormous responsibility to them, and we care deeply about doing the right thing, that is why we are plagued by this uncertainty (I feel anyway)
 
Thanks everyone. I had already had discussions with vet day before and he said if infection came back then there was nothing more that could be done. So when it did happen the decision had already been made. It's true if we hadn't tried to fix him I would be full of what ifs. He was so distressed when I went to see him I just wanted it over for him.
 
It sounds like it was a really heartbreaking time for you, with some luck things could have been quite different. I still think about my mare that I lost in April 2015 to EAM, the "what ifs" and "if onlys" are hard to shake.
 
I lost my other horse 7 months before that. He reinsured his tendon. Then got colic on box rest (probably as a result of the danilon he needed for leg but then couldn't have due to colic) before reinjuring the tendon on box rest. We were not going to win. So he also had 2 weeks of treatment before we had to give in.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top