A crisis of confidence

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elb0801

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Hi guys, sorry this could easily end up being the most pathetic thread ever :o

I'm have real confidence issues, my mare was being really naughty and I had a few nasty falls and some horrible experiences. I've had her back, teeth, feet and saddle checked and what needed fixing has been fixed. My saddler is coming tomorrow to fit her a saddle and I'm honestly terrified of riding. Has anybody got any tips for when I'm riding to help?

Thanks in advance
 
Bit tricky to answer without knowing full history, e.g. cause was pain issue, or fresh from lack of exercise, or she's picking up on your nerves/lack of confidence.

Assuming no pain issues, do you know a confident, capable rider who can ride her first? If you can see she's ok for someone else, that might help (that's helped me before after returning from an accident).

Maybe don't get on her whilst you're feeling so worried about it as she'll pick up on it and probably make her anxious. Do you have an instructor? Sometimes booking a lesson takes your mind off your worries as you're busy concentrating.

Once you are ready to get back on, then assume everything will be fine, and if anything was to happen then trust in yourself to deal with it (i.e. don't dwell on something that might not happen!)

Good luck, and know that you're not the only one - I'm sure most people would admit to losing confidence at one time or another.

Sorry if this is a bit long and rambling!
 
Small steps! I got very bashed up just over a year ago. That one in a million fall . I couldnt give up riding but the fear ,which I simply had never experienced before! I have done pretty well all of the mainstream equestrian sports but never had to face the loss of nerve. To be almost in tears because my saint of a horse was so pleased to have dad back that he wanted to show his pleasure by a series of bucks (he simply doesnt know how to buckl) They were more like a drunken dolphin !Yet what would once have me falling about with laughter ,had me cringing in terror. We have moved on a long way , but SMALL STEPS , A bit of dressage , jump a log on the ground , a few small showjumps.Good friends and even better instructors. It is an interesting lesson to realise that whilst you seriously dont need any technical lessons from those around you ,you do desperately need their encouragement and support.To realise that whilst once you could have jumped rings around them ,you are suddenly lost and they are the ones who can help. And bless them they are prepared to do it!.Humbling.
 
Get someone to lead you about to begin with. Then just walk beside you. Ride in a controlled space, i.e. a school or similar. As soon as you feel that you have got somewhere, get off and pat yourself on the back and come back tomorrow and repeat until you are happy with where you are. It may help your confidence to lunge your horse for a while first to take out any sting in her before you get on. It will help your confidence as well. As someone else said, tiny steps and very gradually build on it. Chat to someone while you are riding about anything,. The state of the economy or the weather or the latest movie, it doesn't matter but it will take your brain somewhere else and you will relax more. Don't worry about schooling, looking pretty or anything like that for now. It's meant to be fun so relax and enjoy. Good luck.
 
Try finding an NLP coach. I know a couple in my area.
I had planned to take my mare for a lesson just to help us get back on track a bit, as going out and about got her excited and me nervous. 10 days before the lesson she was injured, so I had to take my TB gelding. I hadn't ridden him in about a year, mainly because he is my husband's horse, and I didn't have a lot of time for riding with having small kids, so always chose the mare because I found her easier.
Anyway when I got this horse to the lesson I was terrified, he seemed to have grown and I was shaking. To be fair to him he was barely in any work and had been taken out in the trailer without his girlfriend (top much for such a teeny brain!) Ros, the instructor didn't so much teach me how to ride, she just walked a few feet away from me the whole time, and we chatted about stuff in general, ex racehorses and some of their quirks, and she would occasionally slip in something like "just lift that outside hand, that's it, now shoulders back" and back to talking about the kids or something. I could have cried at the end of that lesson, I felt like I wasn't a completely useless lump, and I had achieved something huge.

Can't recommend someone like that enough. Good luck, it is soul destroying losing your nerve. It is not really lost, you know, just misplaced :)
 
Lord, I know, I think you have to attack on 4 different areas

1. Your Skills. I found a biomechanics coach and initially with a mechanical horse. However you do it, you need to have as stable a seat as possible and have an instructor who can work on you with strategies to cope with your horses strategies. This can be really interesting and has led me on a path of continental classical dressage (which is so different to English BHS training) and has ultimately made me hugely more confident. Your path will be different.

2. Your head!. Look at NLP, Hypnotherepy and/or positive visualisation. You also need to do things in other areas of life that build up your confidence.

3. Your Fitness. Yep, need to be as in control on your body as possible.

4. Your Horse. Apart from its overall heath, I would really recommend finding things you can do on the ground. There is so much out there if you search. For me Clicker changed our relationship, but more importantly showed me how horses learn. I also have done classical dressage in hand, which if you can find someone to help you great. I have also dabbled in Horse Agility which is the most fun you can have with your horse and a fabulous way of teaching your horse to cope with new situations while still at home and not even on its back.

It is horrible losing your confidence, but it will come back, and in the meantime why not use it to make you the best rider you can be?

Good luck.
 
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Sorry to hear about this, I have gone through the same thing. 2 years ago I would shake with fear just mounting my horse (who is pretty much a saint). Nothing triggered it, he did nothing wrong but I couldn't face getting on him. I was given the advice to 'bore myself to bravery'. I started just getting on and walking for five minutes. When this became the 'norm'. I. Found I wanted to do more and introduced a little trot. I ended up moving yards to be able to have a decent instructor and that has worked wonders. I am now up to jumping arena eventing fences (little ones).

An instructor who is experienced with the psychological side of riding will help, I don't know how you can find that one who you click with before trying them but I have done more in 6 months than in the previous 4 years.

I have to remind myself of the number of times he has been naughty compared with the number of times he has been amazing. I still hate hacking but the advice given above really worked for me. Taking someone with you who can talk to you, distract you with discussions about anything. I also talk to myself (mad I know) about how I am riding. I try to finish when I have done something slightly out of the norm which has gone well.

Good luck, for me it has been a slow road, but look for those small victories when you ride, even just mounting can be a success!
 
Thank you so much everybody, I rode and I fell off! But I'm not hurt and apart from that spook she was really good.
I've got a saddle that fits her now and like you all suggested I'm having a lesson tomorrow and my instructor is going to ride her a few times in the week.

Thans again, I'm just glad I did it!
 
Glad you didn't hurt yourself. Sometimes a fall is good when you get up and realise that it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. Good luck with the lesson tomorrow and take small steps. Keep us posted on your progress.
 
I have been in a similar place to you for the past few years and I can really recommend having NLP and TFT . This really worked for me and sometimes it is not always the obvious trauma that you think is causing the problems.
The other things that helped me were , riding another horse, I went and had a lunge lesson & a simulator lesson
The is the website of the lady that I use - Jo Cooper , www.equestrianconfidence.com- very good :) Also being a rider herself she understands all the feelings and emotions that go with owning a horse and wanting to ride.
Feel free to PM me if you would like any information

Good luck and take your time , don't put any pressure on yourself , it will happen .....
 
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