Elf On A Shelf
...
It's still so incredibly mild for the time of year! It doesn't really feel like we have had a winter yet. Yes it's been wet but it hasn't been cold. I can count on one hand how many times I have had to scrape ice off of my car this season. I would honestly prefer a cold, hard winter than this wet pish! But anywho! I digress!
Monday mornings are usually full of fun and games and today was no different really! My first lot was Big Bad Boris who was trot 1x lob 2x. BBB is such a cool dude you can't really fault him. Except for today when he decided to put on his best BIIIIIIGGGG trot! This trot throws you out of the saddle. This trot can not really be risen to. This trot is so damned uncomfortable to ride on a flat surface let alone up and down a hill! "Boris! Really! Do you need to be quite so bouncy?!" I ask him. 'Of course I do mum! It's Monday don't you know! I had a day off yesterday and it's just so awesome!' So needless to say by the time we got to the cantering part my back was in a million pieces and my knees had stuck their middle fingers up and me and gone on strike! Well cantering wasn't much better than the trotting only it took less time! "Oi Bojo! Really!?! No need to pull my arms out mate! Seriously!" 'But muuuuuummmm! Yes I do! And I can do motorbike turns too round the top see - Wheeeeeeeeee!!!!' And that was just 1st time up ... 2nd time we managed to trot quite nicely round the bottom bend and then ... 'Wheeeeeeee!' Boris squealed as he plunged forward into canter, then promptly tripped! Muppet! It doesn't put him off though as he ploughs on up the gallops slightly faster than he really should be on a Monday morning but hey ho! BBB bounced and jig jogged all the way back in to the barn quite pleased with himself! Tomorrow is a day round the fields ... I know exactly what he is going to do and do I will be eating my wheetabix tomorrow morning in preparation!
Second lot was Budd's. He isn't a horse I sit on very often and I am not a huge fan of his to be honest. He gives me a really sore back as he moves so badly! For a big horse he has no shoulder so is very shuffly in front then his back legs have a mind of their own. One never quite tracks up, the other swings so far out the left like he is doing the butterfly swim! He was doing the same work as Big Bad Boris in theory. In practice ... We trotted up the drive, along the top of the field then down the gallops. We got half way down when all of a sudden Estime came flying up the grass up side me, Dig's is giving it laldy with poor Maddy clinging on for dear life and Thistle has decided he was heading back to the barn. He has turned into a right nappy little git at the moment The lass who was on him is new to racing, thinks she is gods gift, won't listen and really isn't much cop. It's a good job she goes to racing school next year as she needs it. Any who! With Budd's being the most sensible one on the string I head back up to fetch Thistle. We manage to get him back to the edge of the gallop with me leading him from his bit. Then the little ****** shot back nearly pulling me out of the saddle. Blair came back with a youngster to help bock him in so we got him back on the gallop and going forwards again. As we go past the boss going in the opposite direction she tells me to take Thistle with me and do 4x4 and 1l. To keep the little twerp going forwards we lob down the rest of the gallop and head to the circle. As we were approaching it I said to the lass on Thistle that we were going onto the sand circle and just to follow me. So what does she do? She goes winging past me on the woodchip circle. By this point I am getting really annoyed as Thistle is actually an easy ride but he was ripping the absolute piss out of her and has been for the last couple of weeks. "What the **** do you think you are doing!??! I said SAND!" I shout to her. So she promptly pulls him left up onto the grass bank - in canter - with the idea of cantering down onto the sand in front of me. "ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME?!?!? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!?!? PULL UP NOW BEFORE YOU FALL OVER! IT'S A FOOT DROP ONTO THE SAND AND YOU NEED TO BE BEHIND ME!!!" Can you tell I am reeeeeeeeaaaallllllllyyyyy pissed at this point ... I had pulled up to a walk by this point to make sure she got in behind me before setting off. Where she promptly clipped my heels every ... single ... step .... of ... the .... way ... Pulled up after 4x round and I told her to back off a bit as what she was doing was increbibly dangerous and she would pull us both to the floor. So we set off in the other direction and there she is, on my outside with the horses head at my girth ... I growled at her then she managed to pull back to being half a length off of me. Not as far back as I wanted her but at least she wasn't going to bring us down in a heap. So we completed 4 circuits and pulled up. Thistle was done and I sent her back in the long way so the horse didn't get any more ideas of napping up the field with her. With him out the way Budd's and I went to lob up the gallop for our 1l. Well that was the plan. At first I thought he had gone wrong as he wasn't moving properly at all. Then I laughed and realised he was just being a dick! He had his tail over his back and was pinging up the gallops - you know when you see cartoon deer boinging along tail up, head up and swinging side to side with all 4 feet just bouncing up and down like they are skipping? That's what Budd's was doing! If I tried to slow him down the pings got higher, if I tried to send him on the pings got faster! So we settled on a speed and boinged our way all the way to the top! 5 furlongs, just over half a mile, of bouncing Tigger like! I could not stop laughing at him! At least he is feeling well for himself!
Over to the other yard and my first there was the ever lovely, gentlemanly Victor. He is such a sweetheart. You go into his box and he immediately puts his head in your chest for a head hug before you are allowed to tack him up. Everything he does is very gentle and kind and honest. 2x up the gallop and we were up front just because we were. Then the flock of geese flew up in the field right next to us ... a few horses scooted about a bit, Victor? He just kept lobbing away quite the thing as though nothing was going on! Honestly he such a beautiful horse and an absolute delight to deal with in every way. Someone is going to be very, very lucky to get him when he finished racing.
My next lot was Big Midnight. Big Midnight had been in the field. Big Midnight wallows in mud like a hippo. Big Midnight then puts his head so high in the air that you can't reach it with a brush to scrub enough off to get your bridle on. Big Midnight is bloody big when he wants to be! Because of this I got blinded by mud going up the gallops. He is a good boy today though as he is still a little tired from his race last weekend. On the plus side he is 100% bombproof in any and all traffic you throw at him - including the skip truck them went careening past, chains swinging that then hit a pot hole. He doesn't even look at them. Vehicles do not require his attention.
I then had 2 lots round the circle gallop. First one was Dylan, again a horse I very rarely sit on, in fact I think I have only ever sat on him once before. He doesn't move very well either. He is quite pigeon toed and so he canters as though his front legs are disconnected from each other and they work independently not as a pair, one a fraction of a second in front of the other. Baby Dylan is a dead easy ride so we tucked in behind the idiot horse so make sure no one ran up it's backside and lobbed away. The final circuit Dylan suddenly shot forward and threw his head up at me. I settle him again and look back to see what was going on behind me to see Lori wrestling Nico back into behaving. Something had set him off and he had shot up Dylan's backside broncing!
My final horse of the day was wee Southern. She is a lovely wee chestnut filly - most days! She has had a bit of down time since a below par run and is just starting to canter again. This time we were to trot 5x each way then canter 2x each way. Patsy was out with us who was just trotting, in theory. She spent most of the first 5 circuits bouncing from side to side in canter. After a change of direction I am in front on Southern who proceeds to spook at everything! "Seriously misses?!? You've already gone past it all in the other direction" I say to her. 'I know but we have changed direction and it looks soooooo different from this way and with no one in front of me to be attacked by the monsters first means I have to be super wary of them!' so we survive the trotting. Then onto the cantering. First circuit grand, not a bother. 2nd circuit ... Well! The head came up, the head went down, the head came up, the head went down, a few broncs thrown in, the head comes up then we are done in the direction. I am too old for this! Lol! So I told one of the others to go in front to hopefully stop her being such a madam. It was only 2 circuits but I don't feel like dying just before xmas! Well that was just worse! She kept shooting off as though something was snapping at her heels then she would curl up and back right off then shoot off again. Lord give me strength! I was so glad to pull up knowing I had no more to ride that day!
Honestly it's days like this that really make you laugh and then question your sanity!
Monday mornings are usually full of fun and games and today was no different really! My first lot was Big Bad Boris who was trot 1x lob 2x. BBB is such a cool dude you can't really fault him. Except for today when he decided to put on his best BIIIIIIGGGG trot! This trot throws you out of the saddle. This trot can not really be risen to. This trot is so damned uncomfortable to ride on a flat surface let alone up and down a hill! "Boris! Really! Do you need to be quite so bouncy?!" I ask him. 'Of course I do mum! It's Monday don't you know! I had a day off yesterday and it's just so awesome!' So needless to say by the time we got to the cantering part my back was in a million pieces and my knees had stuck their middle fingers up and me and gone on strike! Well cantering wasn't much better than the trotting only it took less time! "Oi Bojo! Really!?! No need to pull my arms out mate! Seriously!" 'But muuuuuummmm! Yes I do! And I can do motorbike turns too round the top see - Wheeeeeeeeee!!!!' And that was just 1st time up ... 2nd time we managed to trot quite nicely round the bottom bend and then ... 'Wheeeeeeee!' Boris squealed as he plunged forward into canter, then promptly tripped! Muppet! It doesn't put him off though as he ploughs on up the gallops slightly faster than he really should be on a Monday morning but hey ho! BBB bounced and jig jogged all the way back in to the barn quite pleased with himself! Tomorrow is a day round the fields ... I know exactly what he is going to do and do I will be eating my wheetabix tomorrow morning in preparation!
Second lot was Budd's. He isn't a horse I sit on very often and I am not a huge fan of his to be honest. He gives me a really sore back as he moves so badly! For a big horse he has no shoulder so is very shuffly in front then his back legs have a mind of their own. One never quite tracks up, the other swings so far out the left like he is doing the butterfly swim! He was doing the same work as Big Bad Boris in theory. In practice ... We trotted up the drive, along the top of the field then down the gallops. We got half way down when all of a sudden Estime came flying up the grass up side me, Dig's is giving it laldy with poor Maddy clinging on for dear life and Thistle has decided he was heading back to the barn. He has turned into a right nappy little git at the moment The lass who was on him is new to racing, thinks she is gods gift, won't listen and really isn't much cop. It's a good job she goes to racing school next year as she needs it. Any who! With Budd's being the most sensible one on the string I head back up to fetch Thistle. We manage to get him back to the edge of the gallop with me leading him from his bit. Then the little ****** shot back nearly pulling me out of the saddle. Blair came back with a youngster to help bock him in so we got him back on the gallop and going forwards again. As we go past the boss going in the opposite direction she tells me to take Thistle with me and do 4x4 and 1l. To keep the little twerp going forwards we lob down the rest of the gallop and head to the circle. As we were approaching it I said to the lass on Thistle that we were going onto the sand circle and just to follow me. So what does she do? She goes winging past me on the woodchip circle. By this point I am getting really annoyed as Thistle is actually an easy ride but he was ripping the absolute piss out of her and has been for the last couple of weeks. "What the **** do you think you are doing!??! I said SAND!" I shout to her. So she promptly pulls him left up onto the grass bank - in canter - with the idea of cantering down onto the sand in front of me. "ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME?!?!? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!?!? PULL UP NOW BEFORE YOU FALL OVER! IT'S A FOOT DROP ONTO THE SAND AND YOU NEED TO BE BEHIND ME!!!" Can you tell I am reeeeeeeeaaaallllllllyyyyy pissed at this point ... I had pulled up to a walk by this point to make sure she got in behind me before setting off. Where she promptly clipped my heels every ... single ... step .... of ... the .... way ... Pulled up after 4x round and I told her to back off a bit as what she was doing was increbibly dangerous and she would pull us both to the floor. So we set off in the other direction and there she is, on my outside with the horses head at my girth ... I growled at her then she managed to pull back to being half a length off of me. Not as far back as I wanted her but at least she wasn't going to bring us down in a heap. So we completed 4 circuits and pulled up. Thistle was done and I sent her back in the long way so the horse didn't get any more ideas of napping up the field with her. With him out the way Budd's and I went to lob up the gallop for our 1l. Well that was the plan. At first I thought he had gone wrong as he wasn't moving properly at all. Then I laughed and realised he was just being a dick! He had his tail over his back and was pinging up the gallops - you know when you see cartoon deer boinging along tail up, head up and swinging side to side with all 4 feet just bouncing up and down like they are skipping? That's what Budd's was doing! If I tried to slow him down the pings got higher, if I tried to send him on the pings got faster! So we settled on a speed and boinged our way all the way to the top! 5 furlongs, just over half a mile, of bouncing Tigger like! I could not stop laughing at him! At least he is feeling well for himself!
Over to the other yard and my first there was the ever lovely, gentlemanly Victor. He is such a sweetheart. You go into his box and he immediately puts his head in your chest for a head hug before you are allowed to tack him up. Everything he does is very gentle and kind and honest. 2x up the gallop and we were up front just because we were. Then the flock of geese flew up in the field right next to us ... a few horses scooted about a bit, Victor? He just kept lobbing away quite the thing as though nothing was going on! Honestly he such a beautiful horse and an absolute delight to deal with in every way. Someone is going to be very, very lucky to get him when he finished racing.
My next lot was Big Midnight. Big Midnight had been in the field. Big Midnight wallows in mud like a hippo. Big Midnight then puts his head so high in the air that you can't reach it with a brush to scrub enough off to get your bridle on. Big Midnight is bloody big when he wants to be! Because of this I got blinded by mud going up the gallops. He is a good boy today though as he is still a little tired from his race last weekend. On the plus side he is 100% bombproof in any and all traffic you throw at him - including the skip truck them went careening past, chains swinging that then hit a pot hole. He doesn't even look at them. Vehicles do not require his attention.
I then had 2 lots round the circle gallop. First one was Dylan, again a horse I very rarely sit on, in fact I think I have only ever sat on him once before. He doesn't move very well either. He is quite pigeon toed and so he canters as though his front legs are disconnected from each other and they work independently not as a pair, one a fraction of a second in front of the other. Baby Dylan is a dead easy ride so we tucked in behind the idiot horse so make sure no one ran up it's backside and lobbed away. The final circuit Dylan suddenly shot forward and threw his head up at me. I settle him again and look back to see what was going on behind me to see Lori wrestling Nico back into behaving. Something had set him off and he had shot up Dylan's backside broncing!
My final horse of the day was wee Southern. She is a lovely wee chestnut filly - most days! She has had a bit of down time since a below par run and is just starting to canter again. This time we were to trot 5x each way then canter 2x each way. Patsy was out with us who was just trotting, in theory. She spent most of the first 5 circuits bouncing from side to side in canter. After a change of direction I am in front on Southern who proceeds to spook at everything! "Seriously misses?!? You've already gone past it all in the other direction" I say to her. 'I know but we have changed direction and it looks soooooo different from this way and with no one in front of me to be attacked by the monsters first means I have to be super wary of them!' so we survive the trotting. Then onto the cantering. First circuit grand, not a bother. 2nd circuit ... Well! The head came up, the head went down, the head came up, the head went down, a few broncs thrown in, the head comes up then we are done in the direction. I am too old for this! Lol! So I told one of the others to go in front to hopefully stop her being such a madam. It was only 2 circuits but I don't feel like dying just before xmas! Well that was just worse! She kept shooting off as though something was snapping at her heels then she would curl up and back right off then shoot off again. Lord give me strength! I was so glad to pull up knowing I had no more to ride that day!
Honestly it's days like this that really make you laugh and then question your sanity!
