A "does every livery yard have a person like this" moan

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baylover

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I'm new to posting here, I have been a silent observer for a while! Haha!

I've come for a right rant and moan, I've seen it done a few times and some useful advice has been given.

My current rant is:

I have moved to a new yard (previously was on my own), been there since October. It's a nice yard, VERY laidback, the yard owner really has nothing to do with any of it. you just pay her your money and get on with it. My issue is there is a woman there who gets everything for free, there is no real reason she gets everything for free, she helps look after the YO pony who lives out, don't get me wrong it's the yard owners decision to do this and I understand. But she acts like she owns the yard, and I can't stand it.

She is constantly telling people what they can and can't do, and I'd like to stress that this is not on YOs behalf as I have gone to her about this before! Said woman does services and brings my horse in, she said to me THE MORNING I turn my mare out, that if I turn her out I need to make my own arrangement's to get her in, because "its too far for her to walk to get her in the mud" :mad:

She lets her dog pee over other liverys hay and when they mention it she just grunts and laughs! My problem is that I working bloody hard and long hours to give my mare the life she deserves and I feel like I just don't even want to go to the yard to be near said woman. She's mean! She will purposely throw wheelbarrows on muck heap so no one else can use them, she calls people she does services for "lazy c***ts"

Every other livery there is so nice, and I know they are at their wits end too as they have the same issues but they've been here longer, rumour has it if you get on the wrong side of her she can be vicious and tampers with your stuff, they say you get used to it but It just seems to be getting worse and worse! To be honest I have often come to the yard to find all my stuff has been thrown about and not in the neat pile I left it in, I really wouldn't mind and let it get to me, but I am out of my house form 6am to 8pm everyday and I just feel like I'm suffering and working my arse off when she gets everything for free and isn't even nice!

They've even made my yard bill go up because they "didn't want to fork up the muck" and wanted to "hose down the yard"

is every yard the same, does every yard have a person that thinks they own it? Need to restore my faith in other horse owners!!

Moan over!

Sorry everyone! :p:D
 
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No, not every yard has a person like this because quite frankly she sounds appalling.

She is a bully & this sort of behaviour shouldn't be tolerated. Could you maybe get together with the other liveries & ask to have a meeting with the YO? I know you say she doesn't like to get involved but if other clients are being made to feel intimidated by this woman's behaviour then she should sort it out!
 
No every yard does not have one of these people. Get together with the other liveries and start recording these indcidents. Dates, times, preferably with a name of a witness who can corroborate the claims. Once you have enough, take them to the YO. Tell her you're all thinking of leaving because of this woman's behaviour and could she speak to her about it. Don't make it an ultimatum of her going or you, just say you're not happy with the situation and want it addressed. YO should get the message without you backing her into a corner. Faced with the prospect of all her other liveries going, I'm sure the YO will take some action.
 
Nope. I have met people who are very opinionated and who you have to take with a pinch of salt, but not one like this woman, she sounds horrid!

She sounds like a bully. Whether the yard owner likes it or not, she has a duty to be involved, and if this is regular behaviour, and something that other liveries are also experiencing I would be ensuring she was fully aware of what was going on, and would be asking her to take some type of action. Perhaps even having a quiet word with this woman would be enough to put a bit of fear in her and shut her up.

In the meantime and to give your concerns even more weight, as others have said, keep detailed diaries of what is going on, witnesses, damage, comments etc, and use this to present to the yard owner. I am sure she would rather have to upset one livery, than potentially losing several, and if she doesn't then I would personally rather be on a yard where the owner has control and responsibility for what is going on- not one where it is ruled by a bully!

Whatever you decide to do, I would not be tolerating this type of behaviour.
 
The Tank said:
Put up and shut up or move. I highly doubt anything will change any time soon.
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And this sort of attitude is how bullies thrive. Even if nothing changes & the OP has to end up moving she shouldn't 'put up & shut up' as this woman's behaviour is ruining her enjoyment of her hirse
 
No, it is ridiculous behaviour to expect any paying customer to tolerate.
If the YO doesn't want to sort it, and the other liveries are too intimidated to make a joint stand with you, then I would leave.
Life is too short to put up with this kind of nonsense.
 
I wonder if she bullies the yard owner too? Maybe if all the liveries went to the yard owner together you might actually be what the yard owner needs to stand against her? Met a few people like this
 
Take it from me if you do nothing and say nothing then it will continue. This happened to me at work. I was lucky the woman's boss spotted that I was out of sorts and confronted me and then sorted it. I was in a tough spot because the bully was my direct line manger. You need to get together and present the facts. If the YO does nothing she is condoning the actions of this bully. She does not pay, you do!
If it is not sorted then think of moving, but take it from me at the first whiff that she might get in to trouble my bully backed off at a rate of knots!!!! I never had trouble again. Bullies are of course cowards at heart. I had tried to stand up for myself but was at a real disadvantage and she just kept on, you need to stand together but in a non aggressive and vindictive way, or it will not work.
 
B&J said:
I wonder if she bullies the yard owner too? Maybe if all the liveries went to the yard owner together you might actually be what the yard owner needs to stand against her? Met a few people like this
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It wouldn't surprise me if she does bully YO also.

It sounds silly for a 29 Year old to feel bullied but I do and I know everyone else does too, we are all scared of her I think deep down which is why nothing has been said before. I don't want to move and will be my last resort as the network of support I have up there is amazing
 
baylover said:
It wouldn't surprise me if she does bully YO also.

It sounds silly for a 29 Year old to feel bullied but I do and I know everyone else does too, we are all scared of her I think deep down which is why nothing has been said before. I don't want to move and will be my last resort as the network of support I have up there is amazing
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Dont feel silly, she's in the wrong not you. You all need to work together on this. As glamourpuss said, even if it doesn't work out for you and you have to move, the more people who tell YO about it, the more likely she is to deal with it - even if it's not straight away.
 
It is probably pointless to involve the YO, it could backfire and just make you look like the trouble maker and there's no guarantee that the other liveries will back you up when it comes right down to it.

If you don't want to leave the yard and the rest of the liveries feel the same way about it you need to figure out a way to sort of passively disarm her somehow but without setting her off too much. Can you bring in/turn out/sort out muck heap and yard chores for each other without involving this person? Just kind of freeze her out, always smiley and polite, but just don't involve her in any way til she gets the message that she's not in charge and doesn't need to take responsibility for everything.

At our yard we have a person who will always say the YO/YM said we had to do this or that (always to their advantage) I used to believe it and get worried, then I realised this person was a great story teller so I would just nod and carry on doing what I was doing, I figured if the YO or YM was that peeved they saw me most days and they could let me know.
 
Not at all, its very difficult but I think you should tell the others that they should not put up with it, and if they won't do anything go to YO tell her what is going on, and you will be leaving.
In my experience, certain YO's don't care what is happening or how things are run as long as some money keeps coming in, it is just asking for trouble, but I don't think it will change.
I was at one yard where this sort of thing was going on, including massive fraud, they did not prosecute and then got another similar type in. The accounts were in a complete mess, the Agent did not give a damn, the place eventually closed, it could have been a well run and profitable yard if they did almost anything to make it decent. The replacement YM spent about an hour a day there, not every day, and main thing was to let her huge dogs cr@p every where, and get some cash in hand for sale of bedding, so she had wage, salary, profit and cash, and "worked" about 5 hours a week.
I was there two years and no money was spent on maintenance [I had no light in my stable and was not allowed to fix it, I had broken guttering, blocked drains, ditto. No improvements, things were allowed to deteriorate even further, there were accidents. This by the way was a yard used by the local College to teach "equine studies" lol.
 
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Bonkers2 said:
Not at all, its very difficult but I think you should tell the others that they should not put up with it, and if they won't do anything go to YO tell her what is going on, and you will be leaving.
In my experience, certain YO's don't care what is happening or how things are run as long as some money keeps coming in, it is just asking for trouble, but I don't think it will change.
I was at one yard where this sort of thing was going on, including massive fraud, they did not prosecute and then got another similar type in. The accounts were in a complete mess, the Agent did not give a damn, the place eventually closed, it could have been a well run and profitable yard if they did almost anything to make it decent. The replacement YM spent about an hour a day there, not every day, and main thing was to let her huge dogs cr@p every where, and get some cash in hand for sale of bedding, so she had wage, salary, profit and cash, and "worked" about 5 hours a week.
I was there two years and no money was spent on maintenance [I had no light in my stable and was not allowed to fix it, I had broken guttering, blocked drains, ditto. No improvements, things were allowed to deteriorate even further, there were accidents. This by the way was a yard used by the local College to teach "equine studies" lol.
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Sounds a lot like ours, I'm lucky my OH is so supportive and good at DIY hes forever fixing things for me!
 
I agree with skint 1 and bonkers 2 things are unlikely to change so it's a case of managing the situation or leaving.
 
Yeah, I think the nasty person is getting their power from being the one who turns out/brings in etc, take that away and that takes away the basis of her reign of nastiness
 
I was at a lovely yard for years and years but one day they recruited a new manager who was a total nightmare and made my life a total misery. I made a decision to buy myself a place for my horses and myself and we have never looked back. We do what we want to do when we want to do it - problem solved!
 
If she has been there a long time, then the YO isn't really going to take charge and change anything, whatever their agreement it clearly suits the YO....I think you need to stick together with the other liveries and find away to not involve her in anything like someone else said so that she doesn't start thinking she is the manager or telling everyone what to do...other than that I am afraid I think you will have to move and at that point I would make it clear to YO as to why...but you have to be careful that you aren't seen to "cause trouble" if you don't want to move and no one else dares to say anything.
 
glamourpuss said:
And this sort of attitude is how bullies thrive. Even if nothing changes & the OP has to end up moving she shouldn't 'put up & shut up' as this woman's behaviour is ruining her enjoyment of her hirse
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Really? I moved because of a total loony and it was the best thing i ever did. It took two years of other people reporting the insane things she did before she finally got kicked off. Meanwhile my life returned to its usual happy state and i enjoyed my life again. Some of us prefer to walk away from ********s for the sake of a quiet life, life is too short to spend two years sneaking round trying to avoid loonies in my opinion, and its an opinion i am perfectly entitled to.
 
luckyoldme said:
my life returned to its usual happy state and i enjoyed my life again. Some of us prefer to walk away from ********s for the sake of a quiet life, life is too short to spend two years sneaking round trying to avoid loonies in my opinion, and its an opinion i am perfectly entitled to.
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I so agree. Life is just too short to deal with people who adversely affect your life. Currently trying to avoid one particular 'mood hoover' on the yard - I've listened to the moaning, the bitching, the complaining but listening doesn't stop her so I've moved to avoiding her. You have to find a way to get these damaging people out of your life and sometimes that means moving.
 
Came up yard tonight to find that all of my grooming kit had been thrown around and the rug is left to dry for my mare had been thrown in a heap on the floor :(

Will make note and begin to document for yard owner. Whilst looking for a new yard.
 
baylover said:
Came up yard tonight to find that all of my grooming kit had been thrown around and the rug is left to dry for my mare had been thrown in a heap on the floor :(

Will make note and begin to document for yard owner. Whilst looking for a new yard.
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In the meantime to minimise upset to you keep things in your car or locked away at yard.
 
baylover said:
Came up yard tonight to find that all of my grooming kit had been thrown around and the rug is left to dry for my mare had been thrown in a heap on the floor :(

Will make note and begin to document for yard owner. Whilst looking for a new yard.
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Oh that is not on. Is there any way you can lock your things away from her?
 
Lock up your stuff. Don't let her do services for you, she will hold this over you. Speak to the others and ensure that you all speak to the YO.

Unfortunately, having been on yards where people thought they ran the place and the YO thought they were the bees' knees, it is unlikely that the YO will actually do anything. You might be better off leaving and if you can't, then you need to manage this person's behaviour by ignoring/staying out of her way. Even if you do this, she will probably continue to bad mouth you. Weigh up the pros and cons of staying: if it's worth it, you need to be a real hard ass and ignore her.
 
Hi Everyone,
Was wanting to keep you all up to date with this situation. Since posting this things got slightly better. It all came to blows and seems to have improved. I have been told that the woman who can only be described as a bully has been looking for somewhere else for her horse. It's fair to say everyone on the yard is slightly relieved!

Things have got worse before they got better. the inside of my riding hat was ripped and then rubbed in horse wee so is now unusable I have had haylage ripped.

If i'mn honest it got to the point where I felt like giving up my lovely horse altogether.

But things are hopefully looking up having spoken to the YO and she has promised to speak to said bully!

Any more tips would be appreciated
 
The Tank said:
Put up and shut up or move. I highly doubt anything will change any time soon.
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This ^^^^ unfortunately :( Easier said than done I appreciate that.
Personally if she was making my time with my horse miserable then I would seriously consider moving on, and letting the YO know exactly WHY I was doing so.

You get people like this in all walks of life :(

Just read the update, that's good, I hope things improve for you.
 
baylover said:
Hi Everyone,
Was wanting to keep you all up to date with this situation. Since posting this things got slightly better. It all came to blows and seems to have improved. I have been told that the woman who can only be described as a bully has been looking for somewhere else for her horse. It's fair to say everyone on the yard is slightly relieved!

Things have got worse before they got better. the inside of my riding hat was ripped and then rubbed in horse wee so is now unusable I have had haylage ripped.

If i'mn honest it got to the point where I felt like giving up my lovely horse altogether.

But things are hopefully looking up having spoken to the YO and she has promised to speak to said bully!

Any more tips would be appreciated
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That sucks. What an absolute troll. Do you have somewhere you can lock you stuff away? If not, I would be taking my stuff home with me until that piece of work has left. Or getting a heavy tool trunk and locking my stuff in there so she can't get at it. Is it just you who has had stuff damaged? Maybe invest in a security camera? There are some reasonable quality cheap cameras available that are quite discrete and can be accessed by your phone. That might make her think twice about being a malicious cow.

Hang in there xx
 
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