A moan. Long, petty and boring!

[Scheherezade]

Right, this is causing me to lose sleep (hence the time of posting!) so I need to get it out and have a good old moan. This is probably all my fault, but don't be too mean, please! Anyway it's long, so I doubt anyone will get to the bottom!

Ok, so I needed someone to ride my horse once/twice a week. A young lass was doing it, but her and my horse weren't really clicking, and one day I was moaning (yes, a favourite pastime of mine!) to a friend on the same yard as me. She offered to ride him, and it was agreed that I wasn't expecting her to pay, or to pay her for doing it. It was just a mutual beneficiary thing. If he was kept in and needed mucking out/etc then I gave her some money for that as a thank you, which she was happy with for the past 9 months.

Anyway, I had a holiday booked for a week, and as my horse lives out 24/7, I asked if she could keep an eye on him, and ride him if she could. She seemed very happy to do it, and I gave her £20 to say thanks. When she asked me how much I wanted him riding, I just said as often as she could, meaning it was up to her, even just one 20min lunge would be fine.

Maybe she misunderstood "as often as you can", because on the day of going away I rang her to ask when she was next getting the farrier so we could share the call-out fee. She said she didn't have time to shoe my horse that week, but I said he wasn't due for a couple of weeks anyway, I was just trying to finalise things in the diary before going away.

Anyway, she started suddenly laying into me (we've never had any fallout or disagreement over anything before) saying she felt I was taking advantage of her, that I was paying her less than minimum wage with the amount of time it takes to bring him in from the field, and she's busy at her mums work, plus her terminally ill uncle is dying (which I didn't know about).

I was a bit shocked, and said something around the lines of that I didn't know/want her to feel like that, that I just want an eye keeping on him really. He's lived out most his life without rugs or hard feed and is a good doer, so there's little to no maintenence involved. If she rides that's a bonus. And afterwards I text her to say that if she lets me know in advance that she can't do it so I can sort something else out because the day that I fly out isn't exactly enough time. I also said that I would give her some more money for if she rides any extra when I got back.

So now I'm back, she says she's ridden "3-4 times" (vague?!). So what do I do? She's un-invited me to the show we were going to together. Do I just give her some more money, if so how much? Or is it not a money issue? I've offered to see to her horses for her, but she goes up about 3/4 times a day, and doesn't want any help. Which explains why she's made me feel like an RSPCA case for going away for a week (it's to celebrate finishing university).

I just feel AWFUL, a bad owner and a bad friend, and a bad person in general. Which is daft, as it's petty, but that's just horsey women all over really.

I bought her a little gift (which cost £10) back.

Bah. Sorry this is so long, it's just keeping me awake and dreading going up to the yard. I'm sad, because I really do respect and like her, and I'm super grateful for all the help she's given. My OH just says that she offered in the first place for no money, she agreed RE: the holiday and it's probably just because of her family stresses. Which makes me feel like I'm being super insensitive, but as we're not close friends, just stable acquaintences I don't feel I can say or do anything supportive there.

I'm just really sensitive to criticism and HATE falling out with people.


Thanks.

 

[guido16]

Oh dear, not a good situaton. I can see it from both sides.

I have someone who checks my horses for me if I go away. She also rides a friends horse for her and charges £20 per hour (hacking) maybe you could offer her that amount?

I think she was probably offended when you gave her the £20. After all you would never find anyone else to look after horses for that amount for a week.

Maybe go up tomorrow and offer her £50 or so for the riding etc and give her the gift. Just explain that your sorry if you offended her and didnt realise about her Uncle etc

if she still lays into you then just walk away, nothing you can do.

Next time, if someone looks after your horse, ask them how much they expect, or ask if £10 per day (summertime) is ok with them.

Thats their opportunity to say yae or nae!

Dont worry to much about it, things always sort themselves out in the end.

Nowt as queer as us horsey folk!

 

[Scheherezade]

I know what you're saying, it's 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.

If he was kept in overnight then I'd pay her a lot more, but as it's just a matter of looking at the field, checking he still has 4 legs attached then I (and the OH) thought it would be silly to be paying £40-odd which is more than DIY livery. There really isn't any 'looking after' involved, as it's only a week and before we got him he was just kept out 24/7 practically wild.

I asked her how much she wanted and she just shrugged her shoulders, so I had a £20 on me I handed her that.

I bumped into her today and nothing was mentioned, if anything she was back to her normal self. But tomorrow I'll give her some more, if only to make the peace. I won't be needing him ridden/checked on again until we move away (in 5 weeks) so luckily it shouldn't be an issue.

When she first agreed to ride mind, it was clear that she wasn't be paid, and wasn't expecting to. SHE was the one who offered.

Yes, that's a good idea I think. Thanks - and well done for reading!

 

[guido16]

Its always a tricky one, I know what you mena by, its just a leg check she has to do, but what if the vet was needed? Would that be up to her to sort out?

Anyhoo, its all done now, at least she was ok with you today.

I have a few close horsey friends but I tend to pay the girl I mentioned above, to look after my lot when (rarely) I go away.

Just saves any chance of friends feeling used and they do the same.

Yup, stand by my original statement, nowt as queer as horsey folk! lol

Hope you had a good holiday!

 

[touchstone]

To me it sounds as if she's over committed herself and has realised that it is just a bit too much with the other things that are going on in her life right now. I can understand as I did pretty much the same thing with one of my neighbours, she worked full time so I agreed to bring them in when I could and exercise them. It became a real chore as she began piling things on, wanting them bringing them in at a specific (inconvenient to me) time, picking out feet and oiling when not ridden, mucking out, changing rugs, being there for the vet, etc etc. All things she could have done later. Plus I was not getting paid and have my BHSAI, so I was a bit daft really, but wanted to help her out. It vame to the point that I couldn't do my own jobs as I was busy doing hers

I'm not saying that this is what you've been like with your friend at all, but I do understand how pressures can build up so easily, and it's probably all come to a head with your friend. The key is good communication, so make sure that everything including the care, exercise and any payment is discussed fully beforehand and you are both happy with the arrangement. I still look after friends horses for free when needed as a favour, but I only do the basics.