A question for dog behaviour experts - please help me

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Ditto

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In March my husband passed away and my sister came to live with me. I have 2 dogs - they were very attached to my husband, would sit on the sofa with him whenever he was home and slept close to him. Both dogs have now attached themselves to my sister, follow her around, always sit with her and always want to sleep in her room - they don't dislike me but would just rather be with her. This is upsetting me as I feel that I have lost the dogs as well as my husband - I guess I feel rejected although I also recognise this as an irrational thought (grief screws up your head a bit) and I know I shouldn't humanise the dogs behaviour. She keeps saying it's not the case and tries to force the dogs to be with me - but you can't force them can you.

I thought that if someone could explain what makes a dog choose someone as their leader and why they have transferred from my husband to my sister instead of to me then maybe I could come to terms with it and let it go. I feel so stupid being upset by this small thing and I don't want to upset my sister because she hasn't done anything wrong.

Can anyone help me find the answer?

Thanks for reading
 
I can't help with the answer but just wanted to say you shouldn't feel stupid being upset about the dog's behaviour, it's entirely understandable that you are.
 
Sorry to hear about your loss x I'm not a dog expert but my first thought is that your dogs have, with you and your husband, already settled into what your roles are (not negatively just different). your role has remained steady for them the missing role is your husbands so they are looking to your sister for that? I hope that makes sense, you are already in place and have a solid foundation for them.
Do you feed them and train them? I find that brain training individually helps me with mine
 
I would very tentatively suggest that after such an awful recent loss, with all the emotional upheaval, that perhaps your dogs have gone with the person who is the least tense or stressed purely for the stability of everyday life.

This is obviously absolutely not your fault and just due to circumstance, but it might be a tiny bit of comfort to think that they have managed to feel settled temporarily with someone rather than being always restless and unable to relax without their 'person'

I'm sure it will be fine in time- my Dad died last year at what was already a very stressful time, and I had to be super strict with the dogs routine/normal stuff as he was clearly happier that way. It really helped that walks were just him and me and no other thoughts or worries other than I was happy to be out for a good long amble in the country.
 
Dogs tend to gravitate to whoever does their daily care - do you feed and walk them for example? Do you train them at all, ask for a sit or a down before they get their feed? If that was your husbands role, and some of it has been taken on by his sister, that's who they will look to - basically, whoever is in control of their environment. Perhaps look at that and then just give it time.
 
So sorry to hear your sad news and nothing wrong with how your feeling at all!
My 'tribe' of dogs totally abandon me when my mother comes to stay - she does far less for them that I ever do, I still feed, walk, care and tell them off when naughty, but they think it is a novelty when she comes as she gives them treats and rarely every disciplines them so they run rings around her as she is so soft with them.

I feel the same as you feeling like you do everything but they ignore that fact but remember they do not and will never ever think like a human so will never see what they are doing or acting.
It could be as said, that your sister has almost stepped into your husbands place in the household hierarchy or even established her new place, it could still be a novelty for her to be living there, that they sense your loss and your sister is more of a calming nature.

Really sorry but there is no 'quick-fix'. How about taking them out on your own for walks and having 'your time' with them without your sister being present? Give them quality fun and dedicated time? Take them for a run in the car or down the park with treats of course ;)
Hope this is of some help
 
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