A sad dilemma

Supertrooper

Supertrooper

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Two years ago my friend bought a shire x cob. He is a lovely horse but he is not easy to handle on the ground and as he has become fitter he has got worse.

She could cope but her health has deteriorated and she said to me today that's she's not sure she can cope with him anymore.

I share him but I'm limited due to work commitments with how much I can do. I wish I could do more but to be honest he's knocking my confidence on the ground also. He weighs 800kg and is alot to deal with when he's playing up.

First off we are going to seek some behavioural help but we did broach the subject today about whether we are truly the right home for him. I do wonder if he is bored and needs more, he adores jumping but I'm not confident :-(

It's so hard, we've always had our horses for life and it feels like we are giving up on him if we did rehome him. Certainly we wouldn't rush into anything and we'd make sure he had the best home if that's what we go for....

I totally understand how my friend feels, she's my best friend and we've kept horses together for over 10yrs. I want her to be enjoying it, not worrying about simple things like bringing him in from field or grooming him!

Not really sure why I'm posting this TBH, just don't know what to do for best!
 
I think from your post you do know what's best. I can imagine how difficult it is but really its not your fault if you have to give this horse up. Your friends health issues obviously have a huge impact on her enjoyment of horses and if he's scaring you too then it might be worth selling to someone who is more confident. That way you and your friend can find a horse that is suited to your needs now. Xx
 
Try to think of it like this; re-homing him with experience with shires who has got the confidence and physical ability/strength to deal with him and bring out his full potential would probably improve his quality of life :) he might end up a happier chappie if he's being worked to his full ability!

Perhaps you could insist on a long LWVTB to ensure he ends up in the right hands? Or loan him out indefinatley so you can always have him back if the home doesn't work out?

Hugs for you :( xxxx
 
Either get someone to help you on the ground or sell him .
He sounds like he might make a great wieght carrying hunter there are lots of homes where these issues don't matter and one person big issue is another's oh that's no problem we just deal with it.
A busier life might really help these problems to.
 
I'm sorry to hear this. I usually follow your posts, as I've had 4 heavy horses - all mares.
They can be VERY naughty and definitely need confident handling, so I think your idea of getting help from a behaviourist is a good one. Our first one came from a RS and was a perfect novice ride but she was a nightmare for a novice on the ground. Sister swapped with her novice, rugby-player OH when bringing in, as the mare would charge across the yard, wipe the handler off on the door -frame and race into the stable. Sis weighed about 1/2 of what OH did but the mare knew straight away that she would brook no argument and never even threatened to put a foot wrong. I do hope you get it sorted out but if not, I'm sure you'll find him a good home.
 
Thank you all, especially P who has always given advice about him.

He is so lovely but he definately knows when you're not feeling 110%, even with a control head collar he'll take off and because my friends now got arthritis in her hands she can't hold him and it's incredibly painful if he yanks her :-(

I'm so proud of what we've achieved with him but he's a fit, strong horse now and he knows it!

My friend was so upset today saying that she's letting everyone down but I will 100% support her whatever she decides to do as at the moment it's no pleasure for her, she can't handle him without one of us being there.
 
I was also thinking he might make a great horse for a larger gent to take out hunting.

Definately get some help with him on the ground - this would be valuable even if he was to be sold. Although my Friesian mare is only 16hh, she is very tall and extremely muscular. She was extremely pushy when I first had her, but with a dually halter and some good instruction on ground manners she only took about 2 weeks to become much more manageable.

My personal opinion is that a horse that can play you up and push you around is not a happy horse. They are much more relaxed when they know that you are in charge.

Kelly Mark's Perfect Manners is definately worth a read. But it is useful for someone experienced to help you put it into action.

Paula
 
I agree with sophiebailey, you'll possibly find someone who is his dream partner and can do loads with him that keeps him happy and entertained! That would be lovely for all of you, and as he is a weight carrier, there are probably a lot of options. He might even like to drive!

I would definitely try getting some help first as you sound like lovely owners who would feel guilty if you didn't try (not that you should). But if it doesn't work, this boy should have lots of options and I'm sure you will find the right one for you and for him. Good luck!
 
This horse sounds like he's a big lad who knows his strength and TBH is only going to try pushing the boundaries even more. The problem is with big horses like this is that they do know they can get away with stuff - not anyone's fault - its just that they're so big and strong and they do use that against being corrected often, and that's when the thing can get nasty.

There WILL be someone out there for whom this horse is right; as others have suggested there may well be a gent who'd love to hunt him, or a, shall we say, well-proportioned lady, who'd enjoy him and love him to bits.
 
He does know all the tricks, that's for sure!

Thanks for all your replies, you've made me feel a little better. I don't think my friend will do anything till spring, he'll be out over winter and won't be ridden so handling won't be an issue and we'll definately be looking at getting help with the handling just so we know we've tried everything first.

We definately have options, he is very good at dressage and excels at lateral work. The more you give him to do the better he is, We are also going to approach a mutual friend who's been riding him occasionally to see if she'd like him on loan, she isn't bothered by his behaviour and they get on well. I'm not sure if she will be interested but definately worth an ask xx
 
That's interesting. If he will do dressage and lateral work under saddle, he should be able to do it on the ground (i.e. put his feet exactly where asked and move over at the lightest touch). When you are on a horse you have no more control than when on the ground - he just thinks you do. So he should be quite easy to teach some ground manners.

Paula
 
Thanks for that paula, he is amazing at his lateral work :-). I've heard back from IH lady and she can come next wednesday, just waiting to hear if that's ok with friend and if it is we'll book her. I would hate for him to go and if we could solve the issue on the ground I think my friend would keep him xx
 
If you want to keep him what about getting a third sharer to take your friends place, once the ground work has been sorted out? If your friend isn't handling him much then he won't be getting away with stuff all the time, so between you and the new person he could be kept in line and will hopefully be better behaved on the occasions your friend does handle him. Then your friend could use the sharers money from the shire to get herself a quieter share horse maybe. Also is there anything stronger your friend could lead him in? If she has no strength in her hands it may help to have something on his head where she only needs a very light touch to get a response from him.
 
Supertrooper said:
Thanks for that paula, he is amazing at his lateral work :-). I've heard back from IH lady and she can come next wednesday, just waiting to hear if that's ok with friend and if it is we'll book her. I would hate for him to go and if we could solve the issue on the ground I think my friend would keep him xx
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I'm sure it's possible, he sounds like a nice horse and, to be honest, she could just end up with different problems with another horse. Fingers crossed for the IH lady.

Paula
 
If you are thinking of getting another, maybe you could think of advertising for a swap? maybe there is someone with the sort you want but needs the sort you have if you see what I mean? Also you could try giving yours a herbal calmer in the mean time. It might help chill him out a bit.
 
If you don't mind me asking, what is the behavioural problem? Could it be something that for example is triggered by pain which only occurs when in a headcollar?
 
It sounds like you already know the answer. Horses are supposed to be fun.

If you advertise well you can find him a new perfect owner who will be able to cope with him.

This year I bought a 4 yr old cob from a family who had bought her for their 12 yr old daughter. The daughter, mum and pony were all really unhappy. When I picked the pony up, they were both devastated as they loved her but it just wasn't the right match. 8 months on, they are very happy with a new horse and I have an absolute perfect pony for me.

The right partnership is so important. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. :)
 
When I had a horse that was scaring me an instructor said to me.Out there is the perfect home for him and out there is the perfect horse for you! I was broken hearted but knew I had to sell.She was absolutely right.The selling livery found the perfect home for him and I found the perfect horse for me.All of us much happier.
 
Good luck with your decision. Just thinking though that if you were considering a sale as a heavy hunter, then you need to be putting your advert out now, not waiting for Spring. Maybe approach your local hunt, see if they know anyone who's looking?
 
We don't think he'd be up to being a hunter as he's had a previous tendon injury but he'd certainly be capable of doing some light jumping and things like pleasure rides.

If I had more time I'd have him but I don't have the time to commit to him, anymore than I am doing.

Had another chat with friend and TBH we know what the answer is. We are still going ahead with IH lady as it will all help his future prospects and then we'll start asking around to see if we can find anyone by word of mouth first.

In the meantime he'll stop with us.

Thanks xx
 
Well there's a couple of issues really, the main one is that my best friends health has deteriorated and she is not as strong or physically as well as when she got him. She hides a lot of it from me but I know she's struggling.

He is very strong (800kg) and he has learnt that he can play up. He wasn't great when we had him but at that stage my friend was stronger and could deal with him. As he's got fitter he's got more difficult on the ground, mainly with leading in the respect that he'll pull the lead rope out of your hand and bog off but there are other things also. We all think he needs more work than we can offer him now and it's no fun for my friend to have a horse that she doesn't enjoy xx
 
It's nice to give a horse a home for life.
But if situations change and owner and rider want different things then its not a sin to find a horse a new home.

Take your time, vet homes.
When you fine the perfect home horse and owner will be much happier.
 
Just an update, we have found someone through word of mouth who is interested and is coming to see him on Sunday. He's recently lost his horse and isn't bothered about the ground issues so we'll see.
 
Hope things go well. He may have been the right horse previously for your friend, but I see no shame in saying that things have changed & you can't meet his needs anymore. He may well have more fun in another home (this isn't being rude, but another rider may be able to do more of what he enjoys). The circumstances have changed, do your best by him by finding him sonmewhere he can love life & be loved. Then look for another horse who is more suitable to your friends needs. That way the lad will be in the best place, & you can provide a loving home for another horse. Two horses will be better off, that can't be wrong.
 
MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
This horse sounds like he's a big lad who knows his strength and TBH is only going to try pushing the boundaries even more. The problem is with big horses like this is that they do know they can get away with stuff - not anyone's fault - its just that they're so big and strong and they do use that against being corrected often, and that's when the thing can get nasty.

There WILL be someone out there for whom this horse is right; as others have suggested there may well be a gent who'd love to hunt him, or a, shall we say, well-proportioned lady, who'd enjoy him and love him to bits.
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This.

And get a horse you can enjoy. Sounds to me like he'll be fine (and much happier) in the right hands.
 
I just wanted to give everyone an update, we had a lovely couple come out today to see him with a view to taking him on long term loan.

They loved him, he'll be for the man to mainly hack, with some other bits and bobs thrown in.

We are going to see the yard where he'll be going next weekend and are going to prepare a loan agreement this week.

I know he'll be happy but I've got mixed emotions at the moment :-(

Thank you so much for all your advice and support xx
 
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