A sad soul - needing direction

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seche

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Well, having tried as many options with my horse as feasibly possible, the slowly slowly approach, sending him off to a pro, educating him from a 4yr old - he is now 8... and his last 3 BE record reads E R E at Pre Nov level.

Having taken him to Rodbaston yesterday done a decent test - two marks behind Jeanette Brakewell and two marks in front of Laura Collett. He warmed up really nicely for the SJ and jumped the 1st two really convincingly and then slammed the breaks on 3x... the Bell rang and my heart sank - he has always been a bit of a cowardly lion XC but I thought we had got round that one.. and now the SJing seems to have gone horribly wrong too.

I have always adored eventing, and it really really pains me to have have to raise my hand and admit defeat, because he is now my only horse this makes it all the more bitter pill to swallow.

I know horses are sent to try us but they are also ment to be a fun hobby, I just feel despondant that he shows (at home) excellence and promise, scope, an engine, a brain (sadly!) and talent (everything an eventer needs!) yet we asked to compete at a level he is SO caperable of doing he just wont..

One a plus note at least he also does it with two **** event riders, as well as to me.
He is still breathing and has four sound legs.
Is nice to hunt.
Does a nice dressage (the route I now need to take as its what he likes best) Or do I cut my losses, sell and move on????
 
Terrible situation and a hearbraking decision (that I'm sure a lot of us have had to make in one way or another). If your heart lies in eventing then selling him may be the best way forward.

If he doesn't love it then he will probably always struggle. You might get things sorted out at PN but his lack of bold-ness will come back when you try to go up a level (or when you are faced with a stiff course in foul conditions).

He would probably be far happier with someone who wants to do dressage or hunting. Find someone who will love him for what he is (not get frustrated with what he isn't) and move on.

It is a decision you have to make for yourself - a very difficult thing to do. Try not to view it as defeat - horses for courses and all that - he sounds like he just isn't cut out to be an eventer (the same as I'm not cut out to be an international supermodel!).
 
There was a very interesting bit in a few H&Hs ago, about people and horses who used to event, but who turned to dressage... one of them was about a horse, who just wasn't cut out for it, but was now winning and doing very well climbing up the levels dressage!!!
He obviously does a very smart test do be up there in that sort of company..
So either you go the dressage route with him, or you sell him to someone else who'd like to go the dressage route with him
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You have to make a decision on what you enjoy doing.

I have one who I will probably de-register BSJA as in over 20 outings has won a grand total of £10 this year. His heart isn't in it.

However he is a nice horse and is a pleasure to load and ride. So now I am umming and ahhing about keeping him and pottering around doing riding club, or whether as he is 10 (homebred) he ought to go off to someone who would like a sane little horse, that likes dressage, but isn't careful enough sj'ing (and starts to wus out once jumps are above 1.10m)
 
Sell him as a dressage horse, there are plenty of people out there who don't want to jump and would love a horse who will do as good a test as that, and who will adore him for what he can do, not be frustrated because of what he can't/won't do.
I retired my homebred eventer because she wouldn't stand up to eventing any more, and found an amazing home for her as a dressage schoolmistress, she has been so appreciated and adored there. there really are people out there who will look after him really well and then you can follow your heart.
I know it is very difficult and upsetting, but your dreams are very important too!
 
I am lucky to have a lovely TB Mare. I got her because she was too chicken to go Novice eventing. The people who owned her were very disappointed because they considered her to be "the perfect pattern for a 3-day horse". She was good at pre-novice, but despite their best efforts, she is just not brave enough to attack the fences.

You say your horse has a brain, he knows full well that XC comes after the SJ, and he is already going backwards. For the safety of you and him, you ought to find him a new career. It is not defeat, it is being sensible.
 
Or I change my sails and go down the dressage route?
(who ever would have thought?!?!) I love the horse, and although its frustrating beyond words I have perhaps conveyed it in a more negative light than needs be due to this only happened yesterday and Im still perhaps alittle sad...

After all he is a horse who found me (in NZ) and it was no mean feat to bring him home either - he is like a dog for company - virtually human.. and after all he was bred as a polo pony so in hindsight I should look at it that its a gift hes given me this much so far and who am I, to be pushing him?

I think I will have to take a step back from the eventing scene and just go back to the basics of enjoying horsing about again, I love my horse more than competing (again cant believe ive just said it as am prob one of the most competitive persons I know!) Hunting and BD and perhaps come the spring something might have changed, and if not ive a companion for life
 
if you love him that much, change your dreams to suit him, i know someone who did this and had a great time, went a long way dressaging her former eventer. i thought i'd never sell my girl, but the first time i schooled her after the vets' diagnosis i thought about all the hours and hours i'd spent happily schooling, always with Badminton etc eventually in mind, and the disappointment just made me sit there and sob. I literally couldn't bring myself to school her any more, it seemed pointless. but if you're not pathetic like me, you'll be fine with it!
he sounds a lovely chap, he's obviously trying to tell you something, and smart enough to tell you early that he's not loving it, not waiting until he's half way round a big track before bottling it, which would be far worse obviously.
 
Poor you T_R, I really feel for you. At least you have done all the sensible things in getting other people to ride him etc so you know it is that he REALLY doesn't want to do it
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No-one can make the decision for you, you have put all the arguments very succinctly yourself. He sounds gorgeous and I'd be torn too. I would (as I think someone else has said) give yourself the winter doing dressage and maybe SJ if he fancies it, then see how you feel. If you've enjoyed it and feel fulfilled, that will be a platform for the future. If you are bored and frustrated that may help you make up your mind, plus he will be more saleable in the dressage market with a winter's form behind him.
 
I know exactly how you feel. I made the heartbreaking decision to give up on my loan eventer and sent him back to his owner's last week. I've had him for 4 and half years since he was backed and for the first 2 he was so genuine and fantastic and was happy jumping Novice courses. Then he had over a year off with a tendon injury and wasn't the same horse and now won't even jump Intro
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I brought him back into work last May and all was going well until November when he started stressing out doing dressage so I had back, teeth etc checked and all was fine. I persevered through the winter and he started jumping again well but by March he started stopping so I had the physio out and he had sore muscles so we got that sorted and he was jumping much better again and I started to feel there was light at the end of the tunnel after he flew round Berrington PN in early August.

But at Solihull in mid August he really didn't want to go XC and ended up clambering over one jump after which I retired. I took him schooling which went well then went off to Draycott where yet again he didn't want to know XC. By this time I was starting to wonder whether I should give up but I had put so much time and effort into him I didn't feel I could.

So we had an easy couple of weeks then went BSJA where he refused to jump SJ. By this time my confidence had hit rock bottom so I got a professional to ride him at the BSJA venue the next day but he wouldn't even jump a 2'9 cross with her! This was the turning point as I realised it wasn't me but that he just didn't want to jump.

I work full time and haven't got time or facilities to take him back to basics so I decided to send him back. It's the hardest decision I've ever had to make and I'm still very emotional about it now and the yard seems so empty without him here but in time I'm sure I'll realise it was the right decision. I think my decision was slightly easier as I didn't own him but yours won't be easy either.

My other horse is off work injured for 12-18 months so I haven't got anything to ride and I'm going to have a break over the winter and see how I feel in the spring and possibly buy another then.

I'm sorry for the long waffle but I'm not very good at short and concise!
 
Yup the whole works was done and checked out before he went away to summer school - naturally I wanted to rule all the *possibilities* out - & was passed with a perfectly clean bill of health.
 
I know how you are feeling, I spent 5 years trying to event my boy, he would jump anything at home but just couldn't do it in competition and would slam on the brakes showjumping even when we were on a perfect stride. Some days he would give me a lovely clear but more often than not it would end in elimination. My instructor also tried and eventually said to me that he thought we had to give up. At first I didn't want to sell but my heart was in eventing. So I sold him to a lovely lady that just hacks and does some dressage. I am in touch with his new owner so I get to hear what he is up to but it was a heartbraking thing to do. I think he is happier for it though. I now have bought another horse who is an absolute angel and very honest, I am very happy with him.
 
Been there, cried the tears and sold the horse.

My old mare didn't just not want to event, she didn't want to be ridden either (making the decision somewhat easier!), and when she went over backwards for the 3rd time with me then went vertical every time I put my leg on I chucked her in a field (couldn't bear to look at her it was so heartbreaking) and decided what to do next. It just so happened that my super-duper horse who I have now turned up on the yard to be schooled and sold, I rode him for a weekend and that was the decision made - I sold her for meat money to another forum member to be used as a broodmare and bought the horse I have now. I spent a fortune on workups for her too - nothing.

It took me time to bond with the new horse as I adored her, and TBH wasn't that fussed about him as a personality, but I just thought I'd appreciate him for what he was (willing and a super jumping horse) and see what happened. Now I adore him too, have amazing fun eventing him - and in fact amazing fun whenever I take him anywhere and do anything with him, he's brilliant.

So what I am trying to say is that for me, the decision was the hardest one I've ever made, I didn't bond with the new horse terribly quickly, but I am so, so glad I made that decision and didn't give up riding and have her as a pet, but followed my dream to event instead - if you'd asked me 3 years ago when I bought him if we'd have made it to novice in 2 seasons (horse and rider never evented before), I'd have laughed, so by making that decision I have had some of the best fun on a horse I have ever known. For me, loving the horse just wasn't enough to make me change what I did with horses. Only you can decide if it works for you or not - good luck. xx
 
Me and my horse were rubbish for about 3 years - couldnt get round an xc course clear, but have since improved - she now bounces out of the start box and loves it much more and we have now been 1st, 2nd, 4th etc at pn level....
 
I'd wait a little bit. If he's such a good hunter spend the winter having fun and hunting his socks off. Combine this with BD and you'll soon have an idea whether you can bear to BD for the forseeable future (the novelty could wear off
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....).

Then come spring when we're all getting excited about the 2009 BE season on here see how you feel to be left out. If you can't bear it sell him and buy an eventer. If you can hold your head up and honestly say 'that BD stuff is definitely what I'd rather be doing' then keep him and buy some fluffy over-reach boots!
 
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If you can hold your head up and honestly say 'that BD stuff is definitely what I'd rather be doing' then keep him and buy some fluffy over-reach boots!

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But over-reach boots, fluffy or not are not allowed in BD????
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You can't warm up without them though!
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Sorry, it was a facetious comment intended to lift the mood a little after the previous serious advice. I should stick to one or the other to avoid confusion!
 
I think im on the same lines as you GB - Hunt his socks off, and dressage.. (awful thing to admit but I enjoyed his test yesterday even though I went in straight after Jeanette and Miss Collett (!!!!) I went in the attitude of they ride least 5 horses a DAY I ride 2x a week (for the time being!)... I deserve to be here, and my horse (the one in my sig) is just as nice as theirs *not that he reared and shot sideways like LC's did* but all the same..)

I will have to ween myself off here come spring as it will turn me into a green eyed monster when you all start planning; but im lucky to have a horse at all, let alone one that is sane for my half broken Mum to ride, etc etc etc

Who knows perhaps his brain is just abit fried and he has had enough perhaps I will do a 1/2 season and our platteaux will be Intro and no higher.

I have thought for a long time that if im only riding as infrequently as I am currently (due to work in order to fund horse) then I shouldnt out of principle ever go higher than PN..
In the mean time im going to give this dressage lark a go, dont disown me you lot; as Im a thrill seeker at heart!!! Thank you for all your advise - if I were a harder person id prob think F#k it and sell him on but I dont have a yard full anymore and id be hard pushed to replace him... and god only knows what i would be able to sell him as!!!!!
Plus you can all laugh at my competition posts ......
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Ohhh I know only so well how you feel- I was in exactly the same position as you not long ago!

I sold Owen because he just wasnt going to cut it on the XC of the eventing- he was the look before we leap kind of horse, and on my last 2 runs with him he was leading after the dressage and showjumping only to be elim XC because he simply refused to walk into a simple water jump or pop down a tiny step...

Boy I loved that horse so, so much and like yours he was just virtually human, you could stand there and talk to him for hours and he would understand everything you said. But the desire to go eventing was greater than the love of the horse am afraid
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So I sold him...and cried buckets and buckets the day I went to say good bye to him.

The replacer horse is much more suitable for eventing and although I wasnt all that close to him to begin with, and he totally annoyed me most of the time, now I really like him and he is turning into a very much a human and cuddly boy as well, this is 9 months down the line, so am not missing Owen half as much now!

My point is, follow your dreams, you only have one life-You would find a lovely home for your boy, and who knows you may have another horse that you are similarly fond off that at least does the job you want to do!
 
Remember you won at Sapey a couple of weeks ago,so you and he can do it. Perhaps you have tried too hard and he has got confused with lots of different riders, why not keep him to yourself a bit, go back a level and enjoy it together. Better to win at Intro and RC than beat yourself up over doing pre novice!
Good luck what ever you decide.
 
Thanks Blue - thats v true he did - and did it for me (couldnt believe it at the time although it was jsut a hunter trial and a course he knows too)!
I think im going to give him a rest and fun and your right its far better to be competative at intro than do badly at PN - though im old ish fashioned for my years and think that Intro although it serves a purpose is for baby babys and begginers but perhaps I just have get over than one and join them.
He has be shoved slightly pillar to post this season, after all he is ridden by Rosie, Me, Mum, Jonty and whoever else at his yard so he could be a confused fellow - after all he is abit sensitive. will see what some rest/relax and fun does for him with out being jump schooled within an inch of his life (which is of course the other route we could take?!!!)Though I dont think this would achieve much right now.
 
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