A very different kind of RAWRRR!!

"Sadly, Dr. Spag has a) questionable fashion sense b) the biggest glasses in the history of opticians and c) he looks like a bottle. He has no definition between head and neck. It's like talking to a bottle of wine with glasses and a shapeless jumper on...

But I do love him. He reads me stories and tells me how horrific I look....and also brings chocolate mousse. Never a bad thing."


Oh no - does anyone else see the possibility of a Lurrve Trilemma here? My own Dr Linguini has NEVER proffered literary amusement and tasty chocolate goo-iness. More of a 'take paracetamol and call me if your arm's still hanging off tomorrow' bedside manner. Epic humph. Would LIKE to think 'geeky Ross and lush (almost madlesbiany but in a 90's 'ooh didn't we look funny' way) Rachel off of that Friends' scenario for you with Dr Spag .... but sadly being realistic. You hit on THE OUTFIT, FF sees sense, you swan over in a glamorously-swanning swan fashion, step on frozen Great Dane flob and Dr Spag needs to be called. Said Dr Spag will witness 'I quite like you and would like to indulge in some casual face licking' on the morags (purely in the course of his diligent mousse-providing medical services, I'm sure) and will assume that your message was for .... ?!
 
Oh my goodness... I fall asleep at the kitchen table for a mere two hours, and wake up to find a squillion replies! Hello little ones... cor blimes... RIGHT:

What disaster Angua? Can I help from my bed of blood and vom? He's currently rather tied up with trying to remind my youngster that he ISN'T a mustang and is in fact a super duper eventer...or something like that....

Yes, puffy neck wobbly blood streaming vom spewing disaster that is my life is all caused by the hair dye... I have until at least February on the drugs that cause the crappy side effects, and then am stuck with all sorts of balls and rubbish for life as a result...moral of the story - shave your head, or wear a hat.

Kincade bridles - now, I'm normally an Albion addict, and have a couple of beautiful old Stubben bridles lurking in the tack room too, but these are for exercise tack and riding school tack, so need to be rather cheap and cheerful and not matter if they get a bit trashed. SO, continue searching please you moragulous sex pots!


For some reason the term "sex pot" just made me think of those horrendous stock pot things, which contain my one true phobia. I have a VERY REAL phobia of the jelly that happens under chickens when you leave them in the fridge. Stock pots are my phobia, contained in a fun-sized cheeky little red pot, which lures you into a false sense of security. They make you think they contain liquid, and then they blob JELLY all over the shop and I have to have a little cry and a big melt down and do madhands....

Sadly I cannot wear what I would wear on a night out when the FF comes for breakfast. I don't think killer heels and a cracking moragulous dress are entirely apropriate for restraining a 17.2hh 3yr old skewbald tit whilst he's throwing himself around the yard like a whirling pile of idiocy. I do, however have ANOTHER plan...one which involves a very swanky yard opening type affair with canapes and champagne. Ed has agreed to let me laugh like a drain and be all dazzling with him in front of FF at said event, so that FF explodes with jealousy and comes to feed me canapes and tell me I'm beautiful.

Darling Ed is one of the best pals, and I'm not entirely sure why he was wearing my pink socks. The socks were an improvement on the flowery dress and lipstick he was sporting last week to try and cheer me up though, so I'm not going to complain! It is VERY alarming seeing a military man with arms and a chest the size of Africa prancing around in a cocktail dress!

I'm an evil genius, I know...


And FINALLY:

My horsies are all coping very well with the snow and general rubbishness of the weather right now. The only one in is his royal Royness, who thinks that being in is actually complete crap, but is happy when he realises that he's got his heat lamp on and is getting more food than everyone else....

And my darling wonderful groom is basically just taking Kai in hand and reminding him of his manners. He'd gone a tad feral due to having to be chucked out and forgotten during all this hair dye fiasco, and has gotten into the habit of barging and generally throwing himself around like a knob! He's also doing a bit of lunging and long reining etc. to bring him back into work and build up some muscle in the right places.... phwoar....
 
Beezer said:
"Sadly, Dr. Spag has a) questionable fashion sense b) the biggest glasses in the history of opticians and c) he looks like a bottle. He has no definition between head and neck. It's like talking to a bottle of wine with glasses and a shapeless jumper on...

But I do love him. He reads me stories and tells me how horrific I look....and also brings chocolate mousse. Never a bad thing."


Oh no - does anyone else see the possibility of a Lurrve Trilemma here? My own Dr Linguini has NEVER proffered literary amusement and tasty chocolate goo-iness. More of a 'take paracetamol and call me if your arm's still hanging off tomorrow' bedside manner. Epic humph. Would LIKE to think 'geeky Ross and lush (almost madlesbiany but in a 90's 'ooh didn't we look funny' way) Rachel off of that Friends' scenario for you with Dr Spag .... but sadly being realistic. You hit on THE OUTFIT, FF sees sense, you swan over in a glamorously-swanning swan fashion, step on frozen Great Dane flob and Dr Spag needs to be called. Said Dr Spag will witness 'I quite like you and would like to indulge in some casual face licking' on the morags (purely in the course of his diligent mousse-providing medical services, I'm sure) and will assume that your message was for .... ?!
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Oh ****....

Re-think........

"I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO DO CASUAL FACE LICKING WITH YOU PLEASE FF!!!"

(This is not for you Dr. Spag, I love you, but in a Spaggy way, not a face licky way)
 
May need planning permission for those morags hon, if you're intending to get all that scribbled on there!

On the plus-side, been thinking .... this would require you to do upside-down back-to-front writing on the old M's and a helpful pair of hands could be useful? As he's been kindly provided with brekkie then surely it would be Bad Manners to refuse an enfeebled host. Just make sure the sentence finishes with 'FF'! (Okay, so poss not the most subtle of plans .... )
 
Beezer said:
May need planning permission for those morags hon, if you're intending to get all that scribbled on there!

On the plus-side, been thinking .... this would require you to do upside-down back-to-front writing on the old M's and a helpful pair of hands could be useful? As he's been kindly provided with brekkie then surely it would be Bad Manners to refuse an enfeebled host. Just make sure the sentence finishes with 'FF'! (Okay, so poss not the most subtle of plans .... )
Click to expand...


You're far to sneaky for your own good,

I love it....
 
Second 'Think of the Day' .... leave Morags unattributed to anyone. Then Dr Spag and FF will BOTH assume the compliment is theirs and both will have to whip their shirts off and fight it out over you in the yard Jerry Springer style. You may want to 'pretend-faint and squint through one eye' at this point.

*Disclaimer: I had my first week off work in years and came across the stunning Jerry ouevre quite randomly in a 'wow, this is what a sofa and daytime TV is like' kind of way. It has never happened since. Although it was kind of fun .... *
 
Disclaimer completely unnecessary. I watched the presenters of This Morning die a little death the other day.

I tuned in just as one of them said

"I do like a nice creamy rim".


Holly Willoughby went the colour of a very red red thing, and choked on a mince pie.

I LOVE daytime TV.
 
*Splurts half-chewed Reversy-Percy over screen*
Classic. Potty-mouthed Philip Schofield. And now, to keep you occupied in your 'we insist you rest' enforced bed-ness - you can watch 'Cash in the Bargain Attic in the Sun Car Booty Challenge Real Deal' and let us all know how many times the same piece of junk appears on each ....

Need to go up the wooden hills now as I'm supposed to be on the OMG o'clock to London from snow-swamped Ooop North and will need to dig my way to the East Coast mainline beforehand. Look after yourself because you do have a much-loved propensity to bring on the coffee-snort/guffaw combination. Usually at the most inappropriate moments!
 
Starzaan said:
Sadly I cannot wear what I would wear on a night out when the FF comes for breakfast. I don't think killer heels and a cracking moragulous dress are entirely apropriate for restraining a 17.2hh 3yr old skewbald tit whilst he's throwing himself around the yard like a whirling pile of idiocy. I do, however have ANOTHER plan...one which involves a very swanky yard opening type affair with canapes and champagne. Ed has agreed to let me laugh like a drain and be all dazzling with him in front of FF at said event, so that FF explodes with jealousy and comes to feed me canapes and tell me I'm beautiful.

.
Click to expand...

Starzaan, my darling little moragulous one. Might I remind you that restraining the 17.2hh tit is a job for the groom? You are supposed to look pale and interesting, not threaten imminent collapse and a bloody nose by imitating a whirling dervish under the influence of delish druggies. Make sure FF realises how sick you are and how close we all came to nearly losing you and your outrageous humour, beauty and charm.

Step away from the horse..:repeat: Step AWAY from the horse.
 
I have a tummy bug today and have watched 2hours of da time telly - good grief:eek: and my specs have fallen apart so I am going to attempt to type this without theaid of specs, so if its rubbish, tough luk.

How muck of a tit is your 3yr old 17.2hh? My 2yr old 16hh (very beautiful) filly doesn't seem to understand that the farrier wants to do all four hooves. She stands nicely for 2.75 hooves and then loses concentration and wanders off for a mouthful of grass of to see what nest doors cat is up to. Is this normal?
I have trained her to pick her feet up nicely but do I have to hold each one up for ten minutes til she cottons on to the idea of standing still?
Any advice appreciated.

Get the groom to hold the horse, your not well enuf. If he loves you/ have a bacon sandwich in your hand it doesn"t matter what you wear.

lady in red 2.22am!!!!!!!!!!! Was it you who did this before?
 
My darling 3yr old is about as much of a tit as it's possible to be. We don't even have 30 seconds of standing nicely before he's hooning around, showing us his belly button, plunging about and generally being an arse! I used to have the delightful Spike, who was 18hh of ginger muscle, and required not only dope but twitching and several strong men whilst he was being shod... so Kai is actually rather a nice break!

It's perfectly normal for youngsters to get fed up by the third foot - just make sure your farrier wins the battle every time and she'll soon learn that standing still is the better option!

Sadly my wonderful groom has managed to break his foot! He broke it on Monday and didn't tell me, just carried on hobbling around the yard on crutches like a big shiny sparkly limping star! Have told him he's a ninny and must have the rest of the week off in bed demanding maximum sympathy, so I'm back on horse duty. I shall be very very slooowww and have lots of little rests, and I promise not to keel over and die in the wheelbarrow!

Oh poo.
 
Starzaan, I am full of madlesbiany love and cuddles for you, if I lived closer I would come and be on horse duty ... I am the most anal mucker-outer EVER.

Be careful with that wheelbarrow!
 
festivecheer said:
I have a tummy bug today and have watched 2hours of da time telly - good grief:eek: and my specs have fallen apart so I am going to attempt to type this without theaid of specs, so if its rubbish, tough luk.


lady in red 2.22am!!!!!!!!!!! Was it you who did this before?
Click to expand...

Probably. If you tell me what I did I will probably break down in a sobbing heap of sobbingness and confess to anything after the demise of the dinosaurs.

Hope you are on the mend, can't have too many sicky people.
 
Starzaan said:
Incidentally, I got a text from one of my horses this morning to say that they are all having their manes and tails pulled and a general tidy up today...
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Ohhh v v clever horse - how did you teach them to do that?

I'm a keen follower of this epic, and i'm wishing you well, and that the FF falls in with your cunning plans...
 
Starzaan said:
. I shall be very very slooowww and have lots of little rests, and I promise not to keel over and die in the wheelbarrow!

Oh poo.
Click to expand...

Please don't die anywhere, wheelbarrow or otherwise! Keeling over is fine, but only in a sweetly vulnerable way if FF will catch you like in an old-school romantic movie.

Will not waste my life on Buried then! Isn't it amazing how awful films become tolerable in wonderous company? Scary movies also nice as an excuse to cuddle... but only when with a manly man. I've found first hand that it's offputting when your date's clinging to you for his dear life! lol.
 
I am liking the sound of the kind of stuff this groom is made of (other than his brittlish bones)

Bunny hugging moment coming up...


Is there no one who lives near Starzaan who could go and help her with her Herd and barrow (I would but its such a looooong way from Cornwall dahling!)

Goes off to find a bunny to hug, regardless of whether the bunny wants a hug or likes it...


I WILL HUG BUNNIES!!!
 
Hey Starzaan, I got something to make you SMILE!

The perfect look for FF at breakfast......



































christmaslady.gif



Nicked it by stealthy means from another forum!!
 
I felt compelled to tell you all that we have a new farrier....and he is a FF

Now, I already have a lovely hubby but it's nice to window shop every now and then. So. While holding one of the horses for him the best line I could come out with was 'so, when you're down there do you get ***** on often?' followed by 'pfffft, hummmph and ahhhhhhhh' then a cut my losses and ran

Starzaan - I believe it to be a fever, farrier fever.

PS. I am still peed off about moonbeam :mad:

Edited to say - the word blanked starts with sh and ands in it
 
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kaylouise67 said:
Now, I already have a lovely hubby but it's nice to window shop every now and then. So. While holding one of the horses for him the best line I could come out with was 'so, when you're down there do you get ***** on often?' followed by 'pfffft, hummmph and ahhhhhhhh' then a cut my losses and ran
Click to expand...

LMAO! Smooth, kay, very smooth ...
 
Firstly, has anyone seen the ad for Beyonce's new fragrance "Fever"!?!? It is 11:24 in the am, and that was most definitely a POST watershed advert.... I feel violated. That was all kinds of porn.


Ew.



Secondly,

Ow. Did the yard yesterday and this morning, and feel rather like I've run a marathon and then been beaten with a big stick full of rusty nails...

Darling wonderful groom was doing the horses whilst on CRUTCHES for three days. I think I love him. A lot.


And now, if you'll excuse me, I must away to die slowly of idiot disease once more. I called FF a "squishy little pickle". I am actually a ******.
 
You are a... Genius. All sorts of men love being called a squishy little pickle, and any way you can't die of idiot disease - you have to live because it's more painful that way.
When you get older you'll find that you don't care what other people think of you - that's when you'll get really embarrassing.:D

ps ignore all fragrances unless they guarantee to cover up the 'sublime scent' (of horses).
 
Aaw, I'm sure FF loved being called a squishy little pickle!









I would.

PS. I have also seen the Beyonce advert, certainly post-watershed ... she practically had her heaving sweaty morags out!
 
Wow, that's quite an ad! You can tell it's almost Xmas - selling women's perfume to men. How many of us will be waking up to a bottle of that this year?! lol.

Starzaan, would you still feel violated if it was Nigella in the video? Or the FF? He'd have to have quite a chest to pull off that dress mind... lol.
 
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