A very different kind of RAWRRR!!

FF does not need ANY fragrance. He smells like sunshine and rainbows and burning hoof and MAN and all things nice.


I'm a ninja...and Dr. Spag just gave me the eye of shame...


I almost don't want to tell you why, because the above sentence makes me feel so mysterious and spectacular and like I should be wearing a trench coat and lurking somewhere like a lurking thing....
 
If you don't almost want to tell us why, does that mean you're going to?;)
What have you done to upset Dr Spag now, as if we didn't know - you've been mucking out 22 horses before breakfast,:cool: and then other things.:eek:
 
NUTALEX! - This is a dairy & gluten & nut free substance that you can just substitute in for butter when cooking and you can barely taste the difference!!! :)

Hopefully you can find it in Eng if not I will put it in the post to chase the Tim Tams (which sadly aren't 'stuff' free).

I'm glad to hear your alive(ish) still I was getting worried as I hadn't heard your wonderful ramblings in a while!
I think I will join Dr Spag and give you the eye of shame, is there no one else you can emotinally blackmail into doing your horses till groom is better?
Anyway surely walking in the snow would be good for broken foot - constant icing :) ;) :p

Outfit for FF - hmm have you tried wearing Dettol? I've twice been chatted up by guys when whiffing of dettol (Equine Influenza disinfecting) when not weating very sexy clothes (jeans + flannalet shirt and singlet). Unfortunately 1 had religion badly and the other I never got his number... sigh.

PS What's Groom like and FG possibilities?
 
Ok ok, I shall tell you why - but only because I'm so incredibly ninja-esque and springy!

So as we all know, my darling squishy little groom has broken his foot, and after hobbling around the yard on crutches for three days being a martyr, has been ALL KINDS of told off, and sent straight to bed. This means that as I have such spectacular trust issues when it comes to my horses, I am back to being pushed around in the wheelbarrow, and doing as much as I can myself.

SO... yesterday, I was pottering around the yard in my pyjamas (and of COURSE I was walking JUST like Beyonce is in that ridic advert... all leaning against walls and looking pained...and writhing about with my pitchfork in hand...) and my lovely delightful dogs decided to bugger off.

Again.



FOR ELEVEN HOURS.



Finally, after eleven hours of stressing to the point where I was almost helicoptered to Spag Central, passing out, bleeding profusely from the old nosey, shaking like a particularly shakey shakey thing, ONE of the dogs came back.

Yes...just one...
minus the puppy.

Cue lots of extreme panic on my part, and Ed actually having to smack me with a broom at one point to kick me out of the valley of the jibbering wrecks and into the valley of the completely irrational mentalists.... which was actually a lot more comfortable, if a little screamy and bloody...

Ed went traipsing off round the fields armed with a twitch (no, I don't know why... probably to fend off the many goblins and other mythical creatures that inhabit my fields...) in search of the Gollum, and I mostly just stood outside the yard shrieking and being a wreck. When I finally managed to stop shrieking like a knob, I heard something screaming.... so I screamed at it, and it screamed back. So I ran off like a mad thing in wellies two sizes too big, across three HUUUGE fields, to find my lovely little Gollum stuck on the other side of a VERY tall chain link fence.

Now, any normal human who is NOT ninja would have called Ed the army man and got him to leap over this fence....but I AM a ninja, so I LEAPT like a leaping thing over said fence!

Here beginneth the problem.

Gollum may only be six months old, but he's a Great Dane.

And I may be a ninja, but I'm a very sick ninja who should actually be in bed, not leaping fences in the pitch black with animalintex stuffed up my nose.

So after sobbing and telling Gol that I love him even though he's a very horrid dog who ran off and made me almost die with worry, I phoned Ed and asked for help....

WELL. Tedward EVENTUALLY turned up (still armed with the twitch), and said "ooh, there's a gate over there, I'll jump over and we'll go through that...".

There wasn't a gate.


We had to get over THREE MORE of the ridiculously high fences. So, because I'm actually an action hero, I LEAPT over all of them in a terribly graceful leapy sort of way, and Ed passed Gollum over in a much less graceful, more gangly, humphy kind of way.

Dogs both home safe, I am sporting some very peculiar bruises on my stomach from my epic fence leaping, and Ed has a cracking bruise on his cheek from where he got in the way of my leaping and I flailed in his general direction with my leg....

Spoke to Dr. Spag about blood tests and the fact that I am a bit of a wreck again...and got the ultimate eye of shame after explaining myself....

but he did give me a box of pink latex gloves for the yard... so I love him again.


FF is coming for breakfast in LESS THAN A WEEK. And I'm a wreck. Oh deary dear.

I think I may toddle off in my wobbley super-drugged state to buy a spectacular horsey outfit that says "please rip me off and ravish her, but don't actually rip me because although I am giving the impression that she's fantasically stylish ALL the time and never, ever wears bad pink slippers and eats sausages, she isn't, she does, and I cost dollah."

Nutalex sounds AMAZING... I shall google the hell out of it right now...


ALSO - anyone want to sell me a saddle horse? Or find me one of those Kincade bridles????
 
Cor Lumey, AGAIN.
A veritable essay!
Is the dog ok?
What are you going to do with the latex gloves.:eek:
sorry don't have a saddle horse or kincade bridle. You could make me an offer on 2 wall hung saddle brackets tho.
Don't fret about the frock - it's not what he's looking at.:cool:
 
Wow.. that was an esssay... WHOOPS!



Dogs are both feeling very sorry for themselves, and rather lame. I have limited sympathy.


They should be worried... the game keeper is coming to teach them about life tomorrow....

and BIG fences are going up as we speak! Latex gloves are for tail pulling... but they're PINK. Which makes them all kinds of wonderful...

don't panic, I'm not going to go all casual latex gloved hand on the face on FF...

He'd BETTER be looking at the fantabulous outfit. If not, it had better be because he's looking at my morags or my lovely black eyes and telling me I'm wonderful.
 
Pink latex gloves. Well, no glove, no love and all that! I didn't know pink glove = lots of love though - I will note this for future use!

Glad dogs are okay, but sod them for making you so worried and ill! Dying with worry is surely a horrible way to go... I'd rather go admist post-breakfast celebrations with a FF or the like! Could be dangerous to tell my boyfriend this however... lol.

Get the Russian blanket out - have you seen it? Mafia-like physios wrap footballers in it, and they go from claiming a broken ankle to sprinting around a pitch like an Olympian. Surely this would have your groom up and about again in no time? Just tell him to wear steel toe caps - horses have a way of finding out where you hurt and catching you just accidentally there I've found! (I was never more trod in than in the immediate weeks after a 17hh ID with feet like dinner plates broke my 2nd toe).

So get well soon woman! The FF will surely enjoy the feast and morags so much he'll be ensnared... if not then at least use white bread, so he'll be so bloated he's unfit to leave your quarters for a large chunk of time and will inevitably be transfixed by your charms!
*side thought to self: perhaps I could name my morags my lucky charms? I'm Irish and all that, so I'm allowed...*
 
I think your dogs should get a stern talking to about the fact that their mummy is ill and they are mad gallivanting morons. And next time you won't look for them, so there. But at least you're still alive, and haven't been chained to your bed of pain by Dr. Spag.
 
Bugger dogs.
Bugger FF.
Bugger Spag.
Bugger tomatohead.
Bugger nosey...

I'm watching a SPECTACULARLY violent movie, eating taste free marshmallows, and making the most of the fact that one of my dogs dies when you shoot him with a finger gun and shout "BANG!".

I feel all kinds of powerful, and like I should be in Death Race waving a gun around.

Feel my tomatoheaded wrath.
 
Awww thank you you squishy person!! Saddle horse is fab... but not sure how big! I need to be able to get at least four saddles on it at once, and must be quite high because I'm lazy and don't like stooping to clean my tack...

You're wonderful....and I'm all drugged and mental again! Taking my pony for a ride was a very silly idea....all started well...then my nose exploded and he decided he fancied a broncking session...

problem.
 
Starzaan!!!! I daren't go to bed because I dread what Im going to read when I wake up!

After you fence leaping ninja moves dont you think you'd done enough for the week and that rodeo riding should be next weeks adventure?
At this rate FF will be attending your funeral breakfast not your seduction breakfast! Though the coffin look might work if he is a necropheliac - but thats pretty yuck and I don't know how much you'd get out of it....

On behalf of Dr Spag and all your concerned squishies I'm giving you 2 eyes of shame!!!

Take care of your self fot the next 8 hrs so that I can sleep in peace!
Please!!!
 
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