A wwyd, long sorry!

I

I love my Spanish horse

Well-Known Member
Joined
9 August 2008
Messages
869
Location
Staffs
Visit site
Haven't been on here in over a year but am in dire need of some good, unbiased advice.
I've been around horses all my life but only as an owner in the last 5 years or so. It was always a childhood dream to own one and sadly it took until my father died 8 years ago for it to be financially possible.
I've been without a horse for 18 months now, basically I spent a huge amount of my savings on my 'dream' neddy only for him to be diagnosed with advanced navicular a year later with the vet giving him a pretty dire prognosis. As i was going into debt with escalating vets and extortionate livery bills, and added to that I was looking at being made redundant I made the excruciatingly hard decision to give him away to a friend with her own land who could afford to look after him long term. It's something I've regretted doing ever since as he's since come sound enough to ride and is doing very well, something the vets informed me would never happen. Anyway my current situation is as follows, about a year ago I sold my house in Salisbury and moved to Basingstoke with the bf after 3 years of renting together. I stretched myself financially and have got a huge mortgage which I regretted almost as soon as I signed the dotted line. At the time of looking we were also searching further south where house prices are cheaper and I could probably have stayed mortgage free, the reason we didn't as along with the bf's job in farnborough I got offered a very well paid, fantastic job in the area, and if we moved further afield it wouldn't have been ideal.
Back to today I'm up to my neck in it with this job and on final final warnings, please don't think I'm a bad person I've just made lots of little mistakes over the last year and with asperges and depression am not the most fun work colleague so can't blame them, fortunately I've never been in this situation with previous jobs but here it's a very close knit group and I think if I do any tiny little thing wrong it'll go to the office and I'll be out.
So here's the dilemma part if your still reading (I did say it was long!) Ultimatly I could sell up here, move 20 miles south where I could have a small house mortgage free and possibly some money left over. I had this place valued a month ago and one agent priced it at £40k more than I paid, so if that's achieved even after all the fees of moving plus a penalty for coming out the mortgage early I should have enough left over to get another horse and even tide myself over for a few months if can't get a new job right away. Don't get me wrong I don't want to move again, we did it 3 times in 2 years when renting and unlike done of those this is a nice house with more than enough space, in a decent area and the repayments are affordable (if I don't lose my job!). It's just that I could never afford, nor have the time to keep a horse with this lifestyle even if my job was safe, if we moved I could cut my hours right down and theoretically do what I can't at the moment. Oh and if your wondering about the bf he isn't overly phased by a 40 mile drive to work, he's more excited at the prospect of livibg rent free tbh!
Any advice or opinions gratefully received :)
 
so if that's achieved even after all the fees of moving plus a penalty for coming out the mortgage early I should have enough left over to get another horse and even tide myself over for a few months if can't get a new job right away.
Click to expand...

Not much help with the rest of it, but I'd say here, to get the horse after you've secured a new job and know your hours and pay. It would be awful for you to get a Ned before you've secured and job and then struggle to get one and have to the new Ned up :(
 
Move!
It sounds as if that's your feeling too - and as your BF is fine with it, why not?
Good luck with your next horse x
 
Sounds like you really want to move and if your bf is happy to then go for it. Dont rush into buying another horse until you are totally settled and secure in a new job though as you dont want to end up in another position where you cant afford to keep it.
 
I think you'd be treading a very fine line if you move, buy a horse with the spare cash and only have a couple of months' money to cover said horse. Jobs aren't abundant, you may be out of work for a while or you may pick one up straight away, but secure a new job first.
 
I would move but with the acknowledgement that a horse could still be a way off. What a house gets valued at and what it sells at can be poles apart especially if a potential buyer scents desperation.

It doesn't sound like you have much to stay for but do the sums several times as living with no job even for a short period of time really eats in to spare cash
 
OK, may I address two issues
1] horse, be glad he has a good home, it could have been terminal, cash wise, horse money is like leaves in the autumn'
2] job, go to doc and get pills ,,,,,,,,,,,, hard but it will help
 
I would get your house on the market soon as its coming up to the best season for selling. then when you have a firm offer and the house has been surveyed with no problems start to look for one in the area you want and get rid of the mortgage (I would advise you to have it in your name only just in case the worst happens and the relationship were to break down as its something that you think will never happen but gives you more leverage IF) when you have an offer start to look for another job so that you have one lined up in the new area. once you have moved why not look for a horse to share to start with as it will keep the costs down if you are out of work and look at buying when you are settled in a new house and job. also get to the doctor to see if there is anything they can do to help you
 
Thanks for all the advice, just to clarify I would get job sorted before embarking on any equine related purchases! I'm only a dental nurse anyway so work generally Isn't hard to find, and if I moved there's nothing to say i couldn't commute to the existing one in the short term (again if I'm not sacked!) I've got a diesel car anyway as used to drive around loads for previous job. Ironically everything was great there it was just the travelling that made me leave!
Bonkers thanks, I try to console myself with the fact he's happy and well looked after but am still punishing myself emotionally for giving him up so easily. And I'm already on antidepressant pills, and waiting for appointments, I know for a fact that having these 'issues' is the only reason they haven't got rid of me already, making allowances or so they said :(
 
Last edited:
You need to be kinder to yourself, you are not ONLY a dental nurse, something I , and others could not do........ you are a wonderful and caring person going thru a bad spell................
Get yourself out and about, keep busy
 
Last edited:
Thankyou, this bad spell seems to have lasted about 10 years though sadly, maybe that's why I end up constantly moving, searching for somewhere I can be happy and settled but never finding it. Thanks to you and everyone else for taking the time to reply though. Nat x
 
A couple of suggestions having read the other replies.
1. Could you share the horse you had to give up?
2. Enquire whether the place you worked before are looking for staff, if you were happy there and they were happy with you they may be delighted that you get in touch if they have any vacancies.
 
juliette said:
A couple of suggestions having read the other replies.
1. Could you share the horse you had to give up?
2. Enquire whether the place you worked before are looking for staff, if you were happy there and they were happy with you they may be delighted that you get in touch if they have any vacancies.
Click to expand...

His new owner is north of Shrewsbury and over 200 miles away so not really an option, also he belongs to her now and as she's put a lot of time and money into rehabilitating him It would feel wrong to try and get him back, she did offer at the time to come visit whenever I liked but it's never happened really. I don't think I could go through saying goodbye again, especially at the moment. With the job I could approach them but my last position was as a float nurse, and some days they got me driving 2 hours each way to kent or other places, so don't fancy going back to that. Agency nursing is something I can always fall back on though and will look into if and when the time comes that I can't get something permanent. Thanks for the suggestions though. X
 
I'd move in order to help save my health and sanity, in fact I have done it and never looked back! In your situation it seems your career and lifestyle are choices, provided you can afford food and shelter (and of course the ultimate being a horse!) I'd go for it. Good luck whatever you choose xx
 
Your employer is breaking employment law by giving you warnings for behaviour which is part of your disability, they should be making 'reasonable adjustments' to enable you to succeed at your job. Contact ACAS for advice, unless you are a member of a union, in which case, contact them.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
Your employer is breaking employment law by giving you warnings for behaviour which is part of your disability, they should be making 'reasonable adjustments' to enable you to succeed at your job. Contact ACAS for advice, unless you are a member of a union, in which case, contact them.
Click to expand...

I too would certainly suggest exploring your rights as an employee. I can't comment on whether your employer are breaking employment law without more detail from your first post, but if they are not supporting you through action plans 1:1s and training before giving you warnings (and they should be following their company procedure for this) or are discriminating against you for your disability, then yes, you'd have reason for a complaint. Citizens Advice may also be able to help. You can also find out more at www.gov.uk.

The most important thing, for you to be able to move forward is your mental health. Nothing else will click into place if you are still suffering from depression. I would be looking to get my health and well being back on track before committing to anything with such a huge financial and time burden such as a horse.

Something you can/should do regardless of house/job etc is go and speak to your doctor for some support. Seriously, having suffered with anxiety and depression myself in the past, the best thing I did was going to the Doctors and saying 'I need some help to get through this'. They can advise you on treatments, on what is available, and what they can do both short and long term to help (and if you have the opportunity CBT or counselling may be a good idea). It does not make you weak, it does not make you a failure, in fact it makes you a strong person for tackling your issues head on, so that you can try and move forward with your life and past this low period.

If you really are not happy in your job and it is causing you additional stress, seek another. Get your CV out there, and look at your options. Secondly, if you are not happy living where you are, get the house up for sale. You can wish as much as possible to move, but until you have it advertised your dream of moving again will not happen.


Once all of that is sorted, then maybe you can think about the horse again. But until your mental health, job, and house situation is stable, I would be looking at maybe just taking a few lessons or sharing for now to get your fix (also a great way to meet some horsey friends, to be social, and to keep yourself busy to help tackle your depression). You don't want to add more complications to the mix until then, especially if you struggled to find work and had a new horse that you are financially tied to.

You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to have a home, life and job that you are content with. I hope things work out for you OP.

PS- I am terrified of dentists and needles. You have no idea how much a kind dental nurse makes a difference... Never class yourself as ONLY a dental nurse! :D
 
Last edited:
Thanks again for the replies and support, very kind of you all:)
For those that were mentioning employees rights I've only been in the job a little over a year, so( I think) that lessens my rights and going down the disciplinary route. I also didn't tell them about the asperges straight away and as our profession is so tightly governed by cqc they could say that these mistakes mean I'm putting patients at risk, It's only been small mistakes but they've added up and it feels now as though my card is marked. To be fair though the manager especially has been really kind throughout the whole thing, and I'm pretty sure they've followed procedure as set out in my contract.
I am getting help and am on medication for the depression and anxiety, it's something I've suffered on and off for a long time though so their won't be an overnight cure. Me and the partner had a chat last night and are looking into all the options, including possibly getting a lodger in the future so we wouldn't have to move to afford a horse, and having an extra few hundred pounds is always useful! Obviously will be waiting for my job to become more secure or be in new employment before I make any big decisions like that but it's something else to think about.
Again thanks for everyone taking time to reply. Xx
 
Natwood said:
For those that were mentioning employees rights I've only been in the job a little over a year, so( I think) that lessens my rights and going down the disciplinary route. I also didn't tell them about the asperges straight away and as our profession is so tightly governed by cqc they could say that these mistakes mean I'm putting patients at risk, It's only been small mistakes but they've added up and it feels now as though my card is marked. To be fair though the manager especially has been really kind throughout the whole thing, and I'm pretty sure they've followed procedure as set out in my contract.
Click to expand...

The Equalities Act and your rights under it do not depend on length of service. Yes, you should have notified them of your disability at the time of recruitment (if you were asked) but as they know now, they have a responsibility to make reasonable adjustments to support you. You are correct that mistakes can put patients at risk but it is the employer's responsibility to put procedures in place to avoid this while supporting you. You really do need to get some advice from ACAS (preferably) or CAB if you are not in a union.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top