absolutely gutted, what shall I do?

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swampdonkey

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I have posted a few times on here and for those that don't know my story I'll try to be brief.

I had a bad fall off a mare I had had for a year april 2011 and broke my back. I sold the mare as it had always been hard work rather than enjoyable and 7 months after my accident bought myself my gelding who I love.

He is a safe lovely boy but he does have some quirks. He doesn't love schooling although I do and I struggle with my confidence hacking and jumping is out of the question. I try to limit his schooling to 2 or 3 times a week and a friend jumps him when she has time and I have been trying to face my fears with hacking. Everytime I seem to be getting somewhere with my confidence something happens to shoot it down.

Last night I was riding in the school and he was on his toes and a stallion was out and having a buck and a squeel, I wanted to get off but decided to stay on and try to get his attention, it was going ok and then he spooked (not normally that spooky) and he took off around the school, this is not normal for him, if he spooks it is just a little canter for a couple of strides but last night he was off! I turned him and then took a pull to come back to me and in one movement the little ------- managed to stop dead put his head on the floor and buck me off! This is the second time he has done this, the first was in a field having a fast canter and I took a pull and he did exactly the same.

Well anyway I came off both times. I wear a body protector as I have to be careful with my back and wasn't too badly hurt, I got back on and rode round for a couple more minutes then got off and lunged him. He is normally so lazy on the lunge but he took off on the lunge, bucking as he went, at one point he reversed and tried to double barrell me I pushed him on and ended on quite a good note.

My back was seizing up as I finished off and it brought back the pain that I felt from the accident, I still suffer daily with the pain still but its manageable but this just scared me so much. I really can't go through that pain again.

By the time I got home, I could hardly walk and was sobbing so much that I knew I had to sell him and give up riding altogether.
Well this morning I am feeling a little better, my back is not too bad but I know I really need to think about this properly. I spend hours at the yard everyday and love my horsey lifestyle, its who I am. I wouldn't be happy to just do groundwork because I do love to ride, within my comfort zone.
The sensible part of me knows that he needs more than I can do with him to keep him happy, he is only 10 and capable of so much and he gets bored and stale if all I do is school.
He is a really good boy but can be stubborn and can do a good buck when he is not getting his own way, if he is kept active and stimulated he is an angel.
I have thought about a sharer but it makes me cry to think of someone else bonding with him.
I have been trying with him for just over a year and we have a good relationship and I adore him but think it would be better for him if I sold him to someone who is going to do more with him.
I am in bits today and not sure what to do.
I don't think I could get something else because if I can't make it work with him then it will happen again. All horses have their little quirks.
Sorry its so long but I am so down about it and not sure I can give up but know that I have to really.
 
Sending some gentle hugs and good vibes your way.

Have you had all his teeth, back, tack etc checked? Sounds like it could well be a pain reaction, Especially if it's out of character for him.
 
As one who has broken my back, I know exactly where you're coming from.

I also know you don't have to give up.

You do have to give yourself some time and space to get your emotions back on track. Let yourself think clearly.
 
I'm sorry you've taken a fall. It was pretty brave of you to get back on as I'm sure it was a shock. Don't make any quick decisions about him - it's never a good time when something like this happens, but you clearly love having a horse.

The thing that springs to mind is a sharer - someone who would like to take him out on great long hacks and get the beans out of his system. He sounds like a fundamentally really nice horse who might be a bit bored with how little he's doing. Yes he will bond with them as well - but he'll still be your baby. They are herd animals and can form relationships with lots of people. They don't pair bond like some.

Hope this is at least vaguely helpful. Give yourself time to get over this and build your confidence back up.

Paula
 
I really think you should think more about a sharer (once you've had back, teeth etc checked, as suggested). It would help you keep him busy and take the edge off for when you want to ride. You would still be his special 'Mum'! Is there anyone you can go out with, to help your confidence when hacking?

I also think you do need to be very careful about your back, and if it does come to it, not to feel guilty about having to let him go.

Hope you feel a bit better and more positive today.
 
sarahann1 said:
Sending some gentle hugs and good vibes your way.

Have you had all his teeth, back, tack etc checked? Sounds like it could well be a pain reaction, Especially if it's out of character for him.
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all checks were done the first time he did it. Back lady said he was in good shape with no soreness anywhere and dentist rasped a ittle but said that he had been regularly done throughout his life so no problems there. I really think that is just his little way of having a protest at something he doesn't agree with, don't get my wrong he doesn't buck all the time, its quite rare actually but when he does its proper head down and buck, in a get off way. It's not the bucking itself that makes me think I have to give up but just the fact that I can't risk coming off and my fear and lack of confidence stops me doing the things he needs to keep him happy
 
I broke my back in a fall too. I know exactly the pain you mean.

You are right that you'll never get something that is 100% because these are animals with a will of thier own. Accepting that, you certainly don't have to loose the horse you love. (IMO it is a bit of a myth that horses miss activities they don't have. I think they live too much in the moment for that - so don't tie yourself up too much about not doing "enough" with him. As long as he has enough variety not to get bored he'll be fine.)

You could consider an airjacket as well as your BP. You do need to try them on to be sure that you can cope with the inflation but they might add some extra support when you need it. If you don't already ride in a brace you could also ask your physio for some reccommendations. (My break was bad enough that I have no choice and always had to ride in a brace - but they do stablise the area and keep you from wrenching it.)

Alternatively have you thought about carriage driving? I looked into it quite seriously last year and it would definitely be my choice for the future. For now I'm full up with daughter's ponies and pony club - but that is very much where I want to be heading.
 
I too have broken my back but it did not tame the dare devil in me at all.
I am sorry this happening to you but horses are supposed to be fun so what you need is a plan to make it fun.
This horse may be the wrong one for this job if this what you decide find him someone he suits and pass him on .
or it may just be that he's bored and reading your nervousness in which case a keen sharer might fix it.
I wonder whether you might think of some lessons on a riding school horse at a good school to get you going then look for a horse that suits you better he sounds too sharp for what you want to do.
 
If you think he is bored, and you want to strenghten your leadership skills and find a better way to really bond with him as a partner why not try Parelli? It has worked wonders for me and my horse and our partnership, and for so many people I know. If you are really stuck and dont want to sell him you could perhaps send him to James Roberts Foundation Station in Whiltshire http://www.jr-foundationstation.com/, if you are close enough. He specialises in problem horses and is truely amazing, you might only need a few weeks there and maybe an Experience week after to get you confident with your horse out hacking. I sent my horse there for a restart and he s now fantastic, best money I ever spent and I didn't have to sell my horse, and now never would consider it.

To my way of thinking, a sharer never helps, they ride differently to you, and they may end up making you feel that you are keeping a cheap horse for them, meaning you pay and they ride it! Also they may bond with your horse, making you feel worse. I hated sharing my horses. The best way is to strengthen your bond with him, your leadership, and improve your riding and resourcefulness. I cannot think of a better way than by studying Parelli and sending your horse to a real horseman like James.
 
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Hugs - you must be feeling rotten.

The main issue here is your confidence - and I can really sympathise with that! Do you have lessons? That will make a world of difference if you find an instructor who can build your confidence up, and will also give you the tools to know how to keep him a bit more stimulated and make schooling more enjoyable for him. For hacking, baby steps are the answer - and I mean baby steps. Start with a five minute walk (circular routes), and if you need to, say to yourself you'll ride for the first few minutes and then lead him home even of all is going well, then slowly, slowly build up. The trick in building confidence isn't to push yourself too far and hope you get through it; it's to finish each session knowing you could have coped with pushing yourself a bit further. That sets you up for the next session, and before you know it you can cope with far more.

A sharer to give him a bit of variety is a good idea. The only thing I would say is that lots of hacking might raise his fitness levels - suddenly realising your horse is feeling much fitter can also be a bit scary when you lack confidence! - so I'd keep an eye on that too.

If you don't already, stick on a neckstrap every time you ride. That will give your confidence a boost as well.
 
I broke my ankles badly in a fall and have pretty big confidence issues so know where you're coming from. That was 4 years ago and I'm now at the stage where I can hack out (with company) and am occasionally brave enough to canter but I've worked up to it slowly. I started out going round the school once, then sitting shaking for half an hour and have just gradually increased what I do, when I decided to start going out we walked down the drive and back. It's not that long since your accident so give yourself time.

If you think he needs to be doing more then definately look into a sharer - if you can find the right person you'll have someone who's a friend for both you and your horse as well as helping get some of the energy out of your horse. The other thing to look at is his feeding and make sure he's not getting more feed than he needs for what you're doing with him as this will give him too much energy.
I would also recommend going and having lessons on a school horse, not necessarily from a skill point of view but from a confidence point of view and if you want to do some hacking you could ask about hacking with them on a school horse or else if you have an instructor with your horse now ask them about going out hacking.
The other thing I would recommend is Kelly Mark's 'Perfect Confidence' book, it's very helpful and gives you ways of managing any anxiety and of building your confidence and is horsey orientated :-)

If all that fails and you do decide to give up riding then try driving, either buy yourself a driving pony/horse or send your boy to be broken to drive and have lessons with him on it. You still get to be involved in horses without the memory conitations that riding can have.
 
Storminateacup said:
If you are really stuck and dont want to sell him you could perhaps send him to James Roberts Foundation Station in Whiltshire http://www.jr-foundationstation.com/, if you are close enough. He specialises in problem horses and is truely amazing, you might only need a few weeks there and maybe an Experience week after to get you confident with your horse out hacking. I sent my horse there for a restart and he s now fantastic, best money I ever spent and I didn't have to sell my horse, and now never would consider it.

Thank you for suggestions but he really isn't a problem horse, he is a good boy that is getting bored with what I can offer him, he has a problem rider, is there anywhere he can send me!
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you are incredibly brave getting back on again after such an injury. I don't ride, but I do know that when the stallions at my yard are out and about the other horses go a bit loony, so perhaps try not to when they are out - or ask their owners not to put them out whilst you are riding? It may be hard for your horse to concentrate when a stallion is around, some horses don't care but others do seem to be affected by it.
I hope you feel ok today.
 
I think it depends how much you want to keep this horse and/or continue riding. There are non-spooky types out there but IME your latent nerves will be transmitting. I know. I'm a recent upgrade from ponies and small horses to a bigger one and although some people can manage the transition seamlessly, it has taken me 12 months to get to the bottom of this (admittedly problematic) horse and get not only a decent tune but ask some questions and overcome a few arguments and differences of opinion between us! I have only once been slightly rattled though, and although I have had a couple of breaks (bones) I have justified the scenarios and not blamed the horse.

Bad backs are not something to trivialise so getting this horse back to manageable and safe must be a priority.

A sympathetic sharer may be the answer, but exchange for a total saint would be my plan of action.
 
swampdonkey said:
Thank you for suggestions but he really isn't a problem horse, he is a good boy that is getting bored with what I can offer him, he has a problem rider, is there anywhere he can send me!
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What an incredably honest thing to say.....
Can you not find someone with a very sane and safe hack, and swap horses
for a hack or two. Perhaps if you can see how he behaves out and about it will give you some confidence to take him out yourself.
 
I'm going to be hard and honest here and will maybe upset a few with what I have to say? I read your post first thing thought about it, then went away.

I have to ask, why did you continue to school whilst there was a stallion outside fartin around and messing with you horses head, didn't you think you were going to end up in trouble? My mare is as good as gold for me, but by gollys, I know would of been out of there quick sharp!

Are you on some kind of mission? Why do you need to do it all now, why push yourself and your horse to the limit, why don't you take your time just and enjoy the little things you can do, are safe and you both enjoy?

And lastly, why don't you look for a sharer? I think we all know where your coming from on that one but......I have a friend who rides my girl once every week or so while I babysit for her son. She schools, trys one or two jumps gaining her own confidence after having a baby and generally both she and my mare enjoy the change. It doesn't mean my girl is any less mine or feels any less so but I know she recognising my friends car coming up the track and gets excited, she loves her, they love each other and I enjoy watching them.

Calm down, have a rethink and get real! You have broken your back, you MUST stay safe, however you love horses and riding them, you have come so far...........For goodness sake woman find a way, there is one if only you would look and see!!
 
It would be so sad to give up what you love and its clearly not something you really want to do but of course your health comes first and without it you would not be able to continue anyway so a compromise gives you the answer, yes a sharer would be great, over time you will get used to it but I know what you mean, I actually have 3 ladies that come and ride out with me on my other horse every week, I don't ask for money and they help out by poo picking etc, but I am left in control and I don't feel anything is taken away. We have a great time and I have made some good friends. My other horse is lame at the moment so to keep everyone happy they still ride and I accompany them on my bike, or they walk and bring the dog.

Don't right off the ground work either, explore the possibilities and play with your horse, it can really help build up your confidence, teach him to flex and one rien stops and never be ashamed to get off the moment you feel something is not right, you can continue on the ground. Good luck take care
 
thank you all for the support :)
I think I may have given the wrong impression about him, he is a good boy, he isn't spooky, may have a little spook but by far the least spooky horse I know. He isn't sharp, quite the opposite normally, quite lazy and laid back, he is an angel on the ground and no one on my yard would think twice about getting on him.
He used to be nappy and difficult in the school but we have worked through this and now rarely have any disagreements in there.
Hacking out he is brave (I am not)
He hardly looks at anything, he isn't strong, always waits to canter until you ask.
I don't jump him but a friend does occasionally and he is a good boy jumping too, he doesn't tow you in but is honest and never refuses, even when on the wrong stride he will always go over.
He is almost perfect, he can be stubborn and he can put in these bucks when you push him on in the school, although that rarely happens anymore, these are not nasty just a little protest about being made to work. These aren't a problem.
The buck he did last night was different, he has done this twice now since I got in last July when cantering and I took a pull, he only wears a snaffle and brakes aren't an issue, it is purely a naughty protest at being pulled up.

My dilema is that a) those bucks are naughty and impossible to sit to as he does it all so quickly and this stops me from doing more with him (confidence wise) incase he does it again. and b) if he is kept active and busy doing more things he is an angel in the school and I love riding him but obviously a) stops me doing more with him.

So should I sell him to someone who keeps his workload varied.

Sorry for waffling again but just didn't want people to think he is a problem horse. If he was a naughty horse it would so much easier to make the decision and move on to something else, but I think horses safer than him are probably far and few between.
 
In all honesty in your position given your back issue I would be inclined to part with him and find something a little more suitable for you that matches your interests something older that doesn't need the jumping or extra work but likes to school, your lack of confidence could do more harm than good to your horse in the long run. Its not easy when you have an attachment but when you see a horse thrive under someone else's seat its worth the heartache or as others have said look into a share with the option for them to buy its a good way to find a new owner.

Can I ask why your nervous about hacking? Is that how you had your accident?
 
I think it would be a shame to give up completely, you obviously want to enjoy your riding again.

I think I'd be looking closely at his feed too, we used to have one that would become explosive with excitement and needed careful watching diet wise; the rain and warm weather can affect the sugars in the grass = hyper horse, so might it be worth trying to restrict grazing and see if it helps? Is he getting as much turnout as possible to burn off energy?

I'd also consider a sharer, they won't break the bond you have with your horse but could well strengthen it if the horse is getting the work he needs.

Your other option would be to sell him and get something quieter that you can enjoy without worrying, there are quiet quirk free horses out there. :)

There is only you who can decide what is best for you at the end of the day, but if you feel overhorsed, then selling isn't the worst thing you can do.
 
have you considered having him broken to harness and driving him (or selling him and buying a small driving pony) as you dont have to worry about falling with your back and you can still keep and enjoy your horsey lifestyle but with a slightly different take on it all.
 
horseloaner said:
Can I ask why your nervous about hacking? Is that how you had your accident?
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Funnily enough no, it wasn't hacking but hacking everything is so unpredictable, far more things to go wrong! Horse spooking into cars, getting excited and tanking off! So many things cross my mind, he has never done any of them but its all in my head. School is just my comfort zone although I did have my accident in there. Weird I know!
 
Having read through all this I think you have several options.
First one being get a stock saddle so you can sit a buck but TBH he is not the right horse for you unless you can let him have fun out hacking. If you get a sharer to hack him you'll become the person who does boring stuff.
This last fall can't be laid at his door -fresh horse, stallion flaring up next to school and nervy rider?
I would say sell him and get a horse who likes doing what you want to do. He sounds a lovely sort and would probably be snapped up as a hunter.
Have you considered going on a riding holiday? - seriously, riding horses that know their job in an area you don't know can be a huge confidence boost.
If you like schooling why not be a sharer for someone else who might be happy for you to do this a couple of days a week?

A bit jumbled but think outside the box, take a look at alternatives and get someone experienced to watch you in the school. Have you checked his mouth -a fly bite or scrape? It may not be naughtiness but could be an ouch but left unresolved could become napping.
 
swampdonkey said:
I have posted a few times on here and for those that don't know my story I'll try to be brief.

I had a bad fall off a mare I had had for a year april 2011 and broke my back. I sold the mare as it had always been hard work rather than enjoyable and 7 months after my accident bought myself my gelding who I love.

He is a safe lovely boy but he does have some quirks. He doesn't love schooling although I do and I struggle with my confidence hacking and jumping is out of the question. I try to limit his schooling to 2 or 3 times a week and a friend jumps him when she has time and I have been trying to face my fears with hacking. Everytime I seem to be getting somewhere with my confidence something happens to shoot it down.

Last night I was riding in the school and he was on his toes and a stallion was out and having a buck and a squeel, I wanted to get off but decided to stay on and try to get his attention, it was going ok and then he spooked (not normally that spooky) and he took off around the school, this is not normal for him, if he spooks it is just a little canter for a couple of strides but last night he was off! I turned him and then took a pull to come back to me and in one movement the little ------- managed to stop dead put his head on the floor and buck me off! This is the second time he has done this, the first was in a field having a fast canter and I took a pull and he did exactly the same.

Well anyway I came off both times. I wear a body protector as I have to be careful with my back and wasn't too badly hurt, I got back on and rode round for a couple more minutes then got off and lunged him. He is normally so lazy on the lunge but he took off on the lunge, bucking as he went, at one point he reversed and tried to double barrell me I pushed him on and ended on quite a good note.

My back was seizing up as I finished off and it brought back the pain that I felt from the accident, I still suffer daily with the pain still but its manageable but this just scared me so much. I really can't go through that pain again.

By the time I got home, I could hardly walk and was sobbing so much that I knew I had to sell him and give up riding altogether.
Well this morning I am feeling a little better, my back is not too bad but I know I really need to think about this properly. I spend hours at the yard everyday and love my horsey lifestyle, its who I am. I wouldn't be happy to just do groundwork because I do love to ride, within my comfort zone.
The sensible part of me knows that he needs more than I can do with him to keep him happy, he is only 10 and capable of so much and he gets bored and stale if all I do is school.
He is a really good boy but can be stubborn and can do a good buck when he is not getting his own way, if he is kept active and stimulated he is an angel.
I have thought about a sharer but it makes me cry to think of someone else bonding with him.
I have been trying with him for just over a year and we have a good relationship and I adore him but think it would be better for him if I sold him to someone who is going to do more with him.
I am in bits today and not sure what to do.
I don't think I could get something else because if I can't make it work with him then it will happen again. All horses have their little quirks.
Sorry its so long but I am so down about it and not sure I can give up but know that I have to really.
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I am so sorry to see all of this, bless you.

Read my post/thread "help me decide - flight or fight" and see the answers to my scenario which might help u a bit.

I think your sticking point is not getting a sharer, I hated the idea at first but could not keep him without a sharer.........and I am now looking at getting a 2nd sharer. Best of both worlds really.

Good luck and hope my post / replies helps a bit (I am currently in agony, my OH had to do my horse this morning, I cannot work today and am gutted I cant ride this afternoon so I DO UNDERSTAND TOTALLY) xx
 
Sounds to me like he needs worked more. Can you maybe fit in a couple of lunging sessions and/or maybe have someone to come and ride him for you. Not a sharer -just someone to excercise him?
 
I find this a strange post because the answers are all there, but you say you "can't" take advantage of them for various reasons. You can't give him the adequate excercise he obviously needs, you can't bear the thought of someone else "bonding" with him (this is REALLY odd: why not? Would you prefer him to hate other people? Are you jealous?). I don't think horses "need" to go hacking, and if you work your horse sufficiently then I don't agree that he will get bored schooling; there are thousands of excercises and challenging manuevers that can be introduced to help your horse develop. And for those who advise carriage driving - are you mad? A spook, nap or bolt in harness can be WAY more dangerous than a simple tumble off.
 
Paint Me Proud said:
have you considered having him broken to harness and driving him (or selling him and buying a small driving pony) as you dont have to worry about falling with your back and you can still keep and enjoy your horsey lifestyle but with a slightly different take on it all.
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Horses that buck can lethal in harness I would not even bother trying to break a horse with a buck in it .
Driving is great fun but it is quite hard on the back the sitting on the carriage can be very jarring and the work involved pulling carriages about etc is hard on the back.
I don't know about where OP fracture was but mine was between my shoulder blades I feel it when I drive a lot and need massage and physio to keep it right.
Driving is hilarious but you take to it or you don't in many ways it may suit the nervous less than riding.
 
Deseado said:
I find this a strange post because the answers are all there, but you say you "can't" take advantage of them for various reasons. You can't give him the adequate excercise he obviously needs, you can't bear the thought of someone else "bonding" with him (this is REALLY odd: why not? Would you prefer him to hate other people? Are you jealous?). I don't think horses "need" to go hacking, and if you work your horse sufficiently then I don't agree that he will get bored schooling; there are thousands of excercises and challenging manuevers that can be introduced to help your horse develop. And for those who advise carriage driving - are you mad? A spook, nap or bolt in harness can be WAY more dangerous than a simple tumble off.
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I know the answers myself, I was just feeling so down about things this morning I suppose I was looking for others thoughts and support.

I do give him adequate exercise, he is ridden in the school about 3 times a week, lunged once and either I brave a hack or my friend jumps him, I just can't give him the variation I think makes him happy.

I love doing my horse myself everyday so that is tough to deal with in regards to a sharer,(don't think there is anything wrong with that) but no I don't want him to hate people!
 
I have damaged my back numerous times.

first time from a fall in the 70's which since developed sciatica which i was told i would be paralyzed from the onset if i had not take ibuprofen since then i have nearly killed myself twice from back related.


I suggest first get a vet and back person to check horse out totally to see if there is an issue.


If nothing I would suggest either using a buckstop as a precaution when you ride him,
or get him schooled or a sharer to work him more


sell him and get something else

or lastly give up riding and go into driving or western which general would be less strain full for your back
lastly give up horse riding have miniatures . Backs are serious when damaged I would sit down and really think this through or you could end up in wheelchair or dead ( Take it from one that nearly had both the fore mentioned
 
Leviathan said:
I have damaged my back numerous times.

first time from a fall in the 70's which since developed sciatica which i was told i would be paralyzed from the onset if i had not take ibuprofen since then i have nearly killed myself twice from back related.


I suggest first get a vet and back person to check horse out totally to see if there is an issue.


If nothing I would suggest either using a buckstop as a precaution when you ride him,
or get him schooled or a sharer to work him more


sell him and get something else

or lastly give up riding and go into driving or western which general would be less strain full for your back
lastly give up horse riding have miniatures . Backs are serious when damaged I would sit down and really think this through or you could end up in wheelchair or dead ( Take it from one that nearly had both the fore mentioned
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Why would Western be less stress on the back?
 
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