Absolutely seething I thought we were friends!! MASSIVE RANT!

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jen1

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OK I have calmed down a bit now but just want to post a recent 'incident' I had at the yard.

I have been at my DIY stables for 2.5 years now and so far been really happy. The girl in the box next to mine does freelance work like me and often has been working when I am off and vice versa so we worked out that it would be good to help each other out when we could to save on livery bills.

OK so everything has been working well so far. I have done a heck of a lot for her over the past couple of years, often doing her horse every day for quite a long time so she gets full livery basically for free . But on the whole I think it has pretty much balanced out with me doing as much as she was.

But recently she has been calling me to bring her horse in as she is busy working on doing her house up for sale. It started off as a one off then for a few weeks I seemed to be bringing her horse in every day. OK if I was to just chuck it in and give it feed but no, she wants legs washed, feet picked out and turnout rug off and 2 night rugs on then fed.

I have 2 young children and am a single mum so find it very very difficult to afford my horse let alone the time to devote to him. She is single and has no ties.

I started getting fed up of the bringing in thing as i have to get the kids from school and make sure they sit in the car while I bring in, OK for my horse who often would not get feet picked out every day and I am not bothered if he sleeps in his turnout rug as long as he is warm and contented, it saves me time evening and morning. But she would phone me at 3pm knowing full well I was doing school run to say can I bring in as she is in middle of tiling, or painting doors or something or other on the house. Thing is she knows I will be at the yard for my own horse so I can't exactly say I wouldn't be there.

2 weeks ago my horse was kicked in the field and now has a broken leg. I found out about this on the Thursday. She had asked me earlier that week if I would look after her horse the following week as she was working. As I wasn't working I said yes.

So Thursday my horse has broken leg, then Sunday my dog is admitted to vet hospital for mystery illness and has to spend a night there. This livery asked me if I was still going to look after her horse too the following week!! I said no as kids on half term, dog in vets and now I have a horse with a broken leg. She was really miffed and moaned about how she couldn't afford livery. I just said it wasn't possible I had enough on my hands and as it turns out I wasn't even at the yard most of Thurs Fri as my horse had to go to Newmarket.

So, hope you are still following this.

Sunday just gone she again asked me if i would look after her horse all this week. I said no sorry I just couldn't fit it in, my horse is back from hospital but my back gave out on me last week and I was in agony and just couldn't afford to have a horse on box rest and 2 kids to look after and doing another horse would poss finish my back off completely.

She then went into a rant about how many times she has done my horse and when her back was hurting her she did it and how she hasn't any money to pay for full livery and how the YO needed a weeks notice to do full livery and how none of the other people who help out at the yard would do her horse properly and on and on and on, trying to make me feel guilty for all the help she has given me!!

I must admit I was getting fed up with the amount of times she was asking me to do her horse that in January I started writing it on my calendar and have already done 7 full days not including the days she has phoned ad hock to ask me to bring in.

Anyway she just would not take no for an answer she was hanging on my stable door ranting at me about how much debt she is in and how I had to do her horse and on and on and on, for about 10 minutes in the end I had to get out of the stable and I had to wrench the door from her to close it and screamed at her 'I CAN NOT DO ANY MORE HORSES NEXT WEEK' a couple of the other liveries heard me scream at her, I am normally a quiet type of person not prone to ranting out loud!

Needless to say she hasn't spoken to me since, thankfully I haven't seen her and when I saw YO she said she was more than happy to do the horse and there's no problem with fitting him in.

Now I am dreading seeing her which I will do at the weekend as she will be around then. I am normally a really easy going person and would help out anyone but come on I have a horse with a broken leg, OK so kids back at school this week and dog recovering but I am still getting into a routine with my box resting horse and so far he is taking up about 3 hours each morning minimum let alone the evening stint.

It's good to help each other out especially when trying to save on costs at DIY but it's not my problem if she is in debt and I don't think anyone can rely on anyone else 24-7 to do their horse. Others at the yard who heard about all this think she had a bloody cheek to even ask me in the first place considering my circumstances at the moment but she really seems the sort of person who doesn't consider anyone elses situation. If I was in debt she would be in debt twice as much, if I have a back back hers would be worse and so on and so on.

Oh well just wanted to get it off my chest. Suppose I have learnt my lesson now not to help anyone out in future so I don't get taken advantage of, which is a shame as it's nice to be able to help and take turns with jobs etc as well as saving some cash in the process.

Rant over and thanks if you got this far!!!
 
Im sure she will get over it. Its not as if she cant really come and do hers, she just has something she finds more interesting or important to do at the moment. Im afraid having horses is a big responsibility and she has to understand that she cant just palm them off on someone else when things get rough.

Good for you for finally getting this in the open. If she really is a true friend she will see how selfish she has been. If not then you are still the better person in all this.
 
I think you handled this perfectly. Quite simple really; if she can't afford the money or the time for her horse, then she shouldn't have one.

When you see her this weekend, just go about your business in your normal fashion. Hopefully she will realise just how selfish she has been lately and will apologise to you - if not, then it's not the end of the world.

Keep smiling.
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It sounds as if this has been a long time coming. You come across as stressed in your post, and that is so unfair. I hope this girl apologises to you; her financial situation is not your responsibility and I suspect that if you were a more confrontational person you would have had this out with her before. You have done nothing wrong, when you see her just say hello and be polite. Hopefully, she will apologise but I wouldn't hold your breath! As it says in my sig, no good deed...
 
Sadly that's what some people need though to get the hint! Don't beat yourself up about it you have enough on your plate and if she was a real friend she wouldn't have treated you like that anyway.

I would just politely say hello when you next see her and leave it at that for now.
 
Wow Massive rant but is really so good to get it all out of your system.
You have nothing to say sorry to her about she is obvioulsy so embroiled with her own worries she has ignored yours.

Some people like to be worst off (if you tell my M in Law you have a cold she has pneumonia).
I would be tempted to let her ignore you but say morning, afternoon or evening. But dig your heels in if she asks you to help again. You dont have to give her reasons why you cant help.

If she goes on ignoring or sulks that is her problem and people who get difficult are often too embarassed by their behaviour to back down or apologise.
 
1. its NOT your responsibility and she clearly is not a friend, she should be offering to babysit for YOU!

2. She has no kids or ties and so can go work a 2nd job to afford her horse.

3. If she is off with you, hard cheese on her.

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF AND YOUR HORSE AND FAMILY. Whats gone in the past is the past, THINGS HAVE CHANGED, tell her to move on.

Spend your time to enjoy YOUR horse. I used to get caught doing loads and never had time for my own, I had a kid, 5 horses to sort and a full time job. NEVER AGAIN!
 
Unfortunately, if someone is insisting on something, despite you having said no, and is effectively 'blocking you in', by hanging on the stable door like that, I can't think of any other way to deal with it other than the way you did. I think you've done very well to hold out this long. Sounds like you have enough to deal with at the moment and I think she needs someone else to have a little chat about the stresses you're under and why it was wrong of her to keep asking like that. Is there anyone at the yard who would be willing to do it? Just to keep the peace, I mean. I think the arrangement you've had previously might be in the past, now!

Hope your horse recovers ok and same for the dog.
 
If you want to go back to being friends, you might say sorry for yelling at her, but explain how stressed you were. She will either take the olive branch, or ignore you not want to talk to you.

But you are the injured party in all this. She is doing up her house and is busy - well yes, but that isn't the same as collecting children from school, sick dog and injured horse is it?

She was trying to get a full livery service without paying.
 
I know how you feel, there was a girl on my livery who took advantage with her horse and it used to bite and kick me and when I moved fields she was so horrible i did not want to go to the yard at all so keep your chin up it will all be okay

the most important think is hope your horse gets better soon!
big hug
 
jen1 ...You sound just like me
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lol

I dont know if I would have held out as long as you have though .

Your "friend" or "livery" which ever you want to call it I would presume livery
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sounds like a very selfish person who hasnt thought out very well of the joys of owning a horse has she ?


Have a nice glass of wine tonight and try to relax and breathe
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x Hope your horse recovers ok
 
well done for standing your ground - why the hell should you put yourself out for her - like others have said if she cant afford the extra services your yard offers then she should either re-consider owning the hrose or move somewhere cheaper.

We used to have the same problem. We turnout out and friend got in. Our horse was then put on box rest and we were still getting up the yard for the road crossing at 6.45 to turn her horse out for her
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and in return she did nothing for us! We put up with it for a week and then it got to much but she went all funny and then left - not thanking us for any help
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I'm not surprised you exploded at her and I think she deserved it!! You have got more than enough on your plate and personally I know if it was me in your situation with your poor horse my friends would be running around trying their utmost to help me and giving me their support. She should have a bit more sympathy for you. Don't let her get you down she doesn't deserve a friend like you xx
 
The older I get the more I am wary of people. Trouble is, she probably thinks she is right and therefore you cannot "win". Sometimes you have to deal with a situation and rely on the feeling you get afterwards. Some of us are more sensitive than others and therefore "read" into situations. You know and feel you have done right so sleep easy. xx
 
Dont feel bad or beat yourself up over it. If she was a real friend she would have been there for you as you were obviously having a really bad time and needed support. She deserved what she got for being so selfish.

If she cant see how badly she treated you and how selfish she has been then its her loss. You dont need a friend like that.

Chin up, stick by your decision to not do her horse and above all SMILE. It will make you feel much better.
 
this is really awful for you as (am assuming) the horse r your hobby and the yard is where u go to enjoy your hobby!!! I think you have been very unlucky with your current livery buddy, but not everyone is like that. On our yard we all help each other out and works really well has done for years With diy is swings and roundabouts ect, and what a shame shes propper taken the p@@s! Hope alls on mend with dog and horse!!
 
I think you did the right thing - just make sure you stick to your guns and dont go back to helping her just because she makes you feel guilty. As everyone has said you have nothing to feel guilty about. Hope horsey and dog mend and get better soon
 
You did the right thing putting your foot down,life is about Give and Take,and she got the nerve to ask you to do her horse when your horse has a broken leg,your back and then 2 kids...no-no-no-no-no...
I got a couple of people at my yard and we help each other out,my hubby has not been well for quite some time now and with school run and that i do need help once in a while.
We dont have to do what you did and write it down since we know that it will all be even out in the long run..
At the end of the day you are both adults and now when you have calmed down i am sure that you can patch things up !
 
Flipping heck sounds like a nice mutually beneficial situ got a bit one sided. I can't believe she acted to aggressively towards you! Well done on your handling of the situ, and when you see her either apologise for being offhand but stand your ground on your reasons why (they ARE reasonable!!) or just be normal - say hi to her, if she doesn't talk back to you, she's the one that looks like a right childish fool. I suspect she might be talking to you because she will have had a chance to realise what she's just done - lost her best full time lowest paid groom!!
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Hope whatever happens it sorted and you can move on from it - not exactly what you need, is it?
 
In reply to your posts! glad you were all on the same train of thought you know what it's like when you have a rant then you start to doubt yourself! She really is one of those know it all sort of people always telling me how to look after my horse and what I should be doing even though she hasn't ridden hers for about 6 months. She seems to start her sentences with "you know what you should be doing"......

I asked her on Sunday before all this blew up if she was going to ride as it was such a lovely day but of course she didn't have time as she had so much to do on the house.

She has actually put the horse up for sale but not had any interest as yet. Others have suggested she try and find a sharer, put him on loan or find somewhere with 24hr turnout but she insists that she must 'break the ties' and sell him! and he couldn't cope being out 24 7.

When I asked here where he was advertised she has put an ad in a local tack shop, I said maybe she should try the internet or H&H but then she ranted on about how she couldn't afford all that! It's really a no win situation with someone like that who is very VERY opinionated and is always right!! Oh well I am working today anyway so she would have been stuffed for MY full livery!!! I have had to get the YO to do my box resting horse today and obviously I won't get that for free!!!
 
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