Admitting loss of confidence

Nonyabusiness

Nonyabusiness

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After i had my first bad fall of my mare last week, Which wasnt her or my fault, dam cat spooked her in our indoor. I have to admit ive lost my confidence with her. I even think shes lost confidence in me, can that happen?. Have got back on three times since but not right after having fall after suffering a very bruised head and face, horse also had nose bleed afterwards was very shook up. I have that feel of dread it happening again, last night the dogs were barking and fighting which spooked her again, didnt come off but she was very unsettled so came out and put her away. I have been a very confident rider with her and we were doing really well, but this last week i feel sick, but i do make myself get on, doing only walk and trot though. I think being older you do think of other things in life and if i was to be injured it would be a crisis. Anyway can anyone help with some words of wisdom. My mare is generally well behaved and doesnt spook but since this cat spooked her by jumping the back boards shes very unsettled in the indoor, out door not an option due to flooding and shes hard to hack out without company and im a night time doer shall be say.

what do i do, giving up is not a option im sure you realize but need my confidence back.
 
How about you spend some time just getting her used to the indoor again, and not riding? Loose schooling, lungeing, long lining, etc? Then maybe book an instructor to give you a private lesson on her :)
 
Maybe you could try desensitising her to the cats/dogs on the ground. We go out hacking alongside 2 dogs so my horse is unfazed by dogs running & barking. I don't think if be happy to ride if I thought my horse was so easily spooked!
 
For my newly acquired nerves I have a neck strap - I've never had to use it and have managed to stay seated through a number of spooks but just knowing it's there gives me a little more peace of mind than if it wasn't. I also went back to basics for a number of weeks before cantering and jumping. Good luck, it's a horrible situation to be in x
 
Confidence is easily knocked, I've been there and its taken a long time to get it back. Start with small things as others have said such as lunging in the arena or in hand work. I would then suggest finding a good instructor and explaining your loss of confidence and get them to help you overcome it. I hardly jump a thing if I am on my own, but an instructor or just a good friend that I trust putting up fences and telling me to get on with it and the nerves start to slip away. Just having someone in there to chat with can also help. I've been known to sing (very badly) whilst riding my youngster as that helps you to concentrate on other things.

I'm starting to try and get rid of my 'what if' thoughts at the moment and have bought the book 'The Chimp Paradox' which has been recommended on here and it is very good.

Good luck with it though. Oh, and a neck strap with just one finger looped through can give you lots of confidence on a spooky horse.
 
Its sad really as she hasnt been known in the 18 months of having her of being madly spooky shes looked at things but never spooked. shes generaly fine with cats n dogs on the ground. the issues was the cat the spooked came from no where in an out of the blue situation as our indoor has like a covered seating area which is open either side. It never happened before but this cat jumped the boards. Scary. Going to go back to ground work as she feels like a "big bag of spook" when riding. ill update later. wish me luck. thanks for the advise.
 
Chin up, you enjoyed it before the fall and you will enjoy it again, she can feel your nervouseness, play with her on a line in the school, you dont have to get on, make friends again, make her walk over tarpaulins and through tyres, great fun, enjoy her company and in doing so she will settle as well, you can always ride again in summer, there wont be any wind up tails and ghosts under bushes then.
 
I second the neckstrap; I rode one of mine with one for over a year and never really had to use it but liked the moral fibre it added (a cat was also responsible for the "incident" that led to the use of said strap, although this one was having a whale of a time INSIDE a plastic bag right next to the arena...you can imagine).

Horses do take their confidence from their riders 'tho, so the more nervous you get the less secure she will feel and the more spooky she's likely to be: vicious circle all the way round.
 
There's lots of little things that may help:
Quick lunge before you get on
Don't feel like you have ride
Ground work will help both of you
Lessons and explain your worries with a lovely instructor
Keep pony busy from the off and have a plan for your time to work on something small like rein back or a bit of leg yielding
Some relaxation and positive visualisation
Ask/ pay someone to ride the odd time for you
Relaxing supplements
Remember this is the funny season and it will get better!
 
I totally sympathise OP. have lost confidence myself after falls and am probably older than you (51) so understand that bit too. I have a wonderful RI who really helps me with my confidence so I would recommend regular lessons with someone you really trust. Also doing some structured in hand work would help as it will strengthen your relationship and rebuild your confidence in each other. Finally yes have a neck strap or - as I prefer - an RS TOR which is a strap attached to the saddle that you can hold and still hold the reins normally. I also have a sticky seat saver to try and keep myself in the saddle! Good luck - I am sure you can work through this. Xx
 
How about a hit air jacket or similar. Yes, even in the school. Why not. You don't have to be eventing to wear one. I love them and they really do give you fantastic protection which in turn has to help with confidence. Good luck.
 
Tack up, you don't have to get on. Just tack up and lunge or long line. When you're thoroughly bored, consider getting on. For your sake, I'd say ensure the cat is nowhere near!
 
I'm another for an 'oh f8ck' strap. Having short arms though a rope around the next is no good so I have a monkey strap that clips between the d-rings on the saddle ;)
 
Neck strap on the horse, rescue remedy is also good, and don't put any pressure on yourself. It doesn't matter if you only feel up to walking and trotting for a little while. Do some in hand stuff with your horse in the arena to help her get her confidence.
If you are feeling anxious your horse will start to get upset, you have to learn to fake it to a certain extent, and I lost my confidence big time, so Im not being mean when I say that.
Good luck, it will come back, just go with the flow
Kx
 
Circe said:
Neck strap on the horse, rescue remedy is also good, and don't put any pressure on yourself. It doesn't matter if you only feel up to walking and trotting for a little while. Do some in hand stuff with your horse in the arena to help her get her confidence.
If you are feeling anxious your horse will start to get upset, you have to learn to fake it to a certain extent, and I lost my confidence big time, so Im not being mean when I say that.
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Oh my gosh, I second this (and 4th the neck strap). I lost my confidence a few years back and I became an avid fan of Rescue Remedy and a neck strap.
Please don't be put under pressure by others or made to feel like a bad owner or rider because you've had a little blip. I put myself under huge stress listening to other people saying "just get back on! I don't see the problem". Go at your own pace.
Maybe take your mare out for a few walks in hand (if safe to do so) and go from there. Even tack her up and then take her for a walk. She (and you) may then feel less pressured about having to ride all the time and if you feel like having a jump on you can do. Also going for a walk with your horse does wonders for mutual trust I have found :)
 
Self preservation is a very natural reflex - and with a very few exceptions it gets stronger as we get older.

Be kind to yourself , take your time - your probably abetter rider than you think you are. I recommend rescue remedy and a neck strap! Youl'll get there!
 
And of course let's not forget that a certain W F-P goes around Badminton, etc. with a neckstrap. If it's good enough for him.........
 
Cortez said:
And of course let's not forget that a certain W F-P goes around Badminton, etc. with a neckstrap. If it's good enough for him.........
Click to expand...

When I had my first share, I mentioned to the owner I would like to use a neck strap - she laughed and said, "oh well, if it makes you feel better" (before laughing at people who use them on her timeline on FB) I said it would make me feel better and if it's good enough for WFP then it's good enough for me - her answer... "Who??". Our partnership didn't last overly long ;)
 
What worked for me was riding another very reliable school master for a while which convinced me that I wasn't a no hope numpty. Building on that I was able to go back to a less reliable horse without the gut gnawing fear of being badly hurt again. Yes, I was apprehensive but not virtually paralyzed. I just set myself little easily achievable goals starting with a 15 minute walking hack; every small victory made me stronger and more willing to push my boundaries.

I use a balance strap rather than a neck strap - more discrete, less easy to forget (it's attached to my saddle all the time) and nearer to grab.
 
I know the feeling. After suffering a rotational fall last year and snapping my collar bone whilst going xc, I seriously lost my confidence and even felt like giving up. The mare had never put a foot wrong xc, so it was a bit of a shock to be picking myself up off the floor after being rolled on! I found the best thing to do was get back on the horses as soon as I could, and I would have done then had I not been injured and just walked her back to the box.
When I was strong enough, I put all of my protective gear on (hat, body protector and air jacket), I know I looked a bit silly just walking a horse (different to the one I had the fall on) around wearing it all but it really helped me to get back on and once the first ride was done, I felt more confident to climb back on my original mare and get going again. It is still a work in progress and I am still a bit apprehensive about moving back up to BE novice level, but I feel it would have been a lot worse had I put off getting back on! You just have to try and forget about what happened, its difficult I know, but you don't want to be constantly thinking it might happen again. Just look at it as a freak accident. A neck strap is a great idea and will just give you that bit of extra help should you need it.
Another thing I found helped a lot was to get someone else to ride the horse while I watched as I worried the horse might have lost confidence in not only me, but in herself when jumping. I sent my mare to a local event rider for a week to be jumped while I recovered and it was so good to see that was she confident again and helped me to see that it was just an accident and the chances of it happening again are very slim.
Don't give up, take your time, keep persevering and it will all get better and you will be confident again in no time!
 
In addition to the good ideas already posted, how about putting on some music in the school while you are riding. Since having a bad fall off my horse I found schooling her to music really helped me. Not really sure why but I think it relaxes me generally and probably her, and it helps me to focus on the rhythm instead of letting my mind go off into negative thinking mode.
 
What you're feeling is totally normal. It takes years to build confidence and seconds to smash it and there's been very little time really since it happened. Give yourself a bit of time to recover before getting back on, just spend time with her and maybe lunge, longline or free school in the school until she seems happy. Then take it one step at a time. 1 circuit of the school is fine for the first time, then 2 and build it up. If you're worried you're making her worse, ask a competent, confident friend or your instructor to get her settled before you try.
Good luck with it, don't lose heart.
 
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