ADVERT advice please - where are we going wrong?

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cluedo

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Could you all please check my advert and let me know what you think would help try and sell him, or not attract timewasters - which there have been more than our fair share!

Thanks.

Horsemart
 
Wow he looks lovely.

The only thing I would say in the bottom part of the advert.
"he can be seen with his competitive rider" - what does this mean.

also you say you would swop for a younger dressage or event horse which is a bit confusing as surely this is what he is?

I can't comment on the video as I can't see it on this computer but he looks a seriously gorgeous horse & I hope you find the right home for him.
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No idea how you stop timewasters though!
 
Already noticed it this morning, he is lovely, really stands out amongst the ads and lovely clear photos, but too much for me, both as a horse (i want a RC type) and £s, Good luck i am sure someone will be drooling over him right now
xxx
 
That's what I was thinking when you posted the other day. Why do you want to sell/swap him for what sounds to be the same?
 
What a lovely horse.

Have you really had timewastes - or simply people for whom the horse is not right - or visa versa?
 
Thanks for the comments. I don't really want or need another horse as giving up for now (we said swap to maybe get something the next step up and then sell on with some points) - he is with a rider now, who adores him but FOR HER she wants the next step up. He is a fabulous amateurs dream competition horse but probably too polite for a professional rider, but for someone who wants an easy to do, flash allrounder he is the bees knees.

We're losing the will the live at the moment!
 
The cynic in me thinks you probably are half giving that link to advertise him a bit more!!!

IMHO, people are not going to be buying horses, and the market will definately slow - becasue of the 'credit crunch' - especially horses of that proce.

The ad is also really wordy - I prefer bullet points or snappy writing.

Hold on and I will give it a go...
 
Another smalll point is that when you put n/a in the price category the ad does not always come up in searches so you may be excluding some people who are looking for his type. I think you should be specific on your price saying "offers over" is a bit wishy washy to me and I would think "well what is the price" - small point though, being picky now !
 
No they are big fat whopping timewasters - and they don't seem shameful about admitting they havent got the money either, or their husband won't spend that amount of money, or they have decided they want a younger horse, or they have been HUGE and wanted/needed a bigger horse, and of course those who have said they have been looking for ages and don't know what they want.
 
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No they are big fat whopping timewasters - and they don't seem shameful about admitting they havent got the money either, or their husband won't spend that amount of money, or they have decided they want a younger horse, or they have been HUGE and wanted/needed a bigger horse, and of course those who have said they have been looking for ages and don't know what they want.

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I'd be quite brutal on the phone with potential viewers then. Tell them the price is not negotiable so don't come if you aint got 10K. Dont come if you want a younger/older/taller/shorter horse. Etc.

And if they still come, but you get the feeling they are not genuine. Stop the viewing and don't let them get on him......
 
I am not riding him purely because I have no time and am working and studying very long hours - no other reason, plainly and simply. I have no time for literally anything horsewise for the forseeable future. H is what he is - a great amateurs horse, NOT a professionals horse.
 
Hi,
I think he is absoulty fantastic and have fallen for him. Unfortuantly that doesn't help you and my Dressage horse is not young so swapping not an option. I rememeber being told a long time ago that the longer the ad was the more 'depserate' people are - I don't know what other peoples views are on this one though. I was told something as simple as what it does, colour height age and the godd old box, shoe clip and anything further will be asked by people when they phone you. Apparently it helps the seller work out if the people are genuine or not ... they ask sensible, relevent questions.
Sorry for rambling - not sure if it is of any use...
Goodluck I hope you find a cracking home for him as he is so fantastic
 
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But why are you selling him if he's so good? Why are you not riding him ...

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she said she giving up for a while....
 
"" The cynic in me thinks you probably are half giving that link to advertise him a bit more!!!""

lmao dosn't everybody do this though, advertise on horsemart for their fees, then put a link to it on hho for nothing or "what do you think to this advert" free advertising yahhhhhhh.
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nice horsey by the way
 
Great answers - I thought by putting a comprehensive description might field out the timewasters but now wonder whether he becomes a curiosity horse!

If anyone has time and fancies writing an ad for me will buy wine and chocolates!!

Thanks so much everyone for all your help.

PS - I have paid for a two week ad in H/H as well :-)
 
I tell people what i am after on the phone and then ask if they think the horse is sutable, i know that if they are keen to sell they may not want to say "he is too green/sharp for you" but it does save everyones time.

I love his dots on his blaze
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OK

Here you go

FIT AND READY TO GO – An opportunity too good to miss

EXTREAMELY TALENTED 16.1hh Chestnut gelding Hanoverian by GARCON.
100% in every way – shoe/box/clip, hacks alone/in company. Snaffle mouth, and very trainable and fast to learn.
Manners to burn at home or competing.
Clean confirmation
Wins at Novice, Open and Intermediate Workers inc placing in Royal International qualifier
3 very uphill, rhythmical paces
Established lateral work – flying changes etc
26 BD points in very few outings competing Novice/Elementary- Part qualified Novice Regional Finals.
Bold/Scopey jump over coloured or natural poles.
BSJA winnings in few outings/working PN/Novice XC.
Can be seen at Competition Livery by appointment
Only the very best of homes please for this very genuine hard to find horse £12,000 ono More video/photos and information available by email.
MAY CONSIDER PART EXCHANGE FOR YOUNG DRESSAGE OR EVENT HORSE
 
I would put the price at what you want to sell him for, offers over £10,000 doesn't say anything you looking for £10,001 or £11,000 or £15,000
That will put people off
 
Changed as above suggestion - thanks. I have no idea how to change the layout on Horsequest to add more lines in - any ideas?
 
Advert is too long, and even after wading through it all still not sure if you are trying to sell him as a potential competition horse or a schoolmaster.

If the former he has not really done enough for his age, his record is what I would expect of a 6 year old. Also the fact that you would take a young horse in part exchange reinforces that fact that you do not rate hime as a top horse.

For a schoolmaster he is quite pricey - not saying he is not worth it, just that most people looking for that type of horse will be shopping to a lower budget. I would replace the loose jumping pic with one of him jumping a smaller fence nicely under saddle.

Some spelling / grammar errors, eg Conformation spelt confirmation - picky I know but affects the impact of the ad. I also find the *'s annoying - what are they for?

Re the video, I'm not sure what the point is - it shows he is good to girth up or did I miss something? Why not have a vid of some ridden work?

Think the whole thing needs to be snappier and targeted more clearly at what you perceive the ideal potential purchaser would be.
 
What a gorgeous horse! Have you put him in the Sports/Performance part of Horsequest?

That's where you will attract the more serious buyer (in my view).
 
With the video there are links to more on that site - it shows that he is calm around the yard and there are about 4 more ridden videos with the links.

He is a schoolmaster with a not rushed competition record - he has done a lot of affiliated WH and won most of them. He'd certainly go out and do lots more with someone with more time and money than I have got.

What I am trying to put across is that he is an amateurs horse and will excel at top end/lower end affiliated level - he will go Adv Medium dressage, Novice eventing with his eyes closed etc. Most professionals would find him 'too polite'. He's forward going but sensible. How do you explain all of that in an advert under A4 size. I thought by saying what type of rider he would suit would explain the type of home?? No???
 
Your photos are very nice but I would like to see the horse jumping with someone on it's back. The dressage photos are nice - couldn't one of them be of canter though?
 
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