Advert advice - selling a cob

Paint Me Proud

Paint Me Proud

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A lady at the yard has asked me to advertise her horse for her.

Can you guys read my write up and tell me what needs tweaking please. I know you guys are good at reading between the lines ;)

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100% bombproof traditional cob.
Monty is a real family friend, a nice example of a medium weight traditional cob. I bought him last year after a long search for the perfect cob for me.
Monty has proved to be a real laid back gentleman, he has excellent manners both on the ground and under saddle.
We have had Monty professionally schooled every week for the last 10 months and he is currently working in 3 lovely light paces. Despite being a cob he is very nimble on his feet and would do well in any discipline.
He is excellent to hack in company but needs a confident rider if hacked alone as, being only young, he needs reassurance and guidance.
I am only selling Monty because as a petite 61 year old nervous lady rider I am finding I am not confident enough to hack him alone (my main past time) and give him the reassurance he needs when solo.
I would consider a swap for something 14.2 or bigger (must be 100% to hack alone) who is looking for a quiet life as a happy hacker to enjoy mid-day hacks with me.
Monty truly is a lovely cob with a chilled personality who would excel as a family pony or fun competition cob. 100% shoe, load, clip etc. Will be very sad to see him go.

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That sounds ok, however you have contradicted yourself by saying he's 100% safe then saying he needs a confident rider hacking?? It also doesnt have an age or height? Most adverts won't allow you to have so many words either. But he sounds lovely!
 
Surrey.Stable.Lass said:
That sounds ok, however you have contradicted yourself by saying he's 100% safe then saying he needs a confident rider hacking?? It also doesnt have an age or height? Most adverts won't allow you to have so many words either. But he sounds lovely!
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age and height will be in the ad but i havent added it here so people dont accuse me of advertising!!

Good point about the 100% thing - will sort that.
 
I'd read that and think potential nutter - bought after long search for perfect horse but selling after only a year and after a lot of professional input... Cut out all the waffle and tell the people reading the ad about the horse, not the rider's life story - height, age, type, professionally schooled, etc. The owner can tell anyone interested why she's selling when they phone/view and ask.
 
Bethie said:
I'd read that and think potential nutter - bought after long search for perfect horse but selling after only a year and after a lot of professional input... Cut out all the waffle and tell the people reading the ad about the horse, not the rider's life story - height, age, type, professionally schooled, etc. The owner can tell anyone interested why she's selling when they phone/view and ask.
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I am working from an advert written by the owner - she wants to put her story across as it is a hard decision to sell for her.

The horse is genuinely lovely, but is too strong out hacking for the lady when he is on his own. Other than that he is a star.
 
The Fuzzy Furry said:
Bits missing: Age, height, colour & location (also possibility of tack/rugs etc?)

Sounds a sweet fella, hope he gets a nice home :)
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Sorry I should have stated at the top of my post that age, height, location etc will be stated in the ad when it goes on horsemart - but i am not putting it here to avoid accusations of advertising on the forum.
 
Any better?



Attractive black and white tobiano traditional cob.
Monty is a real family friend, a nice example of a medium weight traditional cob. Pretty markings with good bone and feather.
Monty has proved to be a real laid back gentleman, he has excellent manners both on the ground and under saddle.
We have had Monty professionally schooled every week for the last 10 months and he is currently working in 3 lovely light paces. Despite being a cob he is very nimble on his feet and would do well in any discipline.
He is excellent to hack in company but needs a confident rider if hacked alone as, being only young, he needs reassurance and guidance.
I am only selling Monty because as a petite 61 year old nervous lady rider I am now finding I am not confident enough to hack him alone (my main past time) and give him the reassurance he needs when solo.
I would consider a swap for something 14.2 or bigger (must be 100% to hack alone) who is looking for a quiet life as a happy hacker to enjoy mid-day hacks with me.
Monty truly is a lovely cob with a chilled personality who would excel as a family pony or fun competition cob. 100% shoe, load, clip etc. Will be very sad to see him go.
 
Ok for an experienced home only or a second horse sounds better.

I am put off that it has been professionally schooled and yet he has a chilled personality and needs reassurance and guidance
He also has a laid back personality........... doesnt sound it to me. Full of contradictions. Very unclear and too wordy.

How about ..........X horse was bought as a youngster to bring on.He has currently been used for hacking blah blah blah. Would make an excellent(or IDEAL) horse for someone who can further & continue his education. Experienced home preferred.
Excellent to handle on ground/catch/with farrier/load/clip/vet. Lives in or out.5* home for this friendly cob.

I think its essential that you find someone who will develop the horse further and a more experienced rider too. You also mention what you would swap him and it adds more that this horse is not as you describe and you actually have a problem.
 
indie999 said:
I think its essential that you find someone who will develop the horse further and a more experienced rider too. You also mention what you would swap him and it adds more that this horse is not as you describe and you actually have a problem.
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Why is professionally schooled a bad thing? As he is young the instructor who comes to the yard has been riding him for the owner to put all the ground work in.

The only reason he is for sale is that he bolted about 50 yards down the road on a solo hack - once - in 12 months. However the owner is very nervous and just that one incident has completely shot her confidence on him. She is quite upset as she adores him and thought he was her 'one in a million'.

Monty is so laid back it's funny, he has a permanent 'duuhh' expression, but i dont want to put in the ad that he is perfect to hack alone because of that one bolt he's done, i dont feel it would be right.

What do you think?
 
Honestly it comes across that she's way too scared to ride him which is emphasized by the sound of her paying someone else to ride him for 10 months. I'd just state 'professionally schooled'.

Take out the life story as it just makes it too long. Add 'sad sale of this much loved chap' - that's enough and to the point.

Maybe put more emphasis on his capabilities and potential. What has the instructor been focusing on? Schooling on the flat, jumping etc?

Out of interest how much is he? (I'm looking for a new horse). You can PM me if you'd prefer.
 
i'll try again......better?


Attractive black and white tobiano traditional cob.
Monty is a real family friend, a nice example of a medium weight traditional cob. Pretty markings with good bone and feather.
Monty has proved to be a real laid back gentleman, he has excellent manners both on the ground and under saddle.
We have had Monty professionally schooled every week for the last 10 months to advance his education and he is currently working in 3 lovely light paces. Despite being a cob he is very nimble on his feet and would do well in any discipline.
He is excellent to hack, happily passes cars, vans, tractors etc but does prefer to hack in company.
Monty is 100% to shoe, catch, box, clip etc and is never sick or sorry. He will happily live in or out, is a good doer and is up to date with all vaccinations and the dentist.
I would consider a swap for something 14.2 or bigger (must be 100% to hack alone) who is looking for a quiet life as a happy hacker to enjoy mid-day hacks with me.
Monty truly is a lovely cob with a chilled personality who would excel as a family pony or fun competition cob. Will be very sad to see him go.
 
Ok saying he would prefer to hack in company would put me off as you make it sound like he won't go out on his own. Perhaps say "he will hack alone with a confident rider but prefers company"
 
Paint Me Proud said:
I am working from an advert written by the owner - she wants to put her story across as it is a hard decision to sell for her.

The horse is genuinely lovely, but is too strong out hacking for the lady when he is on his own. Other than that he is a star.
Click to expand...

But potential vendors don't want to know the seller's life story!
I much prefer adverts which simply state the age, gender, height, colour, attributes and simply refuse to read the waffly ones. You certainly don't need to repeat the horse's name over and over again. As said before the seller can tell people her story if they ring about the horse.
What about 'Good in traffic but needs confident rider to hack alone' ?
 
i have made a few changes and will be showing it to the owner at the yard tonight.

I know she will want more details about her situation in it but i will try to make her realise that people dont need to know that etc. I am sure she will be okay with it though - she does want to sell after all :)
 
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