Ad reads ok, but I would rephrase the bit about dressage..... How about mentioning her 3 paces, are they floaty, extravagant etc.....(in relation to the dressage bit that it)
I'm new back into the horse world but have been perusing the adds as I do intend to buy again.
The adverts that catch my interest are the ones that say something along the lines of a horse you can have fun with, willing to try and forgiving of the rider (if it is true). I do look for the fact that they can jump or other disciplines but I think deep down what people are looking for is a horse that they can be relaxed with and will be friend.
FYI...I remember seeing your advert and really liked the bit about not being a typical mare or chestnut.
I know it does sound strange but I just don't want novices on her as she isn't suitable for total novices for schooling and jumping. Wasn't really sure how to word it. I cannot remeber the last time I sold a horse as I hate doing. All my others I have had for years.
'Not for a novice' I find very ambiguous as it depends what you mean by a novice. There have been other threads where people have asked what is a novice and people with many years of riding under their belt said they would call themselves a novice, so maybe that is rulling some people out who would otherwise be in touch.
If what you mean is not for complete beginners or perhaps describe what it is that people have to be able to do to do to ride her properly...
i think the advert reads ok but you need better pictures iv always thought that horsemart was the place to advertise but recently iv been told that all the traders are using it and they are just out for cheap ones a girl on our yard as had no response from her ad on horsemart but put it on horsequest and had lots of phone calls and a viewing in first few days unfortunatley its more expensive to advertise on there or horse deals but at min they seem to get the results on saying that nothing seems to be selling well at the moment as been tryng to sell my sec dx id gelding for months now
I'd take out the bit about breed/colour - it gives negative connotations even though it's meant to be positive, if you see what I mean? When I looked I didn't even think about the chestnut TB mare thing until you said it - only a minor! Maybe a photo of her standing untacked to give an idea of conformation, and clearer jumping pics if possible?
The picture is dreadful - the first thing a potential buyer looks at is the photo. If the photo doesn't catch the eye, a lot of people do not bother to read further. You definitely need to take the bit out about putting your mum on her and the fact she isn't suitable for complete beginners. TBH, you can weed out any total novices on the phone. Also I agree with the other reply, take out the bit about not being put off by a chestnut mare. If people are dead set against chestnut mares, they won't even bother to look at the ad anyway.
Also, this might just be me, but the advert reads as trying a little too hard?
I would put in more details that the potential viewer can relate to e.g.
"Lovely straightforward mare, 15.2hh who has been with me for x amount of years. Has competed trailblazer showjumping, always in the rosettes & paces good enough for dressage. Real confidence giver over fences & excellent hack & with traffic so could suit competent novice or make great RC allrounder. Sad sale because of blahblahblah."
You repeat yourself too much & it isn't logically structured but for what you're asking she looks a bit of a bargain...