ladygreytea
Member
I reckon a bit of context is needed but where to start, please be gentle but I am fully open to constructive criticism.
Fell free to share your confidence loss stories in the comments as well
I have been riding and handling horses for as long as I can remember, used to go out for hacks or ranching with my family and got more serious about it around age 6-7.
Joined a Pony Club, learnt all the basics, had my grandmother guide me and would read and learn off the saddle in my free time as well.
I had always ridden loaned horses or my grandmothers, being in school and nothaving the space in the city just didn´t mix too well.
Then, my grandma´s Holstein mare had the loveliest of foals, Chiara, and she was my heart horse.
As soon as she was weaned I´d get her used to my presence, play with her, pet her, scratch her and desensitize her to loud noises, randomly moving objects and overall basic handling.
She grew up to be the sweetest, albeit a tad lazy, gentle giant at 16.4hh a girl could dream of.
Initially I´d thought she´d make a good Jumper but she´d run through the poles instead of jump over them.
She did however become a fantastic Dressage horse, fluid movements, very patient and super sweet.
Overall, just good things with this big mare.
Since I was finishing high school a friend of mine offered and really excelled at keeping Chiara happy while I was away, she advanced her training, moved her about 3-4 times a week and did great with her too.
Around 2017 I had to move abroad for Uni, so my friend continued caring for her.
In 2019, my grandmother decided it was time for an offspring, so just a break until I was fully back from Uni again.
Chiara had a lovely little Holsteiner mare named Bianca and I had my return scheduled for early 2023 to fully enjoy both of them.
Sadly that´s where it goes downhill.
In 2021 Bianca had an accident with some barbed wire and succumbed to her injuries, I never met her and cried for several days.
Then just a year later, in September, I had the most depressing news of my life as my grandmother told that Chiara had suffered a bad colic with no way of recovering.
She suffered for 3 days, bless the vet doing his very best to save her but ultimately failing, and she passed away at home.
I was (and still am) inconsolable for the better part of autumn and winter that year, never wishing to set foot on the family ranch again.
I miss my mare dearly, it hurts that I wasn´t there for either of my horses passing and even more so considering both accidents could have been fully avoided if I´d been there to monitor both filly and mum. I blame myself a lot over what happened, even if it wasn´t.
Fast forward to July 2023, finally back on the ranch and missing riding a lot. My gran keeps some ponies but all are enjoying their retirement.
I´d always wanted to live on my grans ranch and help her, so I also had that in mind while looking.
I have ridden a lot of different breeds of horses, all types of temperaments and sizes as well. I´ve handled both hot-blooded horses and warmbloods, different ages too.
So I felt pretty prepared in owning a horse again and sharing her in my absence with my friend who still rides at our country club.
All that logic flew out the window when I saw a 2yr old, dark bay Arab filly (halter line, great pedigree, wonderful conformation) named Grace.
I reckon that was my biggest mistake.
Instead of looking at several horses, I only focused on this one Arab who was the same color as my Holsteiner.
She is spectacular in every sense of the word, witty, fun, cuddly and a joy to be around.
I tried her
So instead of being sensible, I went ahead and bought her.
She had been started under saddle, mostly for ranch work like cutting and reining. Very different riding style from what I was used to, but I was partial to finding a horse I could round cattle with.
Because she´d been worked quite hard during the winter, she was a bit underweight and I held off on riding her until she was healthier.
On our very first ride, the saddle didn´t fit her correctly and the bridle was too big on her. We went for a nice walk and then trot, a bit wobbly but I managed. Mind you the last time I´d ridden a horse was in September 2019 when I´d visited home for a short trip.
I tested the waters with cantering a few strides but began leaning far too much toward her neck and slid right off.
I´ve fallen off horses multiple times so no biggie there.
However, Grace spooked and galloped over me, one of her hooves digging into the small of back, full weight, and knocking all the wind out of my lungs.
Thanks to the jumping vest I didn´t land in the hospital, just a terrible bruise and nasty headache from hitting my face against the ground.
As soon as she stopped galopping, I got up and walked calmly toward her, adjusted the saddle, checked her for injuries and got up again.
No canter this time, just a slow walk and a short trot to end things on a positive note.
Since then, I´ve only ridden her thrice again, different saddle and bridle, but it still is too large on her.
She is almost only out in pasture at the moment.
I´d groom her regularly, cuddle with her and I reckon that´s where I simply fell short.
She has begun questioning where I stand in regards to her, yesterday and today trying to bite me as soon as I take her out of her box and then kick when I want to groom her while she is feeding.
I have never in my 27 years of life had a horse turn nasty on me ever. Not my grandmas spicy Trakehner, not any problem horses I´ve ridden or had to calm down, none of them had this turn in attitude.
I did not sleep tonight as I was riddled with anxiety, and every time I thought of Grace or how I could approach her (like I used to last week), my heart would speed up and I´d spiral.
I´m paralyzed by the fear of not being good enough for her, of not being able to give her the training she needs nor the time and love.
I adore her and want only the best for her. I have the option to send her for more training to the friend I purchased her from since he had a great bond with her.
What I fear though is that even after she comes back from training, I still won´t have proper tack that fits her nor live on the ranch to dedicate my time fully to Grace.
I apologize for the near-biblical text, it is without a doubt incredibly depressing to write this but I feel that if I do not rehome her, she won´t be happy and fully unleash her potential.
She needs guidance, and so do I now. I have never felt scared of horses or handling them, but I´m terrified of ruining her
I´ve already set to start riding lessons again in April to build up my confidence again as well as been working on my fitness too.
Any tips and additional ways to help build confidence again would be super appreciated.
Hope everyone is having a great Monday and enjoying themselves
TLDR: Outhorsed and scared to fail a young Arabian mare full of potential, advice?
Fell free to share your confidence loss stories in the comments as well
I have been riding and handling horses for as long as I can remember, used to go out for hacks or ranching with my family and got more serious about it around age 6-7.
Joined a Pony Club, learnt all the basics, had my grandmother guide me and would read and learn off the saddle in my free time as well.
I had always ridden loaned horses or my grandmothers, being in school and nothaving the space in the city just didn´t mix too well.
Then, my grandma´s Holstein mare had the loveliest of foals, Chiara, and she was my heart horse.
As soon as she was weaned I´d get her used to my presence, play with her, pet her, scratch her and desensitize her to loud noises, randomly moving objects and overall basic handling.
She grew up to be the sweetest, albeit a tad lazy, gentle giant at 16.4hh a girl could dream of.
Initially I´d thought she´d make a good Jumper but she´d run through the poles instead of jump over them.
She did however become a fantastic Dressage horse, fluid movements, very patient and super sweet.
Overall, just good things with this big mare.
Since I was finishing high school a friend of mine offered and really excelled at keeping Chiara happy while I was away, she advanced her training, moved her about 3-4 times a week and did great with her too.
Around 2017 I had to move abroad for Uni, so my friend continued caring for her.
In 2019, my grandmother decided it was time for an offspring, so just a break until I was fully back from Uni again.
Chiara had a lovely little Holsteiner mare named Bianca and I had my return scheduled for early 2023 to fully enjoy both of them.
Sadly that´s where it goes downhill.
In 2021 Bianca had an accident with some barbed wire and succumbed to her injuries, I never met her and cried for several days.
Then just a year later, in September, I had the most depressing news of my life as my grandmother told that Chiara had suffered a bad colic with no way of recovering.
She suffered for 3 days, bless the vet doing his very best to save her but ultimately failing, and she passed away at home.
I was (and still am) inconsolable for the better part of autumn and winter that year, never wishing to set foot on the family ranch again.
I miss my mare dearly, it hurts that I wasn´t there for either of my horses passing and even more so considering both accidents could have been fully avoided if I´d been there to monitor both filly and mum. I blame myself a lot over what happened, even if it wasn´t.
Fast forward to July 2023, finally back on the ranch and missing riding a lot. My gran keeps some ponies but all are enjoying their retirement.
I´d always wanted to live on my grans ranch and help her, so I also had that in mind while looking.
I have ridden a lot of different breeds of horses, all types of temperaments and sizes as well. I´ve handled both hot-blooded horses and warmbloods, different ages too.
So I felt pretty prepared in owning a horse again and sharing her in my absence with my friend who still rides at our country club.
All that logic flew out the window when I saw a 2yr old, dark bay Arab filly (halter line, great pedigree, wonderful conformation) named Grace.
I reckon that was my biggest mistake.
Instead of looking at several horses, I only focused on this one Arab who was the same color as my Holsteiner.
She is spectacular in every sense of the word, witty, fun, cuddly and a joy to be around.
I tried her
So instead of being sensible, I went ahead and bought her.
She had been started under saddle, mostly for ranch work like cutting and reining. Very different riding style from what I was used to, but I was partial to finding a horse I could round cattle with.
Because she´d been worked quite hard during the winter, she was a bit underweight and I held off on riding her until she was healthier.
On our very first ride, the saddle didn´t fit her correctly and the bridle was too big on her. We went for a nice walk and then trot, a bit wobbly but I managed. Mind you the last time I´d ridden a horse was in September 2019 when I´d visited home for a short trip.
I tested the waters with cantering a few strides but began leaning far too much toward her neck and slid right off.
I´ve fallen off horses multiple times so no biggie there.
However, Grace spooked and galloped over me, one of her hooves digging into the small of back, full weight, and knocking all the wind out of my lungs.
Thanks to the jumping vest I didn´t land in the hospital, just a terrible bruise and nasty headache from hitting my face against the ground.
As soon as she stopped galopping, I got up and walked calmly toward her, adjusted the saddle, checked her for injuries and got up again.
No canter this time, just a slow walk and a short trot to end things on a positive note.
Since then, I´ve only ridden her thrice again, different saddle and bridle, but it still is too large on her.
She is almost only out in pasture at the moment.
I´d groom her regularly, cuddle with her and I reckon that´s where I simply fell short.
She has begun questioning where I stand in regards to her, yesterday and today trying to bite me as soon as I take her out of her box and then kick when I want to groom her while she is feeding.
I have never in my 27 years of life had a horse turn nasty on me ever. Not my grandmas spicy Trakehner, not any problem horses I´ve ridden or had to calm down, none of them had this turn in attitude.
I did not sleep tonight as I was riddled with anxiety, and every time I thought of Grace or how I could approach her (like I used to last week), my heart would speed up and I´d spiral.
I´m paralyzed by the fear of not being good enough for her, of not being able to give her the training she needs nor the time and love.
I adore her and want only the best for her. I have the option to send her for more training to the friend I purchased her from since he had a great bond with her.
What I fear though is that even after she comes back from training, I still won´t have proper tack that fits her nor live on the ranch to dedicate my time fully to Grace.
I apologize for the near-biblical text, it is without a doubt incredibly depressing to write this but I feel that if I do not rehome her, she won´t be happy and fully unleash her potential.
She needs guidance, and so do I now. I have never felt scared of horses or handling them, but I´m terrified of ruining her
I´ve already set to start riding lessons again in April to build up my confidence again as well as been working on my fitness too.
Any tips and additional ways to help build confidence again would be super appreciated.
Hope everyone is having a great Monday and enjoying themselves
TLDR: Outhorsed and scared to fail a young Arabian mare full of potential, advice?
