Advice - friend over horsed?

milesjess

milesjess

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A close friend of mine has taken on a new horse to loan fully. She's a lovely young mare and she's had her for a few weeks now but I'm worried she's over horsed herself.

The mare is obviously still settling in but she's quite sharp and spooky by nature. As a result my friend seems to be losing her confidence when handling her and is reluctant to work with her, ie lunging etc... She's needs bringing on but I'm not sure my friends capable of taking her on so to speak.

She is in a contract with the horses owner. I've tried to help her out as much as I can but I have my own horses and she's on a different yard which is very quiet so gets limited help.

My personal opinion is that she's totally over horsed and she should speak to the owner with a view of returning the horse. Should I tell her my thoughts??

We are good mates but I want to approach the matter in the right way :)

Any ideas?
 
If she's a close friend as you say, I'd absolutely be talking to her, and sharing your concerns. Just talk to her: if it's as you say, she is likely to get injured.
 
Thanks, I'll have to. I think deep down she knows herself but as you say either she will get injured or the horse will start losing her confidence.
 
Tell her, and be as tactful as my friends were when it happened to me! I kept the horse, but made a lot of adjustments. I so needed to have kindly voiced what I already knew deep down.
 
Being friends ur in a difficult popsition. If ur close enough u'll be fine. My best horsey mate and I are totally honest about each others horses etc. If ur just friends it can be harder. If she keeps it she may end up thinking you don't like her horse. If confidence is suffering she may think u don't think she can ride well. I would say something but be careful how u word it.
 
Sit her down for a chat but do it diplomatically. You could always start by asking her how it is going and seeing what she says. If she brings up any problems you could ask what can be done to help, e.g. instructor, etc. Gradually you can build up to the suggestion of returning the mare but perhaps your friend will mention it all by herself.

On the other hand if your friend thinks all is going really, really well there is little you can do or say that will convince her otherwise!
 
Could you help her to find a suitable instructor who could bring the horse on for her? If she really wants to keep it, the horse might just need schooling by somebody else a couple of times a week and then she can take it from there.
 
This is so difficult and how best to deal with it depends on your friends temperament I would talk but I would try to find a horse she knows who is doing what she would like to do and try and have a conversation along the lines of if you had a horse like horse X you could be doing abc over the summer the mares not ready etc etc and try to get to it that way .
Somepeople can take the direct approach , the mares to much for you send it home but it has a high likely hood of it going wrong.
What I would definatly do though is sit her down and talk to her in a one off talk don't drip drip each time you see her that will wear her down and harm her confidence more .
Good Luck.
 
Thanks folks :) she's is approachable and can accept feedback so I think a tactful but honest approach is the way.

An instructor might help, but without criticising her decision I think she's just taken on too much. The horse needs more work and time then she was anticipating and can offer. I just don't think they are suited and she's rushed into getting her.

It's starting to show after this short space of time as the mare has become very lively in the field, galloping around, broncing etc every day and is constantly spooking/taking off on the lunge and when being lead she's very sharp and reared up the other day on route to the field. Bearing in mind she's a young horse it's not helping her education. So far she's had several near misses with her.

Luckily with it being a loan she has the option to return her within the conditions, had it been a sale who knows what she'd have done.
 
I've spoken to her! It went much better then I anticipated and my friend was in agreement in the end that the mares not quite suitable. She agreed its not fair on either of them.

Now the small issue of approaching the owner... I hope she's ok with her. My friends extremely genuine with this so hope she's understanding.
 
Well done you on being such a good friend!!

I am in a similiar postion with a good friend who I have spent the last 2 yrs looking for a suitable horse to buy. She is a nervous rider and previously had 1 horse 'gone wrong' which she fortunately managed to re-sell , but lost a lot of money on it.

Despite my offers to go and look at potential horses for her, she phoned out of the blue to say she had found her 'perfect' horse and bought it there and then. However as this horse is a standard bred x she has been really struggling with it's paces, especially canter. It is only 6, very green and has bucked her off on several occasions. We have spoken about lessons but as she doesn't trust it to behave, won't book any in. We have also spoken about sending it away for some professional schooling, but I think her pride is getting in the way, especially as she has already had a failure with the previous horse as imagine she feels it reflects on her riding ability.

She wanted a horse to do low key RC activities, fun rides and hunting, but for the last 9 mnths all she is done is short hacks at walk. The horse is bored and frustrated, therefore playing her up even more.

It is such a shame, but although constantly asking for my help and advice, she doesn't want to seem to act on it, so feel I have no choice but to back off and hope she sorts the situation out herself......
 
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