Advice - getting angry at myself for confidence wobbles

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Riverboy

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Hi all,

In need of some advice. As some of you may know 2009-2010 weren't good years for me horse ownership and riding wise, but all that has been set to change - I now have a really lovely, mostly incredibly well behaved mare. She's helped me to recover from my knee surgery and is slowly helping me to recover from the two boys (River and Luca) being PTS within 6 months of each other, but I seem to have had a brain melt down...

Mostly I am fine - hack in the dark, school several days a week, out and about having fun... but every now and then I just become a sack of jelly wobbles - unable to even remain mounted as an almost panic attack fear grips me and I have to get off.

She's a lovely mare - an ex racer TB so occassionally a little 'looky' but she really doesn't put a hoof out of line, and normally I really trust her. We have taken our time to start to bond - but that was to be expected in honesty - she is very reserved and I was very tenative to being with...

What I was wondering is if anyone had any tips for these random occurances? I don't know what is triggering them - but something clearly is. This weekend for example - Sat confident lovely hack out with friend. Sunday went into the school and dismounted after 5 minutes shaking and crying - she had been on her toes but hadn't done anything and I had confidently ridden her through a very spooky ride in the fog earlier that week.... They only seem to occur every now and then but I'd love some hints/tips that have worked for you guys to keep me in the saddle and control it before it becomes a habit.

I am having lessons on her (in fact have one tonight) and it can happen in a lesson/hacking/schooling.

Thanks and hot chocolate with coloured sprinkles on whipped cream for all who got this far...

t x
 
Have you thought of using NLP (neural linguitic programming??? think thats what it stands for). Its a type of hynotherapy and will probably help you discover why the panic happens and give you some tools to deal with it. It involves tapping on the body to disrupt negative thought patterns. Its weird but i have used it myself, and seen success with others too. Try googling for your nearest practitioner.

Hope that helps, good luck with getting your confidence back soon

Trina x
 
Thanks Trina - if I knew what was causing it then it would be easier... just suddenly I feel, as I have affectionately termed it 'THE FEAR' last weekend we were doing direct transitions and she went the best I've ever ridden her - lovely all week, on Sunday I had to be led round the lunge pen by my boyfriend whilst I wobbled like a jelly?! That morning I had thought I'd try our first little jump together!!

I've read a few books on NLP but wasn't sure if there were any practictioners who worked specifically with riding problems or if it was sucessful...

t x
 
Have you considered hypnotheraphy? I was v sceptical of it, but my lack of confidence was ruining my riding - happy to pop a small jump and have a good canter some days - in floods just walking up a track the next - while my poor mare did nothing at all wrong!
I found it hugely helpful. It isn't an instant fix, and you do have to follow steps when you feel the fear come over you - it isn't magical either! It was a massive help though, and has also helped me with my confidence issues in other areas of my life too. Worth getting a recommendation if you can, if not just find a registered one and go along.
Mine offered the first appt for free so you can check you get on with them - you do need to be able to talk freely about what you are hoping to fix so you need to be able to chat easily to them. They also go through what the process would be and wether the results you are hoping for are realistic. If you are in the Glos area then I would recommend the guy I went to.
 
glosgirl - that sounds just like me - fine and dandy one minute - quaking the next. I know a lot of it must stem from my still damaged knee - bad riding accident has meant that even after surgery I will never have full use of the knee again - I think I get scared I'm going to bang it again or something...

I've never thought about hypnotherpy - before I've always been one of those 'feel the fear and do it anyway' riders - but this isn't just feeling nervous - it really is more like a panic attack...

I'm in Surrey so if anyone could recommend someone I'm willing to try anything - I don't want this to ruin riding for either of us...

x
 
Is it because you start thinking about 'what if's' ? therefore getting yourself into the wrong frame of mind?

Sometimes I used to be like this when driving home on the motorway, always been a confident driver, never had any issues with driving on a busy motorway but I went through this stage of getting myself into a nervous state of mind, I'd clam up and panic about every possible danger there is when driving, looking out of other idiots pulling out on me, wagons going over the white lines, getting a blow out, brakes failing....all sorts to the point where I started thinking there was something wrong me my car nearly every day, I even kept dreaming about having car crashes, I got myself into a right old tiz and I'd feel this weird kina aching in my arms and could feel my heart fluttering but it only lasted a few minutes and didn't happen every day AND totally out of character.

I think it's because there could be something else on your mind and this is the way it's escaping, but it's been channelled out through something else tha that you do, which is probably why some days nothing bothers you and you'd think how silly feeling like this, but when it happens you just can't help it.

Not really sure what to suggest, what about something really simple like listening to the radio, something to make you feel more upbeat and confident or put you in really good mood before you ride?

Sorry no help but I think I know where your coming from.
 
Kenzo - you may have hit a nail there. It does seem to happen when I've had 'one of those weeks' - I am a project manager and sometimes work is a little more than stressful... Also weirdly this time in my state I ended up crying 'I wish River was here' - think perhaps lots is going on and its not all just riding.

Music may help - in the week I ride in the mornings before work and listen to my iPod - perhaps I should do that at the weekends as well...

I just don't want to turn my lovely girlie into a quivering wreck!

xx
 
as others have said, try Hypnotherapy. it sounds like you're having a classis pannick attack, total pain in the arse but they can be controlled quite easliy once you've got to grips with them. i've had them for over 10 years and i'm on top of them in a big way, hardly ever have one now. Best of luck xxx

should prob have said, i've had it and it works, they basically taught me distraction techniques to keep my mind occupied. xx
 
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Riverboy said:
I've read a few books on NLP but wasn't sure if there were any practictioners who worked specifically with riding problems or if it was sucessful...

t x
Click to expand...

Another vote for NLP here! It did absolute wonders for me when I had an almost total loss of confidence a few years ago. I thought that if just kept forcing myself to ride it would sort itself out. When it got to the stage where I was sitting on the quietest of horses, and yet still shaking and crying, I knew that some other intervention was needed!

I did a two day course with Caroline Putus, followed by a one-to-one session a few months later. She is a life-long horsewoman who uses NLP to help riders. She also writes on the subject of confidence for Your Horse mag.

Her website is www.enjoyriding.com

Now, 3 years later, I am still riding confidently. But I know it can be a fluid thing and I have the 'tools' that NLP gives you, should I have a wibble again!
 
Riverboy said:
Kenzo - you may have hit a nail there. It does seem to happen when I've had 'one of those weeks' - I am a project manager and sometimes work is a little more than stressful... Also weirdly this time in my state I ended up crying 'I wish River was here' - think perhaps lots is going on and its not all just riding.

Music may help - in the week I ride in the mornings before work and listen to my iPod - perhaps I should do that at the weekends as well...

I just don't want to turn my lovely girlie into a quivering wreck!

xx
Click to expand...

Yeah perhaps you just tired and stressed with other things going on in your life so you find it hard to relax then and enjoy your hobby, if your a worrier then you'll worry about anything...even stuff that's not worth worrying over.

Perhaps it could be worth a look at your diet too, try finding out about eating some 'feel good' foods, could help.

Try doing some form of exercise before you ride on weekends, it helps you to focus on something else prior to riding so it will actually gee up a bit, maybe because when you ride in the week it's 'one job to another' and your working to a set time to get things done, but on weekends you have more time...thus more time to then worry about things, so set yourself a time table, must be at yard for such and such time, must be finished riding and horse turned out by such and such time, then you spend less time thinking and more time cracking on and getting on with the job.
 
Kenzo - you may be my new life guru! I am a massive worrier! to the extent I can worry about worrying - if I have the time to do so. In the mornings I work to a very strict timetable - yard by 5.30, mucked out by 5.45, riding by 6, dismount by 6.45/50 leave by 7... there isnt' time to worry beacuse I have to get it done.

At the weekends I faff at home before I get to the yard, then faff when I get there... perhaps the change in routine upsets us both a bit?!

I am definately going to look into some NLP/Hypnotherpy as well - make a multi-pronged attack at the jelly wobbles and I'll be back to myself...

Can I just ask though - how do NLP and Hypnotherpy work?! And which do you think is better for someone whose brain is over active?I do tend to over think - a lot!

Thanks everyone - you've made me smile for the first time since Sunday - going to tackle this evenings lesson with a smile! x
 
Glad you're feeling more positive! I think there are a number of practitioners who are now providing confidence clinics/courses that encorporate NLP for horse riders. I can recommend one on the essex/suffolk border but i think that may be a bit too far for you.

NLP is a form of hypnotherapy. I would give some local NLP practitioners a call and have a chat - chances are if they do NLP, then they will be hypnotherapists too and will recommend what would be best for you.

You'll find it will be quite fast paced, and you will be giving answers that you didn't even realise were 'the answer' - you're subconcious will divulge them, which is why i think you might find out the reasoning behind your attacks. There was a lady on a tv show a while back that had a problem with washing her hands all the time, being super clean. During her EFT (emotional freedom technoque) and NLP session she revealed she always felt dirty, further fast paced questioning led to her blurting out 'because of my skin colour'. She looked totally shocked - she had no idea that was what was happening in her head, yet the nasty comments she had recieved as a child about her skin colour (she was black) had led to this problem developing. They were then able to work on turning that thought process around. It's very clever, and remarkably simple. Plus, you should be shown how to help yourself, so no continuous sessions should be needed.

I really need to go to one myself - the small introduction i had to it made me 'believe' but i have never got round to going properly. Must start saving some pennies. I still use it for pain management and illness though. Usual works really well.

Good luck, keep us updated. I'll be interested as to how it works out for you.

Trina x
 
Thanks Trina - I'm going to look into it... again last night and this morning lovely positive rides, but now I am starting to worry another attack is round the corner as I don't know what is causing it... finding out would be really helpful - as would tools for then keeping it at bay!!

She's such a lovely mare I would love to just get on and enjoy things without worrying a panic attack is round the corner. Bumped into a friend hacking round the farm in the dark this morning - this was the friend who calmed me down on Sunday and she said she couldn't understand it - as I was clearly fine now and had been prior for weeks...

Oh well - life is set to try us - googling NLP now! :-)

T x
 
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