Advice needed please....

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Jericho

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am in a total quandary at the moment about what to do with my horsey hobby and would appreciate some views on it.

I am a mid 30s stay at home mum of 2 children, one of which is horsemad, has own pony, and I love taking her and the pony out to shows, PC etc. We are lucky to have room at home to have horses - my riding horse, my daughters PC pony and an old pony who is semi retired and on loan to us and who we all cant bear to part with because he has been such a faithful tutor to my daughter. Husband has said absolutely no more than 3, he would rather we just had 2 (ie the old pony to be returned but even he understands why I am reluctant to return old boy). Here is my quandary - I love having the horses, I love the thought of riding but find myself often giving excuses not to ride and I only really hack out once a week on my own and then at the weekend with my daughter.

My mare is 16 years old and I have had her for five years. She is very very easy on the ground, has absolutely no faults and you can throw a saddle on and take her anywhere. She has won dressage, TREC, jumps well (ex eventer although I dont enjoy jumping) but she is very shy with people and other horses although she is very bold out hacking and jumping. I find it quite hard to relate to her at times and she doesnt seem to enjoy human interaction unless food is involved. I would even go as far to say that I think she has had some very rough handling in her time. I wouldnt say she is a worrier or is at all stressed but rather resigned and seems to not really take a lot of pleasure in being ridden by me but as I said she pricks her ears forward hacking out and always tries her hardest whatever we do and wouldnt dream of being naughty on purpose - she is at her most affectionate after being ridden or having gone out in the trailer. Recently she has put a few yippee bucks in when cantering across open fields and it scared me - I am a mum with responsibilities and when i fell off last time I hurt a lot so now I worry and dont look forward to cantering her but make myself do it.

She doesnt have the greatest conformation for dressage nor does she particularly enjoy it - she will never be a dressage horse but she loves jumping. I do feel she would be great for someone who would be a bit braver with her and ride her a bit more regularly and actually do something with her and I think this would help her shyness. She isnt a project horse at all as she is so easy, I just think she needs regular work and actually she would once again be a decent riding club horse or just a great hack for someone. I would really love to get my riding mojo back again and do proper dressage and have lessons etc. but I cant seem to do it with this mare. I feel sick at the thought of selling her but I keep thinking about it more and more and keep browsing adverts for dressage school masters.

Help - what would you advise? My daughter and her horsey life will and does take precedence over mine but I do generally want to continue to ride myself and do something other than hack. Do i just keep her and count my blessings that she is well behaved and easy to hack, does everything I ask of her but will never be the dressage horse I would like? Or do I sell and take the risk of taking om a new horse that is more suited to my dream but perhaps not to my reality?
 
I wouldn't sell her. A yipee buck is simply that - and would not be violent enough to unseat you I wouldn't have thought.

Im assuming there's nothing wrong with the fit of the saddle?
 
Jericho said:
she is at her most affectionate after being ridden or having gone out in the trailer.
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What happens if you work her 5 days a week and spend at least an hour a day with her? I would try that first, as its actually quite hard to find a horse which is well behaved and safe. Why would you get a dressage horse if you only ride once a week? Some dressage horses are used to being worked really hard and schooled intensively and even if you increased your riding, you might end having to do more than you are comfortable with to keep on top of another horse. You might of course find a saint, but personally I would buy the dressage horse before selling the mare. If you spend your own money, what does it matter what your husband says?

Also, with your horse being 16, the market for her in jumping is going to be limited. She won't appeal to BS people at that age, because it would take a while to get her going, and the number of riding club people looking will be limited due to her age as well. I'm not saying she's unsaleable - not by any means - but its a pity you didn't think of doing so 2 or 3 years ago. Why not loan her out?
 
If she has only just started bucking, I'd have her saddle-fit checked. Almost every horse can do low-level dressage but not every horse can safely accompany a child on a pony safely on a hack. If you don't think your horse would enjoy dressage, what about Le Trec? You need an obedient, unflappable horse which will turn its hoof to just about anything, to negotiate the hazards, which sounds like yours.
 
thanks for your reply. Saddle is checked annually, last time was about 5 months ago so it might be that although she doesnt buck with it on the lunge nor being schooled in canter. Nothing has changed at all with her regime and the bucks really were just woo hoo, bound forward, skip to the side, head down, heels up and no not enough to unseat but enough for me to think about falling off - I would just rather she didnt do it, when we canter out on a hack I want a leisurely amble not a hooley. Last time I fell off her was because she did the yippee buck but then slipped on wet grass and we both went down.... it wasnt fun and I still have the internal injury to show for it on my thigh.
it just keeps sticking in mind - she doesnt like dressage, she doesnt look good doing dressage but I want to do dressage but then I think I should just be grateful that I do have a lovely horse....and who is a great lead to a childs pony.
We have done TREC and won the first and only one we entered without any training because she took it all in her stride but they seem so few and far between that we have never managed to do another one.
 
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Mithras said:
What happens if you work her 5 days a week and spend at least an hour a day with her? I would try that first, as its actually quite hard to find a horse which is well behaved and safe. Why would you get a dressage horse if you only ride once a week? Some dressage horses are used to being worked really hard and schooled intensively and even if you increased your riding, you might end having to do more than you are comfortable with to keep on top of another horse. You might of course find a saint, but personally I would buy the dressage horse before selling the mare. If you spend your own money, what does it matter what your husband says?

Also, with your horse being 16, the market for her in jumping is going to be limited. She won't appeal to BS people at that age, because it would take a while to get her going, and the number of riding club people looking will be limited due to her age as well. I'm not saying she's unsaleable - not by any means - but its a pity you didn't think of doing so 2 or 3 years ago. Why not loan her out?
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really helpful comments, thanks. I wondered that if I enjoyed riding more, particularly with purpose, then I would ride more frequently. I think hacking out on my own is a bit boring which is why I only do it once a week but maybe I would get bored with constant schooling. and yes after some rather dubious horses not being accurately described that I have come across in my past, the thought of finding another good one and discovering all their quirks does fill me with dread. At least I know this mare very well and how she will react.
I dont have my own money, hubbie funds it all but it is more to do with time than anything - caring, poo picking for 4 horses is quite a lot of work. I would actually love to put her out on loan so I could ensure her future.

thanks all - this is really helping!
 
Jericho said:
am in a total quandary at the moment about what to do with my horsey hobby and would appreciate some views on it.

I am a mid 30s stay at home mum of 2 children, one of which is horsemad, has own pony, and I love taking her and the pony out to shows, PC etc. We are lucky to have room at home to have horses - my riding horse, my daughters PC pony and an old pony who is semi retired and on loan to us and who we all cant bear to part with because he has been such a faithful tutor to my daughter. Husband has said absolutely no more than 3, he would rather we just had 2 (ie the old pony to be returned but even he understands why I am reluctant to return old boy). Here is my quandary - I love having the horses, I love the thought of riding but find myself often giving excuses not to ride and I only really hack out once a week on my own and then at the weekend with my daughter.

My mare is 16 years old and I have had her for five years. She is very very easy on the ground, has absolutely no faults and you can throw a saddle on and take her anywhere. She has won dressage, TREC, jumps well (ex eventer although I dont enjoy jumping) but she is very shy with people and other horses although she is very bold out hacking and jumping. I find it quite hard to relate to her at times and she doesnt seem to enjoy human interaction unless food is involved. I would even go as far to say that I think she has had some very rough handling in her time. I wouldnt say she is a worrier or is at all stressed but rather resigned and seems to not really take a lot of pleasure in being ridden by me but as I said she pricks her ears forward hacking out and always tries her hardest whatever we do and wouldnt dream of being naughty on purpose - she is at her most affectionate after being ridden or having gone out in the trailer. Recently she has put a few yippee bucks in when cantering across open fields and it scared me - I am a mum with responsibilities and when i fell off last time I hurt a lot so now I worry and dont look forward to cantering her but make myself do it.

She doesnt have the greatest conformation for dressage nor does she particularly enjoy it - she will never be a dressage horse but she loves jumping. I do feel she would be great for someone who would be a bit braver with her and ride her a bit more regularly and actually do something with her and I think this would help her shyness. She isnt a project horse at all as she is so easy, I just think she needs regular work and actually she would once again be a decent riding club horse or just a great hack for someone. I would really love to get my riding mojo back again and do proper dressage and have lessons etc. but I cant seem to do it with this mare. I feel sick at the thought of selling her but I keep thinking about it more and more and keep browsing adverts for dressage school masters.

Help - what would you advise? My daughter and her horsey life will and does take precedence over mine but I do generally want to continue to ride myself and do something other than hack. Do i just keep her and count my blessings that she is well behaved and easy to hack, does everything I ask of her but will never be the dressage horse I would like? Or do I sell and take the risk of taking om a new horse that is more suited to my dream but perhaps not to my reality?
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I honestly would follow your own instincts on this one. Nobody else can help you here.
 
Ooh this is a toughy. I'm usually an advocate of people selling horses that they don't get along with or ones that don't do the job required of them, however your mare sounds so wonderful in so many other ways that it's not an easy situation for anyone to give you advice on. I think you should write down honestly her pros and cons and also write down which of her attributes are valuable to you and which you can do without.
 
If you're not enjoying her, and you could find her a really good home, I would say loan or sell her. Some horses look perfect on paper, but you just don't click with them for whatever reason. It sounds to me like you find riding her a chore, which is a real shame when she could be so perfect for someone else.

Though I have to say, what about her makes her bad at dressage? Most horses are capable of low level dressage after a bit of conditioning work. Mine looked horrific when I bought him (seriously, I can show you a pic) I would never have thought he'd be capable of even an okay test, but he really does have some talent, it just took a bit of polishing! Also as others have said, if you're wanting a serious dressage horse, it's going to take a lot more riding than once a week.
 
I have seen some very odd shaped horses doing well at RC level dressage, beating much better made but less obedient ones. Do you have regular lessons? Are you part of an RC? If not, I'd join one and start having regular lessons and see how far you go.

There's a lady in CR who competes a lovely little mare at RC novice and has done elem on her I think, who is truly not your typical build but has done so well. The mare is called Saffy I think!
 
Only read your opening post OP. I would keep her and have fun! That's what its all about after all! Stuff stressage etc, it's a hobby! Enjoy your neddy, hack out, go on adventures together, smile, laugh, enjoy!! xx
 
Pigeon, I wouldn't use your horse more than I would use Reg. He's always had the same basic structure, just the musculature needed changing... Whereas I imagine this mare has the wrong structure from what's been said.
 
Lolo said:
Pigeon, I wouldn't use your horse more than I would use Reg. He's always had the same basic structure, just the musculature needed changing... Whereas I imagine this mare has the wrong structure from what's been said.
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I'm never going to be clever enough to compete, and my beloved boy has a gorgeous face, feet all over the place, and a perfect jumpers bum if only I was brave enough! It's just meant to be a fun hobby making friends with half ton beasts - don't over think it people :)
 
I'd be keeping her, and thanking my lucky stars! Overall she sounds a very good girl indeed, and one who has been a faithful ally, even if you feel you aren't that buddy-buddy with her. At 16 I wouldn't be looking to sell a horse. The end to her jumping days may be a lot nearer than you think, and who wants a horse who is starting perhaps to be not always sound after jumping et?.

You say you only ride once a week or so, and if I was the funding hubby I might begin to wonder if the financial outlay and time-consuming poo-picking etc was relevant for someone who isn't THAT enthusiastic any more (No finger-pointing, I'm exactly the same).

As someone else has said, perhaps don't read too much into your relationship (or lack of it). Just be thankful you have a quiet, good companion you can ride out with your daughter.
 
There are a lot of horses doing well at dressage who don't "look" like dressage horses but with training, they get far. Friend had a show cub who she took - easily to advanced medium. In fact he found it easier going up the grades as found the collected work so straight forward.

I would advertise for a sharer for your mare. Get her worked more, get you some help. With that money I would then pay for lessons on a dressage schoolmaster and see how I really felt about dressage. You will also find that your mare will improve greatly on the flat once your own riding improves as well. This way, you can see if you geniunely want to focus on dressage or have just reached an impasse with your mare. You need to think about your own time carefully as well and be honest about how much time you want to spend in the saddle. Your priorities have changed so there is no shame in saying you don't want to do it as much.
 
all very sensible advice, thank you! I went for a wonderful hack with her this morning in the autumn sunshine and she was just so good, rode on the buckle most of the way, past hedge cutting, pheasants flying out, a dog jumping up at the fence at her, cantered along tracks, did a bit of nice schooling and down a busy road without batting an eyelid, didnt nap, didnt snatch at the reins, just got on with it, no getting cross/ argumentative/stressed/worried (much like every other hack we go on!) and she seemed to enjoy it as much as me. As I was riding along I started listing all the things that she has going for her and all the things that arent so great and to be honest the 'for' list was much much longer than the against. The only few things that I could vaguely not like about her are 1) she isnt cuddly or very human orientated... 2) she is grey and always looks scruffy 3) she hasnt great conformation in that when I look at her I think 'she looks so much like a pregnant donkey'! and I dont get that proud feeling and 4) she has her speedy bucking moments when out cantering. Then I thought about those reasons and realised how ridiculous, materalistic and selfish I was being. Poor horse, I dont deserve her!!!! And on top of all that she IS a brilliant hack companion for my daughter and her pony and that is very very important. And lastly if I am realistic I dont think I have the time or the facilities to compete at a higher level dressage myself even if I had a super duper dressage schoolmaster. so thanks all for the wake up call, I shall appreciate my lovely mare a bit more in the future, spend a bit more time with her, have some lessons, give myself some goals to achieve and thank my lucky stars that I have such a nice horse.
 
Great decision Jericho!

It's very easy to think that the grass may be greener on the other side. Experience has taught me that it seldom is.
 
I think you should try working her more regularly, and doing some schooling and maybe take a weekly lesson. Most horses won't go particularly well without regular schooling or on once a week hacking, and as far as it might be the mare that is at fault, equally it might be your riding.
 
Mithras said:
I think you should try working her more regularly, and doing some schooling and maybe take a weekly lesson. Most horses won't go particularly well without regular schooling or on once a week hacking, and as far as it might be the mare that is at fault, equally it might be your riding.
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yes totally agree - she isnt really at fault at all when it comes to dressage, she just gets on with it - its just that she is quite long backed meaning that it never looks like she is working from behind and her big tummy isnt very flattering (apparently even when she was eventing fit her old owner said she had this huge round barrel like tummy!). She also picks up my nerves, if I tense she tenses through her neck and mouth so I most definitely am not helping in that respect. She can do a lovely soft test and has won 2 out of the 3 Intros I have done with her so I am sure if I focussed more and worked more with her we could do more.
 
Jericho said:
all very sensible advice, thank you! I went for a wonderful hack with her this morning in the autumn sunshine and she was just so good, rode on the buckle most of the way, past hedge cutting, pheasants flying out, a dog jumping up at the fence at her, cantered along tracks, did a bit of nice schooling and down a busy road without batting an eyelid, didnt nap, didnt snatch at the reins, just got on with it, no getting cross/ argumentative/stressed/worried (much like every other hack we go on!) and she seemed to enjoy it as much as me. As I was riding along I started listing all the things that she has going for her and all the things that arent so great and to be honest the 'for' list was much much longer than the against. The only few things that I could vaguely not like about her are 1) she isnt cuddly or very human orientated... 2) she is grey and always looks scruffy 3) she hasnt great conformation in that when I look at her I think 'she looks so much like a pregnant donkey'! and I dont get that proud feeling and 4) she has her speedy bucking moments when out cantering. Then I thought about those reasons and realised how ridiculous, materalistic and selfish I was being. Poor horse, I dont deserve her!!!! And on top of all that she IS a brilliant hack companion for my daughter and her pony and that is very very important. And lastly if I am realistic I dont think I have the time or the facilities to compete at a higher level dressage myself even if I had a super duper dressage schoolmaster. so thanks all for the wake up call, I shall appreciate my lovely mare a bit more in the future, spend a bit more time with her, have some lessons, give myself some goals to achieve and thank my lucky stars that I have such a nice horse.
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This makes me happy :D enjoy her. And I agree with Amymay, it's easy to think that the grass is greener but it rarely is. Plus if she's evented then her dressage can't be that bad! Join a local riding club and have some fun, it's a hobby not a chore. :)
 
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