Advice on sharing dogs with an ex

[alex_mac30]

Hi
I’m after some advice.
My ex and I split up about 7 weeks ago. The dogs live with him and will continue to do so. I miss them so much and would love to still see them if possible but I don’t want to do anything that won’t be in the best interest of the dogs. My question is has anyone shared their dogs? So I could have them for the odd weekend etc. Does this work for the dogs,
If I had them I would make sure I could be around so they would have more company than when at my ex’s.
I would love to see them but just poping round and taking them for the odd walk doesn’t seem enough and I don’t think that would help me and may confuse the dogs as they are used to me being there all the time.

 

[CorvusCorax]

I would only do it if you think it would be fair and not confusing for them. Sometimes I think it is better to just cut the cord to be honest.

I've seen it where dogs have been co owned and things have gone tits up and then new people have come on the scene and it can all just be a bit awkward. Terribly unromantic of me and easy for me to say, but it's why I'd always have my 'own' dogs.

 

[alex_mac30]

I think that’s my worry. As I work full time and have a horse I can’t have a dog of my own. It worked so well when we were together and could share the looking after. It must be hard on the dogs now as they get less company and I feel guilty about that. I used to work one day a week from home so they had company and I was around more in the evening than my ex.

 

[Red-1]

I guess everyone's situation is different, but if this were me I think my dog would settle to be happy to see me once in a while for walks and treats, mine have adapted when I have worked away for periods of time and have only been home at the weekend. They may have sulked a bit when first reunited, but they soon got used to the routine and just welcomed in the way only a dog can.

I am not sure, however, that I would want to do that and drag out a relationship with a human partner that has not worked in preference to having a clean break so we could both get on with life.

 

[AmyMay]

When my oh's kids got a dog it would come to us with the kids for the weekend. We would also take it on holiday with us. She was absolutely fine doing this and it didn't unsettle her at all.

 

[Moobli]

Dogs are highly adaptable and so I am sure they would get used to the new situation. However, I am not sure I would personally want to have the contact with the ex partner and, as has already been said, it can become awkward further down the line when either of you get new partners.

 

[Sleighfarer]

I have a friend who got a dog with her previous partner, so very much a joint thing. When they split up they decided dog would live with his mum, who was staying in the house they had together, but would go to his dad every second weekend.

I must say I had my doubts about this, but seven years down the line it's all going well still. Dog loves his weekends with his dad and his mum gets to do her own thing every second weekend without worrying about the dog.

 

[MissGee]

I must say, Courts in family breakdowns now treat arrangements with dogs very similar to those of children, ie shared care. I have many cases at work where this happens and it works well.

 

[alex_mac30]

Thanks for all your replies. My ex and see each other at work everyday so I would have to see him and talk to him what ever we do with the dogs. To be honest it’s only the dogs I miss and we can get on. I do understand that new partners maybe an issue.
My biggest issue of finding somewhere to live in the short term. I will take some more time to think about it and see how I feel. It’s so hard I miss them so much.

 

[AmyMay]

I personally don't see why it should be an issue for new partners.

 

[Clodagh]

When I left my first husband he used to leave his dog at his mothers during the day, so I used to go over there a couple of times a week and take him for a walk with my dog, that I had kept with me. It was OK, I missed his dog terribly but he never had been mine so it was fair. I stopped when he asked, after a few mobnths, that I did as he was finding it too hard me doing it.
It was a good 'buffer' I suppose. Years later, when I was back in England, he rang me to say Harley had been PTS, I was gutted.

 

[CorvusCorax]

It's rarely an issue for new partners, in my experience the ex sometimes has difficulties with someone new in the life of 'their' dog.

 

[CrazyMare]

A friend has done this for years. It's worked absolutely fine.