Advice please on my mare

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Bedford Joy

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I have a 12 year old TB mare who I have owned for 18 months. When she came to me she was great to ride but she was a little poor due to being out all over winter in her previous home. After lots of TLC she began to improve and I rode her as often as I could as I had a 3rd child in 2011. I had a fall of her in Aug last year then hacked her out the next day and she spooked badly and wouldn't settle on the ride. I started to lose confidence on her and have gradually ridden her less and less. She is stressy on the ground and can be a bit pushy and distracted which makes bathing, tacking up, mounting etc hard work. In sep I will have more time as my youngest starts 3 mornings of nursery but I honestly don't know if I have the confidence and the heart to put the work in to her that she needs. She's being ridden by my yard twice a week and they tell me she needs a lot of work as she's very green and tense. I am 42 now and if I'm honest I just want to hack out quietly which I do on my elderly ex polo mare and I love that so much.
So do I spend lots of time and money working on my TB mare or let her go to a more experienced home where they will be able to give her what she needs and take on another quieter ex polo pony for quiet hacking which Is really all I want to do. I'm very attached to my mare and feel horribly guilty at the thought of letting her go. She loves my other mare and is happy and settled at my yard. My heart and my head are locked in a battle and I just can't decide ... Any advice would be so much appreciated :) x
 
I think by the sounds of it you already know the answer. Is it doing either of you any good being with eachother? Surely she deserves the best and the question is can you give her that?
 
I wrote almost exactly this post three weeks ago about my Arabian youngster. I'd come off and lost confidence but I didn't want to give up on him. The replies helped me accept that I didn't want to get on him again and we just weren't suited. In our case, I'd overhorsed myself; he wasn't a bad lad at all, but my riding just wasn't what it used to be and I couldn't cope. I'd already made the decision really, and the replies on here helped me to come to terms with it. He went up for sale four days later and he's just gone to the most amazing endurance home where he'll get all the work he needs with people who are vastly more skilled than me. I couldn't be happier for him; I wasn't even sad to see him go, as he's going to have a wonderful time. I'm on the lookout for my next horse, who will be a quiet and confident chap that will bring back my confidence; although I'm still a bit shaky, I think it will come back with time. It's supposed to be fun; it costs too much to be scary. That's what's happened to me anyway, for what it's worth; can be the best thing that ever happened, to sell on to someone who is the perfect match for your horse, and you can find YOUR perfect match then.
 
I would consider doing one (or all) of the following:

Get some lessons on her with a good instructor. If you start to make some progress you might find you start to feel totally different about the situation.

Find her a sharer? If someone else is working with her you might feel happier about just keeping her and not riding her.

Sell her. The previous owner of my girl found it very hard to sell her to me, but 2 years down the line she now says that she was only a temporary Mum - keeping her ready for whenl I came along.

If it was me I think I would consider doing a combination of 1 and 2 and maybe review the situation come the spring.

Hope this helps
 
If the mare has only just started spooking (which is how I read OP), I would get the vet out to check her back and neck and even possibly her teeth. The spooking and tenseness that your yard have noticed make me suspicious that there is a problem. If you find that there is a physical cause for the changed behaviour, not just that she is feeling that she has more energy now you have fed her up, I think that you will get your confidence back with her when she has been treated.
i completely understand that you just want to be able to hack out in safety and comfort, I have attained the age when I realised that I no longer bounce, so decided not to do that any more. I agree that lessons will help you to work with her, if you get her sorted out.
If there is no physical cause, you probably would be best either rehoming her or finding someone else to ride her in a share/loan.
 
Thank you everyone for your replies, basically I believe her behaviour is due to lack of work, she's done nothing for a year almost and the yard have only started riding her this week. She has her teeth and back done regularly and I have her saddle checked regularly. She just not done very much in her life so a lot of it is new to her. She raced as a 2 year old 3 times but was withdrawn from racing as she became stressed in the starting stalls and became a danger to herself and others. She then came to the UK and was a broodmare for 8 years but was sold on as her owner felt she was stressy to handle so decided to sell her on. She then went to a polo yard and had one last foal then she came to me. So if you look at her history she is actually very good considering the lack of ridden work and training she has been given. I had a top eventer ride her who was based at my yard and he said she's not a spooky horse by nature as she will have a look the first time then after that she's fine with it. I honestly think its me that's the problem and my dream is that my confidence gets better and she calms down once in regular work and we can work out our issues and grow old together ... But is this a bit of a romantic view of things rather than reality ? I'm not allowed outside sharers as its a yard rule as the majority of people here are professional riders and they don't want lots if people coming and going. It suits me fine as I have a couple of friends I can have out with based up the road. I believe with some work and with the right rider she'll be a nice hacking horse but I also think she will always have a slightly stressy side as that's her personality ..
 
Is she stressy or is she reactive? If she is stressy,she needs a very calm environment, if she is reactive she needs to be introduced to lots of things and learn that they are normal and she doesn't need to react, it may be worth you paying for some one to take her out and about to get her used to things, or take her out in hand yourself, or pony her from your other.
Good luck whatever you choose to do
 
Friends have just bought an 8 year old more or less fresh out of racing from Derby sales today for £100. I worry so much for these TB's that no one wants.

In your shoes op I'd get a really good instructor to help you with her and keep her.
 
It's a shame you can't get a sharer as it sounds like more work with a confident person would help her. If funds allow I would just let the professionals bring her back into work and see how she goes. If you think she will be ok for you to ride once she is settled then you could share the riding between you and the yard, its an expensive option long term though.

I think I would evaluate the situation only when she is settled in her work. I think it is likely that she will be more suited to a more active home though so you could try putting her on loan, lwvtb or up for sale.

I agree with Amymay though, I would worry about her if she was always going to be stressy and difficult and you had to sell her cheap.
 
I would normally say to sell if you aren't suited but I know round here there's quite a few very cheap tb's on the market that aren't shifting, people wanting rid before autumn I expect so you may find her difficult to rehome.

As she's stressy and tense have you considered ulcers? Or could be other physical causes.

As you say she may just need more regular work, some do. Yard may not suit. What's she being fed? Mines on a low sugar diet plus minerals and a gut balancer, he's laminitic but temperament is great, very even and now laid back instead of being a little crazy when he was on grass 24 / 7.
 
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