Advice please

[Championtwh]

Had my horse 2 months after years of waiting. She's on livery at a riding school a short drive away. Long story short -
been suggested I need another lesson a week (taking me up to 3) to get to know her better. As she has been in a riding school for the past 12 years I said I don't really want her doing more lessons. I was told if I stopped lessons she would "go backwards" so now I'm feeling guilty that I'm not doing enough with her. I've been offered livery 5 mins walk from home so am tempted but am being guilted into not moving her again so soon as it's not fair on her. I don't know what to do as this is my first experience of owning. Would moving her again so soon be detrimental to her wellbeing? That's the last thing I want. I just want to give her a good and happy life. ?

 

[Meowy Catkin]

Weigh up the Pros and Cons of each yard and use that to help you decide. Some things will be more important than others but you need to decide what compromises you are willing to accept and what things are essential.

If it helps, both myself and my chestnut mare were unhappy at the yard I first had her at. I moved her after a short time and although it took her a while to settle (the new yard had cows which she was very suspicious of to begin with) she ended up very happy there until I moved house and needed to move her again.

 

[Fjord]

Who has suggested you need a 3rd lesson a week? Is it the riding school themselves? It sounds like they want the extra income to be honest, unless they have pointed out any particular issues you are having?

If you move yards will you have support at the new place?

 

[EllenJay]

Ask at the new livery what sort ofsupport can you expect, including he.p with hacking, schooling and day to day duties. If they are supportive, then I would move. But you must be very clear that you will get support

 

[Quigleyandme]

Being a new first time owner on a livery yard can make you feel like everyone knows so much more than you, has so much more experience than you, that you are completely inadequate and your horse will inevitably suffer the consequences. Obvs we don’t know what level of ability you have achieved and what your new horse is like and what your ambitions are but please don’t let people, especially people with a vested interest, goad you into doing something you don’t want to do. If you stay at this yard and your relationship with your horse is not going in the right direction, you can always up the tuition then.

 

[Championtwh]

You've hit the nail on the head there. That is exactly how I feel - completely out of my depth. I don't really have any ambition now, just having my horse to look after is enough. Thanks for lovely advice. Much appreciated. ☺

 

[Red-1]

To be fair to the school, and don't take this personally as I don't know you from Adam, but for all we know you ride at a level below what this horse needs and would be in danger to go out alone.

I suspect this isn't the case though, and that the riding school wants some extra income. But I don't know the riding school, so could be wrong on that too.

However, this should be a happy time and you don't sound happy. If you feel confident on the horse then have a tour of the new yard, ensure you would have help and try it.

Most horses go backwards in a new home a bit whilst a new owner gets used to them. Unless it results in danger, I wouldn't worry about it.

Have they suggested working livery yet?

The beauty of horse ownership is that you get to make the decisions. It is also a huge responsibility, but it sounds like you are looking at all angles so I would go with your gut (which seems to be saying to move!).

 

[Championtwh]

Your reply made me chuckle. I've been riding nearly 50 years!!!! I bought my girlie as a happy hacker to give her a break from the school day in day out. I just feel as though I have no control over things at the moment. Hopefully it'll get better given time. It's just reassuring to get such lovely replies that kinda reflect what I'm thinking. Thanks for that. ?

 

[Red-1]

Your reply made me chuckle. I've been riding nearly 50 years!!!! I bought my girlie as a happy hacker to give her a break from the school day in day out. I just feel as though I have no control over things at the moment. Hopefully it'll get better given time. It's just reassuring to get such lovely replies that kinda reflect what I'm thinking. Thanks for that. ?

If she is settled at the yard, could you just thank them for the offer of lessons, but decline. Then you could go out happy hacking. Take control. If they prove unwilling to let you do so, then this yard is not aligning with your goals.

 

[Championtwh]

Are you psychic?? My thoughts exactly except for the taking control bit!! Very sound advice. I shall do as you suggest, knowing that the nearer yard is there if necessary. Thank you.

 

[Championtwh]

Weigh up the Pros and Cons of each yard and use that to help you decide. Some things will be more important than others but you need to decide what compromises you are willing to accept and what things are essential.

If it helps, both myself and my chestnut mare were unhappy at the yard I first had her at. I moved her after a short time and although it took her a while to settle (the new yard had cows which she was very suspicious of to begin with) she ended up very happy there until I moved house and needed to move her again.

Weigh up the Pros and Cons of each yard and use that to help you decide. Some things will be more important than others but you need to decide what compromises you are willing to accept and what things are essential.

If it helps, both myself and my chestnut mare were unhappy at the yard I first had her at. I moved her after a short time and although it took her a while to settle (the new yard had cows which she was very suspicious of to begin with) she ended up very happy there until I moved house and needed to move her again.

Thanks for helpful comments. It really helps knowing other people have had similar experiences and it's worked out. There's so much to take in. ☺

 

[Championtwh]

Who has suggested you need a 3rd lesson a week? Is it the riding school themselves? It sounds like they want the extra income to be honest, unless they have pointed out any particular issues you are having?

If you move yards will you have support at the new place?

It's not my instructor who's suggested it. Another livery giving me the benefit of her advice!! The nearer place is only a tiny set up but the liveries are friends of mine and they all support each other so I don't see there being a problem there. I'll just see how it goes at the current place. I think I'm still a bit shell-shocked at present and that's why I'm feeling confused. All the kind and wise words on here help.

 

[Championtwh]

Ask at the new livery what sort ofsupport can you expect, including he.p with hacking, schooling and day to day duties. If they are supportive, then I would move. But you must be very clear that you will get support

Thanks. Plenty of support. My only issue is that the hacking is not brilliant so that's a compromise I'd have to make. Loads to think about. All advice gratefully accepted.

 

[Ratface]

Your initial post indicates that hacking is what you like to do with your horse. She's your horse, therefore you are the person who decides what you will do with her.
It's not anyone else's place to tell you to have extra lessons. I'm affronted on your behalf.
If the "advice giver" continues to push you to have another lesson per week, I would be tempted to do the "stuck record" response. It can be as polite - or not - as you choose. Any version of "I've already said no" to "Why don't you f*** off to the far side of f*** off, and then f*** off some more?". You could also try a pitying smile plus tinkling little laugh as you ride out of the gate.
I would be verbally short and to the point - "I don't think what I do with my horse is any of your business. Good morning/afternoon/evening". Said in my best "Don't You Know Who I Am?" voice.
If all else fails, totally ignore the presumptuous upstart. How very dare s/he!
I commend you for your restraint, so far.

 

[Birker2020]

Had my horse 2 months after years of waiting. She's on livery at a riding school a short drive away. Long story short -
been suggested I need another lesson a week (taking me up to 3) to get to know her better. As she has been in a riding school for the past 12 years I said I don't really want her doing more lessons. I was told if I stopped lessons she would "go backwards" so now I'm feeling guilty that I'm not doing enough with her. I've been offered livery 5 mins walk from home so am tempted but am being guilted into not moving her again so soon as it's not fair on her. I don't know what to do as this is my first experience of owning. Would moving her again so soon be detrimental to her wellbeing? That's the last thing I want. I just want to give her a good and happy life. ?

Horses are very adaptable and often move yards, from one home to another. I'm a one horse owner but none of my previous horses that I had for an amount of time have ever struggled moving yards and I've never had a new horse that has not settled quickly into his new home either. So please don't worry.

 

[Quigleyandme]

It's not my instructor who's suggested it. Another livery giving me the benefit of her advice!! The nearer place is only a tiny set up but the liveries are friends of mine and they all support each other so I don't see there being a problem there. I'll just see how it goes at the current place. I think I'm still a bit shell-shocked at present and that's why I'm feeling confused. All the kind and wise words on here help.

There’s always one isn’t there? They get right under your skin despite your best efforts. Please don’t let them impact on your enjoyment of your horse. You’ve waited a long time for the privilege of horse ownership, as did I, so enjoy it!

 

[Winters100]

The problem with owning horses is that everyone seems to have an opinion. This is especially unlucky for new owners, as once you have kept horses for many years it is easy to brush off unwanted suggestions, but for newer owners it leaves them unsure. It is always worth knowing a couple of truly knowledgeable people who you can ask advice from, these are almost always the people who never offer advice until asked. The rest I just give a polite smile and say something vague, such as 'Oh, I'll think about it'.

As for advice about taking a third lesson I am not sure why someone would suggest it. If there were such serious problems that more lessons were required to keep you safe then I would have thought that the instructor themselves would have suggested it. If you are skilled enough to do what you want with the horse, and it sounds like you want to hack and are experienced enough to do so, then I simply don't see why anyone would interfere!

 

[Pinkvboots]

It's not my instructor who's suggested it. Another livery giving me the benefit of her advice!! The nearer place is only a tiny set up but the liveries are friends of mine and they all support each other so I don't see there being a problem there. I'll just see how it goes at the current place. I think I'm still a bit shell-shocked at present and that's why I'm feeling confused. All the kind and wise words on here help.

It sounds like your doing absolutely fine and don't really need an extra lesson I wouldn't worry about it, if they mention it again make it clear you didn't ask for there advice nor need it ?

Plenty of those types in yards those that think they know best.

 

[meleeka]

The most important thing you need to learn is that there’s at least one person on every yard, often more, that think their opinion is so important that they have to voice it to whoever will listen. So what if it takes you longer to build up a good relationship with your new horse? I don’t see why you need to be in such a rush! I think you should trust your gut and just get used to being an owner. There will be many, many things for you to stress over ?. Don’t let someone else’s opinion be one of them.

 

[Parrotperson]

It's not my instructor who's suggested it. Another livery giving me the benefit of her advice!! The nearer place is only a tiny set up but the liveries are friends of mine and they all support each other so I don't see there being a problem there. I'll just see how it goes at the current place. I think I'm still a bit shell-shocked at present and that's why I'm feeling confused. All the kind and wise words on here help.

oh ("cute language) FFS! Ignore any other livery giving that sort of advice! What di they know about you. If your instructor is happy carry on and enjoy.

 

[sarcasm_queen]

Having just come off working livery, that sounds a lot like the yard wanting more money out of you. Sounds very familiar.

 

[Goldie's mum]

Very happy for you. Plunge into your hacking and enjoy it. "Go backwards" together as you bond & grow towards each other. If problems arise 6 months down the line you can easily ask for help then & make some small readjustments.
I wouldn't move. You chose this yard for good reasons & the most important thing for you (the hacking) is good there. Every yard has at least one person whose doubts and insecurities cause them to feel the need to tell other people what to do. If ignoring her isn't working try "What, at my age?" then laugh and walk away. I find that works for most situations.

 

[Oreo&Amy]

Had my horse 2 months after years of waiting. She's on livery at a riding school a short drive away. Long story short -
been suggested I need another lesson a week (taking me up to 3) to get to know her better. As she has been in a riding school for the past 12 years I said I don't really want her doing more lessons. I was told if I stopped lessons she would "go backwards" so now I'm feeling guilty that I'm not doing enough with her. I've been offered livery 5 mins walk from home so am tempted but am being guilted into not moving her again so soon as it's not fair on her. I don't know what to do as this is my first experience of owning. Would moving her again so soon be detrimental to her wellbeing? That's the last thing I want. I just want to give her a good and happy life. ?

It’s hard to say without knowing your level of experience and what the two yards are like, but I find horses are often happier on a livery yard. The care is often better and you can have a mixture of lessons with a trainer, hacking and lungeing. I would find someone knowledgeable that you trust and ask their advice. But it’s your horse know so go with your instincts xx

 

[JBM]

3 lessons a week ? I can usually afford one every two weeks ?
Max I’ve ever done is one lesson a week because they usually give me things to work on during the week
One of mine is a happy hacker and if that’s what you like I’d probably stay at the livery I love going on a hack with my mare with no plan be gone an hour or 3 ?