Advice pls - what should I do, feel pressure from all sides!

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Sunny08

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I posted on here a few days ago looking for a rider for my horse as I am now 4 months pregnant.. I am over the moon but the only thorn in my side is my horse.
She is an angel but only 5 yrs old, and being anglo arab X ISH can be a bit of a sharp horse at times, but has never, never been nasty and has no bad habits.
I brought her as a foal before I met my husband, she came as part of the package as far as I was concerned.
Whilst pregnant I don't want to continue riding, thats no criticism of those that do, just that it's not right for me. I have toyed lots with the idea of selling her, even putting her up for sale in February (we were intending on starting a family this year) but then turning two people down who were perfectly nice and offered on her, I just couldn't go through with it.

Now both my family and my OHs family expect me to sell my horse. The general opinion is she is too much of a competition type horse, too flighty and the risk of me riding her and getting injured once baby is born is too high. Also the money would be helpful.

I think she would fetch an ok amount and with me not riding, and not knowing how much time I will have once baby is here (I do have to return to work at least part time) I suppose it is sensible. We will struggle for money especially once I am on maternity leave, however my ongoing costs for her are minimal as we have our own farm.

Someone is coming to try her tomorrow to keep her fit for me. Both families think that the intention is to keep her in work and put her up for sale. My intention is that this person hopfully will keep her ticking over until I can get back in the saddle. I don't think I will ever be able to afford or find such a wonderful horse for me again.

Am I being selfish?? I am worried I am putting myself before my baby? My OH wants me to be happy but worries about me riding and I think he is hoping I sell my mare and get a happy hacker cob in the future. However he is the only one not really applying any pressure and thinks it is my decision, but I do know what his thoughts are.

What do I do?

This is a picture of a friend riding her a few weeks ago... I know I am bias but how could anyone part with her!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=5022198&l=404803c00f&id=707351492
 
Personally, I would tell the families to get stuffed. I dumped my ex because he wanted me to pick between him and my horse (who was there before the ex!).

If you sell, you will regret it. My friend has just had a baby three months ago, and she is back in the saddle getting riding fit so she can go back to her job as head lass at a racing yard.

I hope it all works out for you.
 
If you like her, keep her. If you decide to sell her now under pressure from other people, you will come to resent them for it.
Having a child does not mean that you have to completely give up your own life.
 
TBH, it's nothing to do with anybody but you and your OH.
He might wish you got something quieter but he's already said that it's your decision.....so make the decision based on what works for your little family to be....and tell the rest to (nicely!) butt out ;)
 
She is rather lovely! Why not go for the loan/sharer option whilst you're pregnant, and see how you feel once your baby is born. It seems that there is no rush as you have your own land. I do understand the point of view that you should take more care of yourself once you're a mother, but you could mown down by a bus anytime - wou could always go down the best hat and BP at all times route.

Also, look down the NL page a bit and read the thread on horses not selling...
 
If you want to keep her, then you can put her on long term loan, to stay there if you'd prefer, don't listen to anyone who say's you have to sell her, she your horse and you make the decision, there are plenty of people who have giddy horses and kids ( myself included) so if you think you can still ride her, then go for it, you've had her this long so i am sure you know how bad she gets and can deal with it.
 
Do what you think is right and what you want to do, don't cave in to pressure, I was in a similar position when I was heavily pregnant with particularly my dad and my husbands dad both trying to push me into selling, kept preaching about money/time etc, but I just ignored them and was having none of it, then my horse was involved in an accident when I was 8½ months pregnant and died as a result, it was the worst thing that could have happened to me - i'd had her 16 years and I was devastated, that was 15 years ago now but i'd still feel the same, do what YOU want to do, good luck with your baby and p.s. your horse is gorgeous.
 
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

What a LOVELY mare! I'm on your side, don't sell her. It's understandable that your family are concerned about you and your baby, but you must do what makes you happy. Your family wouldn't want you to be miserable all through your pregnancy would they? And I'm sure you would be, if you sold your horse, and as you say you might never find such a perfect horse again. So hang in there, stick to your guns, take control, find the right person to keep your mare ticking over and don't give in to the pressure (however well meaning it is). You can use the excuse that horses really aren't selling well at the moment, you wouldn't get what she's worth (and she's obviously priceless to you), you'll be bereft without her, and she's part of your family....
 
Congratz on the baby :D

Your mare is stunning! I like most of the others have said, I would suggest loaning out to someone, you will regret selling her I think.

The decision is going to be hard but I think you'll make the right one in the end. It is time for a big sit down with the OH I think.

Good luck with your decision xx
 
Divasmum said:
Lovely horse. If I were you I wouldn't be able to sell her.
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Absolutely ditto!

Your horse, not theirs - and as you say, running costs are minimal.

My sharer has a baby and a full time job - she wants a little time away from it all to concentrate on her and her hobby, as I'm sure you will.

Just my honest opinion - at the end of the day it's up to you.

Congratulations by the way :)
 
I have no idea about how people go about juggling horses and children...I have no children myself and do not intend to have any either (joint decision). But if for some bizarre reason I found myself pregnant...after getting over the panic attacks it would probably cause me to have...there would be no intention whatsoever to sell my horse because of it. We would just have to find a way around it all...baby and horse and finances and husband. My OH would not expect me to sell my horse and I would struggle to find someone to care or ride him during the pregnancy and young child stage as he is difficult to ride, sharp and opinionated and all my tack has to be kept at home due to lack of facilities etc.
You really do need to do what you want and given that your horse is on your own land I see no reason why it should be an issue to keep horsey and do the whole mother bit.
 
Your horse is stunning & no i wouldn't sell either. Ive managed to juggle 4 children & my horses, so im sure you will too! In all honesty you will probably end up resenting everyone if you give into their wishes & sell, i know i would!!
 
As I lay on a hospital bed last year, and again today as I lay on the ground, hubby would prefer I stopped (only two falls).

When we got home I asked him outright. He asked if I wuld if he did; I said I would if he gave up cycling.

I will continue to ride and hubby will continue to cycle.

The hobbies are part of us.

:D

You have to do what is right for you.
 
Keep her, your horse your choice and know one on the earth has the right to tell you what to do, i am another one that would tell them all to get stuffed :D
 
Hi, Congratulations:) Your horse is lovely and I would have trouble selling her,as you have your own land I would find someone to ride and help look after her, also as she is still young maybe turning her away for the winter etc would be ok if finding a sharer takes longer than expected, good luck.
 
What a lovely mare, I can see why you'd want to keep her.
Tell people to leave the subject alone, go ahead with having someone ride her, relax and have your baby. Then just see how it goes. If you decide that you don't want to keep her because of how your life has changed that's one thing. But as the others say, your hobby is part of who you are, and your horse is part of your life. You don't have to sacrifice such an important part of you just because you have a child.
 
Haven't read all the post on here but how about loaning her as a broodmare and then she can feel useful whilst you are out of action and then you can start together gently. We are hoping to have a family soon and I have a 4 year old who my partner says I mustn't ride when pregnant so I reckon if the timing fits she can have a baby at the same time as me then we can start afresh when her foal is weaned and hopefully I'll be ready to get going again. I know the pressure of money is a nightmare but my grandmother always said you shouldn't be mean with money when it was your health in question and I reckon being happy is part of your health.
 
Congratulations! definitely don't sell her, she's gorgeous! -there is life after babies! even if you loaned her for a couple of years she is still young enough for you to have back and do loads with her!
 
Why in the world do people think one should give up everything they like just because they have children? What utter nonsense. And funny how no one seems to worry about men getting hurt after the baby is born. :rolleyes:

Another vote for "tell them all to get stuffed."


signed,

Mother of three, grandmother of four, and rider forever :D
 
I was faced with exactly the same when I fell pregnant. I kept my arab who was 6 at the time, found him a rider for 7 months, had the baby with a cesarian delivery and was riding again within 2 mths. In hindsight I started to ride far too soon, but it all worked out. The baby is now 17 years old and the ginger arab 23 and still with me and I am still riding him !! only you can make the decision, but dont let anyone pressure you or rush you into a decision. Good Luck with both x
 
Well I find the idea that becomming a mother means you have to change everything extremely offensive!

When I had my son we were young and poor. I put my beloved horse on loan because of this and after a few years, when we were financially stable, I got him back.

I am so glad I didn't lose him. My son is 13 now and he does his thing, I do my thing (horses).

When you have a child you can lose your identity. Instead of "Sarah", I was "David's mother".
Everything changes, your body, prespective, attitude and priorities change. If you are not careful, you can lose yourself too. Social convention and family pressures often make you feel helpless against this.

In reality, when you have a child you become the center of that child's universe. No one in the world is as important as you are to that child.

Other people's views, thoughts or suggestions mean NOTHING to him/her.

You are the sun that everything else revolves around and no-one has the right to tell you what to do!
 
gingerarab said:
I was faced with exactly the same when I fell pregnant. I kept my arab who was 6 at the time, found him a rider for 7 months, had the baby with a cesarian delivery and was riding again within 2 mths. In hindsight I started to ride far too soon, but it all worked out. The baby is now 17 years old and the ginger arab 23 and still with me and I am still riding him !! only you can make the decision, but dont let anyone pressure you or rush you into a decision. Good Luck with both x
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LOL. My ginger Arab is 24 now.
 
Congratulations on your pregnancy, and your horse looks gorgeous.

I agree with most of the other posters you should deffinately not rush into selling her now, you may end up regreting it and also there is a chance that you could blame your baby for selling your horse, not a nice thought i know but if you are unlucky enough to suffer from even mild baby blues, you may welcome the sanity of spending time with your horse. Pregnancy hormones don't make good decision makers so as you are able to i would wait till after your baby is born and a few weeks old before you make a lomg term plan.

Good luck whatever you choose to do.
 
I wouldn't loan her as a broodmare, breeding is a risky business and you'd have to send her away from home. If you've got a nice field where you live, and the bonus of someone to ride her, just keep her there.
 
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