After a disastrous morning, any tips to help my child jump?

[Cliqmo]

Angelbones I suspect that your daughter and I have quite a lot in common regarding nerves and adrenaline and also frustration with herself when it goes wrong. Undoubtedly she wants to do it right and I daresay she knows how to do it right too, but ties herself up in knots and cant quite get it right when she needs to pull it all together. I feel bad for you for some of the more poignant comments on here because my Mum certainly never deserved them and I doubt you do either! I can only suggest practise and patience as the way forward, and try to get her to lighten up and take the pressure off herself- it will probably help

 

[Cliqmo]

We were writing those posts at the same time, having just read yours I would say keep doing the same and give her some time- she will come good- and she loves you lots even though sometimes you bear the brunt of her anger

 

[asbo]

i have given up teaching my girls as i want to drag them off the pony and strangle them, but apparently i am fab at teaching other ppls kids

i feel for you, no help other than have a large drink before classes

 

[Angelbones]

[ QUOTE ]
Angelbones I suspect that your daughter and I have quite a lot in common regarding nerves and adrenaline and also frustration with herself when it goes wrong. Undoubtedly she wants to do it right and I daresay she knows how to do it right too, but ties herself up in knots and cant quite get it right when she needs to pull it all together.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ali M you've hit the nail right on the head there, she does know what to do, can do it, gets nervous, doesn't do it, gets frustrated. It's all a vicious circle. And incidentally her name is Ally too!

 

[Cliqmo]

I remember those days, so much self inflicted pressure and frustration! Yuk yuk yuk! Sadly I don't know the secret formula that got me out of it, I think it may have just come with age and the realisation that like so much in life you can rarely look at horse riding and say "I did that perfectly"

 

[ginger111]

Angelbones I can totally sympathise with you. I also have a nervous daughter and have often felt people looking at me and I am sure they thinking why is that pushy parent making her daughter ride when she doesn't want to! I know your daughter through pony club and she is a really good little jockey. You are always there for her and always want to help her and make things easier for her. I know she can suffer from lack of confidence, like my daughter. They probably will never be the 'gung ho' kids at the front wanting to jump everything but it doesn't make them want to do it any less. I have offered my daughter a 'get out clause' many times with an offer for her to take up any other hobby but she is desperate to ride. I know your daughter loves riding and indeed you have found her a cracking little pony. Just stick with it, I know it can be incredably frustrating at times but I know all you want at the end of the day is for her to come back smiling. You are a fantastic mum so don't doubt that you always only ever want the best for her.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I don't want to offend you but I'm afraid that 'right let's sell the pony then' does make it sound as though you are the driving force behind the jumping.
Can I suggest that you re-read your OP and try to think what you would say to some-one else who posted this asking for advice?
Maybe if you said 'right no more jumping for x weeks' your daughter would be relieved and then come back to wanting to jump herself in a while. It could be that although she says she wants to jump, in reality because of her family background it's more that she feels that she should.
IMO jumping whilst out hunting is very different from SJ as the pony will go with the field and do most of the thinking for your daughter while in the ring she has to take the decisions and is on view to any-one who is standing near to the ring. Other parents can be very judgemental and that can be very off-putting to a 10 yr old!

 

[Angelbones]

I reiterate that the problem is not that she DOESN'T want to jump, it is that she has a technique problem when jumping. She didn't go into the ring refusing to do it, she did her round badly and then fell off.

I didn't say to my daughter that I would sell the pony, and as mentioned in my OP that is not what I want to do. I felt that way out of desperation at yet another day of feeling frustrated at my daughter's problems and my lack of ability in helping her. Can't see the wood for the tress etc. Consequently I came onto the forum asking for her. I'm sure that I'm not the first or last parent to feel that they ought to jack it all in after a bad session with their child's riding or any other issue they have, whether it is a musical instrument, sport or even homework.

And if I was replying I would have said to try some grids / exercises, to try to work through it, to stay calm, supportive etc, and suggested getting outside help.

My daughter has a choice in what riding activity she does, and in fact how often she rides. I don't make her ride every day as I work at the yard every day and consquently she spends a lot of time there and I don't want it to become a chore. More often than not we hack out and when she chooses to go into the school it is generally because she wants to put some jumps up. Motivation is not the problem, and if she chooses not to ride for a couple of weeks then that's fine too, as long as she puts the time in before choosing to go to a show.

We are obviously not on the same wavelength here and something has been lost in translation, but thank you anyway for your suggestions, which I are appeciated nonetheless.

 

[SpruceRI]

[ QUOTE ]
I remember those days, so much self inflicted pressure and frustration! Yuk yuk yuk! Sadly I don't know the secret formula that got me out of it, I think it may have just come with age and the realisation that like so much in life you can rarely look at horse riding and say "I did that perfectly"

[/ QUOTE ]

I was this person too except with non riding parents who took me to shows and got exceedingly angry and frustrated if I didn't kick enough or whatever!

I was jolly nervous and would sit and freeze and not let the horse go forwards in case he did a big leap. Of course, he either stopped or did a great yank - throwing me up his neck!

I suppose the thing that helped me get over it a little was practicing on my own, with no one commenting, teaching, aiding and abetting.

The trial and error sort of thing.

More difficult for you to do that with your child as she's so young.

It wasn't until years and years later, finding a really sympathetic teacher who was unflappable and easy-going, that totally sorted me out.

She wouldn't take any nonsense but had such a calm manner that it instilled confidence in me, and I've never looked back.

So maybe the answer will be finding someone's teaching style that suits your daughter?