Aghhhh - Im so fed up - at a loss (help please)

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FoxhillBelle

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Im at my wits end & i really dont know what to do anymore
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There is a woman on my yard who drinks & i am not talking soft drinks, she brings it to the yard in an energy drink bottle.

Everyone including the yard owner is aware of it, she has a lot of issues, always thinks she is always worse off than everyone else. We (other liveries) have all tried to help her but she is so messed up it is difficult to know where to start. We thought we had go her on track so to speak, she had cut down on drinking, well not drinking so much at the yard, but now everything seems to be going to pot.

This person has her own horse & at the moment is currently looking after two others whilst their owner is recovering from surgery (likely to be incapacitated till after xmas). I know she struggles & I along with some other liveries have been helping her as & when I/we can but she sometimes she is so un-grateful throws it back in your face especially when she has had a drink. My downfall is I am a soft person & felt sorry for her but i am now starting to resent her
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The other night she did all the horses (x3) but forgot to fill the water buckets up, ohh well it does happen, then she forgets to turn the tap off leaving water running all night, ok, but tonight really takes the cake!

She forgot to turn the electric fencing back on this morning which resulted in Belle's neighbour jumping in to Belle's field & Belle jumping out into a field full of Grass (she does not like sharing). Im just thanking my lucky stars that neither horse has ended up hurt or with Colic. We are very particular about the electric fencing at our yard as there are some horses who have no respect for it when its off
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I was so angry when i found out, thankfully she had already been & gone before i managed to get down to the yard otherwise i really would of gave her a peice of my mind.

Now ive manged to calm down, the thing is how do you say something to someone who has so may issues & already thinks she has the world on her shoulders? I would never forgive myself if i was to push her over the edge so to speak. But at the same time she needs to understand the consequences of what could of happended. Is it me or am i just over reacting to the whole situation?

Oh what do i do, help please
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no youre not overreacting.i would be cross too.unfortunatley because this woman is possibly alcohol dependant her perception of the world may be different to yours and often things get worse before they get better. i dont think its unreasonable to say something to her as people still have to be responsible for their actions and after all she is meant to be responsible for 3 horses.if you dont say something she will be oblivious and will have no reason to change or address her behavior
 
You have done all you can for her, one thing you have to know about an alcoholic is that not to expect gratitude. Another symptom of their disease is selfishness. Don't expect her to think about how her mistakes affect you or your horse, that will be beyond her.
You can't help someone who won't help themselves. It is up to the yard owner to lay down the ground rules, but don't expect her to stick to them when she has had a drink. I know it sounds harsh but you are not responsible for this person, you really can't win.
It's good of you to help look out for her horse and the other ones in her care, i think it is all you can do, but don't expect thanks for it, just be happy that you know they are ok.
At least you have tried to help help her.
 
Does this woman drive? We had a neighbour who was often so drunk that she fell off her horse
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She also drove her car in that state, eventually someone reported her to the police for drunk driving, it gave her a heck of a shock and the kick up the bum that she needed to get help. May be an idea in this case.
 
I agree with chestnuttymare...... but your nightmare livery will be grateful if you remind her to turn on the electric fencing...... say to her in a way that's not obviously critical but that you sometimes think you have to remind yourself of your own checklist before you leave... it's amazing how people with a drink problem appreciate having accomplished their daily suties as such............ even if it is only locking the door and putting out the light at night... even write it down for her. ... she will be able to keep a note easier than remembering herself...
I hope this helps!
 
Don't you have a YM hun? The yard insurance would possibly be invalidated if YM knowingly allows such a person to stay on the yard. It's only a matter of time before there's a really serious accident whether to a horse or horses, or buildings or people. The sad truth with people like this is that you aren't actually helping her by doing everything for her. You are just tacitly "accepting" her behaviour. As long as she can get away with, it she will. You all need to speak to the YM and make this woman start taking responsibility for her horses, for her choices and for her life. Cruel to be kind.
 
Sounds like she's already over the edge.But everyone is right you cann't be responsable for her or her actions just tell her straight about the electric fence and have a word with the YO.
 
Theres only so much you can do and when it starts affected other peoples lives and putting people / animals at risk you need to report it or get YO to kick her off.

You need to step back from her problems - you have tried to help and shes not listening. Often its a really desperate cry for help and serious help
 
Your definately not ove reacting 1/ alcohol shouldnt be allowed on the yard when dealing with horses to start with. You need to take it up with the yard owner, they really are the ones that need to say soemthing to her however if they dont then I guess you will have to say something, but try not to start shouting etc try to keep your cool, people like that are sooo annoying why cant people be grateful and appreciate your help!!! Makes me angry! But her actions could cause someone or a horse some serious damage. I hope you sort this out
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good luck x
 
If she is driving call crimestoppers and report her and give them her reg number. She could kill people if she is driving in that state.

Other than that, i think you have to have words with the YO, they have a duty of care and it is their job to make sure no person or horse is being endangered. Might not hurt to remind them that if they condone her behaviour it could cause insurance problems....... I'd also suggest that the YO might want to have a word with the owner of the other two horses. I'm sure she would want the opportunity to sort out some safer care for her horses.
 
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