'All horsey people are horrible'

Princess Jess

Princess Jess

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So I'm looking for a yard to help at (yard duties, riding etc.) over the summer and I've been asking around on the local horsey scene. I was talking to a friend who's quite a bit older and use to compete a lot to see if she knew of anyone needing a hand.
She said she'd have a look round for me but warned me that if I'm not prepared to be sworn at, shouted at and spoken rudely to then don't even think about working at a competition yard :eek:
So it got me thinking...do 'horsey people' have a reputation for being rude and abrupt? I've certainly met my fair share of those types, but then I suppose its a hard industry and there are just as many friendly types out there right?
Just wondering what your experiences have been working/riding/visiting yards, any horror stories or stories of generosity and kindness?
 
Princess Jess said:
'horsey people' have a reputation for being rude and abrupt?
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Yes!

Princess Jess said:
Just wondering what your experiences have been working/riding/visiting yards, any horror stories or stories of generosity and kindness?
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I am sure there are many people on here who have had fantastic yards and experiences. However I have worked at 3 yards and ridden on several more, and while each of them had a lovely person or two, most of them were the most cliquey and bitchy environments I have ever been in. I don't know why (I daresay maybe it's something to do with being female-dominated?) but the horsey people that I know and have met seem to like things done their way, often smoke like chimneys ;) and are very quick to slate another for their methods or opinions. I really do hate to generalise but in my experience the vast majority tend to be quite hard people: hard on their horses and hard on the people around them - particuarly when I worked at a competition equestrian centre/livery yard. I have to try very hard nowadays to convince my family and friends that horsey people aren't the arrogant, rude sods that seems to be believed. Horsey people do seem to be very sure of what they believe in and want, adverse to (even constructive) criticism and socially competitive.
I could write a book about all the negative things I've witnessed and experienced, but to name a few I was once sacked from a yard because of viscious rumours and gossip about me; one instructor refused to teach me because I wouldn't use my whip as a cure for everything; and on every yard I've been on I have been criticised by a couple of people for things from my my training methods to rugging principles. The worst behaviour towards both humans and horses that I've witnessed has been at competitions but I won't bore you with a list the length of your arm about all the rude things horsey people have ever done. One of my friends completelylost her confidence and sold her horse when her fellow liveries criticised herr to the point of bullying, claiming that she wasn't good enough to have a horse.

I am sure many people will disagree with me as there are some lovely horse people out there, but my thoughts are based purely on experience...
 
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I've worked on, helped out at and run several yards and unfortunately the vast majority of horsey people, specifically people in the comp/racing industry, think they're gods gift to earth and treat you and their horses like s%$€.
 
Puzzles said:
I don't know why (I daresay maybe it's something to do with being female-dominated?)
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Lol I have to say that the worst yard I have ever worked on for b!tching was one where I was the only female!! The blokes were a nightmare, apparently the girl that worked there before me had her bottle of drinking water poured away & replaced with parrafin behind her back! I think there is a hell of a lot of b!tchiness on livery yards, but most other yards I have worked at have been fine, I do think that horsey people in general are quite abrupt, or maybe they are just taken that way because of a no nonsense attitude. To be fair, I think I myself am beginning to acquire a fairly brusque manner as I get older! Can't be doing with faffing around :)
 
I've worked on one competition yard and I found everyone got along well and the boss was a bit of a knob but generally ok. All the grooms/riders etc got on ,went out together and there was no bitchiness.

I've been on several different kinds of yards and all the bitchiness that I've heard of on here, I've seen little evidence of in reality. Whether its the yards I've seen or what, I don't know, but you can but try.
 
Well I have met some lovely and kind people over the years. Yes, you get the morons who will treat you like a slave and swear profusely at you, but you can't tar everyone in the horse world with the same brush. I've learnt to be cautious and I think we've all had negative experiences, but then again I've had more positive ones - it's often just the negative experiences that stand out and are thus remembered.

There is a particular stereotype that comes with horses (arrogant, posh, snobby..) and I think many people do fulfill this quite well! But then there are so so many who don't and are lovely people. I've met some of my best friends through horses and have had some fantastic opportunities. But its a competitive industry - it's all about winning, and I think that goes to many people's heads at times and because it is such a focus it does make people horribly competitive and thus rude, arrogant etc.

I've been around horses my entire life and have had many more positive experiences than negative ones, but the negative ones definitely stand out more in my memory and I think are often more likely to be spoken about.
 
Yes most of them are! Except me! There are good yards and if I ever had to yard my horse and had horrid people around I would certainly move immediately. I have been to two lovely riding schools with livery yards where the yard owners do not tolerate squabbles and are non stuck up too. When I was horse hunting last year I met the most stuck up woman at a riding/livery establishment in South Essex and my goodness for a young woman she was just typical of stuck up! Miss pushy and arrogant £££ flashing up in her eyes.Just awful.

It was so awful it was hilarious, we drove off and couldnt quite believe what we had experienced! We chatted about her all the way home!!

I have never forgotten how as a child my parents could not afford riding lessons for us, we would spend all our school holidays just brushing horses for nothing and then progressed to learn to ride as payment. I would watch stuck up kids look down their noses and I am not like that at all. Now much more fortunate I would never be horrid to anyone(and wouldnt tolerate it).
 
Hate to say it but the vast majority of horsey people I've come across have been rude, abrupt, bitchy and unpleasant. (they've got NOTHING on some of the cycling clubs I've met though) its one of the reasons I stopped riding for so long.

The owner of my last share was way too nice though, to the point that people just took advantage of her AND her horses. She spent more time doing things for other people, teaching people to ride on her horses, organising shows finding stuff to lend to people and buying new when she couldn't find it or she needed it back and they lost it, acting as a shoulder to cry on etc etc etc, that she considered herself lucky to find time to ride at all!
One person springs to mind as "got it right"; she's a genuinely nice, caring person, but when you first meet her....damn she's scary! I imagine she's the same of you cross her or take advantage....but I daren't!

I used to think I was lucky in that most bitchiness went right over my head....then I got back into riding.
 
sarelis said:
Lol I have to say that the worst yard I have ever worked on for b!tching was one where I was the only female!!
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I take it back, I take it back!:D

I, too, like to think that I give people the benefit of the doubt, always make an effort to be polite and warm, and try not to judge people. However I am sure that everyone has opinions and like to do things they way they think is best...but it's the way that many people go about it that gets my goat.
One instructor in particular absolutely shredded any confidence that no other teacher or instructor I've had did. I've never had any self confidence but it took me years to get back to the level I had been previously.
Manners don't cost a penny and I always wonder to myself why 'these people' seem to want to do everything the hard and negative way. :( It's all very well to be confident and fto have opinions, but these people I know seemed to refuse to change and the way they often treated their horses was really poor in my eyes. I remember having a lesson with an event rider who was a great teache and I thought I'd finally found a trainer I could get along with. Then at the end end of the lesson he started telling stories about when he jumped his 4-year-old stallion on boggy ground and the horse was eliminated for repeatedly refusing the first fence: the man boasted about how walloped the horse so hard that it reared and he fell off, so - whilst still in the arena - he started 'beating' it under the belly with his whip. I know there are BSJA etc rules about this kind of thing but not only was I disgusted that he found it funny and entertaining, but also it's not an uncommon sight at events. When I worked at the competition EC people would egg the rider on from the side of the arena to 'be the boss' etc ... in 3 years of working there, noone was ever reprimanded for breaking the rules for whip use or for maltreating their horse. It was sickening.
 
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Just to throw another thought into the pot ....

Do people seem to think it's the women who fall into the "all the gear and no idea" category who are the worst? I've met a few wonderful ladies who have been nothing but encouraging and supportive of me and my confidence issues, they always offer help & advice when needed and are generally lovely. They're all great riders (in my eyes!!) who compete regularly, always place highly and when they don't they 'lose' graciously.

Then there's some other people who think they're Mary King, brag about their experiences and all of the wonderful things they have, but when it comes down to it they can't get any rosettes and then moan about the people who beat them.

Anyone else see this pattern? The more humble the rider about their skills = the nicer the person? xx
 
I do think it is the norm at comp yards for everyone to swear and shout. I developed a total potty mouth when working with race horses. Partly I think it's because everyone is permanently knackered. It's hard work so people are tired and tempers do flair sometimes. I think also that stressful situations are more likely on the yard than in the office. A horse getting cast and thrashing about trying to break it's leg is pretty frightening for even the most seasoned head lad and so if you aren't helping you're going to get told pretty sharpish to either help or get out of the way. I can't remember a time where there has been quite such an immediately stressful situation in the lab. Plus of course you're often all living together too so can't get away from one another so it's like having 10 brothers and sisters! Nightmare :eek:
There is so little room for error where horses are concerned (little mistakes can be so dangerous for horse and staff) that it just isn't tolerated. It's fine. You get used to it, you don't take it personally as that isn't how it's meant and in the evening you all go to the pub together and it's forgotten :)

So no, I don't think horsey people are inherently horrible. I loved my time on yards
 
It's not only if you work for them but if you are a livery client too! I have been on a few yards in my time and most were run by a fearsome YM! Being very young I just took it, but it's ridiculous when you think about it.
 
I remember when I was eighteen and working as a groom. I was out exercising and got too close to the horse in front. He kicked out and as I swerved my horse away my knee took the full force of the stud on the horse's shoe. My leg was dripping blood through my jods. The YO made me work the full day when I got back 'for being so damned stupid!' I could hardly walk.
 
I have found that competition yards are fine. Yes, there's pressure, and you get it in the neck if you mess up, but its generally justified. In my experience, the worst places for bitchiness and one upmanship have been DIY livery yards filled with "experts".
 
Auslander said:
I have found that competition yards are fine. Yes, there's pressure, and you get it in the neck if you mess up, but its generally justified. In my experience, the worst places for bitchiness and one upmanship have been DIY livery yards filled with "experts".
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I think that's what I was trying to say in my incredibly long post about working on a yard. I didn't do a very good job though!!
 
God I must live in a bubble. Nearly all the horsey people I know are nice. Barking but nice! You get unpleasant people in all sports so I don't think the equine world is any worse or better than any other. I do agree though that the ones with the biggest opinions are never the ones who know or do anything.

Back to my rose coloured bubble!
 
sophiebailey said:
Anyone else see this pattern? The more humble the rider about their skills = the nicer the person? xx
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Totally agreee there, although I think that principle applies to life not just the equine world!

I agree that I think the competition aspect probably exaggerates the situation and as others have said its such a high pressure environment where the tiniest mistake can have fatal consequences...even so I dont think thats an excuse for bad manners :confused:
 
I think so long as you have a thick skin and can laugh at yourself you're alright, yes horsey people swear, are rude and don't take bull*****, but if you can get past the surface they are also genuine caring people who are up for a laugh. Probably though the reason it seems like working for them is so hard is because if you mess up, it can be serious, it can end up costing lots of money in vets bills or even the loss of a horses life, or causing an accident wherein a groom is injured, so first and foremost if you work on a yard you have to be able to take orders however rude and snappy they may come across because there is a reason for them. I've worked with girls that question everything and it's incredibly frustrating. Fine questioning to see if there's a better way, but questioning just because they're stupid, well...
 
Princess Jess said:
Totally agreee there, although I think that principle applies to life not just the equine world!

I agree that I think the competition aspect probably exaggerates the situation and as others have said its such a high pressure environment where the tiniest mistake can have fatal consequences...even so I dont think thats an excuse for bad manners :confused:
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Seriously - I think you'll find the atmosphere on a comp yard far more civilised than you seem to expect. A team cannot work together if there isn't mutual respect. A bit of snapping is normal, and quickly forgotten.

It's a bit unfair to talk about bad manners and rudeness before you've worked on one, and are just going on what a friend has told you. If you go expecting it to be horrible, it probably will be - be open minded, work hard, an be pleasant to people and that's what you'll get in return.
 
There is a mixture on my yard...
There are some people who are lovely, will always smile, say hi, help you with anything if you asked and are great in conversation.
Then there are some who appear quite shy/rude but once oyu get to know them are fine and acctually quite fun and are good to know as they know everybody and can help out in a situation.
There are a few who are stuck up and think they are the bees knees but you just smile and aggree with everything they say.
Then there are some that are miserable as ****** and i have given up on as every time i smiled and said hi i got nothing but a smirk or glare.
 
I have a theory on this... I think as horses are the only hobby/sport where you have to (unless you have your own place) spend the majority of your time in close proximity of strangers who you may just not like.

For me all I want is to be left alone to enjoy my time with my boys. I am happy to make polite conversation but I don't want people hanging over my stable door all the time
 
Just a thought, but do you think that the more competitive a yard is, the more bitching there is?

I may be wrong, but I do find in all walks of life that when people become very competitive, they can also lose some of their empathy for others. The ambition to acheive their goals leads them to put down their rivals, and maybe becomes a habit?

Of course I could be talking complete b0ll*cks. :o:D
 
Some are lovely, some are vile. I do think love of horses makes us all very opinionated and slightly crazy, or perhaps that's just me:D.
 
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