All of you with 15 year old girls

mum is quite laid back about whether i ride or not, but she knows it really helps me with stress and that i have worked so hard on her i wont give up, even when i dont feel like riding i normally just lunge

she would never get rid of wilma id i decided i didnt want to do it, shes too important to both of us, andwe have worked our tits off...

it makes me appreciate it loads and want to make my mum proud because she has sacrificed so much.. which makes me more determined to ride, maybe she needs to get the motivation back to ride.. something to aim for, maybe a show... at the moment its qualify for trailblazers for me... and then go bsja.

maybe theres other things going on at school etc that you done know about thats put her off :s maybe a comment made by someone?

x
 
My daughter had her first pony for her 6th birthday, and I made her help look after her, muck out etc, and I insisted that she ride because the pony needed the excercise, wether my daughter wanted to or not. Other hobbies i.e. dancing had to be sacrificed because the pony came first (as it was an11h dartmoor I was not in a position to help with the riding!)
She stuck it out until she was 10 when she announced that she didnt want a pony anymore. It was sold within the week to our instructor.
I bought my cob a year ago with the intention that we could both ride him. She rides him beautifully but that is not enough for her, she now wants her own again, but I am sticking to my guns because I know what will happen, and other things will get in the way.
She is 13 and I am sure things will not get better as hormones etc come into play!!
The thing is, I have already compromised because a cob isnt my idea of heaven but I thought it was a good meeting point as we differ hugely in height and weight, but that still isnt enough, and I think that whatever I do it wont be enough, and although they dream of having a pony or horse, the reallity is a different thing all together! If you are not happy with the way your daughter handles her responsibility towards her horse, then I think that you either let things go, or put your foot down!
 
The rules at home were that if we were having horses they were to be ridden at least 5, preferably 6 times a week, and we would have to turn out in a morning before school, and muck out and ride after school. My sister chucked in the towel and I carried on. I don't think you are being hard, if my mum hadn't set the rules I wouldn't have done it.
 
I am so glad I am not the only one! Hacked out daughters pony today as 'it's boring hacking on my own, I never have time to anything other than horses'. So I told her to go and do something else and left her at home. She spent all day at home as 'there wasn't anything else to do'. I give up! I dont want to sell the pony as we bought him unbroken and he's lovely and very talented. I think i probably should sell him, but it would be such a shame. We have horses in our own stables (just the 2 horses, which is the least i have had for years) about 1 1/2 miles from home, very easy yard daughter mucks out 2, 2 or 3 days a week, rides 1, 4 or 5 times a week. We are on our own, and it would probably be nice for her to have some company of her own age. Pony is supposed to be Pony Club Eventing this year and maybe an Intro. He's not a difficult pony, daughter is though! Any advice welcome. Cellie do you live in the SE? !!
 
In the early days I had pony on grass livery (couldnt afford stabled livery) though we didnt have to pay for it. i groomed at shows and competed ponies for YO and got free livery plus lessons(informal) and paid about the equiv of £40 for yard work(grooming, tacking up and just mucking out the odd stable) plus £10 per pony I competed (this was ten years ago). I was only allowed out to the yard 4(occasionally 5) days a week (yard was closed Mondays, adult lessons were Tues afternoons so Wed/Fri/Sat nd Sunday. At most, pony required some hard feed the other evenings and YO would usually pull out the pony and give him a bucket if he came in with the other ponies. After a few years, when I got my 2nd pony, both were on free livery ( YO had use of pony 1 for adult lessons so didnt need to ride him everyday) and we trace clipped both. They lived loose in the indoor arena at night and turned out during the day so came down and fed them before school and abot 8pm. Was only allowed ride weekends and Fridays during exam years.

By the time I was 16 we built stables at home and had some turn out but had nowhere to ride. By this stage i was riding 5-6days per week and fed, mucked out and turned out 2 ponies before school everyday.

I wish I had had a mum like you! Mine used to embarrass me whenever I snuck down to the yard to see the pnies without her permission by turning up at the yard and insisting I went home with her right away - in front of the YO and my friends! have to admit I was morto!
I cant wait til I qualify in 2 months so i can afford to get my own horse in work again.
 
You and me both!

My girls are 22 and 17, we currently have elder's old pony (my ride) and her mare, and younger's ancient first pony and her present 15hh mare, kept at home.

D17 is in first year 6th form, and rides once or twice a week. We don't have lights and if she thinks I'll insist she rides before dark, she'll get a later bus home. She does her stable at weekends - used to do one or two others too but since she got a Saturday job that's stopped. Never cleans tack, grooms, washes buckets, poo-picks or sweeps without a row.

D22 rides and does her stable before work, grooms properly and cleans her tack most weeks. And she cuddles and chats to the neds. D17 does hers with her iPod on and rarely even speaks to the poor mare.

We don't have a school and our hacking is 99% road work, she doesn't like riding with her sister and likes riding alone even less, so hacks are boring trots round the village with me. We need to box out to canter for more than 30 seconds, which is all we can do here on a bit of village green. Rules have always been the pony must be ridden three times midweek if it's to jump at the weekend, and it just isn't happening.

She had a brilliant 13.2 for 5 years and hasn't made the connection with the bigger one - she just wanted another clear round machine. I should retire my boy and ride her mare, but though safe she's too fizzy for me. She's too old to sell, too young to retire, sweet to do, nice to have around. But keeping her like this is just silly, we don't have the grass for four anyway.

I think the problem is her first pony came when she was a toddler, she's never had to long for a pony because they've been here as long as she can remember. And when she was four she didn't have to do anything, but she just assumes her sister and I will still do it all 'because we like that stuff'.

Wow - reading that back I think I have talked myself into letting her give up. The mare can be given away. I wish I hadn't renewed PC, RC and BSJA membership now - damn...
 
I can see your point, sue-ellen, and I admit I am soft, but I just see how much pleasure my daughter gets out of riding, and I don't know what else either of us would do if we didn't do the horses, and so I do the lion's share of the work and always have done. She is actually helping more and more as she gets older, despite having the dreaded exams now looming.

I have never insisted she rides, and sometimes on the night she usually rides I am more likely to say, oh are you sure you want to ride, it's really cold/wet, because I don't want to make it a chore.

As a mum some of the best times I have ever had have been with her competing, and doing really well and of course not so well, so maybe I am a sad mother and living my dreams a bit through her (parents couldn't afford a trailer so I never went anywhere with my pony), but then again we get on really well, we have had some great laughs over the years and if I buy her something really decent next time and she gives up, well it will be MINE, ALL MINE
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so i can't lose!
 
I am 18, got 1st pony aged 13 and as parents are not horsey the rule was I had to do everything. Mum knew sod all about how often to ride/groom/feed etc so it was left up to me and I rode most days. I bought my youngster when I left school aged 16 and keep him with a friend so parents have no input apart from trailer driving! At the end of the day it was my horse and my money so its been in my interest to work hard with him, hyperactive youngster needs a lot of work but I'm glad I was left to it - he's mine and no one can argue that!
 
I think this is a good point. It does depend on what terms they got the horse/pony. I am horsey Mum. My daughter didn't ask to start riding aged 6. I asked her if she wanted to and she did. Then when it came to getting her own pony, I just suggested she was ready for her own and she was happy about the idea, but she never asked for her own pony. Again with the next one up that we now have she didn't beg and beg to get him or anything like that. She does love riding and was delighted when I said she could have him. She is happy to get up early for competitions etc. and at the moment she is keen to ride most days.

She does help to look after them, but I don't feel I can really make her do masses of the stable management as she didn't ask for the ponies and I totally accept that we have them as much for me as for her. I just try to be really aware of that and not to make her do things because I want it for her. At the moment it isn't often an issue, but I can see as she gets older it might be. Fortunately the new one is great for me as well as for her, so I will just adopt him if that happens. So I am joint winner as well of the softest mother award.
 
No keep it up palomino, she might get enthusiastic again, and anyway, it must be even harder if you have a horsey mum AND horsey older sister!

And I have stipulated to my teenager that I simply must have a room with a view when I get parcelled off to the Old Folks Home, it's the least I deserve after all this!

We have the 11.2, 12.2, 13.2, 14.1 plus my 'orrible 'orse and her lame horse (lame cos mine kicked him). Think of me mucking out on my own next week...
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A part of clinging to it as a mum is the social side - all my friends outside work are Pony Club mums. D22's enduring friendships are PC pals. D17 had far more competition success (as a junior) but her lack of interest in the pony itself stopped her making real friends through riding, she never wanted to talk about ponies - thinking back she was possibly embarrassed that she actually knew so little, and just had a point and steer pony that did it all despite her.

Oh dear, I am a horrid mummy.
 
I think there is a lot of truth in what you say about having ponies from very young and having a horsy mum. I bought my first pony by saving up pocket money, birthday and xmas money when I was 13, he was an unbroken 3 year old that I bought off some gypsies for £45 (it was a long time ago!). I worked in a supermarket on Saturdays putting labels on can to pay for his keep, I didn't have a saddle for about 2 years so I rode bareback. But that was as my daughter says in the 'dark ages'! My parents wern't horsey so I never expected any help.
 
Hi MGG, that's a good point and I totally agree with you - my daughter has never had to beg for a pony, or even wait for the next one.

Once I went off and bought a pony before she even needed the next size, let alone asked for one. She hadn't even seen him or sat on him. So I don't think it is her job to muck him out, but I appreciate the help when it is offered. She did want and ask for her current horse, so now she is older I have made a point of making her do his haynets at least twice a week!

So if we are both soft mothers, shall we start a clique?!
 
Shes a new horse but has had field kick to hock and mud fever with cellulitis ,we bought her to jump and thats on hold at the moment.I wont lunge until have all clear from vet hes out on monday hopefully she can do some more work then.Shes safe now to ride round roads but shes not a great hack as very anxious and runs away on tracks.We are working on her and she has made huge improvements just need the summer to kick in and sound horse and daughters motivation should return .Probably hard only walking out when she bought her for jumping but these things happen with horses.
 
amanda123, can you not get her to ride with a friend? Or are you not near anyone?

Mine is an only child and I have always overcompensated for that by having a spare pony for friends (how awful does that sound!).

I bought an old pony from the local riding school when it closed down and they gave me his alleged best friend, so right from the start I accidentally had two, so invited a horsey mum from the road to come and ride with her children. Joined pony club to meet more horsey friends, and when one child had to sell her pony, I had just rescued a pony so she came to ride and contributed towards him, so we have always had other children here. I even took in a livery because she had two delightful children, often mine wouldn't fancy riding and I would be gritting my teeth, then they would turn up and tack up, next thing mine was upstairs dragging on jods and rushing off to join them.

Last week I loaded up my horse, daughter's old cob and rescue pony and took 3 teens to a fabulous hack along a disused railway line. They cantered off and I sat in the lorry with Horse and Hound and a flask of coffee. The three of them chatted all the way home, filled me in on all the best canters, ate all the crisps and spread them round the floor of course, and then filled all the haynets for the weekend on their return. Bless!

Am I mad, or just the best mother ever?! I will ask her!
 
LLewelyn, unfortunately we have no-one near us for her to ride with, she does compete and has lessons / rallies with the pony club, but doesn't really have any horsey friends, we did have her old pony for a while and Iv'e had a friends pony to stay, but I think I should maybe try to get another child/children on the yard as I have loads of room at the moment. Anyone in SE with a teenager looking for livery?
 
Having someone to ride with is certainly what keeps mine happy, so maybe worth a try. I have a French student living with us for a year and she is horsey, so that has been a bonus. I think 15/16 is the trickiest age with horses tbh, as they are getting pressure from school with coursework and exams, pressure from non-horsey friends to go out and allegedly get a life (no!), and often they are moving onto horses which can be the final nail in the coffin if it's not the right horse.

Wow, I have never been on here so late, but this post has been most interesting. Glad I popped in to see what was occuring - thanks cellie!
 
My daughter is ten this year. She gets up at 7am, mucks out and turns her pony out before school. After school, she usually rides if the weather is good enough.

I skip out for her on a night and feed. She rides about five times a week.
 

She might be a little un-willing as it is the winter and as you said that she has an injury and is maybe wondering what to do with her. I wouldn't push her too much just incase you put her off a little bit. I hope she gets back into it and you two stop falling out about it.Maybe as the weather gets better and isn't as cold she will get into it abit more.

x
 
As a teen and from an early age i had ponies,my parents are non horsey could not name a saddle or bridle would call it a seat and breaks.
I always looked after my ponies/horses myself and would not have done otherwise.
My time at the yard was my escape from the chavtastic area i lived in.

I think if you knew you have a mum to ride for you and muck out its easier to make excuses not to do it youself.
 
When I was 15 ( a few <<cough>> years ago!) I cycled to the stables 3 miles away in the morning before school and in the afternoon after school and did everything myself including ride most days. on totally DIY livery and parents very non horsey other than drive me to feedstore or take me to shows. I also worked saturdays mornings for my father in return for parents paying for it all. In their eyes I think they felt they got a good deal - I didnt do anything else than school or horses so no other clubs and boys didnt happen until much later!! They always insisted that I had a responsibility to do my horse as he was mine but that school work always had to be done as well.
 
I feel your pain! I have a 15 year old who was pony mad and would spend all day grooming, riding mucking out from the age of about 5 till almost 15 - it's a different story now though!
Shows may rekindle the interest - they do with my daughter.
Also is the new horse a pain in the ass to hack out? My daughter has a 14.2 jumping pony which is the sharpest, hottest pony I have ever known, it is a great jumper at competitions but at home it is horrendous to ride and spends a lot of it's time leaping about with its head in the air trying to run away every timne it sees a patch of grass! So hacking out isn't a lot of fun.
She rides possibly once or twice a week and lunges once or twice at the most but to be honest the pony has always been a jumping pony and previous owners also told us they did very little with her between shows. (The pony is 19 and knows its job in the ring).
I never force her to ride - in my opinion it should be a pleasure not a chore so I think you are doing the right thing.
My daughter knows I will never sell this pony because of its age so she knows any threat of 'ride or the pony goes' would be an empty one!!
She has recently asked for a young horse to bring on as she is out of pnies at the end of this year and I have told her I will need to see a lot more dedication to the one she already has before I consider this.

Take heart though, I was brought up in a horsey family and 15 - 17 were probably the years when I lacked interest most. It did return once these years were over.
 
QR One question, you mention the horse is a new horse and your daughter has just moved from ponies to horses. Your daughter is ok with the new horse isn't she? If she's nervous or worried about riding it in any way this could explain why she is reluctant to ride and making excuses? Just a thought.
 
when i was about 7 i got a 13.2hh, every morning before school, i would get up at 6:30, i would ride her, i would then ride 2 polo ponies- 15.2hh and lead the other 5. i was only 7 lol, but i did it because i wanted to please my dad. me riding isnt just about me having fun really, its also about pleasing my dad and i think thats why i try so damn hard to do well even though ive been brought up with horses. when i win something he seems actually proud of me which is a first as everything else i do seems to be wrong! now im 15, i get a bus at 7:10 so i cant really ride before school, i would if i could but in the sumemr i ride after school- all 5 of our horses... again to please my dad. maybe get her out competeing as i love competing, and i know if i dont ride i cant compete. or find a discipline in riding maybe that you havent tried that she might really enjoy- polocross, maybe just something that might interest her again... good luck!
 
I am really glad that I've read this thread as it's opened my eyes to how others deal with their teenagers. However, I have to disagree with those who say that if their child didn't beg for a specific horse or pony then they shouldn't be espected to show the same amount of committment or involvement.

My son wants to stay on ponies as long as he can possibly wind his legs around them (2 years left in 148's but 5'10") because going to shows and to a lesser extent PC is where he sees his friends but when a super grade A horse fell into our lap I knew it would give him endless experience on the backburner until he really can't squeeze onto the remaining 148. Son wasn't desperate for a horse but his riding has come on so much having a horse who is established on the flat etc and I do expect him to ride him and do his share of all associated chores, after all he is the one getting the benefit. If he wasn't doing that he'd be on the playstation or watching tv all the time and to me life is about balance.
 
I work at a charity run riding school where 15 year old girls will help out, and lead ponies in the arena all day just for the possibility of a free ride! It would be incomprehensible to them that there is someone out there who gets all the work done for them and they don't really want to do it.

I know it's different when you have been brought up in a horsey family and it's always been there for you. I wasn't myself, my non horsey parents got me a pony when I was 12 and I rode every day I could.

It's interesting to read peoples experiences and opinions. It must be really difficult knowing what to do for the best. I would hate to think my daughter was being lazy, losing interest etc but I would also hate it if like Perdy, she ended up doing it just to please her parents. Riding should be a pleasure.
 
Can some of the 'soft' mums in this thread adopt me please?

I got my first pony when i was 14, no1 in my family was remotely horsey. I did everything myself, was up at 6 everyday for 4 years. i rode at least 6 days a week! Oh and boys were never an excuse! i made them come hacking with me! my boyfriend would walk or cycle with me while i hacked or come watch me schooling. I sold her at 18 beacuse of A level commitments and i would be off to uni etc. I couldnt just keep her hanging around incase i found the time for her again.

If the OPs daughter is lacking motivation at only 15 then you shouldnt have to nag her, or to do it yourself!

It is her horse, therefore her responsibility.
 
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Am I mad, or just the best mother ever?! I will ask her

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Yes mummy, you are the best mummy ever.
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May I just add, to qualify for that soft mum clique that my mummy used to do much of my school work before GCSCs (obviously not now with cw). She did my coloring in, helped with anything difficult and typed up stuff that i needed to print
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