All you tactful people out there, some help please...

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Flicker

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My boy goes out with a little buddy, usually only for a couple of hours at a time (he's laminitic, the field is a bog and they are both big nancy boys). I turn them out in the morning before work and his little buddy's mummy (18 year old kid) brings them in mid-morning. His little friend is a bit needy and can be a bit of a pest and usually my chap puts him in his place with a bit of ears-back and bum-turn.
On Saturday we agreed to put them out just for an hour because the weather was atrocious and 18-yr old said she'd get her sister to help her bring them in. I was writing for a dressage competition, so was stuck in the caravan for 3 hours. Before turning out, I checked that 18-yr old would be ok to bring in after an hour, which she assured me she was.
(sorry, this is getting long)...
Imagine my surprise then, when I emerged from the caravan 3 hours later to find my boy's stable still empty. 18-yr old is tatting about the yard, chatting to mates etc. I suggest the boys might want to come in and she cheerily agrees and we pop out to the field. They are waiting by the gate like charity cases. Come in, dry out, no harm done, my boy is happy to have been out, stretched his legs and is contentedly munching hay.
Then we discover 2 bite marks on his field-mate's face and the mood goes sour. The way I see it, the two boys were probably fed up after about an hour and started messing and were no doubt hanging around the gate and scrapping as horses do in that weather when there's not much in the grass. I think the little guy probably over-stepped the mark and my chap put him in his place. Not a scratch on my guy so his mate hadn't retaliated.
I am willing to put money on the fact that if they had come in after an hour as they were supposed to, the bites wouldn't have happened.
Anyway, you tactful lot, I need a way to gently explain this to the owners, because they have twice made an excuse why they can't bring my boy in, or why their horse isn't going out, so I think they are trying to back out of the arrangement.
My boy can go out alone or with company, so I am quite happy to turn him out alone if they are ok to bring him in (his field is on the lane so 18-yr old hops out of mum's car on the way up to the yard and fetches them, so it's no bother to them).
But I just don't quite know how to start the conversation without sounding like I'm laying the blame (which maybe I am a bit).
I don't know, confusing or what... what do you lot think, sensible bunch that you are
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I dont really know what the problem is (maybe I have read wrong?)
If they have decided not to bring yours in and your not paying them for it and they are doing nothing in return for you (because their little guy is not going out) then fair enough on them!
 
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Anyway, you tactful lot, I need a way to gently explain this to the owners, because they have twice made an excuse why they can't bring my boy in, or why their horse isn't going out, so I think they are trying to back out of the arrangement.

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Tricky situation, I'd say. Perhaps it is best sorted out by asking her straight if she would like to alter the arrangement. I don't agree that the delay in bringing them in is the reason why her horse was bitten. That is clearly two horses not getting on. And I would be very upset in her shoes.

Perhaps you could simply have your horse turned out or brought in as necessary by the YO. And then the two of you won't be so tied to each other, and the horses various requirements.
 
is it really such a big deal that her horse got bitten??!! horses playfight, or get irritable and nip each other its not the end of the world and i wouldnt blame the owner of a horse if it bit mine!! just say to her if shes not happy with the arrangement then you need to sort something else out as you only want your horse out a few hours.
 
How big are the bite marks? Does the horse look like its been savaged or is it just a nip?

TBH our horses have bite marks on them - there are four of them in a field. I don't know if some of the bites have vicious orgins or not, but I do know ours spend time playing and biting at each other (in fact mine has a huge bite on his ar*e at the mo!). Its a bit different in that they are all ours, but as I don't show my horse, I'm not too bothered about the odd nip, although obviously wouldn't want chunks to be taken out of him
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There's no way you can know when the other horse was bitten so I don't think there is any point in saying it to the owners. I would just ask them straight out if they are happy with the arrangement and take it from there.
If you rely on other people to bring you horse in you can't dictate to them when they will do things and there will be times when things aren't done when you want them to be. You either have to live with it or make other arrangements I'm afraid.
 
It is not a big bite, but I think the fact that it was on his face is what upset them (and I think I'd be upset too, even though horses do playfight).
The arrangement is a reciprocal one because their horse doesn't like being out on his own, or out much. So if he gets a couple of hours in the morning, his owner can come up, grab him out the field, brush, ride and settle him in for the day and her dad sorts him out in the evening for her.
I take all your points about why / when he was bitten etc, and agree that I shouldn't mention it.
Yes, you are right, I should just bite the bullet and have an open discussion with them.
Hullabaloo, I don't want to dictate anything, I'm actually looking for a way to smooth things over and hopefully keep an arrangement that is, for the most part, mutually beneficial.
 
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without sounding like I'm laying the blame (which maybe I am a bit).

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What's the problem?? Why are you talking about blame?!!! Horses are horses and I'm afraid everyone knows that, whether you put horses out together or seperately, they can still get hurt.

I'm afraid it's just bad luck and one of those things.
 
Not being funny but those injurys could have occurred at ANY time - whether it was 3 seconds after turnout or 3 hours, its horses and they do that sort of thing at this time of year - our lot are allways playing - even as soon as they are turned out!! No one is to blame but seeing as it was likely that ity was your horse that did it... doesn't some of it lie with you?
 
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It is not a big bite, but I think the fact that it was on his face is what upset them (and I think I'd be upset too, even though horses do playfight).
The arrangement is a reciprocal one because their horse doesn't like being out on his own, or out much. So if he gets a couple of hours in the morning, his owner can come up, grab him out the field, brush, ride and settle him in for the day and her dad sorts him out in the evening for her.
I take all your points about why / when he was bitten etc, and agree that I shouldn't mention it.
Yes, you are right, I should just bite the bullet and have an open discussion with them.
Hullabaloo, I don't want to dictate anything, I'm actually looking for a way to smooth things over and hopefully keep an arrangement that is, for the most part, mutually beneficial.

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Sorry I just read what I wrote and didn't mean to put it that strongly. Just meant you don't always get a say in when people will do things
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my horse comes in covered with bites, he's been given the odd occasional kick, he and his friends are totally happy though, they play, they argue sometimes, they're horses. so what if its on its face - i mean unless your horse has literally savaged hers in which case they prob shouldnt be together
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its just horses being horses - i just dont get why anyone would be upset??!!just have a chat with her about the main issue though, but remember she is doing you a favour getting your horse in - if you're not happy you can make other arrangements (although i do understand that its a reciprocal favour) i just dont really see what the big deal is to be honest
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Thanks guys. Points taken. I think sometimes in these situations it can be difficult for each party to see the others' side, which is why I threw it into an open and objective forum. I'm not unhappy with the arrangements but I do feel really bad for them, and yes accept part of the blame that it was my horse that bit theirs and then sauntered in without a mark on him!
Here's hoping we can work out a good arrangement - I would even be prepared to alternate turnout days, but I know their little horse gets so het up on his own that that would probably be worse for them.
I'm sure we can work things out - but points are definitely taken about mentioning length of time out!
 
Horses are Horses they wil fight among themselves,if its for their ones benifit that they were initially out together then id bring it up in open discussion.

Perhaps im judging her a bit harshly by assuming that its the girl herself who has decided not to throw her horse out with yours for fear he get hurt,(im assuming the wound was minor) but if it was me id bring up the conversation when her parents or the yard owner are around, as they may see the horse as a bit less precoius and have an open view on how horses do act.
Group turnout with a risk of minor injury is more benifical than individual turnout if the horse is stressy alone.

But to be honest id just ask her upfront if shes happy with the arrangement or if she wants to change it.It sounds like she trying to change it but either lacks the confidence to tell you upfront and is hoping you'll take the hint(at 18 id have acted like this if i hoped the problem would go away by just not dealing with it
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) She may be relieved that you brought it up first.
Or it might just be she didnt feel like throwing him ut lately. You will find out if you ask her.
 
Horses fight all the time. K was constantly coming in all the time with bites - some quite nasty, all over his neck. At no point was it the other owners fault. Don't get me wrong, it was bloody annoying and I ended up having a chat with the YM and a week later he got a new field buddy, who he ignores.

I think you are both being a little silly. You because it doesn't seem to really matter they were out for 3 hours rather than 1 and her for blaming you for her horses bite and not talking to you about it.

Maybe the both of you should have a chat over coffee and talk it out?
 
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Horses fight all the time

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Gosh, they most certainly don't. I'm really shocked that you think that. You may get a group of boisterous geldings who play quite vigorously - but fighting is never something that should be expected in a herd......
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And if it's a regular event, then those involved should be seperated.


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