Am I a boring old nag-ass or would you be annoyed too??

Mad_Cow347 said:
Apologies if you've taken my reply wrongly but you asked for opinions on whether whether she was in the wrong but I don't think she was. Which I think it what most of the above have also said, didn't mean for it to come across against you which is how you seem to have taken it.

I just always find that teenagers get a lot of stick on this forum (no I'm not one but do have teenage siblings) and feel that someone should stick up for them.
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I was asking for opinions whether I was in the wrong to be annoyed by it really, rather than if she was in the wrong - I thought she tried to do the right thing in essence, but would have liked to heard from her what had actually happened...I just restated all things cos your reply read like you hadn't read the other replies, but maybe we cross-posted..
I don't know if I even felt her teenagery-ness was relevant to it all really...and am not aware of giving them any stick particularly - they're usually too busy outclassing me rider-wise :D:D:D
Thanks for your input though :)
 
When it was just me and pingpongpony we rode in the field, me coz youngster was not happy in school at that time, her coz we built little xc jumps. Youngster used to happily follow her round the jumps! Now there's others in there we don't. I'd remember that teens lack the life experience to judge things the same way and talk to her nicely as an adult. If she rented off u it would be different but she doesn't, u share. That said no one touches my horses without my approval. Tough one. Good luck. I'll take a beer but no chips thanks, sister in law cooked massive dinner. :-D
 
Sherbie said:
I dont see any issue with why you asking the girl questions about what went on today especially if your ponies are affected would be nagging atall. When you talk to her tommorrow and if your suspicions are confirmed it may be worth agreeing between yourselves how things will be managed in future, to suit you both. Either way, it would be good to have some kind of reasurance. Maybe even speak to her and parents so they know what the agreement is as she could potentially be putting herself in a dangerous situation. Shes young and having fun but may not realise your concerns.

I have to say at least you are willing to call her and talk unlike some :)
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Yeah, I really don't want to have to come over like some kind of pedantic school-teacher but the idea that's been posted about making the schooling area bigger for her to jump in is a really good one, esp since fencing is trashed now anyway and that hopefully will suit everyone..I don't want to put the mockers on her enjoying her pony...but equally don't want to have to pick up any pieces particularly either..I do try to communicate with her and I know that can be a bit much in itself sometimes, but then we're in this situation together so feel like its down to me as an adult to do the right thing really
 
Bedlam said:
Actually think that OP hasn't teenage bashed at all, but has asked a question, listened to all replies and is working towards a compromise with her sharer that will work for both parties. All rather grown up, sensible and lacking in drama! Not sure what anyone else needs to get upset over........?
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Lol, thanks, if I ever need a reference please can I copy and paste this??? :D:D:D
 
Spotsrock said:
When it was just me and pingpongpony we rode in the field, me coz youngster was not happy in school at that time, her coz we built little xc jumps. Youngster used to happily follow her round the jumps! Now there's others in there we don't. I'd remember that teens lack the life experience to judge things the same way and talk to her nicely as an adult. If she rented off u it would be different but she doesn't, u share. That said no one touches my horses without my approval. Tough one. Good luck. I'll take a beer but no chips thanks, sister in law cooked massive dinner. :-D
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Yeah, that's true, I've got a daughter myself and apart from anything else, I try to be really aware of where she's coming from and how I'd feel if an adult was constantly reading the riot act to my kid...I do tend to filter things through her Mum first for that reason, and we deal with the boring stuff to do with field rent, contract etc...
Hope the dinner was good! :D
 
Cobiau Cymraeg Wyllt said:
Yeah, I really don't want to have to come over like some kind of pedantic school-teacher but the idea that's been posted about making the schooling area bigger for her to jump in is a really good one, esp since fencing is trashed now anyway and that hopefully will suit everyone..I don't want to put the mockers on her enjoying her pony...but equally don't want to have to pick up any pieces particularly either..I do try to communicate with her and I know that can be a bit much in itself sometimes, but then we're in this situation together so feel like its down to me as an adult to do the right thing really
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I really didnt mean to sound like I was saying anyting like that :) I warbled on a bit but what I meant in the end was its good you can talk, I know of too many people getting into daft arguments and situations because they dont speak to each other. Ur Defo not a teenage basher lol :D
 
Sherbie said:
I really didnt mean to sound like I was saying anyting like that :) I warbled on a bit but what I meant in the end was its good you can talk, I know of too many people getting into daft arguments and situations because they dont speak to each other. Ur Defo not a teenage basher lol :D
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Ah no worries, I didn't take it like that!! Yeah its not always easy to talk about stuff but not doing it usually makes it all worse eh...:rolleyes:
I always like what my OH says 'There's nothing so bad as can't be talked about' :D:D:D
 
Well you didn't come accross as teenage bashing to me but it did seem a relevant point as her age will affect her decisions.

I'll also add that I often move mines field mate in to one of the sections of the field when I ride. I don't want him to be there when I'm riding as he likes to 'help' and play. He is still in sight and has plenty of grass where he is so it suits us both as he soon gets on with eating once he realises we are just doing more circles. So whilst I get that you don't want her doing much with your horses I don't really think she's done much wrong, obviously something happened with the fence but I wouldn't have thought putting them in a smaller part of the field was something to be upset about (possibly not the right word but I hope you know what I mean). Maybe you could suggest that you are there next time so you can settle yours if needs be so they get used to it and then there hopefully won't be any more incidents with the fence.
 
Cobiau Cymraeg Wyllt said:
Hmm, see this is what's on my mind slightly, having seen the rodeo display that occurred when she galloped through them..
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Ahhh...teenagers... Not exactly well known for advanced thinking, safety or pottering through life slowly... :D

From what I remember many moons ago (ahem, ok, too many to count!), teenagers like to jump and go fast... Lots of both... Is the fenced off area large enough for some jumping practice? If it's not, is there enough space to enlarge it slightly so it's a bit more multi functional? If it can't be made larger, can it be tweaked a bit so yours can pop in there more securely for a short time while she rocks around the field on hers? Sensible time scales in place and so on...

I totally understand you wondering what the heck has gone on and not exactly feeling the love if your horses were moved and something happened that luckily didn't result in an injury - on this occasion... At the same time, the lass appears to have tried to pay attention to the idea of separating them so she can bounce around a bit without the simultaneous rodeo style event...:)
 
I'd have a chat and find out what happened, but yes they will get used to her riding in the field, as long as she is sensible. I ride in the field with mine all the time, and they generally just stay out of the way, unless I decide to exercise the whole lot by moving them around the field. Plus an old instructor of mine used to teach with her youngsters in the field, the theory being they all learned to behave more calmly with horses running about, and it did work.
 
zaminda said:
I'd have a chat and find out what happened, but yes they will get used to her riding in the field, as long as she is sensible. I ride in the field with mine all the time, and they generally just stay out of the way, unless I decide to exercise the whole lot by moving them around the field. Plus an old instructor of mine used to teach with her youngsters in the field, the theory being they all learned to behave more calmly with horses running about, and it did work.
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Ok thanks, that's good to know, and others are saying the same about them getting used to it so I should be able to persuade myself to stop worrying about it and yeah hopefully I will get to hear what actually happened instead of imagining the worst! :D
 
dafthoss said:
Well you didn't come accross as teenage bashing to me but it did seem a relevant point as her age will affect her decisions.

I'll also add that I often move mines field mate in to one of the sections of the field when I ride. I don't want him to be there when I'm riding as he likes to 'help' and play. He is still in sight and has plenty of grass where he is so it suits us both as he soon gets on with eating once he realises we are just doing more circles. So whilst I get that you don't want her doing much with your horses I don't really think she's done much wrong, obviously something happened with the fence but I wouldn't have thought putting them in a smaller part of the field was something to be upset about (possibly not the right word but I hope you know what I mean). Maybe you could suggest that you are there next time so you can settle yours if needs be so they get used to it and then there hopefully won't be any more incidents with the fence.
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Yeah, I did think she'd tried to do the best thing by putting them in the smaller bit...just looks like my youngster and pony had other ideas and had done some sort of fence-trashing stunt I would like to know a bit more about! ;)
Will do as you suggest and see if I can be there next time to see how youngster and pony react..last night's beer and chips..??:D
 
Ladydragon said:
Ahhh...teenagers... Not exactly well known for advanced thinking, safety or pottering through life slowly... :D

From what I remember many moons ago (ahem, ok, too many to count!), teenagers like to jump and go fast... Lots of both... Is the fenced off area large enough for some jumping practice? If it's not, is there enough space to enlarge it slightly so it's a bit more multi functional? If it can't be made larger, can it be tweaked a bit so yours can pop in there more securely for a short time while she rocks around the field on hers? Sensible time scales in place and so on...

I totally understand you wondering what the heck has gone on and not exactly feeling the love if your horses were moved and something happened that luckily didn't result in an injury - on this occasion... At the same time, the lass appears to have tried to pay attention to the idea of separating them so she can bounce around a bit without the simultaneous rodeo style event...:)
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:D:D:D True true and it could be made bigger with some work so I think what we'll take from everybody's suggestions is to do just that and so hopefully we'll all benefit. ;)
Thanks everyone, as ever HHO is a great port of call for a range of opinions...as this is now the morning-after-the-night-before, I'll send a round of toast and cuppa out!!!!! :D:D:D

And if/when I do get to hear what actually was occurin', I'll let you know! :D
 
I kind of agree with Zamindar. But, until horses get used to horses being ridden with them, a kick could be dangerous if a minor is involved especially on a smaller horse or pony. So I'd be the one to do all the getting used to part. This way I could be confident the young person is not in harms way. FWIW, my arena is in between all my fields. All the horses are up close when I'm training. Right now it's a great mixture of broken and various stages of breaking horses. My 2yo, who is not being started, never misses an opportunity to hang out and learn. I will probably do a little "ponying" with her this summer. But it's also great when they run around like loons. They learn I'm in charge end of. And I've had zero issues thus far.

Anyway, I think it's probably the right thing to let her ride with your horses but so long as you test the waters yourself. After a couple of days the novelty wears off!

Terri
 
Just to update, seeing as everyone had been so helpful...waited for phone-call from sharer to tell me what had actually happened....no phone-call...phoned her Mum, told her I'd decided to enlarge the school area so we could all use it for what we wanted, so she would have somewhere to jump etc..asked could her daughter still phone me to tell me what actually happened and to discuss where to put the school area etc....(thought that might help her to feel she wasn't going to get a row if she phoned)...a week later, still no phone call...so none the wiser :rolleyes:
Fencing has now been completely removed as it was so totally trashed...
 
Oh dear..tough one.
Maybe time for a more straight to the point, calm talk with the mum about your concerns. Do the parents visit the field atall?
 
Sherbie said:
Oh dear..tough one.
Maybe time for a more straight to the point, calm talk with the mum about your concerns. Do the parents visit the field atall?
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Yep, think you're right...have managed to have fairly sensible conversations with the mum about various things previously and will try to again...but think where it falls down is that sharer still refuses to play ball even when Mum steps in to suggest she does the right thing..the parents' take on it all is that they 'don't understand all these horsey things' so they keep out of it...and don't visit the field very frequently..seen Dad there twice and Mum once in a year (doesn't mean they aren't there more than that of course)
 
Ladydragon said:
Hmmm...that's just a tad rude and I wouldn't be feeling the love over having my calls ignored either... :(
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Yup. I should imagine she's not gagging to phone up for an anticipated row, but she has been quick enough to ring previously to ask me to ask the farrier to shoe pony or in a panic when the pony cut her eye once etc...hence why I also made the offer of talking about where to put the new school area etc, so as not to seem like she'd just be phoning for a b*****king :rolleyes:
 
I think you need to stop going through her mum- you will be making her feel like she's not old enough to deal with this herself, and treating people that way never really works. As much as it would have been better for her to return your calls, she's going to think your calling to complain so will be putting it off, or..at this time of year most schoolies have exams etc. so she could be tied up with that.

Just leave a note at the field saying you've sectioned a bit off for riding etc, you tried to call. If she wants to change it feel free! Chances are she will just use the sectioned off area :)
 
why not leave her a friendly note starting something like 'hi mate' or whatever and making it really causal ect. maybe even putting something like hope exams are going well or catch up with you soon. she might be s****** herself about calling you expecting you to have a go. not the most mature thing to do but she is only young. failing that could you not pop down at a time when she is likely to be there?
 
loisb501 said:
I think you need to stop going through her mum- you will be making her feel like she's not old enough to deal with this herself, and treating people that way never really works. As much as it would have been better for her to return your calls, she's going to think your calling to complain so will be putting it off, or..at this time of year most schoolies have exams etc. so she could be tied up with that.

Just leave a note at the field saying you've sectioned a bit off for riding etc, you tried to call. If she wants to change it feel free! Chances are she will just use the sectioned off area :)
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Yeah, I do always ask to speak to her first...but if she's not about, leave a message with her Mum. I've always dealt with her Mum about contract/field rent/paying for hay etc as she tends to deal with that herself as presumably doesn't want to put that on her 13 year old, which is fair enough.
Just waiting for a leccy tape energiser to arrive and then will make a new area, which no doubt she'll use when she wants to. ;)
 
happyhacking:) said:
why not leave her a friendly note starting something like 'hi mate' or whatever and making it really causal ect. maybe even putting something like hope exams are going well or catch up with you soon. she might be s****** herself about calling you expecting you to have a go. not the most mature thing to do but she is only young. failing that could you not pop down at a time when she is likely to be there?
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Good point, could leave her a note...don't tend to see her about the field much, not sure she visits every day though she can see ponies from her window so presumably leaves it at that on school days etc..and just rides whenever..have called at the house when I thought she might be there...she is only young yes, and I do always try to be friendly on the odd occasion we are there at the same time, as I would hope someone would be with my own child :)
 
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