Am i being fair regarding a sharer???

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sbennison

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well it starts like this last year whilst looking for a sharer i had a lady come to try out our horse who was not sutiable however her friend who was with her who came to help her friend to see if the horse was right for her got on with my mare really well and said if i was ever stuck she could help out but not afford to pay anything. So i thought well its not about the money just someone who is sutiable and will look after her so i agreed she was great at first coming 2 days a week which i needed she could be a bit unreliable sometime but only when she was called in work and stuff which could not be helped or if the weather was uwful she would not come as she could not ride which i did not like one bit.

So the main part i was going on holiday about 8 weeks ago if not a bit more and she said she could do my mare, I was unsure but didnt like to say no so i said yes and went away and asked yo and friends on the yard to keep an eye out, When i came back someone said they had seen her 3 times in 10 days :O I went the field to find my mare bitted by flys sunburned on her back leg (white sock) and didnt look like she had been groomed since i went so i bought her in cleaned her up etc and turned her out as usual the next morning whilst trying to sort her sunburnt out the weather has been awful and has now somehow turned scabby and into a bit of mud feaver so she is in now sorting it out and giving her a rest not riding and stuff. She now just textes and says can she be ridden yet if i say no i dont get a reply im not happy and thinking about telling her to do one as she just wants to ride and nothing else which i should have noticed before but surpose im stupid. She doesnt even bring her a pack of polos or carrots the only good thing is she is a good rider i surpose.

Am i being took the P out of?? im sure there is people out there that can afford to have a horse that would love to come and ride for nothing.

Thank you in advance i know its a long post xxx
 
From personal experience I would be very carefull about who I let ride my horse.

I too have had other people riding my horse and finding out later that they do not groom her or pick out feet etc but just want to use her to bomb around on.

I now only ride her myself and if I can not manage to get down to look after her I only trust a very select few to do it instead.

My horse is my most valuable thing and I am not prepared to put her at risk for anyone.

So I guess my advice would be to not let her near your horse again.
 
I would not be happy, if someone says they will look after your horse while you are away you trust that they will atleast look at them daily!!! It's one thing to not be able to contribute financially but they should then be prepared to help with mucking out etc in return for riding.
 
That's why you ask for money - it's not about needing it but shows how commited the person is to the horse. If they're not paying it's not their problem seems to be a common attitude. No offence to all those good sharers out there (as there are many) but by allowing 'free rides' to someone you don't know you are asking for trouble.

Sunburn that turns into mudfever???? New one on me. I think you need to admit if its mudfever that is nothing to do with the sharer, that is something that has developed since you've been back. It's too easy to place all the blame there.

As devils advocate, are you sure the care has been that bad? You only have second hand opinions. Could she have gone up and them just not seen her??

Anyway, if your horse lives out 24/7 going up 3 times in 10 days is not actually that bad if the yard check on the horse. Horses get bitten by flies despite the best care in the world. Sunburn is not great, but also does happen. She might have put cream on her that your horse rubbed off. Re not looking like being groomed - can you honestly say that you haven't groomed one day and gone up the next and it looks like your horse hasn't been groomed for ages? I know my horse is an expert at that.
 
yeah i would tell her to go and buy a bike if she is just wants a machine. You trusted her with what is probably your most treasured thing and she let you and the horse down big time. I would be telling her exactly why you don't want her to come back. What a cheeky moo!! Your horse deserves better!
 
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, as you say there are plently others that would love the chance. I would just tell her how it is, do you have a contract between yourself and the sharer that says what she should be doing? if so then say to her you don't feel she is fullfilling the full agreement and therefore you are terminating it. If not I would recommend you do for the next one and still her something similar.
 
She's totally taking the p. I would text her and say, that you have been considering things while you were away and that you think you need to look for a sharer who is more reliable and willing to share the care of the pony, not just the riding.
 
In short, I think you're being taken advantage of.
However, do you have a contract?
If not, and you would like this person to continue sharing your horse, (not that I would - I think it's grossly irresponsible to leave a horse and only check on it 3 days out of 10) I would draw one up that states that your sharer is responsible for the care of the horse on her specific days, rideable or not, rain or shine.
 
She's helping you out when she can ride and it suits her. IMHO you'd be better off asking someone at the yard to check on her one day week to give you a day off rather than asking her if she's so unreliable and to me she IS taking the p**s. Anything could've happened to your horse whilst you where away and she wouldn't have known until she decided to turn up! Not good :(
 
PRORIDER - you questions answerd :)

Sunburn that turns into mudfever???? New one on me. I think you need to admit if its mudfever that is nothing to do with the sharer, that is something that has developed since you've been back. It's too easy to place all the blame there. - I AM NOT TRYING TO BLAME ANYONE JUST SAYING THAT SHE WAS SUNBURNT WHEN I CAME BACK WHICH THE SHARER WAS WARNED ABOUT AND HAD CREAM TO PREVENT IT - HER SKIN WAS STILL TENDER AND SHE NOW HAS MUD FEVER WHICH I WAS NOT AWARE OF AS SHE HAS NEVER HAD IT.

As devils advocate, are you sure the care has been that bad? You only have second hand opinions. Could she have gone up and them just not seen her?? MAYBE BUT THEN AGAIN SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FEED EVERY DAY AND BROUGHT IN WHICH SHE WAS NOT.

Anyway, if your horse lives out 24/7 going up 3 times in 10 days is not actually that bad if the yard check on the horse - SHE DOESNT LIVE OUT 24/7.

thank you for all you reply i know that she might of cared for her whilst i am away but the main concern is that she is only intrested in riding i would like someone who cares for my horse too :)

xx
 
Bless you, sounds like a nightmare:mad:

You have to do what is best for your horse and you. If she's not prepared to do her bit come rain or shine, I'd thank her for all her help and tell her you dont need her help anymore.

I wouldn't worry about upsetting her, its not like she pays anything for the previlidge of riding your mare.

I've never had a sharer for any of the horses that I've had over the years so can't comment really, so these are just my thoughts.

Good luck chick

Katie P
 
I think prorider makes some valid points, there is always two sides to every coin, and you could both have a reasonable argument for the mares care, unless you have cctv on your horse you will never know 100% what the 'sharer' did or didnt do.

That said if i thought that someone was only interested in riding my horse and not giving him a bit of loving care in return, then i wouldn't let them any where near him! After all part of sharing is the caring for the horse, even if that is just a treat and a cuddle.
 
I would end the share, mainly down to the point that she's not interested unless she can ride.

You want a sharer who will love your horse and care for it as if it is their own. Agreed that having them pay a contribution towards costs tends to weed out the users. Get rid of her and spend some time finding someone who will really care, you and your horse will be much happier!

I've had a few sharers, the one I have now is fabulous & treats him like he is her own. I know I can trust her AND she doesn't duck out if the weather is bad or is off work for whatever reason! So, this is proof than you too can find someone better!
 
I think the key with sharers is communication.

I also don't think it is true that sharers only care if they are paying. In fact I think there is a danger that if someone is paying they treat it more as a business transaction, and want to get their money's worth.

I've shared in the past and have never paid, it has always been the case that the owner gets the help and I get the opportunity to ride so it helps us both out.

With the first one it was very much an as and when type of thing, no set days or agreement, so if the owner asked me to do the horse and I couldn't I didn't. I was happy to do her when she couldn't be ridden as that reflected the fact that I was grateful to be allowed to ride when the mare was sound.

The second one I had set days and I let them know if for any reason I couldn't do my set days (holiday) and I was happy to do extra if they needed me to. I got messed around there, though and it makes me quite wary about what is said on these sharer threads to be honest.

I've also done bits for other people on an ad hoc basis.

I think it comes down to what you agreed with this girl, and what instructions you gave her. I know that sometimes instructions aren't that great or clear, and that peoples standards and ideas of what constitutes adequate care vary wildly. I also know that liveries gossip and you really can't rely upon what they say.

For example with the first share I had I only ever met one of the 15 other liveries that shared our block the whole time I was there, and i never met the YO. I guess that if the other liveries hadn't hated my share horse's owner so much they may have been telling tales that I hadn't been up all day....

With the second one I would hear no end of tales about what the owner was or wasn't doing, from the staff, other liveries and YO. I can only guess at whether stories were going the other way..... but the owner was rubbish at communicating with me so often I didn't know what was expected or what they were thinking.

If I were you I'd have a chat with this girl. See what her side is, maybe she is a rubbish sharer, or maybe she never really wanted a regular comitment and is feeling taken advantage of herself! You won't know unless you talk to her. If you do you may be able to come to an arrangement that suits you both, you may not, but if you don't talk to her you risk throwing the baby out with the bath water over what could be a daft misunderstanding.
 
You are being more than fair with regards to your sharer. If she is not doing part of the work, then it is not sharing, it's just using.

I shared a horse from last December until a few weeks ago when I moved to uni and I didn't pay (well, only £10 if I wanted to take him to competitions and 1/2 shoes every 6 weeks). Just to reassure you sharers aren't all bad, I used to feed/field muck/muck out/groom etc when I wanted to ride (which was whenever the owner didn't want to ride if you see what I mean) and sometimes if the owner asked me, I did those things on days when she wanted to ride because I liked spending time at the yard and with the horse.

There are good ones around - maybe ask your instructor if they know anyone.
Good luck :)
 
sbennison said:
PRORIDER - you questions answerd :)

Sunburn that turns into mudfever???? New one on me. I think you need to admit if its mudfever that is nothing to do with the sharer, that is something that has developed since you've been back. It's too easy to place all the blame there. - I AM NOT TRYING TO BLAME ANYONE JUST SAYING THAT SHE WAS SUNBURNT WHEN I CAME BACK WHICH THE SHARER WAS WARNED ABOUT AND HAD CREAM TO PREVENT IT - HER SKIN WAS STILL TENDER AND SHE NOW HAS MUD FEVER WHICH I WAS NOT AWARE OF AS SHE HAS NEVER HAD IT.

As devils advocate, are you sure the care has been that bad? You only have second hand opinions. Could she have gone up and them just not seen her?? MAYBE BUT THEN AGAIN SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FEED EVERY DAY AND BROUGHT IN WHICH SHE WAS NOT.

Anyway, if your horse lives out 24/7 going up 3 times in 10 days is not actually that bad if the yard check on the horse - SHE DOESNT LIVE OUT 24/7.

thank you for all you reply i know that she might of cared for her whilst i am away but the main concern is that she is only intrested in riding i would like someone who cares for my horse too :)

xx
Click to expand...

On a side note, please be careful how you reply as by putting it all in capitals it comes across as very aggressive and confrontational. Perhaps not your intention but it can be read that way.

As I said I was simply playing devils advocate as there are always two sides to every story (and once livery yard gossip gets involved you seem to have about 50 sides to every story).

I did not see in your original post that your horse doesn't live out 24/7 and is on daily hard feed, otherwise I would not have suggested that she did not have to go up every day.

You need to have a long chat with your sharer, as it is possible what you see as a formal share agreement, she sees as a more casual agreement - especially as she wasn't the one that even "applied" to share it. It may be she thinks you simply need the help and as and when rather than more permanent.
 
Personally I would give this one their marching orders as they have well and truly lost your trust and not done the best they could for your horse. Certainly someone contributing financially is more likely to focus!
 
I've shared a couple of horses in the past few years due to being at uni and I haven't paid a penny! Seriously couldn't afford to and I had plenty of offers for free shares. But the people I've shared horses from seemed really happy with me as I was helping them out exercising their horses, I rode a youngster for a very well off lady for 18months until he was a bit calmer and more suitable for her. She paid me for doing the jobs for 4 horses once a week and I rode 3 times a week for free. But I ALWAYS turned up when I said I would and helped her out with other things like improving her confidence with him and housesitting etc.

I think the key thing as others have said is communication and reliability from both sides, the main problem is this lady sounds uncaring and unreliable, both of which aren't good qualities in a sharer. I'd speak to her, tell her the holiday cover was unacceptable and tell her some things will need to change if she wants to keep sharing your horse!
Good luck!
 
prorider said:
Sunburn that turns into mudfever???? New one on me. I think you need to admit if its mudfever that is nothing to do with the sharer, that is something that has developed since you've been back. It's too easy to place all the blame there.
Click to expand...

Sunburn - leading to inflammed skin with breaks in the skin - can lead to secondary infection with the bacteria that causes mudfever. Can see how that happened, yes.

OP...no way would anyone be turning up for free rides on my horses. I would be wanting some more input and commitment from them- if not financial then at least with general yard duties etc.

Tell her to shove it.
 
Hey prorider that wasn't meant in a nasty way :) was just answering your questions. Thank you for all you experienced the communication from my end is fine I have spoken to her and told her I need someone to look after my mare 2 days a week we agreed on 2 set days to suit her which was 1 day in the week n 1 of a weekend so I can catch up with work as I work for myself. Now she only really turns up 1 if that. I will have another word but I really cannot deal with wondering if she is going or not. And yes the sunburnt was not cleaned n got mud in it turning into mud fever :( and it's rather hard to get rid if. Xx
 
Sounds like my one and only sharer. Started off as a nice girl whose sister kept her horse on our yard, and she wanted to be able to hack out with her sister. I am a pretty busy person whose job kept her very busy, so ideal solution. She rode him 3-4 times a week and initially all was well. She did some stable duties and he was well cared for. However, I find out from other liveries that she took him out 3-4 times a week and literally hammered him, he came back dripping with sweat and she didnt even wash him off, she just turned him out straight away. My horse was at the time 16 and he has had a hard old life, so I am very considerate of him now. OK, sometimes he has to work, ie going for long hacks, going hunting, doing some schooling, but I dont go out and literally hammer him trotting for long periods on the roads and very, very long canters - he is not getting fit for a ODE! I only found this out when a friend on the yard went out hacking with them - said friend knows how much I love my horse and expressed concern at how hard he was pushed to be told that I 'Fannied around far too much' by the sharer.

I didnt ask for a financial contribution as this young lady so say did not have any money. However, she could afford to run a car and go out clubbing 2-3 times as week and buy herself new clothes. In the end I told her it wasnt working, I would rather pay our YO to hack him or school him, as I knew she would be considerate to him. Her sister turned on me and tried to turn the rest of the yard against me. It worked with a couple of people who then tried to intimidate me and make me leave. I complained to YO about it bitterly. As I was a full livery with two horses and there were grass keeps she told them either they went willingly or she asked them to leave. They left. Yard has now returned to normal, all because I asked someone to help me with my horse, who is mine to 'Fanny around' as much as I like. He is now 17, and I want to keep him sound and well for as long as I can, if they couldnt understand that and respect that, then its their loss.

Get rid, there is no commitment. Its your horse, your rules.
 
I'm appalled that the so-called sharers in this thread are behaving in the way they do. Being a sensitive animal person, I find it incomprehensible that someone could shirk their responsibilities to a horse and its owner in such a shameful way.

When I begin looking for a share, I believe I'll be very lucky to find someone willing to take me on without a financial contribution, indeed I expect to pay something towards costs. Someone who is lucky enough to be offered the chance to look after a horse for nothing more than their time a couple of days a week, and then neglects their responsibilities, is just plain wrong.
 
Sounds just the same thoery :) she does run her own car and is always out getting drunk too!

I am going to apply for a sharer 2 days a week and look for the right person i am going to ask for a small contribution and going to put must be able to care for a horse as well as ride :D..

thank you for all you help with my decision. x
 
I'm a sharer myself but now have a situation where I am allowed to go and see the mare whenever I want and can carry on when I finish term at uni :) I am very lucky and I'm not just in it for the riding. I no longer give financial support towards her, but if I can get there quickly enough I pay for feed, vets bills etc (even though I get told off by her mum!! :p)
I go down every day, do the jobs, and even when she has just been on box rest for 6 months I was still there every day grooming her, spending time with her. If her owner went away I would be at that field EVERY day, bringing her in EVERY day, checking her over 'cause I'd never forgive myself if something should happen. You just can't tell when they are at the bottom of the field!
Your horse is a valuable part of your life and if you need someone to help with them, then that someone should give them the time attention and care they deserve with no ifs/buts or excuses.
So yes I'd say she's taking the mickey quite a lot but we're not all like that, so get rid and good luck finding someone more trustworthy!!
K x
 
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