Am I being petty? WWYD?

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NellRosk

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Bit of a tricky one and I'll try keep it brief and non-descript as people can be identified! But basically at the yard I livery at, a close family member also has a trainee there. She finishes next week and before she can finish she needs to jump a horse round a course of jumps. YO has said she's not good enough to jump any of the 30 horses she has and asked if my kind sensible horse can be used. I go on holiday on Sunday for a week, and for some reason or another she can't ride my horse until next week (arena is being resurfaced tomorrow, it's fully booked up with lessons tonight, etc etc). I've said yes she can ride him as long as I'm present as I'm worried about my horse if this girl isn't good enough to ride ANY of the 30 horses YO has. But now it's not looking likely that she'll be able to before she finishes and basically she can't finish until she's jumped this bl**** course. So I'm getting pressure off the girl, pressure off the family member and pressure off YO to do it next week when I'm away. I'm really not that happy about it :( Would you put your foot down and say no or just say oh okay get on with it? Genuinely stumped! I don't want to seem petty or ridiculous.
 
I'm thinking exactly the same as you - if she's not good enough to jump any of the yard's 30 horses, why on EARTH should she be allowed to ride yours?
 
WindyStacks said:
I'm thinking exactly the same as you - if she's not good enough to jump any of the yard's 30 horses, why on EARTH should she be allowed to ride yours?
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Well exactly, he is a kind and lovely boy and I honestly don't mind her riding him if I'm there and can put a stop to it if it's really bad!
 
Your horse, your choice. If it was mine I would also be questioning why there are no other horses suited - surely if that is the case she is not ready to 'graduate', unless the yo just wants rid?

If it was my horse I would say no, using the fact that you are not going to be present as the reason.
 
I wouldn't be happy either. Unless the YO has 30 fresh off the track ex racers who are all still racing fit then this girl must be really novicey. I do feel for her though.
Possible compromise - is there anyone not on the yard who you trust to take your place?
 
No, be honest with the yo, tell her you're a bit anxious that if she's not good enough to jump all 30 of hers you don't fancy the idea of her on yours. It sounds as though your YO hasn't done enough training with her trainee and now is trying to budge her through the assessment so she can get another trainee in the future.

Is there not a local riding school where she could jump a schoolmaster under an instructor?
 
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I would say no, YO obviously feels there is an increased risk with this rider jumping a course of jumps. 30 horses is a lot to choose from and if not one of them is suitable why should you take the risk with yours?

It is not your problem it is the yard owners they should make sure they have suitable horses if they are going to take in trainees. even if I was there I would say no
 
L&M said:
Your horse, your choice. If it was mine I would also be questioning why there are no other horses suited - surely if that is the case she is not ready to 'graduate', unless the yo just wants rid?

If it was my horse I would say no, using the fact that you are not going to be present as the reason.
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yep she just wants to get rid :( I've said she can come the week after when she's technically finished but no apparently she can't.

Apercrumbie said:
I wouldn't be happy either. Unless the YO has 30 fresh off the track ex racers who are all still racing fit then this girl must be really novicey. I do feel for her though.
Possible compromise - is there anyone not on the yard who you trust to take your place?
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No, no ex racers! Hmm I'll have a think but not really. I don't think anyone would be comfortable standing up to YO and tell them to get off my horse if she was really bad.

Honey08 said:
No, be honest with the yo, tell her you're a bit anxious that if she's not good enough to jump all 30 of hers you don't fancy the idea of her on yours. It sounds as though your YO hasn't done enough training with her trainee and now is trying to budge her through the assessment so she can get another trainee in the future.
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I approached her last night and said surely there must be one other horse on the yard that she can jump as I was worried about mine. And she said 'don't you trust me' and made out like I was criticising her in some way :( I just feel crappy about the whole thing! Especially as family member is asking me to just help them out!
 
twiggy2 said:
I would say no, YO obviously feels there is an increased risk with this rider jumping a course of jumps. 30 horses is a lot to choose from and if not one of them is suitable why should you take the risk with yours?

It is not your problem it is the yard owners they should make sure they have suitable horses if they are going to take in trainees. even if I was there I would say no
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This is what I'm thinking! God I hate situations like this.

madlady said:
I'd be saying no TBH.

Your horse your rules.
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General consensus so far, think this is where I'm heading tbh
 
WindyStacks said:
I'm thinking exactly the same as you - if she's not good enough to jump any of the yard's 30 horses, why on EARTH should she be allowed to ride yours?
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NellRosk said:
Well exactly, he is a kind and lovely boy and I honestly don't mind her riding him if I'm there and can put a stop to it if it's really bad!
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Well, you are very kind and thoughtful. I am angry that they YO is trying to abuse that kindness. I would also say no.

I would also agree that unless the yard is full of lunatic horses the trainee is not yet ready to graduate. After some of the other threads I have read on HHO on other yards I would also now be concerned that you will go away and they will help themselves to you horse in your absence.

This is why I keep mine at home. My horse is my pleasure and I will not have it spoiled by people telling me what I should do with my boy.
 
Red-1 said:
Well, you are very kind and thoughtful. I am angry that they YO is trying to abuse that kindness. I would also say no.

I would also agree that unless the yard is full of lunatic horses the trainee is not yet ready to graduate. After some of the other threads I have read on HHO on other yards I would also now be concerned that you will go away and they will help themselves to you horse in your absence.

This is why I keep mine at home. My horse is my pleasure and I will not have it spoiled by people telling me what I should do with my boy.
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Aw thank you! There's the odd lunatic horse but surely if you have your pick of 30 then one must be suitable to jump a 2'6" course! I would really hope that that never happens and would be sickened if I found out that they had when I got back :eek:

You're very lucky, it's the dream to keep them at home!
 
Well you've made it clear that you are happy for her to ride your horse when you are there - keep that position, it's not your fault she can't do it the week after.
 
I would laugh in their face if anyone asked me this, and be more peed off about the assumption that it's ok for a YO to ask to use my horse as a Guinea pig when she has 30 of her own horses.
Absolutely not.
 
If you're not happy, then just say no. I personally would not be letting her anywhere near my horse, especially if I was not around. I would also make sure you take your tack home when you go away
 
If you've kindly offered to let her ride the horse then she should make the effort to ride it when you can be there.
 
To be honest I would worry they would jump the horse anyway. I would be telling the yard owner no and then asking every day up until when I leave how the girl is going to complete her course and what arrangements have been made. I would also be telling the girl (nicely but very very firmly) - under no circumstance is she to jump the horse, not because she is rubbish but because you haven't seen her ride and therefore it cannot happen. Give her your number to call in case she gets pressured by YO.

The YO simply needs to make other arrangements and behave in a professional manner.

Perhaps the reason you have such a nice sensible horse it because s/he doesn't get messed about with eh?
 
Why can't she cancel one of the bookings in the school and re schedule it while you're away, so that they can jump in that timeslot? It seems like you are the only one being expected to be flexible here. Your YO doesn't sound like she's fit to train people and the trainee doesn't sound fit to pass this course if everything has to be bodged.
 
Stick to your guns, it is perfectly reasonable to only allow the student to ride while you are there, don't be blackmailed by the lack of trust comments, if heaven forbid anything did go wrong you may need to be there. It isn't your problem that the timing is off for them, but it is one thing that I wouldn't compromise on.
 
Your horse. Your rules. Your choice. You pay to keep your horse there, you owe them no additional service/good deed or this girl doing her training, unless of course you wish to. YO should NOT be blackmailing you with 'dont you trust me' comments either.

If the YO and this girl really want to jump your horse, then they should be happy to wait until you are around, you did not have to agree to it, so for them to be uptight and rude about it is ridiculous!

I have allowed my horse to be jumped by a staff member completing her qualifications, however I trusted the girl who I know well, and also my YO. The girl had to jump three horses, ride a different three etc, so I was more than happy that it was just a case of they were running out of horses to obtain the right evidence for a pass! Plus my mare loves to jump and I don't, so it gave her the chance to let off a bit of steam and have some fun. I would never have agreed though if it was because she 'wasn't good enough to jump the yards horses'.
 
touchstone said:
Stick to your guns, it is perfectly reasonable to only allow the student to ride while you are there, don't be blackmailed by the lack of trust comments, if heaven forbid anything did go wrong you may need to be there. It isn't your problem that the timing is off for them, but it is one thing that I wouldn't compromise on.
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I agree with this.

After all of you arent around whats to say there wont be a practice run, someone else riding your horse to warm him up, the student making a mess of it and needing another try....... where does it stop? Far better to be around to control the situation. If they arent happy then perhaps they need to take the student to an acredited place where they can hire a schoolmaster and course of jumps
 
Not an issue for me, the answer would be no, the reason being i wouldnt be there to oversee her, tell them to find another horse. Tell the family to stop harrassing you, yoir decision is final
 
Apercrumbie said:
I wouldn't be happy either. Unless the YO has 30 fresh off the track ex racers who are all still racing fit then this girl must be really novicey. I do feel for her though.
Possible compromise - is there anyone not on the yard who you trust to take your place?
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This. I'd honestly be inclined to have someone I know and trust be there for me in my absence and agree to it. I would however only do this because I would be genuinely concerned about them using my horse anyway and just not telling me. I totally agree that if the 30+ horses on the yard aren't suitable, she must be pretty novice and not ideal, but I would absolutely hate to think of it being done anyway behind my back, so as much as I would want to tell them where to go, I think I would just arrange it with someone I trust standing in my place.
 
_GG_ said:
.... but I would absolutely hate to think of it being done anyway behind my back, so as much as I would want to tell them where to go, I think I would just arrange it with someone I trust standing in my place.
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This is a really good point, If you cant (or dont want to) get someone trusted to stand in I would be absolutely 100% clear with the YO that this is NOT to occur, part of me thinks you should perhaps be recommended to your tack for the week but you should be able to trust the YO to behave!
 
No.

if she is not capable of doing it on one of the 30 others then she shouldn't be passing the course IMO and certainly not if you are not there. Can you take your tack home too? I would also make sure that more than just the YO knows you said no.
 
You're not being petty, you should do what you feel is in your horse best interest, that is your first responsibility, and not doing what happen to suit your family member, Yard Owner etc.

I think you have been enough helpful, when you agreed that she can ride the horse if you're present. That is a very reasonable demand, and if they really want it to happen, they should have to find a way to do it when you can be there.
I'm sure that it would be a lot easier for them to just use your horse whenever it is most convenient for them, but they're the ones that are unreasonable and petty, if they don't understand that your horse is your first priority.
 
Could you not dress it up as a safetly issue to the family member? If the trainee isn't good enough to jump a course of fences then it's probably a stability issue and she could fall off yours just as easily as any of the YO's horses.

And I hate to bring up health and safety because I'm always going on about how ridiculous it is that people are getting sued all over the place, but here it could work in your favour - what about insurance? The YO is probably insured to give lessons on her own horses but what about one she is just borrowing? You could tell the trainee and the family member that your horse isn't insured for others to ride, so if there was an injury to horse or rider they would be liable.
 
Thank you everyone for your replies, it's just what I needed to hear because I was starting to think I was being the unreasonable one! Regarding taking my tack home, I could.. but if she were to go behind my back and ride him then she'd probably just use someone elses tack. I really don't think this will happen, anyway I hope not but I will be having firm words before I go to make it very clear he is not to be ridden when I am away!
 
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