Am i being selfish?

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michelleice

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Had a talk with my OH last night didn't go very well!

We were talking about my boy Bennson and his age (17yrs) and fact that by the time i can have him back he will be 20 as having 2 babies (3 months and 19 months) im limited on time and its not fair on him. (this was fine in my convo)

then brought up when i do have him back after 2 yards from HELL i decided maybe renting a field my self would be a better approach that way there is no bi***y people there, only problem is Bennson has navicular and laryngeal paralysis so he will retire early possibly in his 20's so i would need a field companion that's ride able. Que OH going mental

I said it didn't have to be another DWB i could happily get a cob or highland x conny like my old horse so that my daughter could ride as well but apparently this is unexceptable as the funds would be taken up on the horses!

My loaner knows Bennson will come back once im in full time work (looking at 2 years till that ) so it would be MY money im using.

I did bring up his cash spent on the car know i shouldnt but hey hes allowed to spend money on the Subaru! last purchase being a carbon wrap for £200 dump valve for £120! happily say hes spent over 4 grand on car in 1 year

so am i being selfish in thinking all the above? should i just put Ben back into livery and not worry about getting another till the kids grown up and moved out?
 
If the expense of buying another horse, and the keeping of 2 horses is soley funded by your money, then I don't see where the problem lies. However, if it is a financial strain on the whole household that your OH is concerned about, then thats a different matter.
 
I think you're being sensible thinking about the future. But I would simply look to put your horse on a decent, proffessionaly run livery yard - rather than have the expense of renting and maintaining your own land, and the additional expense of another horse.
 
would agree with the above.

I think you're being very sensible about it, and as you say, Ben won't be rideable for ever, and a little cob x that your daughter can learn to ride would be lovely (think of the ££ saved on riding lessons!), but if she doesn't want to then you've still got something safe you can ride!

I don't think you are being selfish at all, unless it would affect the whole household.
 
lizziebell said:
If the expense of buying another horse, and the keeping of 2 horses is soley funded by your money, then I don't see where the problem lies. However, if it is a financial strain on the whole household that your OH is concerned about, then thats a different matter.
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financial strain on the whole household isn't a factor as he spend most of his spare cash on the car i pay half bills at the moment as it is (im not on benefit!) so extra wage after childcare for 3 hours on 3 kids (weekends i can bring them up there not a problem!)

regardless hes coming back once im working and im assuming (only know Scotland field rent) it would work out cheaper than bennson being on full livery
 
jenhunt said:
would agree with the above.

I think you're being very sensible about it, and as you say, Ben won't be rideable for ever, and a little cob x that your daughter can learn to ride would be lovely (think of the ££ saved on riding lessons!), but if she doesn't want to then you've still got something safe you can ride!

I don't think you are being selfish at all, unless it would affect the whole household.
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Shes horse mad Jenhunt, so it would do her good plus tbh would mind something that jumped, Ben was hacking only and i was fine with it but i miss jumping now
 
im assuming (only know Scotland field rent) it would work out cheaper than bennson being on full livery
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Yes, it may well - but ultimately if you go to the expense of buying another horse, and feeding another horse it may well end up the same or more expensive.

You will also have to maintain the land, and possibly (probably) be responsible for repairs etc. So something to consider. You will also need to ensure that you are able to get and store adequate supplies of hay or haylage, and have a means of feeding it throughout the winter, successfully.

You will also need to be able to get there happily under your own steam a couple of times a day too....
 
maybe you could show your OH a spreadsheet showing what it would cost? it "might" be that he is jumping to conclusions and effectively doubling the money your boy cost you on livery plus extras.
 
spreadsheets a good idea never though of that, getting up there wont a problem

i think ill look into field and livery at a big professional yard and way both up
 
Thanks all! given me alto to think about now :D horses have been my life since i was 2yrs old so not having my boy kills me but for his sake its not fair on him with Tyrion (3 months) here he wouldn't get the time he deserves! im going up to see him when kids on holiday and having a ride cant wait hopefully him seeing Ben will make him realise he does like them again lmao
 
no you arnt and dont think that ,you work you are a mum with kids and he has his car you have your horse what you are neing told is probably what a lot of husbands/partners of wives with horses are being told !I work, have children ,husband works really long unsociable hours i need a break and fun !I dont spend money on hair, clothes or going out infact hubby and me have been out twice ourselves in ten years -but i do have my neddy !
Fields are cheaper than livery i have been thinking on those lines too and get another horse if i find somewere suitable ,why have one when you can have two ?And your own place do what you want , maybe soften the blow by getting a second one on loan first ?Maybe view to buy ? But youve worked it out yourself i keep mine at livery im looking for a field ,
you have made a big sacrifice by loaning your lovely horse out, ask him to loan his pride and joy out for two years !Ha ha HE MIGHT BACK OF THEN
Good luck hun
 
thinlizzy said:
ask him to loan his pride and joy out for two years !Ha ha HE MIGHT BACK OF THEN
Good luck hun
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lmao if i said that he would drop a bo****k seriously, he spends 4 hours washing/polishing it

forgot to point out moneys hes spent isn't for general repair ( though its needed that ) its for modifications/looks.......hes just not long off phone mentioning decatting last bit of pipe :S
 
I don't hink you are, no.

Me and OH work out the bills, pay our fair share and what left is our own money to spend.

I don't mind him spending his money on whatever he wants.....same with him. I do generally mumble something about my plans so he's not totally shocked to get to the yard and see a new trailer/saddle/horse etc :D

Having your own place does tend to work out cheaper ( it does for me) although I would say its harder work maintaining grazing/building/fences/weeding etc etc....but I personally prefer it.
 
i had some fields up in Scotland (12 acres) so i know what to expect friend of mine does fencing so i could use my girly charms lmao and get mates rates! (dont mean sleep with him lol )
 
going to do a mass hunt 2morrow and see how much lands going for rent then call few big yards and see what livery costs and do a spread sheet on the two :D
 
You could start saving now so you have a nest egg for deposit for field/livery, insurance, feed, etc etc, and also to prove that the amount you can save in a month currently can exceed the amount of spare cash you'll have in the future to pay for your horse
 
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Point out how you feel to OH and how much resentment would be generated if you he disagrees with your plans. And how that resentment might manifest itself. I take it you're not planning any more babies?
 
I have to say I think keeping the horse at a livery yard on grass livery would be the most workable option. If you rent a field, you would need to go up 2-3 times a day (I wouldn't have a field with my horses in checked any less, and if it is not part of a larger set up, no one else is around just to see/hear something go wrong - and with horses that could be a lot. At a decent livery yard, the chances of your horse getting a bad cut / stuck in a fence / escaping and not being noticed for hours is remote - on your own land, any of that could happen and the horse be like that for hours.) With working, and small children, how realistic is getting up there 3 times day? If you want to add in a second horse, and riding, in addition to all the stable jobs for 2 horses, I am not sure that you are going to have enough time to enjoy two horses. I have to say I can understand your husband's point, it probably isn't as much the money, as the fact you won't see much of him and the children (e.g. work until 5:30pm, then drive to the horses, do horses and ride one until 7pm, drive home by 7:30, just in time to put the children to bed - doesn't leave much time for anything else). In winter, add in doing it all by torchlight, or car headlights, and having to take water up with you because the pipes have frozen etc etc. Most insurance won't cover equipment left by a field, so you would have to keep your things at home / in the car and ferry them to and fro.

In terms of cost, grass livery for one horse should not cost more than renting and upkeeping a field. Paying water rates, seeding the fields, paying for someone to collect the horse much etc etc all cost a fair amount.
 
michelleice said:
i had some fields up in Scotland (12 acres) so i know what to expect friend of mine does fencing so i could use my girly charms lmao and get mates rates! (dont mean sleep with him lol )
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Hey, dont joke im married, if i meet a rich guy or one with land stables ..im off haha :D
p.s. my horse comes too
 
No! I'm a mum and time with my horse is what helps keep me sane! I would look for a field with enough space to have one extra horse and then advertise for someone to share. That way you have someone to help if you or the kids are ill and can offer the same in exchange - or if they are kid free say holiday cover? Save you so many visits each day and show your OH that it can generate some money to help cover the costs
 
emma69 said:
I have to say I think keeping the horse at a livery yard on grass livery would be the most workable option. If you rent a field, you would need to go up 2-3 times a day (I wouldn't have a field with my horses in checked any less, and if it is not part of a larger set up, no one else is around just to see/hear something go wrong - and with horses that could be a lot. At a decent livery yard, the chances of your horse getting a bad cut / stuck in a fence / escaping and not being noticed for hours is remote - on your own land, any of that could happen and the horse be like that for hours.) With working, and small children, how realistic is getting up there 3 times day? If you want to add in a second horse, and riding, in addition to all the stable jobs for 2 horses, I am not sure that you are going to have enough time to enjoy two horses. I have to say I can understand your husband's point, it probably isn't as much the money, as the fact you won't see much of him and the children (e.g. work until 5:30pm, then drive to the horses, do horses and ride one until 7pm, drive home by 7:30, just in time to put the children to bed - doesn't leave much time for anything else). In winter, add in doing it all by torchlight, or car headlights, and having to take water up with you because the pipes have frozen etc etc. Most insurance won't cover equipment left by a field, so you would have to keep your things at home / in the car and ferry them to and fro.

In terms of cost, grass livery for one horse should not cost more than renting and upkeeping a field. Paying water rates, seeding the fields, paying for someone to collect the horse much etc etc all cost a fair amount.
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I can see what your say in this however all my stuff is kept at home all ready lmao, kids would be up in the afternoon with me any ways :D but i will take it on board
 
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