Am I being selfish... ?

[usernamepending]

So after many years of pleading, the parents finally let me get a horse.

After many views etc. we finally found a lovely tb x mare that i fell in love with and was lovely! Bought her as a forward going but safe ride, not the silly type etc.

Well to cut a long story short she hasnt turned out to be the horse we thought, shes stubborn, rears and is just a bit of a c*w.

Shes off away for training as i dont feel safe on her and just dont see me being able to do what i wanted to on her! Thought about selling but to be honest i dont think we would get any more than a few hundred for her.

Am being really selfish in the fact i just want a horse that i can take out and start competing (my passion but since quiting my job haven't done any of in the past year)?? We cant afford the finace of buying a new horse and i am just really disheartened

A pointless rant really but ... just feel used and annoyed that i cant do anything with her!

Brownie points if you get this far

 

[nixxyz]

I dont think your being selfish, but how long have you had your mare? i would give it some time and try and make a go of it. I know how you feel with wanting a straight forward horse but i find its so much more rewarding when things click into place and a partnership forms.

 

[jaijai]

Totally agree with you Nixxyz. It took my daughter a good year before she was really in tune with her horse and he still throws things at her now but she now has the confidence and patience to put them right. She is now reaping the benefits of all her hard work. Stick with it. Good Luck.

 

[skipper]

I know how you feel, have been there done that with both of my boys and have come so close to giving up but am so pleased that I stuck with it now!

My (now retired) boy was a nightmare when he started to get fit after I bought him, to this day the sharpest horse I've ever sat on, he can really whip-round when he wants to and could be terribly nappy. I've adored him from day one so was determined to stick with it, and with the help of my wonderful RI and plenty of reliable friends to hack out with we got there eventually and he became an absolute pleasure to ride (although he's always been sharp!) I really miss him now he's retired, would give anything to have a younger him! Even after we'd cracked the napping issues with me though he'd still try it on with other people when I wasn't around, it was just a trust thing, could be the same with your mare. Don't know how long you've had her but it might be worth sticking with it for a bit longer, as hard and scary as it can be sometimes. I came so close to giving up with my boy but so pleased I didn't as once we'd cracked his napping issues we never looked back.

My youngster was difficult when we first bought him, just a baby testing the boundaries but I found it very frightening and my confidence took a massive knock. Once again, lots of lessons with my RI and we are now a real partnership, I love him to bits and feel so safe on him and he rarely (if ever!) puts a foot wrong, whilst still being great fun!

Thing is, if you're still a fairly new partnership it could be a combination of many things, she's testing the boundaries, has yet to gain full confidence in you, has picked up on your (understandable!) tension and then has become worse, either because she herself is unsure, or because she thinks she can get away with it, or a bit of both. Anything like that. Without wishing to parrot the same old things as I don't believe it is always a physical issue, have you had back, teeth, saddle (well, all tack really) etc. checked. They could be contributing to her behaviour too.

The things that worked for me were sticking with my brilliant RI. I am very lucky in that her teaching style really suits me and she is very much about ensuring that both horse and rider are happy and comfortable, without her I'd probably have given up riding by now, but with her teaching my confidence has increased a hundred fold and I feel so much more capable and know I can work my horses through any difficulties with her help. Perhaps find an RI (if you don't already have one) who will work with you and your horse, it may help to get your confidence up and should give you more tools to be able to deal with any issues that come up. Other than that, much as you might not want to, do plenty with your horse to try and build up your confidence in each other, even if it's getting someone to lunge you whilst you're on board if that helps you to feel safer. Sorry for the essay but I know how you feel, it's stressful and horrible but don't give up just yet, there's plenty of options open for you to try!