Am I being too soft?

B

Babypony

Well-Known Member
Joined
15 April 2025
Messages
150
Visit site
New Welsh cob, just turned 4. Unhandled other than to catch and lead. Hasn’t been easy but I believe it’s all fear based. If he is difficult then being kind and showing him the ‘thing’ won’t hurt him fixes the issue. Now able to groom him all over, put on head collar and rugs, and mess about in his stable without him being afraid. This morning he kicked out when putting ointment on a back leg. Not aimed at me. Yard owner told me to smack him or he won’t learn and will be aggressive. She then went over to him and smacked him, he panicked, broke free, and was obviously distressed as it took me 10 minutes to catch him. I haven’t seen any aggression/malice on him prior to this. He isn’t bargy. Never pinned his ears. I think he’s frightened and when he’s difficult he’s telling me he’s scared. He is my second young Welsh cob and the previous one was much more docile and less prone to panic. She’d been handled a lot by kids and was never difficult.

I’d prefer continuing with my approach but yard owner gave me a bollocking for not being firm with him. He’s my first pony since I lost the last one 5 years ago. Any advice would be great as I now worry I’m ruining him.
 
Tell the YO to keep her nose out of it. He's your cob. Even if hitting a horse was a good idea (it isn't), to go over and hit it some time after the incident will have taught him nothing except that humans are unpredictable animals who like to suddenly march up to horses and hit them for no reason at all.
 
Any correction has to be instant. Having waited, then walk over and hit the pony, he will have no idea why a human has suddenly hit him, he can't connect the two actions.

You seem to be doing very well. Think of yourself as the teacher, so there are occasions where you have to be firm, so the balance is in your favour, but that doesn't mean violent. You show the pony what to do and reward good behaviour. That means that you decide what is happening, you "have control of his feet" so he doesn't literally walk all over you. Sometimes you have to insist, but calmly.
You could say "no" to unwanted behaviour, but I would say that the YO was out of order by just going up to your pony and smacking it.

I am sure that there are other people on this forum with more experience than me and could probably advise you on some reading material to help you.
 
I did go straight to another yard and ask if there was room (there wasn’t) but they said they’d let me know if they found any other spaces locally. Then came home, calmed down and had a bit of a confidence lapse and wondered if I am being too soft with him.

I don’t let him walk all over me at all. Insist on manners, backing up when entering stable, no pulling on lead, standing to be groomed. He’s a good boy he’s just young and scared and I’m not a very confident person with other people.
 
Babypony said:
New Welsh cob, just turned 4. Unhandled other than to catch and lead. Hasn’t been easy but I believe it’s all fear based. If he is difficult then being kind and showing him the ‘thing’ won’t hurt him fixes the issue. Now able to groom him all over, put on head collar and rugs, and mess about in his stable without him being afraid. This morning he kicked out when putting ointment on a back leg. Not aimed at me. Yard owner told me to smack him or he won’t learn and will be aggressive. She then went over to him and smacked him, he panicked, broke free, and was obviously distressed as it took me 10 minutes to catch him. I haven’t seen any aggression/malice on him prior to this. He isn’t bargy. Never pinned his ears. I think he’s frightened and when he’s difficult he’s telling me he’s scared. He is my second young Welsh cob and the previous one was much more docile and less prone to panic. She’d been handled a lot by kids and was never difficult.

I’d prefer continuing with my approach but yard owner gave me a bollocking for not being firm with him. He’s my first pony since I lost the last one 5 years ago. Any advice would be great as I now worry I’m ruining him.
Click to expand...
Tell the yard owner not to interfere politely. I can understand if he caused an issue to other liveries in which case If she didn’t interfere he wouldn’t have! and agree for her not to interfere without request. Personally it’s alll about positive reinforcement and ignoring bad. I have just not long backed my own and funnily enough when I apply any lotions or potions he lifts his legs and kicks up but is a lovely horse. I think it tickles him! How would you feel getting smacked for being tickled
 
Spirit7 said:
Tell the yard owner not to interfere politely. I can understand if he caused an issue to other liveries in which case If she didn’t interfere he wouldn’t have! and agree for her not to interfere without request. Personally it’s alll about positive reinforcement and ignoring bad. I have just not long backed my own and funnily enough when I apply any lotions or potions he lifts his legs and kicks up but is a lovely horse. I think it tickles him! How would you feel getting smacked for being tickled
Click to expand...
That’s really reassuring that you’re in a similar situation and dealing with it the way I wanted to. If they wanted to hurt us they absolutely would. They’re only babies and just showing their dislike of something.
 
Babypony said:
That’s really reassuring that you’re in a similar situation and dealing with it the way I wanted to. If they wanted to hurt us they absolutely would. They’re only babies and just showing their dislike of something.
Click to expand...
Ok when I say not long he’s just 5 now I backed at 3.5 but everyone thinks he’s a handful to ride but he’s just highly reactive as sound yours. I see this as a good thing as you know when your doing well as well as when your not. As others said timing is absolutely the key. I’m not fast enough hence why I ignore negative and try again and always reward positive. Currently also doing this with a lurcher puppy to learn boundaries. You can’t kick him when he come back after fing off but every time he comes to call I over fuss him which he loves and is slowly improving. Stick with your plan x
 
Spirit7 said:
Ok when I say not long he’s just 5 now I backed at 3.5 but everyone thinks he’s a handful to ride but he’s just highly reactive as sound yours. I see this as a good thing as you know when your doing well as well as when your not. As others said timing is absolutely the key. I’m not fast enough hence why I ignore negative and try again and always reward positive. Currently also doing this with a lurcher puppy to learn boundaries. You can’t kick him when he come back after fing off but every time he comes to call I over fuss him which he loves and is slowly improving. Stick with your plan x
Click to expand...
Ah I have a lurcher too and that approach worked with him! He would bugger off sometimes for hours but as maddening as it was giving him a massive fuss when he did come back fixed it. Thanks for the advice x
 
I'd have wanted to smack the YO for doing that. Everyone has different methods. I know for a fact that my mare would not ever tolerate being bullied into something and will get worse if you take the hard approach. Other horses need the harder approach (not hitting) but being firmer to tell them to get on with it. They're all different and clearly the hard approach doesn't work for yours, it's not YO's business to tell you how to do it.
 
Babypony said:
New Welsh cob, just turned 4. Unhandled other than to catch and lead. Hasn’t been easy but I believe it’s all fear based. If he is difficult then being kind and showing him the ‘thing’ won’t hurt him fixes the issue. Now able to groom him all over, put on head collar and rugs, and mess about in his stable without him being afraid. This morning he kicked out when putting ointment on a back leg. Not aimed at me. Yard owner told me to smack him or he won’t learn and will be aggressive. She then went over to him and smacked him, he panicked, broke free, and was obviously distressed as it took me 10 minutes to catch him. I haven’t seen any aggression/malice on him prior to this. He isn’t bargy. Never pinned his ears. I think he’s frightened and when he’s difficult he’s telling me he’s scared. He is my second young Welsh cob and the previous one was much more docile and less prone to panic. She’d been handled a lot by kids and was never difficult.

I’d prefer continuing with my approach but yard owner gave me a bollocking for not being firm with him. He’s my first pony since I lost the last one 5 years ago. Any advice would be great as I now worry I’m ruining him.
Click to expand...
Next time you see her say you have been giving her words a lot of thought and decided she is right that you need to be firmer in your approach to issues. Therefore can she please not hit your horse again. That you will deal with any behavioral issues how you think is appropriate, that if and only if his behavior impacts on other liveries / the yard is she to offer unsolicited advice. Then smile sweetly.
 
Babypony said:
New Welsh cob, just turned 4. Unhandled other than to catch and lead. Hasn’t been easy but I believe it’s all fear based. If he is difficult then being kind and showing him the ‘thing’ won’t hurt him fixes the issue. Now able to groom him all over, put on head collar and rugs, and mess about in his stable without him being afraid. This morning he kicked out when putting ointment on a back leg. Not aimed at me. Yard owner told me to smack him or he won’t learn and will be aggressive. She then went over to him and smacked him, he panicked, broke free, and was obviously distressed as it took me 10 minutes to catch him. I haven’t seen any aggression/malice on him prior to this. He isn’t bargy. Never pinned his ears. I think he’s frightened and when he’s difficult he’s telling me he’s scared. He is my second young Welsh cob and the previous one was much more docile and less prone to panic. She’d been handled a lot by kids and was never difficult.

I’d prefer continuing with my approach but yard owner gave me a bollocking for not being firm with him. He’s my first pony since I lost the last one 5 years ago. Any advice would be great as I now worry I’m ruining him.
Click to expand...
Your pony your choice.She had no right to smack him.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top